1
Edward Cullen walked into the lair of the Vampire Pimps. "My name is Edward Cullen," he said. "and I am here to take it to the limit." The Vampire Pimps laughed. "Yeah, the limit! ...Of your abilities... Because... You'll be dead." Edward drew his triple samurai swords, one in each hand, and one clenched between his butt cheeks. Within seconds, all of the Vampire Pimps were dead. Edward ran over to Bella. "Oh Edward, you saved me!" she said. Edward simply smiled. Then knocked her out with a sledgehammer. Then plunged a crazy straw into her jugular and drank gleefully.
2
Edward Cullen turned to face Darth Vader. "My name is Edward Cullen", he said, "And I am here to take it to the limit." Vader screamed in agony. "Yeah, the limit! ...Of your mother." "I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER, YOU WEENIS! I'M A VAMPIRE, LIKE LUKE!" "Enough," said Vader, drawing his lightsaber. Edward threw up. "You're just forgetting one thing," he said, extending his triple lightsaber claws on each hand. "Well, two. Er, three on each hand. So technically, six things." Edward fought Vader to a standstill before making him eat his own necktie. Edward slowly removed Vader's helmet, revealing the scarred, dessicated face below. "I...Love you." They kissed.