Code Geass Fan fiction
Drip. Drip. Drip. Lelouch watched memorized. It would fall from his hand and hit the tile of his bathroom. It had been a mistake at first. He had been absent-mindedly thinking about Nunnally in the hospital while shaving his face when he hit his other wrist. He had simply stared. It felt…good. So Lelouch slashed his wrist again and again and it felt sooo good. He watched the blood leave his arm and smiled. The pain was good.
Flashback- "I'm sorry sir there's nothing else we can do?" The doctor walked away. Lelouch was left at the foot of his sister's hospital bed. She had fallen out of her wheelchair and hit her head. She still hadn't woken up. The doctor's said they could only monitor her until she woke up. Lelouch gripped the sheets. Nunnally! His heart beat painfully and he stood. He walked out and Rival was waiting downstairs. He drove him home. Each day that Lelouch went his sister never woke up. He couldn't take it.
"Lulu?" Shirley looked at him.
"Oh I'm sorry Shirley, I was spacing." Lelouch tried to turn his attention to the orange haired girl sitting companionably beside him. She was a good friend of his but he couldn't get out of this funk. He wanted to go home; he had a relief there sitting on the bathroom counter. Instinctively he pulled his shirtsleeve down knowing the rather gory slashes would worry his friends.
"So Suzaku has been gone a while huh?" Lelouch nodded he hadn't been able to get a hold of Suzaku but had left a message with that Cecile woman about Nunnally. Lelouch hoped Suzaku would come back soon. Or, and the thought really did scare him, he might just kill himself. The rest of the student council was amiably creating decorations for Nunnally's hospital room. I know they're trying to help he thought but I feel like I'm drowning. Lelouch stood up and Shirley stammered. Had she been talking well it didn't matter. He had to get rid of the pain now! Milly looked over at him.
"Lulu are you going home?" Lelouch nodded grabbing his bag.
"Yea I need to...um..." Lelouch couldn't think of any suitable reason except he really just need to go. Milly offered a small smile.
"You shouldn't be alone right now." She said earnestly. She knew how worried he was. Not that it wasn't obvious the guy was barely kept together and everyone in the school had noticed but he refused to let anyone try and help him though Lord knows he needed help. Lelouch just walked out and Milly sighed.
"Ah. Milly?" Nina looked at her in her shy way. Even Milly's little bookworm had noticed poor Lulu's condition. It really was bad.
"I just hope Suzaku gets back soon."
"Why?" asked Rival.
"Those boys are best friends if Lelouch won't let us in to help him, he still might let Suzaku." She looked sadly out the window.
"Poor Nunna. It's been almost a week and she seems barely alive." Shirley choked a bit. Milly came over and gave her a squeeze.
"I know and not hearing her voice or seeing her smile is breaking him." Milly let a tear slide unnoticed down her cheek.
When Lelouch walked in the message machine beeped. He dropped his bag, shuffled over to the machine, and pressed play. Another message from the doctor.
"Hello Mr. Lamperouge. We have some news about Nunnally. We would like to tell you as soon as possible so please call us back." Lelouch desperately dialed the hospital's number and extension for Nunnally's doctor by heart.
"Hello Mr. Lamperouge." Came the sullen voice of the doctor.
"Nunnally?" Lelouch felt hot as if he had a fever.
"She went into cardiac arrest. We did everything and managed to save her life but we can't let anyone but personnel into her room. She has become sick with pneumonia on top of her coma and we think that might have caused the cardiac arrest." Lelouch's whole body started shaking but he composed himself long enough to thank the doctor and make him promise to call and let him know how Nunnally was doing. As soon as Lelouch hung up the phone, he ran into the bathroom. He tore off his uniform and grabbed the razor. He slashed and re-slashed his arm over and over until the bathroom floor was covered in blood. Lelouch felt lighter. He stood up but stumbled because the loss of blood. He felt almost drunk and giggled. Just then, the phone rang. He couldn't quite remember how to pick it up and so he just plopped to his knees in front of it and let the machine get it. Suzaku's voice broke over the speaker.
"Lelouch? Are you there? Cecile just told me what happened. Lelouch pick up the phone!" there was a pause and Suzaku sighed. Lelouch stared at the phone his body swaying. "Lulu…I'll be back tomorrow." Then he clicked off.
"Lelouch it's almost lunch time. Isn't that when Suzaku is coming?" Milly was hovering but she couldn't help it. Sayako had told her what the doctors said and she was worried. Lelouch seemed barely there.
"Yes Suzaku is coming back." Lelouch smiled. Suzaku had always been his friend and even though he hadn't realized it, he had also been his rock. And now Lelouch had stumbled and was falling. He only smiled to himself he wanted to keep falling especially if that meant when he hit bottom the pain would be gone. His arm hadn't scabbed over well and Lelouch had done a pretty bad job at bandaging it himself. He still hid it under his sleeve and tried not to favor it too much. At lunch, Lelouch walked into the student council room where they always had lunch. Everyone looked up at him expectantly. They had been talking. In the middle of their huddle sat Suzaku.
"Hey Suzaku welcome back." Lelouch tried to masquerade a smile. He did not like how those emerald eyes bore into his soul especially when his soul was a very dark place to be right now. The other student council members smiled at Lelouch buying his act and sat down to eat. Lelouch sat next to Suzaku. He had another dizzy spell and almost fell as he tried to sit. Suzaku caught him and helped him sit grabbing his injured arm causing Lelouch to wince.
"Are you alright Lelouch?" Suzaku looked into those big violet eyes. Pain, there was lot of pain. Suzaku wanted to wrap Lelouch into a hug and protect him but instead he helped the younger boy sit down gently.
"Yea I'm fine thanks Suzaku." Lelouch shook his head trying to clear it only to make his vision swim and his stomach clench.
"I'm…." Suzaku didn't know what to say. He was sorry about Nunnally. He wanted to protect Lelouch and he was so sorry he wasn't here leaving Lelouch alone with this for so long. He looked up at Lelouch. He didn't look good. Not a bit. His face had become noticeably paler. "Lelouch?" Suzaku grabbed the teen's shoulder and felt him sway.
"Lulu!" Shirley shrieked as Lelouch collapsed out of his chair. Suzaku leaped into action picking Lelouch up bride style and laid him on a makeshift couch of pillows and old costumes Milly had dug up. He gently put Lelouch down. The rest of the student council went into gear with Milly issuing orders for a glass of water and several other things including a Tylenol and washcloth for Lelouch. But Suzaku stayed next to him looking at his friend's face. It looked so tired. Had Lelouch even slept recently? His eyes flickered open.
The spinning in my head stopped. I couldn't open my eyes though, they were too heavy. Finally, I managed to flick them open. I was staring up at Suzaku. What happened did I pass out? Suzaku gave me a serious look concern washing through his eyes. I simply started shaking and I couldn't get my body to stop.
"What happened?" Lelouch murmured rubbing his temple. I let out a breath. I hadn't realized I'd been holding it.
"You passed out. Have you been sleeping well?" Suzaku looked at the very dark circles under his friend's eyes. Lelouch didn't answer instead his whole body started to shake and Lelouch looked so helpless. But as soon as the other student council members came back, the mask was back on. He smiled and apologized saying he hadn't slept well lately was all. He laughed at himself. I gave him my hand to help him to a chair. Milly wouldn't have him up and around. No one could see that he wasn't fine. It looked like not a thing could be wrong but his hand was shaking so roughly. I squeezed his hand and he met my eyes with a cold stare. I knew to leave it be for now but I gave him a stare to let him know I wasn't about to drop this.
Even though Lelouch claimed to feel fine, Milly wouldn't hear of it. Lelouch's face still hadn't gained back any color if anything it was paler still. I kept a firm hand on his shoulder while he barely touched his lunch and the water Milly gave him. The bell rang for next period. Lelouch got up and swayed but steadied himself.
"Lulu you're going home." Milly raised her eyebrow to see if he'd challenge her. Lelouch wasn't dumb and quite frankly he felt very tired. He hadn't slept since he got the news from the doctor about Nunnally. He had sat by the phone all night. His bathroom was still a huge mess with his blood there on the floor.
"I'll take him Prez." Suzaku said with a stern look on his face. Lelouch only shrugged silently grateful to have his friend around. They walked towards home. Suzaku kept close to Lelouch who was focusing really hard on walking. It was becoming extremely hard. When they walked in Suzaku grabbed his arm and led him into his bedroom.
"Get some sleep." Said Suzaku sternly. Lelouch put on a smile.
"I'm fine really Suzaku no need to worry about me." He sat in his desk chair without falling. Suzaku glared at him. Lelouch tried to look like the room wasn't spinning before his very eyes. It fact it made him feel like he was about to…
Lelouch doubled over and started to throw up. All that came out was a filmy liquid. Hadn't he eaten? Lelouch got up and ran into the bathroom, which he was surprised to find clean, Sayako. Another wave of nausea hit and Lelouch bent over the toilet but with nothing in his stomach, he started to dry heave and cough. Suddenly he was vaguely aware of someone rubbing his back between his shoulder blades in small circles and pulling his hair away from his face where it was stuck to his forehead with sweat.
"Lelouch…"Suzaku sighed.
"I...Suza..." But the coughing kept coming to interrupt him and finally it stopped. Lelouch couldn't get up and didn't even try. Then he was aware of being moved, picked up. He groaned and turned his head into the warmth of the body holding him.
"Lelouch I'll take care of you." Whispered Suzaku as the Britannian boy in his arms fell limp and sagged into his chest. Before Suzaku had placed Lelouch into his bed, he was already asleep. Suzaku looked at the teen's face. The tired expression hurt him so much to see. The angel's face tainted with worry and pain. Suzaku decided to get Lelouch at least into pajamas that would be more comfortable. It wasn't odd or embarrassing they had changed in front of each other since they were kids.
Suzaku rummaged through Lelouch's clothes until he found some pajamas. Then he took off his pants and put the bottoms on. Next, he pulled off his uniform shirt and the white shirt underneath. Suzaku was taken aback at the poorly bandaged arm. It was soaked in blood in some areas still. Suzaku slowly unwrapped it. He gasped when he saw the hashing on his friend's arm. Suzaku inspected the wounds that he knew Lelouch had inflicted on himself. One mark seemed rather old but the rest were new and had been done quickly, carelessly an act of desperation and pain. Suzaku sighed, bandaged Lelouch's arm again, and put the pajamas on him. His phone rang, it was Prez.
"Suzaku?" Milly asked sweetly. He could hear the other student council members in the background.
"Yes Prez." He answered slipping out of Lelouch's room.
"Is he okay?" She whispered.
"Yeah, he's worried himself literally sick over Nunnally. I don't think he's eaten these past couple of days either." Suzaku didn't mention the blood and the huge gashes on Lelouch's forearm. Why did Lulu do something so emo!?
"Yea I'm glad your back Suzaku." Milly sighed in relief.
"Why's that?" Milly laughed. And Suzaku frowned a bit.
"When you two are around each other you look so happy and Lelouch well I had never seen such a bright smile from him until you arrived Suzaku." Milly knew the two boys were in love it was written all over their faces when they were with each other. She knew what she just said was setting wheels in motion hopefully before Lelouch killed himself since Milly had seen the bandages on Lulu's arm when he fainted.
Suzaku blushed and opened the door a smidge to peek at Lelouch. He was sleeping and a frown graced his lips. His slender lips, Suzaku wanted to make them turn up in a gorgeous smile.
"Suzaku!" the stern commanding air of Milly's voice shook Suzaku out of his revelry.
"Yes Prez!" He stammered. Looking away from Lelouch.
"Your duties for student council are to take care of Lelouch until Nunnally gets better!" A laugh accompanied this. Suzaku was stunned.
"Until Nunnally but what if he…"
"Come on Suzaku he's a danger to himself until she's back home and you know it! Now those are your orders get to them!" And she hung up. Suzaku sighed well as orders go they weren't too bad. The front door opened and Sayako came in.
"Oh Suzaku! Why Hello." She smiled holding a grocery bag.
"Sayako-san did you know about Lelouch's cutting?" Sayako's smile faded and she frowned.
"I found his bathroom covered in blood this morning and he was sitting in a daze staring at the phone." Sayako had tears forming in her eyes. Suzaku walked over to her closing Lelouch's door.
"Lelouch. Why is he doing this to himself?" Sayako sighed. Suzaku looked at Sayako's grocery bag he should make some soup for Lelouch. He needs to eat something or he won't get better. Suzaku followed Sayako into the kitchen, got out a pot, and rolled up his sleeves.
"Suzaku let me do that." Said Sayako reaching for the pot.
"No I want to do it. I want to make Lelouch better myself." Sayako was taken aback but she smiled. The relationship those boys shared. She shook her head and continued unloading groceries.
Lelouch opened his eyes. Where was he? In his room. He tried to sit up but the room spun, he groaned.
"Well this is quite the mess you've gotten yourself into emo boy." Lelouch carefully turned his head to see C.C.
"I am not emo." He said
"You're cutting yourself." She hopped onto his bed making him wince. He looked at his arm to find it newly bandaged and he was in pajamas. Suzaku.
"I…" C.C. slapped him. "Hey!" Lelouch whispered.
"Get a hold of yourself. Nunnally may be in the hospital but she will get better won't she? Isn't that the doctor's job Lelouch?" She kicked back and stared at him.
"Yes. But she's my sister." The sound of pots in the kitchen reached their ears and they whispered.
"I'm taking the Zero clothes. Let Suzaku help you." Lelouch blushed and sagged deeper into his pillow. C.C. was right he needed to get his act together for Nunnally and the Black Knights.
"I'll email you." C.C. smiled and grabbed the clothes then left. Lelouch lay in his bed and heard Sayako leave. Suzaku was in the kitchen still. Lelouch dozed.
Suzaku carefully opened Lelouch's door. Lelouch was slumped against his pillows in a light sleep. The fading day's light filled the room. It landed on the dark haired boy. His light skin such a contrast to his hair. His chest went up in down in measured breathing. Suzaku came to the edge of his bed and put the soup down on the nightstand. He pulled over Lelouch's desk chair. He sat and for a few seconds watched Lelouch sleep. His eyes looked so tired even now and his arm lay limp at his side. Suddenly Lelouch's eyelids fluttered. Aw, he looks just like a girl soo adorable thought Suzaku.
"Ready to eat something." Said Suzaku quietly. Lelouch's eyes took a moment to focus. They were big and violet, the way they caught the fading sun was so pretty. Lelouch nodded then winced the room spinning.
"Looks like you lost too much blood. You won't be up and around for a while." Suzaku said sternly his emerald eyes turning icy. Suzaku got a spoon full of soup and blew on it then tried to feed Lelouch. Lelouch blushed at having to have Suzaku feed him. Suzaku smiled. His blush was too cute. Lelouch opened his mouth and Suzaku fed him. A bit of the soup ended up on his cheek.
"Ah" he winced as the hot soup burned him.
"I got it." Said Suzaku wiping it off with his finger then putting it in his mouth. "Mmmm." He said closing his eyes and smiling.
"Flirt." Murmured Lelouch. Suzaku always did this he teased Lelouch making him feel clumsy and awkward. Suzaku snickered.
"Now why would I flirt with you?" Suzaku snapped joking with his friend, happy he was breathing after the description of his bathroom floor. Mentally though Suzaku frowned a bit at himself. It was obvious Lelouch needed his help. If he started cutting himself again, he might end up in the hospital too. Suzaku would keep a close eye on him until Nunnally came home. Suzaku continued to feed Lelouch. After a few minutes, Lelouch stopped Suzaku, interrupting his reverie.
"It's okay Suzaku I'm full now." Lelouch said looking into Suzaku's eyes. They still seemed worried. But Lelouch was full, he hadn't eaten a full meal in weeks actually and his stomach wasn't ready for one yet. Suzaku glowered at Lelouch.
"You've hardly eaten." Suzaku said sighing. But he put the spoon down. He looked tired. Lelouch hated causing him so much trouble. Slowly as possible Lelouch attempted to scoot over in his bed.
"Lelouch what are you doing?" Suzaku said standing up. Lelouch had successfully moved over, his head reeling but he wouldn't tell Suzaku that.
"You look tired." A wave of dizziness hit Lelouch causing him to have to close his eyes. Suzaku watched his friend's whole body tense. It had dizzied him to move over so Suzaku could sit on the bed. "I thought you could lay down for a minute." Lelouch mumbled. Suzaku was tired but he wasn't exhausted. He was still in good shape considering how bushed he could be on some days with the military. In fact, not many people thought he looked tired when it was this minimal. Leave it to Lelouch to notice.
"Do you want me to lay by you is that it?" Suzaku murmured. Lelouch looked away and a small blush rose onto his cheeks.
"Well you seemed bound and determined to be my nurse so I thought…" Lelouch ran out of words his mouth tripping over them. It was Suzaku's turn to blush, he was Lulu's nurse? He gently lay down trying not to move the bed. Lelouch still cringed but insisted he was fine.
"Lulu are you okay?" Suzaku whispered not sure to get up or relax. Lelouch breathed a sigh.
"I'm okay." He said. Evening was approaching then, it was early still but Lelouch could feel his eyelids becoming heavy. He didn't want to fall asleep on Suzaku though. Suzaku saw Lelouch's eyes drooping and his efforts to stay awake failing. Lelouch needed to sleep so Suzaku started to hum a lullaby softly. It wasn't long until Lelouch didn't lift his eyelids again and his breathing slowed. Slowly his body relaxed. His head dipped and he leaned on Suzaku's shoulder. Suzaku looked down at his friend. He wouldn't get up so as not to disturb the younger boy. The bedroom window was open and the evening air was cool. It wasn't long until Suzaku had drifted off to sleep as well.
Lelouch's eyes shot open. What had woken him up? It was then that he felt it. The form next to him was shivering. Suzaku. Lelouch had all the blankets and the window was open letting in the cold night air. Suzaku's teeth chattered. Slowly Lelouch sat up. The room span and his stomach threatened to up heave the little soup Lelouch had eaten. Shakily Lelouch removed the sheets from his body and draped them over Suzaku, only a corner covered Lelouch. Slowly Lelouch laid back down. Suzaku visibly relaxed and unconsciously moved toward the heat bumping Lelouch. Lelouch hissed as his arm was hit. He could see dark circles under Suzaku's eyes. A breeze came through the window and ruffled Suzaku's brunette locks. Lelouch smiled remembering falling asleep in meadows with Nunnally and Suzaku after long days of exploring. Lelouch was always the first asleep and awake. A stab of sorrow went through Lelouch's heart as he thought about sweet Nunnally now in a coma. With a tear slowly sliding down Lelouch's cheek he fell asleep again.
Suzaku woke to birds chirping outside the window. He started at first wondering where he was. Then he remembered Lulu. How defeated he had seemed when he had gotten sick and how light he had felt when Suzaku had carried him to his room as if nothing was there but an empty husk. Suzaku blinked trying to get used to the sunlight streaming in from the window. He felt the sheets on him. Had he gotten cold last night. Lelouch must have draped them on him in the middle of the night. The thought made him smile. He yawned and sat up when he heard a groan. He turned to look at Lelouch and his eyes widened in horror.
Lelouch's face was strained as he lay unconscious. His breathing haggard and his hair soaked with sweat. His eyes fluttered open for a brief moment. The fever had even reached his eyes Suzaku thought.
"Lulu?" Suzaku felt his forehead. He was burning up. Lelouch's purple eyes settled on Suzaku's face unfocused. His eyes closed. Damn! Thought Suzaku. He had given Suzaku his blankets and the cold had only worsened his condition. Suzaku threw the sheets back on Lelouch and went into the kitchen. Sayako wasn't here yet. He searched through cabinets for a thermometer unsure where Lelouch kept it. In the middle of his search he heard his cell vibrate, it was Milly. He answered it and continued to search.
"Good morning Suzaku!" Milly's cheery voice broke over the speaker. Suzaku grunted in acknowledgement.
"Some hello Suzaku. How is Lulu?" Milly must be with the other student council members and that was why she was acting so cheerful or maybe he was the only one this worried over Lelouch. He shook his head of course the others were worried.
"He seemed better last night but I woke up to find him with a fever. I'm trying to find a thermometer but I can't seem to…"
"The bathroom by Nunna's room. In the cabinet on the third shelf." Suzaku was startled but left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. Sure enough, the thermometer was where Prez had said.
"How did you know it was there?" Suzaku said looking at the thermometer.
"I told her." Came a weak voice. Suzaku spun around to see Lelouch leaning on the wall in the doorway.
"Lulu!" Milly said cheerily. "Suzaku put your cell on speaker." Suzaku did what he was told.
"Lelouch! You should be in bed, you have a fever." Suzaku set his phone down and grabbed the thermometer.
"I'm fine Suzaku really." Lelouch plastered on one of his signature smiles and stepped into the bathroom. Suzaku almost would have believed it if Lelouch hadn't had to balance himself on the counter. The deep purple eyes were swimming and the smile didn't reach them. Lelouch stared into Suzaku's emerald eyes searching for weakness in his sureness. There was none. There was worry, lots of worry and his eyes shone. It made Lelouch's head hurt. He turned away.
"Just let me take your temperature." Suzaku said putting a hand on Lelouch's shoulder feeling him shiver. So now, he had the chills too, thought Suzaku.
"Say ah!" came a bubbly voice over Suzaku's phone. Lelouch opened his mouth and let Suzaku put in the thermometer. He met Suzaku's eyes again. For some reason unbeknownst to Lelouch, he felt all the pain in his heart crushing him and he felt like crying. He didn't say anything all he did was avert his eyes as the tears rolled silently down his cheeks.
"Lulu…" Suzaku whispered and wiped a tear from Lelouch's cheek. Lelouch hiccupped.
"If his temperature is even slightly abnormal he stays in bed." Came a mocking serious Prez. He would be anyway thought Suzaku with no intention of letting Lelouch go to school. Suzaku pulled out the thermometer. He sighed. Lelouch stood stock still with tears still flowing down his cheeks like a rivulet.
"One hundred and one." Sighed Suzaku.
"You would normally go to a hospital but we shouldn't risk it." Said Milly. Lelouch simply started to shake and gulp down sobs. Suzaku instinctively wrapped Lelouch in a hug. They sank to the floor and Lelouch sobbed into his friend's shoulder. Suzaku simply held him. No one heard the click as Milly hung up or the ring of the school bell for the day to start. The two boys simply sat there. Lelouch's whole body was racked by the sobs. Suzaku held him close and every time Lelouch's body shuddered, he held on tighter. He could feel the heat on his skin through his pajamas. The fever was mounting. Suzaku felt the sweat on Lelouch's forehead. He simply ran his fingers through Lelouch's hair to calm him or was it to lessen Suzaku's own fears for his friend.
Sayako had seen Lelouch stumble towards the bathroom and had gotten worried. She was relieved when she heard Suzaku's voice. She heard the announcement of Lelouch's temperature and heard the young boy burst into tears. He hadn't cried for Nunnally and she was sure the fever just pulled down his guard and he had collapsed right then and there with Suzaku. Sayako crept up to the bathroom and peeked in on the scene. There sat Suzaku in the same clothes he was wearing yesterday holding Lelouch in his arms tightly, his eyes filled with love. A tear slid down his cheek every now and again too. Sayako smiled she would go to the pharmacy for Lelouch.