"I know you killed Donovan", The thick fog of silence that had built up in-between the two was now not existing anymore. Sure, it had been silent the last few minutes but this silence, it was different. Stiles held his breath, Malia as well. She smelt the guilt, the despair. She looked at him as he sat there, wondering weather it was smart or not to do what she had just done.
She wanted to try and pretend she did not know, she had tried, a whole week she had spent pretending that Stiles had done nothing that she knew of. But she knew, she was not sure at first thought. Stiles and Malia would rarely sleep together since Malia needed to focus on her studying to get into college. But this night, she just felt worried about Stiles. She knew it was more than feeling neglected, since Malia had chosen to test-drive with Theo instead of her. She did not know quite why she got so easily convinced by Theo, it was something about him that made her feel as if he could never harm her. Nothing romantic, for that matter.
But Stiles was not sure of it, and considering he did not like Theo at all, maybe it was her fault they were drifting apart so far away. She knew she would not ever under any circumstances choose to be with Theo over Stiles, end of discussion. But maybe that was not the chose she made when accepting Theo's offer? Maybe Stiles felt she wanted to be with someone else. Maybe she thought she was choosing Theo.
"How did you..?", He mumbled. He could not look at her, of guilt, she reckoned. She wanted him to look at her, thought. Wanted to tell him everything would be okay. In fact, everything would be great. But she knew that would be a lie. Killing someone.. it changes you. Malia changed when she found out who she was and what she had done. Being a coyote she did not really think about her mother or her sister for that matter, but now, knowing she was the reason they were dead.. It was bound to leave a scar. In her case, having a hard time dealing with the fact that she can learn control and that she doesn't have to hurt anyone just because she is what she is.
But for Stiles, it would be different. For gods sake, his father is the sheriff. Once Stiles told his father (which Malia knew in her heart he would do since he would not be able to live with the guilt for long) they would not look at each other the same way. Even thought Stiles did it out of defense. And even thought Sheriff was his father.
"I figured. I noticed the mark on your back when you were sleeping", She remembered it clearly. They had gotten to bed early, Malia smelling some blood on him. She did not pay all that much attention to that, did not want to sound suspicious and trying to believe that he would tell her if something had happened. They kissed for a while, not like they used to thought, more of a routine kissing session, nothing special or romantic. A 'I need to kiss you because I haven't for a while'- sort of kiss. But she did not mind, as Kira had told her earlier all relationships has up and downs, in one of her conversations about Scott she had once in a week. Often it was more about 'What should I wear to our date' kind of thing in which Malia would simply respond clothes and Kira would sigh loudly and call Lydia, but lately it had been much less shallow then that. Kira seemed to change, she knew they all did but Kira in particular.
"Why didn't you tell me?", Malia asked, since Stiles didn't seem to know what to say. He finally looked at her, but then instantly looked back out the window.
"I guess I was afraid. You know, that you would leave", He replied.
"I would never leave you. I've already told you that", She said. Stiles looked back at her.
"Well, things have changed since then, haven't they?", Malia thought back of the previous months. Yeah, things had changed. She knew that, but her feeling had not. At least so she thought. Even thought they perhaps was not the greatest couples claiming their love of each other daily (or ever), she still would not want to live without him. He was home, he was safe. Being without him, it scared her more than being afraid of hurting someone.
"It didn't matter to me" Malia said, in a desperate try to make him feel better, or at least just make him feel less guilty, in some way.
"Well, it mattered to me", Stiles said.
The fog of silence built up again, this time heavier. A silence more tense, more unsettling. She looked at him, then looked outside. She could not avoid the truth anymore. She could not hide the fact. She knew she would regret the words even before they hit his ear.
"It's over, isn't it?", she said. She was not the emotional type, but she could feel how her eyes started to burn a little, and when she swallowed she felt as if she was swallowing razorblades. She smelt it on Stiles to, how the guilt got mixed with sadness, a little confused. Maybe he did not understand what she meant, yet she doubted it.
"It doesn't have to be", He said, looked at her, took her hand. His hands were cold. She used to be the cold one, she used to hold his hands in school just to get warm (or maybe because she liked the way it made him feel). But now she had adjusted, and no longer needed the warmth of his body. Or maybe she still did, just in an other way.
"Yeah, it does", she mumbled. She wanted to take his hand, kiss him. But she knew it would not be right. Maybe some would call her cruel for breaking up with him after all this, with his guilt and all. But she felt as if she was part of the reason he felt so guilty, and if that was so, she would take the risk and remove herself from his life if it made his easier to live, even if she hated the feeling of being alone.
"I love you..", He began. "Don't", Malia cut him off. Stiles looked at her, hurt. Malia was desperately trying not to be weak, or give in to the temptation in kissing him, just might telling him she loved him as well. Malia had a hard time saying the words thought, she had no clue what the meaning of them was. It felt like a commitment, or in this case - a desperate beg for mercy.
"Your dad needs you. I'll swing by your house and pick up my things", She simply said as if it was easy, which it most certainly was not. He sighed, knowing she had made up her mind. She could see his eyes going red as well. She knew she would not be able to do this if he cried, she knew she was way to unstable to take that.
"Go, Stiles", She said. Stiles looked at her one last time before opening the car door and getting out. But Malia did not drive even thought he was now walking towards the hospital. Instead, she followed him with her gaze, and then looking at the door he shut behind himself, entering the entering the building and leaving her behind.