It was the Monday after Jennifer had escorted Les to his award ceremony. He was on cloud nine, Jennifer herself was smiling and pleasant...and there was one sour face among the WKRP family.
Herb was still pouting, still complaining to everyone who would listen how Jennifer had only gone out with Les out of pity, that he'd been trying since day one to win Jennifer's favor and how Les just showed such disregard for his feelings and went out with her. Les knew how Herb felt about Jennifer, and went with her anyways. He was a jerk, as far as Herb was concerned.
Les tried to get on with his day. After all, he'd told himself, he'd just won another award. He was a respected journalist. He would always have his awards, while Herb- well, Herb would always be Herb.
Andy would speak up now and then, trying to humorously diffuse the situation but at the same time he saw that Herb was being really mean to Les, and a pretty lousy best friend. With friends like that...
"Well, gang, I suppose I'd better get home to Mrs. Carlson," the station's general manager sighed. "She let me know she was in the mood for romance tonight. Maybe I should call ahead and make sure she had me in mind."
Andy chuckled and patted his back on the shoulder. "You'll work just fine, Mr. C."
"Thanks, Andy. Jennifer, Bailey...Les, Johnny...see you guys tomorrow."
Herb stood up, insulted that his boss had clearly left him out. He ran over to his boss. "If you need some help with romancing Mrs. Carlson, why don't you let me lend a hand..."
Carlson stood back and stared, and Johnny and Andy were fighting back laughter. Barely fighting.
Carlson sighed. "Good night, Herb."
"Hey, want to go to dinner? I know a cool little place that their food is not bad but the price is right. Come on, big guy. What do you say?" Herb asked as he straightened his lapel on his jacket.
"I appreciate the offer...I think...but I think I'm going to go home with my wife. Johnny, you want to take Herb up on his offer?"
Johnny thought fast, and faked a bad cough. "Sorry," he shrugged.
"I used that microphone after you!" Les protested.
Andy looked at Les and winked, tried to let Les know that Johnny had been faking but it was lost on Les.
"Andy..." Herb tried to approach Travers.
"Nope. Sorry." Then he started coughing, unable to think of any other excuse.
"Perhaps I'd better put my journalistic skills to use. It seems we may be in the midst of a major health crisis.." Les started, rummaging through his papers.
Andy looked at Herb. "Les, forget it. Say, Herb's free...why don't you go out to dinner with him?"
Both Herb and Les shot him dirty looks.
"No thanks. I'd rather have dinner with Judas Iscariot," Les mumbled.
Everyone was stunned. Les was actually standing up for himself. Good for him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Herb looked around.
Finally Jennifer approached him and tapped him on the shoulder. He broke into a smile until she pushed him down in his chair. "Sit down and shut up, and listen, will you?"
Carlson looked nervous, Johnny grinned and Andy was curious as to what was going on. Bailey stood in the background, just observing.
"You listen to me, Herb Tarlick," Jennifer started. "I wouldn't go out on earth if you were the last man on earth. I'd rather take a life long vow of chastity. You know why?"
Herb smugly grinned. "If you can't have me, you know no other man will do..."
Bailey found herself crumpling up a ball of paper, ready to throw it at Herb's head. To her surprise, someone beat her to it. She looked around, and shared a knowing smile with a grinning Johnny Fever.
"You listen to yourself, Herb. I would never date you...and let me tell you a secret. No self-respecting woman would ever go out with a married man. Forget that you have the personality of wall paper- and the looks to go with it. You're pretty pathetic, Herb." Jennifer looked around and saw that every person grew quiet, and the room filled with uneasy tension.
Bailey took a deep breath and stood next to Jennifer. "You're right. Jennifer's right. I...I know I don't say a lot here..."
Carlson looked at Andy, who whispered "That's Bailey Quarters. She works here."
Bailey looked around, feeling panicked that she'd gotten in over and head. She saw Andy look at her. He smiled and nodded, and for some reason that felt pretty nice. So Bailey took a deep breath and started again.
"You're a lousy husband, Herb. You're married. You throw yourself day in and day out at Jennifer...while your wife's at home taking care of your two little babies. I suppose she cooks and cleans and has your dinner ready for you too," she looked at Andy, feeling a new found sense of inner strength.
"Yeah...so?" Herb "I don't have to stand here and take this." He stood up and was getting ready to walk past Bailey when she shocked everyone and pushed him back down in his chair.
"I like this girl," Carlson whispered to Andy.
"She's good."
"Herb, I'm...I'm sorry...did I wrinkle your..." Bailey looked at Jennifer, who was shaking her head and frowning. Bailey turned her attentions to Herb. "No. No I am not sorry. I am sorry for your wife who does everything for you and your children. How do you repay her? By making advances towards Jennifer every chance you get. I don't...I don't know how she puts up with you."
Feeling a little overwhelmed, Bailey stood back, and Andy put his arm around her to show his pride in her.
"Aw, come on, you guys. Jennifer knows I'm only joking. No harm done, right?" Herb protested.
"How does your wife feel? Is she laughing at your jokes?" Les spoke up, and now the room was really curious.
"Les? Come on, buddy...you know me. You know I'm a..."
"I know you're not a nice guy. You treat women like sexual objects...Johnny, did I use that term appropriately?"
Johnny gave him the thumbs up, and Les continued. "Herb, you claim to be my best friend. I've seen how you treat your wife, your family. I have to say...thanks, but no thanks. I no longer wish to be your friend."
Herb looked around, unable to find a trace of sympathy. "Les? Come on, buddy, pal.."
"No! No! You've been so jealous that Jennifer went on a date with me that you forgot how to be a good friend. You forgot how to be a decent human being. You tried everything to make sure Jennifer could not go out with me. I'm not sure how anyone else feels, but that's not my definition of a friend."
Herb tried to speak but slowly, one by one, his coworkers headed out of the office, shaking their heads at him as they walked past him.
Looking down, Herb knew what he had to do. He picked up the phone and dialed his home phone.
"Lucille, it's me. I know that we have our problems, and I'm not the easiest person to get along with. Heck, I'm the reason for our problems, not you. Anyways, I wanted to say I'm picking up some Chinese, and I'll be home soon. I love you."
The rest of the gang had been listening outside the door, having cracked it so they could hear what Herb was doing.
It was all any of them could do to keep from cracking when they heard Herb talking to the phone:" Herb. Herb Tarlick. Your husband. Hello? Lucille? Hello?"
Carlson opened the door back in to check on Herb, and the others followed suit. "That was a nice step to take," He patted Herb on the back as he sank down on his desk.
"I'm proud of you, Herb," Jennifer smiled.
"Don't give up. I'm sure you can work this out with her..." Andy encouraged.
Herb looked up and saw that despite the group being rightfully angry at him, they came to check on him. They hadn't abandoned him. That was kind of nice. "Les...I think I owe you an apology. Jennifer,.."
She put her hand in the air. "Don't worry about us. We get paid to be around you. We'll come around. You owe it to your wife to make this right. It's not too late."
"Really? How'd you get so smart?" Herb sniffed as sat up now, really grateful for his friends.
"I suppose it is hard to see someone's brains when you're too busy objectifying their body," she smiled and walked back.
"You wanna..you wanna stop for a drink before going home?" Johnny asked. "Andy's paying."
Andy nodded, then turned to shoot a dirty look at Johnny.
"No...no thanks. I just ..I think I'm still going to pick up that Chinese for Lucille." Herb gathered his keys.
Bailey stopped him. "Why don't you take your wife out to dinner? I'll...I'll be happy to babysit your kids."
"You'd do that for me?"
"I'd do that for Lucille. Besides, I love kids," she smiled wistfully. Andy looked at her, learning more and more about her every day. At the same time he was learning that he wanted to continue learning more.
"Why are you guys being so nice...I don't deserve this," Herb asked.
"No, you don't," Andy responded. "But that's what we do. That's what family does. We forgive each other. We support each other. We..we care about each other."
"You really think we've become a family?" Carlson asked Andy as they headed out the door.
Andy looked back, saw Jennifer and Bailey hugging, Les was shaking Herb's hand, Johnny was trying to get in on the girls' hug.
Andy chuckled. "Yes, Mr. Carlson. It's taken us a while to find our footing, but I do believe we have found a family here at this little station."
And then everyone left, and Venus, on a commercial break, came out to check out what was going on.
He looked around , saw the empty room, and scratched his head. "I missed something, I didn't I?'
the end
