For the fourth time this week Captain Archer found himself eating dinner alone. He let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.
It had been five days since the cogenitor took its life. Five days since he had yelled at his ships mechanic and his best friend, Commander Tucker better known as "Trip".
Archer had replayed his conversation with the younger man hundreds of times these last few days. He knew he had been right to reprimand him. What Trip had done was wrong, though in retrospect it was the disobeying a commanding officer and sneaking around that irked him the most now. He had time to calm down after that initial day and dressing down of Trip. What he had realized a little too late as he had done Trip no favors. They had been friends for years now and Archer had come to see him, not only as his best friend but as a younger brother. He knew Trip well enough to know that he was already going to beat himself up over what happened to the cogenitor and needed no help from his Captain to feel worse.
The first couple of days after the tragedy Archer had not been in a mood to deal with anyone let alone Trip. T'pol had tried to join him once for dinner but must have found his company not very pleasing because she had not returned. As his anger began to fade he realized it was not his mechanic he was upset with but himself. "I only did what you would have done" those words had echoed around his head these last few days. If he was being honest with himself, Trip probably had a point. Not that he would have acted on those feelings, but he could see were that sentiment was coming from.
When his anger had started to fade he invited Trip to dinner. Apparently, he needed to oversee the cleaning of the plasma ducts. The next night was something to do with the manifolds. Tonight Archer had not even tried. Earlier he had gone down to the engine room to talk to Trip.
Trip had stood at attention answering all of his questions directly and efficiently, but without his usual charm. Archer had noticed he never quite looked him in the eye. The worst bit was Trip kept calling him "Captain", instead of his usual "Cap'n" and he only did that if he was upset with his CO or unsure of where they stood. Grabbing the drink in front of him and downed it in one gulp. What it came down to was he missed his best friend. Being the captain was a lonely position. He was always slightly apart from his crew. Trip was someone he could always count on being there. When Archer fell into a dark mood it was Trip who braved his anger and seemed to help lighten his mood. He needed to fix this.
~
Trip was lying in bed, not sleeping. He was running off about ten hours of sleep for the last five days. He knew he needed to sleep but every time he shut his eyes there was the cogenitor's face. He should have just left it alone. Trip let out a huff of air, 'since when could I ever leave anything alone. No. Trip the hero just had to get involved even though no one had asked to be rescued. I just had to show It all the thing it could not have...' Trip sat up and shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He did not want to think about it anymore. He went over to his sink and splashed water on his face and back of his neck. Looking up in time mirror he stared at himself. He looked awful, 'better stay away from Phlox or he will keep me in sickbay. Then I will be stuck there and Archer will have another reason to be pissed at me.' Archer. There was another unpleasant thought. Since the day they met he had looked up to him. As they became friends Trip not only looked up to him but trusted him. Archer was the one guy he could count on no matter what. He was pretty sure he had ruined all that. Trip dreaded being in his presence recently. Just a reminder to Archer of what a screw up he was. He looked back into the mirror, "you are an idiot" looking back at his bed he knew that was not an option. Checking his PADD to see who was on rotation he decided once again to forgo sleep and help out in the engine room. He slipped back into his uniform and headed out his door. He took about two steps when he collided hard into someone and before his brain could engage his lack of sleep and frustration took a hold of his mouth as he said, "watch the hell where you are going"
"I could say the same to you commander"
Trip froze. He slowly looked up into face his Captain.
~
Archer had decided he was not going to let another moment go by without forcing a conversation with his engineer. He was almost to Trip's room when the commander slammed into him. The silence that followed Trip realizing who he had just yelled at was deafening. Archer quickly looked around making sure no one had seen his mechanic yelling at him. He really did not want to have to discipline him for that. When he noticed they were completely alone he let out a small sigh of relief. Moving quickly he went past the Commander and opened his room then grabbed Trip by the upper arm and moved him into his quarters. As the door closed he let his arm go, "Sit Trip. We need to talk."
Trip just stood there staring at Archer with guilt, frustration, and confusion running through his veins. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything that he would probably regret Archer spoke again in a calm voice, "Please Trip. Sit down". It was the "please" that caught Trip off guard. His ears flushed and he sat down on his bed eyes firmly on the floor in front of him. Archer sat in a chair across from him, "I owe you an apology".
Trip's head came up with a snap," what?" He starting shaking his head, "No sir. A person is dead because of me. It was my decisions that caused it, I never should have gotten involved. I let Starfleet down. I let you down .."
Archer held up his hand to stop him from going on. He stood up pacing in the small space, "The truth is I reacted in anger. I was just so proud of my first contact with the Vissian was going so well. I was so pissed something changed that." he put his hand up to his temple trying to find the right words. "the fact that you were sneaking around shows me you knew you were doing on some level was wrong. Your heart was in the right place but you should have waited and talked to me about it."
"You weren't here. T'pol tried to talk..."
Archer cut him off, "No. It needed to be me. You should have waited until I returned. Though when a higher ranking officer tells you to stop I expect you to follow that order"
"I was... "
"Impulsive" Trip's head hung down again in shame, "when you say 'it's what I would have done' I can't say for sure if you are right or wrong. All I ask is that you wait next time. Do you think you can do that?" Trip nodded his head still looking down. Archer put a little sternness into his voice to get Trip's attention, "I did not hear you commander"
Trip automatically looked up at that tone, "Yes sir, I will".
Archer sat down again, " I think the main problem is we don't have rules yet like the Vulcans. From here on out we will figure it out together. You can speak your mind and argue your points. If we don't agree I will have the final say. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Cap'n"
Archer felt a huge weight leave his chest. He was back to being 'Cap'n' no more stuffy Captain.
"Good. Now for disobeying a direct order and sneaking around, I am confining you to Quarters for the next ten hours." Trip looked ready to protest so Archer cut him off, "Trip, you need sleep. That's an order"
Trip's ears flushed then he gave a rueful smile, "Aye, Cap'n".
Archer stood up and headed to the door, " You are a good man. I am honored you are here." As he reached for the button to open the door he paused and looked back at Trip, "also unless there is a real emergency tomorrow I will see you at dinner"
Trip's smile got bigger, "Yes, sir"
"Goodnight Commander" and with that walked out.
Trip got back out of uniform feeling better then he had. The sadness of what happened was still there but knowing his friend was there for him helped. He climbed back into bed and the first time in days he drifted straight to sleep.