WTF Fantasy
"This is bullshit," Carly whined.
"We haven't done anything for five minutes. Surely you can repress boredom for that long," Eric replied, without looking up from his blueprints.
"No I can't. So stick that in your juice box and suck it!" Carly replied triumphantly.
"You have juice?" Evelyn asked.
"The juice is a lie, Evelyn. Just like the cake," Scott replied from the computer.
Evelyn gasped with surprise.
"They may lie about the promises of juice, but those idiots will never fuck with the cake!" Evelyn yelled, "I'm going to the store and getting a cake right now!" She grabbed her jacket off of the chair as she ran for the door, barely making her left foot fit into the shoe. The door opened, and for a while, there was silence.
"Um, Evelyn? Did you forget how to walk?" Carly asked smugly.
"No. There's just some really strange time-space warp hole thingy outside your door," Evelyn called back, "It's really quite pretty to stare at."
"Excuse for asking this, but did anyone slip anything at all in to Evelyn's food or drink?" Scott asked.
Eric and Carly shook their heads.
"Ah. I was afraid of that. Eric, go check it out," Scott said.
"Why me?" Eric asked with surprise.
"Because you're probably the only one who understands time-space continuums," Scott replied, his fingers dancing across the keyboard as he replied to a topic.
"I don't know a thing," Eric said, his cerulean eyes peering from above his glasses.
"Oh. Well, you're probably the most qualified," Scott said without a momentary pause.
"Hey guys! It tickles if you put your hand in!" Evelyn called out, "Wait, I can't pull it back out. Guys help!"
Carly was on her feet and running the moment Evelyn's voice had the trace of panic in it.
"Evelyn! Stay calm! I'll be able to get you out…" Carly began, but was instantly disheartened at what she saw. Evelyn's nearly attached left shoe going through the purple vortex. Carly began to run towards the vortex, but a hand gripped her arm, pulling her back.
"Carly, it's too dangerous!" Scott yelled.
"But Evelyn just went flying to who knows where! I have to go!" Carly yelled back.
"Carly, running recklessly into something that obviously distorts time and space is probably going to kill you," Eric said coolly.
"Ok then. I'll think about this," Carly said, her eyes downcast. Before either of the boys could stop her, Carly's hand had latched onto Scott's bicep, pulled him towards her, and swung her elbow directly into his nose. Scott reeled, clutching his nose as blood spilled from it. Now free, Carly ran through the vortex, vanishing into the unknown.
It was some time before Eric spoke again.
"We have to go find them, but that might take a while. We should probably bring supplies: food, water, rope, clothes, wha, Hey!" Eric yelled as Scott shoved him into the vortex, his sandy blonde hair vanishing in a second. Scott quickly looked around, and grabbed a few things. A pair of sketchbooks and a lot of pencils, some blueprints, a blank journal, and quickly grabbed some books. Scott shoved them all into his backpack, the patch of duct tape glinting in the sun as he swung it over his shoulder, and ran through into the unknown.
"Time-space vortexes are weird," Scott thought as he went through. He felt as if he knew all of time, past, present, future, and every living things thoughts and emotions passed through him. He felt pain, sadness, joy, love, orgasms, everything.
"I hope I get out soon," Scott thought. No sooner were the words thought did Scott feel his body being tugged towards some unknown area, where one of the strangest things in his life would occur, and would result in Scott being locked up in a mental hospital for 25 years.
Scott felt himself hit the ground. He lay there for a minute, taking in his surroundings. He felt grass.
"That's good, that means that there's some life wherever or whenever I am," Scott thought. The air smelled sweet, like honeysuckle, or fresh cut grass. Scott slowly sat up, and looked around. Directly in front of him were his friends. Evelyn was flouncing around, sniffing flowers and trying to catch butterflies. Eric was observing everything, from trees to mosses, and Carly was tapping her foot, her arms crossed on her chest, an impatient frown crossing her face.
"Ok, so where the hell are we?" Carly asked.
"I don't know, but it's nice here! There are flowers, trees, butterflies…" Evelyn rambled on as Eric spoke.
"Well, it seems that we are in some form of different dimension, and this dream world couldn't have been created by one of us being in a comatose, as we were all fully functioning before we went through."
"Yeah, but that still doesn't answer my question, where are we?"
"You are in the Kingdom of Nar'gash," a voice came from nowhere.
"Huh? Where'd that voice come from?" Evelyn asked, inching closer to Carly.
"It came from me, Lasgar, the God of Light," the voice replied.
"Huh? What does that mean?" Evelyn asked again.
Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and the quartet covered their eyes, trying to protect their precious retinas. Once the light died, all of them stared at the figure. His white robes flowed around him, as if there were a gentle breeze blowing around them. His kind, blue eyes were masked by a head of brown hair, which flowed as freely as his robes. An ornate rod made of gold was held in his right hand, its pattern swirling about like seaweed, and a light shined from behind him.
"Hither, and come forth! I have brought you here…" Lasgar began.
"Oh my God! He's speaking in Shakespearean!" Evelyn interjected, waving her arm ecstatically.
"Um…yes. I'll try speaking in your mother tongue," Lasgar apologized, "Eh hem…Yo, yo, wasup ma homies?"
"Um…no," Scott said pointedly, "Just speak to us normally. No slang, no Middle English, Old English or foreign languages."
Lasgar sighed.
"Every decade, your type gets more annoying to deal with. 'Speak to me this way! I want this! I don't understand! I want a rabbit!'" Lasgar said in annoyance, before sighing again.
"Sorry. Anyways, this world is in terrible peril from a great evil spreading. Prophecy spoke of four warriors from another dimension that would hold the powers to save the world."
"Lasgar, I know that you think it's us, but I'm evil. Hell, I had plans to take over my town and tax the citizenry 200% of the income when I was five. Surely I'm not a candidate," Carly explained.
"What? Your file states that you volunteer regularly, and put others before you," Lasgar challenged, taking a file folder out from one of his robes.
"Let me check it," Carly asked, her hand extended.
Lasgar hesitated, but then handed the folder to her. Carly just glanced at it before she knew what was wrong.
"My last name has an's' on the end of it. This person doesn't."
"Ah. We must have had a miscommunication error on my end," Lasgar explained.
"However, if you give me a sword that can rip a person's soul from their body while making them feel the entire agony of it and then become my agent of darkness, I'll do your Prophecy Warrior shtick," Carly offered, a small smile playing on her face.
"Very well. I bestow upon you Carly, the way of the sword and the shield!" Lasgar announced triumphantly.
White light enveloped Carly, and held its position for nearly a minute. Runes of another language would appear sometimes, and quickly be absorbed into the strange light. When it finally vanished, Carly was still wearing her skinny jeans, her black sweater, and her glasses, but in her right hand was a short sword, while in the left, she held a buckler.
"You were fucking with me, weren't you?" Carly demanded.
"I'm not going to redo the spell that nearly tore reality apart just to summon in the right person," Lasgar replied, sticking his tongue out in the process.
Carly began to open her mouth to object, but stopped. She slowly raised her arm, and stared at the sword. The light reflected off of it, showing her pale face and her hazel eyes. Cautiously, she made a downward slash, an upward slash, spun the sword around in her palm, and dropped the sword, cutting her arm in the process. Carly instantly pressed her hand to the wound, biting her bottom lip.
"Carly! Are you okay?" Evelyn rushed over and asked.
"No. I'm perfectly fine. I just had a 3 foot piece of metal cut through my arm. How do you fucking think I feel?!" Carly yelled back.
Lasgar then turned to face Scott.
"Scott, for your kindness to others and selfless charity, I bestow upon you the power of White Magic," Lasgar said while waving his hand.
White light then enveloped Scott, much the same way as Carly. In about a minute, the light fell. Scott was still wearing his jeans and his black t-shirt, but he had a pouch filled with medicinal herbs and small potions. In his hand was a staff.
Lasgar then spoke again.
"If you calm your mind, you will be able to unleash the magic that has been locked within you."
Scott exhaled, sat on the ground and crossed his legs. He kept on breathing calmly. Shortly after sitting down, Scott inhaled sharply, his blue eyes wide with panic.
"Yes, you will feel slightly empowered with the magic now coursing freely through your body," Lasgar reassured.
Scott, still gasping for air, rushed over to Carly, ripped her hand off of her wound, placed his hand on the wound, and began to mutter under his breath.
"Scott, just what the hell are you doi…" Carly began, but quickly stopped as she saw what was happening. The wound that had been bleeding for the past two minutes was healing at a miraculously fast rate. Less than 10 seconds later, Carly was staring at a scar-free arm, with no feelings of giddiness, which would have been a sure sign of major blood loss.
Lasgar ignored this scene and turned his attention to Eric.
"Eric, for your intellect, you will be bestowed with the power of Black Magic."
The same light enveloped Eric, and Eric relaxed himself to release the magic. When Eric opened his light blue eyes, they seemed a couple shades darker, maybe.
Eric was still wearing his sweat pants and his polo shirt, but his hand held a staff, much the same way as Scott. However, Scott's staff was white, while Eric's was black. Eric saw a butterfly approach, and Eric reached out his hand to touch it. The moment Eric's skin made contact with the butterfly, magical power flowed into the air, and the butterfly stopped moving. It fell to the ground, frozen solid, where it prominently broke into several pieces. Eric looked horrified at what he just did. He backed away, afraid to touch anything else.
Lasgar chuckled.
"Do not worry. You just need to practice a bit to make sure the magic doesn't accidentally flow out."
Lasgar finally turned his attention Evelyn. The orange-haired girl was once again looking at flowers, smelling some, picking some; oblivious to what had just recently happened.
"Evelyn, for your likable personality and ease at which you obtain others trust, you will be bestowed with the power of Thievery," Lasgar said.
"So because I'm a nice person, you're going to give me the ability to stab people in the back? Doesn't that seem a tad bit…off?" Evelyn asked.
"I'm currently looking into six different forms of time. I don't think I make mistakes," Lasgar replied.
"Then what about my na…" Carly started.
"Shut up!" Lasgar said quickly. Before making the light envelop Evelyn. When it vanished, she was still wearing her jeans and her green shirt, but in her hands were a pair of knives.
"You also have the ability to steal from others, as well as being able to flee from battles efficiently," Lasgar explained, "Now, if you don't have any other questions, I'll take my leave."
Scott and Eric's hands rose.
"Okay, Scott. What's your question?" Lasgar said, turning his attention to the brown-haired youth.
"We don't know where we are, how we fight or any other information. Is there anything you can give us so that we have a semi-idea of what we're doing?"
Lasgar exhaled, but smiled.
"I was hoping one of you would ask that. Here is a tome. It will be able to answer any question that you wish. You just have to think about it," Lasgar said as he gave Scott a leather-bound book, the pages yellowed, the golden clasp fading. Scott leafed through the pages, seeing all of them blank.
Lasgar then turned his attention to Eric.
"What would you like Eric?"
"Well, not to be nitpicky, but shouldn't we have one additional person in our group? I mean, where we come from, some situations arise, and all you get are four people. This makes your party less versatile than it should be. I mean, we have a healer, a tank, a magical nuke, and a trap expert. If we had one more person, we would be able to take on more challenging issues with greater ease, making it easier for us to save the world," Eric explained.
Lasgar stood motionless for a second, and then placed a hand on his chin. He began to mumble to himself, before turning back to Eric.
"Very well Eric. Your argument has swayed me. I will summon in one extra person of my choosing," Lasgar said as he began to cast.
Runes appeared in front of him, as well as ornate magical circles. Lasgar's voice had become slow and melodious, as he spoke the words of a forgotten language, power flowing from every word. Almost five minutes later, a hole appeared in the sky. Everyone craned their heads up expectantly, wondering who it would be chosen to save the world. A body fell from the sky, limbs dangling carefree, no sound being made. The body finally hit ground, making a soft thump as it did. Light brown hair covered his eyes, and he was clothed in jeans and a dark t-shirt. Scott recognized the sleeping form immediately.
"That's Byron. We'll never be able to wake him up. Unless…" Scott thought with a mischievous smile on his face. Before anyone could stop him, Scott swung his staff down, crashing the orbed end into Byron's face. However, a white light enveloped the end of the staff, causing Byron's broken nose to realign, and the scars to heal. Byron blearily opened his eyes.
"My nose really hurts," was the first thing he said. The second thing?
"Where am I?" He asked.
Lasgar sighed impatiently.
"You're in the Kingdom of Nar'Gash. End of the world coming, prophecy spoke of four warriors from another dimension, yada yada yada, bestow upon you the power of the Body and Mind," Lasgar said, speeding up the process.
Lasgar finally spoke again.
"Okay, I'm done now. Have fun. Consult the book."
And with that, Lasgar vanished in a flash of light, leaving the group stunned.
"So what just happened?" Byron asked.
"Let's consult the book!" Evelyn said ecstatically.
Scott thought for a minute, and then opened the book.
"What is our quest?" he stated clearly.
The tome glowed, before a blue rectangle appeared above the pages. White text appeared within the rectangle, scrolling up as everyone read.
You are the Four Warriors of Light. Your quest is to restore the balance between Light and Dark within the world. To do so, you must gain the power of the four Crystals of Light. Each of the crystals is within a different country. You must find each of these crystals and restore order to the world.
Scott thought for a moment, and then turned to everyone else.
"I think we're in some sort of Final Fantasy universe. The plot of the game seems to match up with what we have to do in this world."
"Then does that mean we have strength stats and all that stuff?" Carly asked as she put her sword into its scabbard.
Scott thought for a second, and then turned back to the book.
"What is our status?"
The white text disappeared, to be replaced a different layout. Five blue rectangles appeared. In the top left corner of each one was a picture of their faces. Scott's eyes quickly found his square, and read what it gave.
"Job level one, level one, four level one spells, and all the stats are five," Scott muttered under his breath.
He then looked at everyone else's status. They revealed about the same amount of information. The only differences were that Carly had a higher defense, and that Evelyn had a higher attack.
"What items do we have?" Scott asked.
The screens merged into one and revealed nothing. Scott sighed.
"I thought this would happen. We currently have no equipment, and have to purchase the basics. The only things we need to buy are armour and spells, though, which might help the money situation. Speaking of which, does anyone have any money on them?" Scott asked.
"I have about five dollars on me, "Eric answered from his meditation position.
"I have about ten," Carly answered.
"I have about five, and Scott has 20 dollars," Evelyn answered.
"How did you kno…" Scott started before he checked his pockets. His wallet was missing.
"Evelyn, did you take my wallet?" Scott asked.
"Yes. It was just too easy!" Evelyn laughed as she gave Scott back his wallet.
"Anyways, how much money do you have Byron?" Scott asked.
"I was asleep when I came, so I have nothing," Byron replied.
"Okay. So we have about 40 dollars. We'll see what we can get for these," Scott explained as he grabbed the green bill out of his wallet.
However, the moment Scott's fingers made contact with the paper, the bill vanished, to be replaced by coins. A lot of coins, to be precise.
"What the hell?" Scott asked, as he investigated the golden coin.
The coin was simple. All it had marked on it was a single number; one. Scott looked back into his wallet and estimated that he had about 200 of these coins in his wallet.
"Can everyone just take out their money, just to make sure?" Scott asked.
Everyone did so, and everyone's money did the same. The golden coins were in everyone's hands, and were wondering what was going on.
"What just happened?" Evelyn asked.
Scott opened the book up again.
"What happened to our money?" Scott asked.
"Your money has been converted into the continental currency of gil. The exchange rate for one Canadian dollar is 10 gil," The book answered, albeit in a very mechanical way.
"So we have 400 gil," Eric said.
"450 gil, actually. I stole some from that monster," Evelyn answered.
"What monster?" Eric asked.
"That one over there with his back turned to us," Evelyn answered, pointing towards this newfound oddity.
"Evelyn, can you get close to it and stab it for us?" Carly asked.
"Okay!" Evelyn said ecstatically as she flounced over to the monster.
The moment she got close enough, Evelyn brought her knives down on the unsuspecting monster. One knife was thrust into the back of his chest, bouncing off of a rib and puncturing his lung, while the other flashed across his neck, ending the creature's pitiful existence. The group walked over, examining the creature. Its dark green skin was clothed in brown leather, and in its hand was a dagger.
"So, don't we get money now or something?" Byron asked.
"Yes, we're supposed to, but I don't see any," Scott answered, searching the ground.
"Maybe Evelyn stole it all?" Eric suggested.
"No, no matter how much gil you steal from an enemy, you'll always get some at the end," Scott explained.
"Then what could have happened to it?" Carly asked.
"Hey guys! I found the money!" Evelyn called.
True to her word, there was a red satchel that jingled every time Evelyn moved it. The disturbing part about how she found it? Evelyn's arms, from her hands to her elbows, were drenched in blood.
"Evelyn, where did you…" Eric began.
"It was lodged in his liver!" She exclaimed.
"Yes, but why did you…" Carly began.
"Well, it's not like these monsters just carry everything on the outside. And in all the RPG's I've played, the loot only appears after you kill the enemy via beating or cutting them to death," Evelyn explained, "Now does someone have a way to wash this blood off?"