A/N: A little one-shot for Valentine's Day. Hope y'all enjoy! I'm thinking of making it into a two-shot if enough people are interested. Maybe covering the day after V-Day? Let me know what you think.

Emma Swan didn't hate Valentine's Day. She didn't mind that it was a specific day to spend time with your true love and have picnics in the park or whatever couples did. Honestly, she'd seen enough desperate men and disappointed women to wonder if her solitary ice-cream-and-movie night wasn't a vast improvement on their coupledom. And seriously, those little candy hearts were enough to put anyone off Valentine's Day completely.

So it was that Emma went in to work on that special day in a very good mood. Who cared if she didn't have a date for tonight? She had just gotten her very first Valentine's card from her son, she'd been unbanned from seeing him after only a week, and she had a great job. Being sheriff of Storybrooke was the easiest job in the history of ever. They gave you a car, a gun, all the free coffee you could drink, and you got to beat someone up about once a week. Emma grinned. And she got to see the frustrated look on the Mayor's face every time she had to report about something and the Mayor was reminded that she had lost the election.

Emma kicked her feet up on her desk and opened her paper. Unless Mr. Gold was making trouble, things were usually pretty quiet in Storybrooke. As far as she could tell, there were no gangs, domestic abuse, drugs or violence in the whole town, which was pretty surreal if you thought about it. Emma tried not to, because those thoughts always led to Henry's fairy-tale thoughts and that made her head hurt. Even the town drunk, Leroy, was pretty easy to handle if you showed up at the bar around 2 am to pick him up. A couple of times Emma had been tempted to let him go, just for a little excitement, but her better nature had won out. So far.

XxXx

Regina Mills didn't hate Valentine's Day, either. She loathed it, she despised it. It was the one day a year where the whole world seemed hell-bent on reminding her of what she had lost. In years past, she had been able to take some cold comfort in the fact that none of the people in Storybrooke got their happy endings either. Then that woman had to show up, putting thoughts in people's heads and ruining her carefully constructed plans. Regina changing her course, heading for the sheriff's office instead of City Hall. If she was having a miserable day, she could damn well make sure Emma Swan did too.

Regina opened the door to the office with enough force to make the walls shake, hoping to catch the Sheriff off-guard. To her frustration, the woman didn't even look up.

"Come to check up on me again?" Emma took a lazy sip of her coffee. She was determined that even Regina Mills would not ruin her good mood.

"It's a good thing I did, since you're obviously not doing your job."

"Don't worry, Madame Mayor; Storybrooke is still securely under your thumb." She turned a page of her newspaper.

"Sheriff Swan, it is your duty to maintain the safety of the people. You should be out on patrol, stopping trouble before it starts."

Emma groaned internally. She hated patrol. Cruising around town with nothing to do and only one radio station. "Is that a hint?"

"I expect a full report tonight at nine. If you have another...engagement...you'll simply have to break it." There. It was petty, she knew, but there was no way Emma was going to have a good night on Valentine's if she could help it. Happily, she could. Regina allowed herself a satisfied smile when Emma folded up her paper and rose from the desk, but it was only to grab a doughnut and refill her coffee cup. "This town does not pay you to eat doughnuts all day."

"Is there something else you'd rather I eat?" Emma smirked as she watched the Mayor's face flush and wondered, fleetingly, if the woman was going to explode like a cartoon character. She hadn't meant the comment to sound like it had, but it was sure producing the desired effect.

"You're completely out of line, Sheriff!"

Emma tried her best to look innocent. "What? I thought you might have something against breakfast pastries."

Regina glared at the infuriating woman one last time before turning on her heel and storming out. The nerve of her! To insinuate that she would ever...the very idea was laughable! She could feel the air around her crackle with energy and her skin flush, brought on, no doubt, by her hatred for that horrible woman. As she entered her office she growled at her secretary to hold her calls. Emma Swan would pay.

XxXx

Emma thoughtfully took a drink of her hot chocolate, sitting in a booth at Granny's and watching the townspeople go past. Sooner or later, it seemed, everyone ended up at Granny's. She'd spent a good portion of the morning rolling around town, hoping to dig up a petty theft or fight. Hell, even a fender bender would have relieved some of the monotony. It was all to no avail. Apparently Storybrooke on Valentine's Day was as cloyingly sweet as a town populated by amnesic fairy-tale characters could be.

"What's up, Emma?" Ruby sat down across from her. "I heard you were giving our Mayor fits this morning."

Emma smiled. "Good news travels fast."

"You know how it is with a small town. Her secretary told the mailman, who told everyone else. All the good gossip ends up here eventually."

Ruby leaned forward, swiping some of Emma's whipped cream. "So, how'd you do it?"
"Nothing. She came to the office and we started arguing. I just won this time."

"C'mon, Emma, you can tell me. They said she nearly set the place on fire. Again."

"Fine. It was an accident, really, but..." Emma lowered her voice. "I kind flirted with her."

Ruby sat there, shocked. Then, slowly, she smiled with a whole new appreciation for the Sheriff. "You, Emma Swan, are a genius!"

"What?"
"You flirted with Regina fucking Mills! She has a stick so far up her ass I bet she hasn't had a good lay in ten years." Ruby's smile widened. "She probably still doesn't know what to do with herself."

Emma blushed. "Really, it's not that big a deal. I just said something that came out wrong."

Ruby looked like she wanted to interrogate Emma further but the Sheriff was saved by a very out-of-breath Sydney Glass.

"Sheriff Swan, I need to talk to you."

"Sure Sydney, what is it?"

"It was the strangest thing, but I was walking out in the woods, near the Storybrooke sign. I like to go there sometimes to clear my head. It's so peaceful and -"

"Sydney! Get to the point."

"Right. Well, I was walking, and I could have sworn I saw a little man in a diaper with wings, carrying a bow and arrows!"

Emma perked up. Maybe this day would get a little interesting after all.

"It's probably somebody playing a prank for Valentine's Day. I'll go check it out." She drained the rest of her hot chocolate. "See you later Ruby."

Ruby pouted. "You didn't tell me what you said to Mayor Mills!"

"Later, Ruby."

XxXx

Two hours had passed, and Emma had circled Storybrooke twice without seeing anything. So much for her excitement. She was disappointed that she hadn't gotten to arrest anyone, but it was probably for the best. This town was fairy-tale crazy enough without Cupid running around on Valentine's Day.
She parked her cruiser in front of Granny's. Sydney was outside talking animatedly with Dr. Hopper, and she walked over to him.

"I didn't see anyone. I guess whoever it was got cold and went home."

Sydney turned to her distractedly. "I'm sure you're right, Emma. Just someone out for a joke." Emma's eyebrows shot up when he laid a hand intimately on Archie's thigh.

"Well, if you wanted to make a report we could just-"

Sydney waved her off. "It's quite alright Sheriff. No need to go through boring paperwork when it's such a nice day outside."

Stunned, Emma turned to walk into the cafe. Behind her she heard Sydney and Archie resume their conversation. "Dr. Hopper, I never noticed how green your eyes are..."

Ruby was standing behind the counter, wiping the same spot over and over with a rag and staring at the two men outside. Emma had to wave a hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"What happened to those two?"

"I have no idea. Archie was walking on the other side of the street when suddenly Sydney jumped up and nearly hit two cars running over to him. They came in and ordered some tea. They've been..like that...ever since." Ruby gestured at the pair with her towel.

"Huh." Was Emma's brilliant reply.

"I always thought Archie was straight?"

Emma shrugged. "Guess not."

XxXx

"Mary Margaret? Are you home?" Emma called out. She really wanted to ask her roommate if there was such a thing as hot chocolate that could make people hallucinate. She figured maybe a teacher would know. Yeah, she was only a fourth-grade teacher, but Emma really, really did not want to be at Granny's right now.

She heard a noise from Mary Margaret's room and knocked on the door. "Hello?" There was a muffled thump and Emma eased her gun from her holster, placing her hand on the doorknob. One, two, three...she burst into the room with what she hopped was an authoritative. "Hands up!"

"Emma!" Mary Margaret clutched her sheets to her chest while a naked David fell out of the bed.

"Oh my god!" Emma bolted out of the room as fast as humanly possible, making a b-line for the refrigerator and picking up a beer. She didn't normally drink while on duty but was willing to forgive herself this one time. Clearly, either she or the whole town had gone crazy. Beer in hand, she sat down at the kitchen table. A moment later, a blushing David and Mary Margaret – fully clothed, thank god – appeared in the room.

"I'm so sorry Mary Margaret. I shouldn't have just run in guns blazing like that."

"No, it's okay. I...um...didn't hear you come in. I guess I should have put a sock on the doorknob or something. Isn't that what people do?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess." She turned to David, who was staring intently at his hands. "What about Kathryn?"

Mary Margaret answered for him. "It was the strangest thing. She came up to me after school and told me that she had asked David for a divorce. She said it wasn't fair to either of them to be stuck with someone they didn't truly love." She laughed, softly. "She said to take care of him and not let him get into too much trouble. I guess true love really does win out in the end."

Emma was shell-shocked, which seemed to be her default expression for the day. "Great. Ok. I'm going to go back on patrol, and you two...right. Leaving now." Beer forgotten, she hurried down the stairs to her cruiser, where hopefully she would be safe from whatever the hell was going on.

XxXx

Emma sat in her cruiser on the outskirts of town. Since leaving Mary Margaret's apartment she had had five reports of a strange guy dressed as Cupid walking around town, and had given out four citations for public indecency. Now she was just counting down the minutes until she could give her report to the mayor, go home, and drink until she passed out and forgot about this whole crazy day.

Movement outside the car caught her eye, and she grabbed her flashlight and nightstick. If it was the Cupid guy she wasn't taking any chances before she got him in lockup.

In the quiet night Emma caught a muffled curse and a few decidedly feminine giggles. Panning her flashlight over the dark woods, she heard a yelp as the light revealed a grinning Ruby being pressed up against a tree by Kathryn, who currently had her hand up the waitress's skirt.

"Seriously?"

"Kathryn was just trying to save me from the big, bad wolf..."

"I don't want to know! Both of you, back to town. I so do not need this tonight."

"Spoilsport."

"Ruby! Town. Now."

Ruby took Kathryn's hand. "C'mon babe, let's finish this up at my place."

Emma walked back to her cruiser, rubbing her temples. This night would not be over fast enough.

XxXx

9:30 pm found Emma on the steps of the Mayor's house, tiredly pressing the doorbell. She was late, and Regina was definitely not going to like that. On the other hand, she'd picked up the Cupid wannabe on her last pass through town. It turned out he was a buddy of Leroy's, who'd bet him $200 that he wouldn't walk around Storybrooke on Valentine's Day dressed like Cupid. She sighed. It still didn't explain why the whole town had turned into horny teenagers. She was even looking forward to getting yelled at by Regina. At least that would restore some normality.

With a frown, she rang the doorbell once more. Usually the Mayor had some sort of psychic way of opening the door before she could even touch the bell. The door creaked open, but it was Henry, not Regina, who stood in the doorway.

"Hey Emma. Are you here for Operation Cobra?"

Emma smiled and ruffled his hair. "Not now kid. I've got to talk to your mom. Official Sheriff business."

Henry huffed, disappointed. "Ok. Mom's in her office."

"Thanks."

Emma entered the perfectly appointed house. There was always something so cold about it, like it was one of those magazine houses that people never really lived in. Emma gave herself a shake. She was stalling. She pushed open the door to the Mayor's office, fully prepared to face the brunt of Regina's considerable rage.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Madame Mayor, Leroy put this guy up to dressing like Cupid and-" Emma finally focused on Regina and gulped. The Mayor had abandoned her usual power suit in favor of a silky black dress. Emma's early teasing sprang unbidden to her mind as Regina stalked towards her. Her head swam with the dark woman's perfume as the Mayor reached out to her, trailing her fingers down Emma's arm and over the fluttering pulse in her wrist to grasp her hand.

"It's not nice to keep a lady waiting, Sheriff." Regina purred, leading Emma to her couch. A light shove and Emma sat down heavily. Regina straddled her lap. "But I'm willing to forgive you."

"Mom? Is everything okay in there?" Henry's small, plaintive voice called out to them. Regina ran her hands under Emma's white tank top, caressing the soft skin. "Everything's fine, Henry. Go back to bed." She began kissing up Emma's neck, sucking lightly. There was a pause, and then... "Emma?"

Emma bit back a moan. "It's okay kid. Your mom and I are just" Oh dear lord, Regina wasn't wearing a bra "working some things out."

Emma managed to hold out until small feet padded up the stairs. Tangling her hands in Regina's hair, she pressed their lips together. She teased her with promises of what her tongue could do later, reveling in the other woman's sharp gasp. What was the saying?

If you can't beat 'em...