The apartment was empty when Gwen crawled in through the bedroom window. She wasn't surprised, Em-Jay had been at a record label's party, and had warned Gwen that she would probably be home late. The absence of 'The Mary Janes' drummer at the party, of course, had been explained away with another unfortunate cold, as Gwen's lack of public appearances was often explained.
Still, Gwen couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that Em-Jay was still out. She needed to see her. It hadn't exactly been a good evening, and Gwen needed the comfort of her girlfriend now more than usual. Peeling off her suit and leaving it abandoned on the floor, she moved to the bathroom, sitting down in the shower and letting the warm water hide her from the world for a few minutes.
But, on hearing the click of the front door closing, Gwen quickly stepped out of the shower, towel drying her hair and throwing on some shorts and an old band T-Shirt. She was raking a comb through her hair when she heard Em-Jay's voice.
"Hey, Gwensday, I thought you'd still be out, actually," the red head smiled as she danced into the room, still clearly a little giddy from the party.
"Slow night," Gwen replied, trying to make her voice sound at least a little animated, not wanting to bring Mary down so soon after getting home. "How was the party? How drunk are you?"
Em-Jay chuckled. "Oh, ye of little faith. I only had a small glass of wine. It wasn't the exciting, hip, young record label party that we were led to believe. Think a group of middle-aged people trying to find some new bands purely to reach a younger demographic," she commented as she flopped down on the bed, kicking her shiny silver heels off and stretching her long legs. "I needn't have bothered suffering in my best shoes all night."
"Probably good for the band, though. The party, not the shoes," responded Gwen, unable to keep the dip out of her voice anymore.
And Em-Jay quickly caught on to the cloud that was hanging over Gwen. Rolling onto her front, she frowned at her girlfriend? "Gwen? Tiger, what's wrong?"
A soft sigh came from Gwen. Putting the comb down on the dresser, she walked over to the bed and sat down, Em-Jay moving to lie on her back on her side of the bed to give Gwen some space.
There was silence for a moment or two. "Gwen, what happened? And don't tell me 'nothing', because something is obviously wrong."
"... A guy died tonight."
Another silence.
"Oh, Gwendy... Honey, I'm sorry." Em-Jay took Gwen's hand, prompting her to lie down. Pulling her close, Em-Jay pressed a little kiss to Gwen's forehead, wiping her red lipstick off on her hand first. "What... What happened?"
It wasn't difficult to guess that 'what happened?' meant 'did he die while you were trying to save him?'
"Stabbed. He was walking home from somewhere, I think, and he got mugged. He wouldn't hand his wallet over, so the mugger stabbed him." Gwen ran a hand through her damp hair. "I heard him yell. Some passers-by called an ambulance, but it was too late. I was too late. He died just as I got there."
Mary Jane wrapped her arms around Gwen, holding her tightly. "But that wasn't your fault. You got there as quickly as you could. It wasn't your fault."
"I know. But it doesn't change the fact that if I'd gotten there sooner, if I'd been faster, I might have been able to save him. And the mugger got away. He was gone before anyone got to the guy, no-one saw him, and he took the knife with him. There was no way to trace him, so... What? He just gets away with it?"
"Gwen, people... People die every day. It sucks, but that's how life works. You can't save everybody, and, if you try to, you might end up saving nobody. All you can do is your best, Tiger."
"My best isn't good enough!" Gwen sat up, burying her face in her hands for a moment. "I know that I can't save everybody. I knew that from the start, when I couldn't save Peter. But... But what's the point? People are going to die no matter how many times I try to save them. And, if I'm out there saving some people and not saving others, then doesn't that mean that I'm choosing who lives and who dies?" Lifting her head, she sniffed a few times. "I don't want to play God. I don't want that responsibility. I want to help, to stop some of the hurt. But if I can't save everyone, then maybe I should stop trying to help anyone."
There was quiet for a while as Em-Jay processed what Gwen had said. The redhead sat up, a sigh escaping her. "Gwen... It's your choice. I understand what you're saying. But, personally, I don't think it works like that. You can stop some of the hurt. And no, you can't save everybody, but nobody can. Peter wasn't your fault. This guy wasn't your fault. You don't have to be a hero, but I know that you want to be."
Gwen turned, hiding her face in her girlfriend's shoulder. "I just don't want any more people to die because of me..."
Em-Jay wrapped her arms around the blonde. "Nobody has died because of you. You didn't kill them. And you have helped so many people, Gwendy. The city needs Spider-Woman, so long as Spider-Woman wants to help it."
The two of them moved to lie down again, their arms still around each other.
"... Yeah." Gwen's voice was quite quiet. "You're right. I shouldn't give up. I don't want to give up."
Em-Jay smiled softly. "I'm proud of you, Gwen Stacy. And I love you.
A little smile on her face for the first time all night, Gwen kissed Em-Jay gently, bringing a hand up to run through her girlfriend's deep red hair. And then she grimaced slightly, pulling back. "No offence, but your breath is disgusting!"
"Oh, man, I know, right?" Em-Jay giggled. "They served these really weird cheese and onion vol-u-vonts. I only had, like, two, and my breath is so gross, I had to secretly chew gum all night."
Gwen gave her a little shove. "Go and brush your teeth, you are not sleeping next to me, let alone kissing me, while you have onion breath!"
Grinning, Em-Jay stole one cheeky kiss before swinging her legs out of bed and heading to the bathroom. "Cheese and onion breath!" she corrected with another giggle.
Laughing softly herself, Gwen pulled back the bedsheets and slipped under them, cuddling down and waiting for the woman she loved to come back to bed.