Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person with really bad eyesight must be in need of glasses. Or: The AU where Itachi is a myopic scientist who wears really thick coke-bottle glasses.
A/N: Technically, this started from my reading a typo in a bad fic, but I blame Re-Ane. She insists that my own crazy brain did this to me, but I maintain that she should know better than to encourage my crazy brain in its craziness.
This will hopefully become a two-shot, but since I don't know when that will happen please enjoy it as it is now.
Warning: I don't watch TV and I don't know anything about Science. I just wanted to turn Itachi into Velma from Scooby-Doo. Also, I know they're watching American TV shows, talking about the American medical system, and using Japanese. Forgive me these anachronistic sins (and for badly playing my Jane Austen trope bingo card).
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, just too many headcanons.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person with really bad eyesight must be in need of glasses.
However near or far-sighted the views of such a person when examined by an optometrist, the truth of his or her visual problems is so well understood by the eye care professional, that they are usually fitted with glasses on the spot.
"Aniki," said his brother, not for the first time, "you should burn those glasses."
Itachi, used to this response, only shook his head.
"They're so ugly!" Sasuke protested. "They really don't look good on you."
Itachi made no reply.
Sasuke threw up his hands in frustration, though after years of having the same argument he should have been used to losing it by now.
After he'd left Itachi pulled off his glasses and stared down at them. He really didn't see what the problem was. Frowning, he mentally amended himself. Actually, he could barely see his glasses at all. Putting them back on his face, he walked to the mirror in the nearest bathroom.
The frames were a little old-fashioned, more akin to something from the seventies, but he'd thought "nerdy glasses" were in style right now. Shaking his head at the strange whims of his little brother, Itachi exited the bathroom and promptly bumped into someone in the hallway, his glasses slipping off his nose to clatter to the floor.
He immediately checked the instinct to get to his knees and start groping for them, having been told repeatedly and at some length by Sasuke that he looked like a cartoon character when he did that.
There was the scuffing noise, the rustle of cloth, and then whoever it was gently uncurled one of his hands and pressed his glasses into his palm.
Itachi, head already turned in the direction of the sound, saw Sakura's apologetic smile resolve itself before his eyes with the addition of his glasses.
"Sorry about that, Itachi-san."
"That's alright," he replied, sweeping his long bangs from where his glasses had pinned them behind his ears.
Sakura turned as if to move around him and continue on her way when she stopped and looked at him steadily.
"Actually, can I ask you something?"
Itachi inclined his head, a little curious at Sakura's sudden focus.
"Why do you only wear your glasses when you're at home?"
Opening his mouth, Itachi's brow furrowed and he didn't reply. He felt that Sasuke would see it as a betrayal if he admitted that his little brother had made him promise years ago not to wear his glasses where anybody could see, saying that it was embarrassing to be seen with such an "uncool aniki." Itachi certainly hadn't wanted to embarrass his brother then or now, and if it bothered Sasuke so much then he could wear his contacts when he went out instead.
"It's easier," he finally settled, not exactly lying since it was easier not having to deal with Sasuke's peculiar hang-ups.
Sakura nodded as if that made sense, though she seemed somehow doubtful.
"Can I ask you something in return?" Itachi asked impulsively.
Sakura nodded again, her expression bemused.
"Do you think my glasses are—" he paused to recall the word Sasuke had used "—ugly?"
She looked startled. "What? No!"
Taking a moment to stare at his face, Sakura chewed on her lower lip in thought.
"It's true they're kind of old-fashioned," she echoed his earlier thoughts, "but I've always thought they were cute. They soften your features, make you look a little… goofy."
She smiled, her eyes sparkling for a moment as if she was thinking about something else, and Itachi was about to ask her to further define what she meant by "goofy" when someone yelled her name.
"Oops," she said, a light blush on her cheeks when she met Itachi's eyes. "The boys are calling me, I'd better go see what they want."
Itachi stared after her feeling troubled. Perhaps it would have been better not to ask and to continue thinking of his glasses as ugly. He didn't think he'd ever been described as "cute" and "goofy" before, and he was puzzled at the odd combination of adjectives.
Returning to his room he sighed mentally as he thought of the mystery that was Haruno Sakura.
One day Naruto had shown up to a play date with Sasuke with a bright-eyed little girl with pastel pink hair clinging to his hand nervously. Predictably, Sasuke had thrown a fit at the perceived threat towards his best friend's attention, saying that girls were icky and cried too much and he didn't want her in his room getting snot everywhere.
Little Sakura had glared darkly and, instead of crying or even calling him names back, had decked Sasuke across the face with a right hook that would have made a professional boxer weep, an impressive feat for a six-year-old girl.
The three had been inseparable ever since.
Itachi's rapidly deteriorating eyesight had eventually culminated in his needing glasses, and when he'd stopped growing he'd settled on his current pair through a combination of disinterest and a lack of selection at the optometrist's.
Though Sasuke had begged his aniki not to go out in public wearing his glasses, his two closest friends had always been underfoot as Itachi transitioned through several pairs into what he currently wore. It had never occurred to him to hide his glasses from the two, and neither of them had seemed to think it odd he didn't wear his glasses outside the house until today when Sakura had brought it up.
Not for the first time, Itachi wondered what all the fuss was about his glasses and whether or not he should just give in to Sasuke's demands to get new frames. But there was no reason not to reuse the old frames if his eyesight was so bad he had to get custom-made lenses. And Itachi saw it as somewhat of a point of pride that he'd never lost or broken a pair yet. If the frames were still in good enough condition to take new lenses there was no reason to switch just because of what Sasuke said.
Putting the matter out of his head, Itachi reached for the latest copy of Science. The magazine had finally been sitting on the hallway table when he'd come home today, days later than it usually arrived. There was a new article on GMOs he'd wanted to read ever since he'd overheard a few of the biology grad students discussing the newest issue. The magazine was notoriously hard to get a hold of on campus immediately following its release, and Itachi had been quite impatient over the uncommon delay in his copy's arrival.
His glasses were ignored in the wake of new scientific research. In fact, he'd nearly forgotten the entire incident with Sakura had even happened until he found her the next week curled on their couch watching CSI: Miami. For an instant he hovered in the doorway, convinced that any second she would change the channel like his brother or Naruto, who only watched crime shows when there was absolutely nothing else on TV.
Slowly he took a few more steps into the room. Sakura was so engrossed in the bloody drama on the screen she didn't even hear his quiet footsteps.
"I didn't realize you liked crime shows."
Itachi winced when Sakura jolted, one foot lashing out and knocking a throw pillow to the floor.
Without looking at him, she pushed herself into an upright position, scrabbling across the couch cushions for the remote.
"I'm sorry, I'll change it!"
Her fingers pressed randomly against the buttons and the channel switched to what looked like C-SPAN. Sakura turned around, nervous smile on her face, and froze, her eyes comically wide when she saw him.
"Sakura," Itachi frowned first at the pudgy politician spouting legal jargon, then at her, "you can watch whatever you want. I know Kaa-san has told you that you're welcome in our house. Sasuke shouldn't be telling you what you can and can't watch when you're here."
Sakura slumped against the back of the couch.
"That's not it," she sighed. "This is all just a misunderstanding."
Turning again to look at him she patted the space next to her.
"Will you sit? It's weird having a conversation like this."
As he moved around the couch Sakura changed the channel back to CSI, though she muted the volume.
"Sasuke dislikes most crime shows in general, but Sasuke and Naruto both hate when I watch crime or action-y stuff with them. They say it ruins everything when I point out all the inaccuracies."
Itachi considered her words. She hadn't noticed when he entered the room, and had probably registered the tone of his voice more than the words, hence her initial assumption that he was his little brother.
Her panicky behavior was also understandable. Itachi had lived his entire adult life conforming to one of Sasuke's frivolous wishes just to avoid the possibility of embarrassing his brother and enduring his scolding; he could certainly sympathize.
"But," he said slowly, working through his thoughts as he watched the characters on the screen, "that's the best part."
There was a long pause.
"I know!" Sakura said loudly into the silent room.
Itachi turned his head to find her positively beaming at him, her green eyes sparkling and a slight flush on her face from the outburst.
"Right?"
She'd un-muted the TV and gestured at the victim's body. "I mean, in this case how can they know the bullet went all the way through without even touching the body?"
"The same way they can find a week-old bullet in coastal scrub land and accurately match the ballistic markings to the only person in the closest town with that particular gun model."
They next fifteen minutes were spent in silence as they watched the fortuitous discovery of the bullet, the shifty behavior of the town's residents, and drama among the cast. Sakura muted the TV on the next commercial break and looked at him disapprovingly.
"You could have said you'd already seen this episode. You don't have to sit here and watch it with me."
"I wanted to," Itachi said easily, and was surprised to see her face flush.
He decided against telling her that he'd enjoyed all of the sarcastic criticisms she'd muttered under her breath, more interested in the spread of color across her cheekbones.
Sakura didn't look at him, eyes fixed on a commercial of women making indecent faces over their yogurt. Itachi was fascinated to note that the longer he stared the more her blush seemed to deepen. A small part of himself he rarely paid attention to was pleased by her reaction.
"A-Anyway," Sakura stuttered, still facing the screen, "what else do you like to watch, Itachi-san?"
"I like crime shows." He nodded at the TV as CSI resumed. "Bones, Criminal Minds, Sherlock, and others."
"Sherlock?"
Seemingly having forgotten her embarrassment, Sakura turned to look at him. "Are you a fan of the BBC?"
The main characters had just caught the killer, who was delivering an impassioned, silent monologue.
"I enjoy Doctor Who," he admitted.
"You like Doctor Who!"
Her voice had risen almost to a squeal as she finished speaking. Itachi hesitantly glanced at her to find that Sakura was smiling so widely Itachi felt his own jaw ache in sympathy. More interestingly, she was blushing again.
Itachi had known Sakura for fourteen years. Considering that length of time, it seemed strange to realize they'd never really talked, not about the things they liked in casual conversation. But then, she'd always been Sasuke's friend first.
Of course, that wasn't to say Itachi didn't know a little about Sakura. He'd watched her pummel his brother and Naruto on more than one occasion, proving both that she had a formidable temper and that she was a bit of a bully, something Itachi secretly approved of since Sasuke needed sense beat into his skull on occasion.
She was, despite her delicate looks, stubborn and strong, with a tomboyish nature that was refreshingly honest. She was intelligent, fiercely loyal, and surprisingly affectionate—on more than one occasion Itachi had come into the living room with blankets to find the three of them sleeping cuddled together on the floor like a group of puppies while the TV played the soothing sounds of the same ten seconds of the DVD menu on repeat.
His official aniki opinion was that Sakura was one of the best friends Sasuke could ever hope to ask for.
That didn't mean he understood why she'd just spoken in the same tone of voice Sasuke had used for years when waking Itachi up to inform him it was "Christmas!"
"Yes," he replied, carefully watching her face. "The leaps of logic and futuristic inventions used by science fiction writers are very interesting."
Sakura was still staring at him with an eerie sort of glee. Even the way her cheeks were pinked to match her hair couldn't distract him from the gleam in her eyes.
"You're a nerd," she breathed wonderingly, as if uttering some arcane secret.
Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"I'm a fourth year MD/PHD student, I'm not sure I could have advanced this far in my career without being a nerd."
She waved that off with a flick of her wrist.
"Yes, but that makes you a respectable nerd."
Itachi's amusement grew at the unsaid implication that he wasn't a "respectable nerd."
"I'm going to kill Sasuke," she said casually, words at odds with the wide grin she still wore.
Not sure what Sasuke had done to deserve her wrath but too used to her threatening his little brother to be concerned, Itachi darted a glance at the screen to see the credits rolling. He and Sakura had watched almost an entire episode of CSI, without his brother having made an appearance.
"Sakura, you know you are always welcome in our house, but where is Sasuke?"
In response, she blew out her cheeks in annoyance.
"They said I was studying too much for the MCAT so I promised to hang out and took some time off my job. But those losers forgot I was coming over and went out for ice cream without me!"
Itachi nodded gravely. He was well aware of Sakura's love of sweets. To her, being excluded from their ice cream excursion was a hanging offense.
Of course, as Sasuke's brother it wasn't his place to condone violence against his younger sibling, even if he agreed that it was rude for Sasuke to have forgotten her.
"I knew you were interested in medical school," he said, changing the subject, "but I didn't realize you'd already started studying for the MCAT."
Her face scrunched in displeasure.
"You know, they used to tell me it was weird to like studying so much. I told them they were just lazy, but lately I've been getting a little tired of studying."
"You'll be fine," Itachi told her confidently. "The most important thing is to be consistent."
"I shouldn't be complaining to you," Sakura said ruefully. "You're already a fourth year! You took the Step One."
"Yes." He met her eyes with a small smile.
"I'll tell you a secret—I don't actually enjoy studying, but it's a necessary evil of med school."
"But you like it, right, med school?"
"I chose this path and I don't regret it."
Sakura's face was wistful.
"It all seems so far away."
Itachi started to reply, but was interrupted by the sudden slam of a door and the sound of footsteps.
Sasuke and Naruto stood in the doorway, both looking at them curiously. Naruto was licking at a massive waffle cone, a large amount of his violently blue ice cream smeared around his mouth.
"You went for ice cream without me!"
In a flash Sakura was up and off the couch, advancing on a rapidly paling Naruto and Sasuke.
Naruto quickly hid his cone behind his back, as if that would make up for the evidence on his face, and started shuffling away. Sasuke took what seemed to be an unconscious step back before remembering he was holding something and thrusting one of the two boxes towards Sakura.
He stepped around her when she was distracted by the offering, handing the second of the boxes to Itachi.
The logo on the box was familiar and Itachi opened it to find several skewers of dango from his favorite store. He was more interested in the apparent cessation of hostilities from Sakura upon receiving the same gift.
Sakura, calmer after eating half a skewer, noticed his look and followed the direction of his gaze. A strange expression crossed her face, one Itachi couldn't decipher, and she leaned forward to grab Sasuke by the shirt collar and drag him closer so she could whisper in his ear.
Itachi couldn't hear what she said, but he watched his brother's eyebrows arch and saw his eyes dart rapidly towards Itachi before he mumbled something in reply.
Sakura's face lit up with a blush and she quickly stuffed the rest of the skewer in her mouth, chewing furiously. Face still red, she smiled at Itachi before snagging both of her boys by the arms and tugging them towards Sasuke's room.
Not sure what had just happened, Itachi lifted one of his skewers from the box and took a bite. According to the guide, there was a marathon of CSI on this channel.
From down the hallway he could hear the sounds of muffled laughter and several loud thuds. Itachi turned the TV off and went to his room. He'd missed the last episode of the latest series of Sherlock. There was always reading for him to catch up on, but maybe he'd procrastinate just a little longer.
The decision ended up costing him sleep that night, but Itachi was rewarded a week later when a casual question posed to a visiting Sakura sparked a fifteen-minute debate on the merits of the newest episode, her eyes glimmering with enthusiasm as she spoke.
He also rather enjoyed Sasuke's look of pop-eyed confusion when he came to ask what they were talking about and was told that "he just wouldn't understand" by a wildly gesturing Sakura.
From then on he and Sakura traded predictions and thoughts, not just about Sherlock, but about Moffat's writing in general, animated discussions that spilled into book and podcast recommendations.
To Itachi, who'd always treated TV as necessary downtime when his brain was too tired from studying, reading, and wondering why the lab results were inconclusive for the third time in a row, actually talking about the things he'd watched was a new experience.
Shisui was into sports, MMA fighting and, embarrassingly enough, bad reality TV shows. Sasuke watched whatever Naruto watched, complaining all the while, and sat quietly through cooking shows, HGTV, and the DIY network with their mother. Otou-san only ever watched the news and the Weather Channel, with a secret fascination for MTV Cribs he thought nobody knew about.
Of his close friends and family, nobody was particularly interested in science fiction or fantasy, and Otou-san's dislike of "woefully uninformed and highly inaccurate" crime shows made them unwelcome in the house as long as he was present.
Itachi had made attempts before to develop friendships with those he thought demonstrated a preference for some of the same genres, but he'd felt awkward trying to insert himself into others' conversations and he'd been received with confusion or outright suspicion, a side effect of being a quiet introvert seen as cold and aloof.
Now, when many of the people he'd started medical school with were continuing on their track while he shifted into research, his social circle had become even smaller.
He'd been resigned to reading and commenting on blog posts and forums in his very brief spare time, nobody on the internet caring about his personality, what he looked like, or who his father was.
Talking with Sakura about "nerdy things" was much more enjoyable than lurking anonymously online and ignoring those who thought mocking others' hobbies was a worthwhile pursuit.
It was fun "geeking out" as Sakura put it, and Itachi realized belatedly after several weeks of their strange new rapport that he liked having a "fandom friend," had always secretly wanted one, he just hadn't known what he'd been missing.
She was smart, would happily banter about conspiracy theories with him, and was never afraid to voice her opinion when she thought he was wrong. And Itachi could admit, if only to himself, that he liked being the focus of her attention.
There was something mesmerizing about the way she spoke, her entire body animated and her face lit from within by a bright intensity. Sometimes he felt a little breathless when talking to her, some indefinably fizzy feeling tightening his chest. It was strangely pleasant, and Itachi was guilty on more than one occasion of purposely inciting Sakura with an unpopular opinion to make her react and prolong the sensation just a little longer.
He'd caught his brother eyeing him curiously on more than one occasion, especially when Sakura came ostensibly to visit him and instead made a beeline for his aniki. Maybe Sasuke had asked her about it already, and that was why he hadn't yet spoken to Itachi. Though he couldn't help wondering what Sasuke thought about his new relationship with Sakura. Truthfully, he was a little nervous when he paused to consider his brother's potential feelings.
Itachi was fond of Sasuke's friends—his whole family had a soft spot for the two who'd constantly teased and dragged Sasuke through various scraps, even his father who liked to pretend his wife hadn't practically adopted such bright, loud, and overall un-Uchiha-like children.
Yet he knew this was different from the cordial way they'd acted before-friendly, but not friends. How or when exactly the transition had happened he wasn't sure, but he found himself loath to go back now that things had changed.
And that was problematic because Sakura was Sasuke's friend first, and he was only Sasuke's older brother. He had no intention of splitting up that friendship due to his selfish desire to monopolize Sakura's presence. This was not a dilemma he'd anticipated facing that day he and Sakura had first watched CSI.
Sakura herself seemed to have no difficulty in balancing her time between him, her boys, her schoolwork, and her extracurriculars, a feat he admired greatly. The research years of the MD/PHD program were relatively easier than the constant studying and testing during the first two years of med school, but he still felt himself stretched a little thin at times.
One particularly stressful day he came home eager for his "ugly" glasses and the chance to read something that wasn't on a computer or projector screen. His late magazine mystery had struck again this month. This time the New England Journal of Medicine was missing, nearly a week late from when it had hit the school library shelves.
Itachi removed his contact lenses and massaged the bridge of his nose. He really didn't need to stare at the tiny print anyway, he told himself. Maybe he'd just lie down briefly before Kaa-san finished dinner.
About five minutes later his eyes snapped open at the sound of his brother and his friends from down the hall. Kaa-san hadn't seen the Journal, and Otou-san wasn't home yet. It couldn't hurt to ask Sasuke if he'd seen the errant periodical.
"Sasuke," he knocked on the partially open door politely before he entered, "have you seen—?"
Sakura was propped up against Sasuke's headboard, the New England Journal of Medicine open in her hands. Naruto was serving as her footrest, laid out perpendicular at the foot of the bed and staring with baffled concentration at what appeared to be a Victoria's Secret catalogue. They both glanced up at him, but Naruto spoke first.
"Itachi-nii-san!" His normal cheerful smile dimmed when he realized where Itachi was looking.
"This is for Hinata!"
His cheeks turned a dull red when he realized he'd made it even worse, and he stumbled over his words as he tried to explain.
"She asked me what kind of bathing suit I liked but I don't know anything about women's bathing suits so I thought maybe I should do some research—"
His mouth snapped shut with a click of his jaw when Sakura bopped him over the head with one heel.
"Breathe," she commanded.
"I'm not a pervert," he implored after a moment's pause. "It's Sakura-chan's magazine, you can see all the ones she circled because she liked them."
Now Sakura was the one blushing, and she hit him again with her foot.
"I don't think Itachi-san came to ask about that, Naruto," she growled, emphasizing her statement by grinding her heel down on his head.
Naruto whimpered from behind his teeth, but made no move to squirm away lest he incite the full force of her wrath.
"Actually," Itachi dragged his eyes from where he could just make out several circled items, "I was looking for that."
He nodded to Sakura.
Her eyes shot towards him in surprise and her face turned a faint red. The magazine creased in her hands and she paused with her mouth opened.
"Oh," she said, blush deepening, "you mean this?"
Itachi nodded again, patiently waiting as she unclenched her hands and tried to smooth over the wrinkled cover.
Sensing her distraction, Naruto wriggled out from under her feet, a nervous smile on his face as he watched Sakura.
"Well, I think I'm just going to go find the teme… help him with that thing."
Before either of them could speak he'd rolled off the bed and brushed past Itachi on the way out the door, leaving behind the catalogue in his haste.
"What thing?"
Sakura frowned momentarily in thought, her eyebrows constricting. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright with an angry shout.
"Sasuke's in the bathroom! You can't help him with that, Naruto!"
Itachi turned his head just enough to see Naruto booking it as fast as his legs could carry him around the corner and out of sight. Wherever Sasuke was, he was now guaranteed to stay away as long as he deemed necessary for Sakura to calm down.
Pursing her lips, Sakura frowned at the magazine in her lap. One corner refused to stay flat and she tried to smooth it down with a finger, expression morphing from exasperation to guilt.
"It's alright if you'd like to finish reading," Itachi told her. "I just wanted to know where it was."
"That's ok," Sakura said quickly, making a move to rise from the bed and give him the Journal.
"Keep it, Sakura."
A thought occurred to him and he looked into her embarrassed face. "Did you happen to have Science last month?"
Her eyes widened and Sakura winced.
"Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it when you wanted it."
Again she offered the periodical, but Itachi shook his head.
"I'm sure either Sasuke or Kaa-san told you it was ok to read them. I don't mind sharing with you, there's no reason to apologize."
Sakura bit her lip and slowly set the magazine next to her, adjusting her legs so she was sitting on the edge of the bed.
"You know," she began hesitantly, "we should exchange phone numbers. Then I could just text you and let you know when I borrow them."
She smiled slightly, warming to the idea.
"And we could talk about new episodes more easily, things like that."
Itachi glanced into her cautiously hopeful face. "We don't have each other's numbers?"
Even as he asked he instantly realized it was true. Being several years older he'd been responsible on many occasions for transporting the trio around, picking them up from school, and taking them home after coming over for dinner or sleepovers. He'd had Naruto and Sakura's home phone numbers for years, in case he needed to contact their parents or vice versa, but not their individual cell phone numbers.
"No," she answered, and a small frown began on her lips. "Not that we have to, I mean, exchange numbers."
Itachi's cheek twitched into a smile.
"I think friends normally have each other's numbers."
The familiar warm throb in his chest blossomed to life at the sight of her broad smile.
"That's true."
Her phone was sitting on Sasuke's nightstand and she reached over for it, tapping at the screen before presenting it to him. Itachi noted she'd already filled in the name field and he made a few changes to the entry after he'd entered his number.
Saving, he gave her back the phone and caught the exact moment when she noticed what he'd done as she cursorily scanned over the new contact.
"Friends also call each other by their first name."
"Itachi," she tried, blushing as she drew out the syllables of his name.
A curious tingle went straight down his spine at the way she said his name. Itachi tucked the feeling away for later examination and nodded.
The pink of her cheeks faded somewhat and her eyes took on an unmistakably mischievous glint.
"Do you have Snapchat?"