Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used here, this is just my own sick little idea of what may have happened after the end of Snow White, and definitely not something Disney would have put out for the kiddies…
SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE
Snow White looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror and almost burst into tears. Her wedding dress was exquisite, the satin material clinging to her curves, the lace train and veil woven with an intricate pattern of snow lilies. She could hardly believe the day was here at last, the day she would wed her Prince Charming and finally begin her Happily Ever After. She had been avoiding apples--as well as apple sauce, apple pie, caramel apples, even Apple Jacks--for weeks, just in case. Today had to be perfect, she wouldn't allow anything to spoil it.
As if on cue, a brilliant flash of lightning lit up the windows, followed by an apocalyptic crash of thunder. The rain beating against the roof intensified, creating a cacophony not unlike applause. Tree branches, given demonic life by the driving wind, lashed against the outside walls of the castle. Of course, it would have to storm today of all days. The sky had been cloudless and blue all week, and on the day of her nuptials the abominable weather had to swarm down like judgment from heaven. It was enough to make Snow White wonder if her step-mother were really gone.
But no matter. Snow White would not let the meteorological upheaval be a blight to her happiness. She had her Prince; she didn't need clear skies. All the storm meant was that instead of having an outdoor ceremony as planned, the wedding would take place in the castle's banquet hall. The hall was expansive, plenty of room for all the guests, so that wasn't a problem at all. The cleaning crew would just have to make sure to stay on top of clearing away all the animal droppings.
And there were a lot of animals attending the wedding. All her furry and feathered friends from the forest, as well as animals from all the nearby kingdoms. Bambi, Thumper, and Flower. The White Rabbit, who would no doubt be checking his watch throughout the ceremony. All of Cinderella's mice friends, who had made Snow White's stunning gown. Even that idiot elephant with the big ears.
Suddenly Snow White felt like weeping with joy again. The rain didn't matter; the thunder and lightning didn't matter; the wind that howled around the castle towers like a dying beast didn't matter. Today her fairytale came true, and that was all that mattered.
"Oh, mirror mirror on the wall, who's the luckiest girl of all?" she asked with a delighted giggle.
"Miley Cyrus," the mirror answered. "But you're running a close second."
Snow White was startled by a knock at the door. She fluffed her hair and called, "Come in." She was half-hoping it would be the Prince, disregarding the old superstition about seeing the bride on the wedding day, coming to deliver another coma-breaking kiss. There had been no more since the one that had broken the evil queen's enchantment, and Snow White had been a bit too groggy and disoriented to really enjoy that one.
The door creaked open, and no one was there. Then Snow White adjusted her gaze three feet lower and saw one of the dwarves standing just outside the doorway. She owed a great debt of gratitude to the dwarves. They had taken her in when she'd been on the run from her murderous step-mother, they had tended to her when she'd been under the witch's spell, and they had thrown her one hell of a bachelorette party. Still, it wasn't a dwarf she wanted to see at this particular moment.
Especially not this dwarf.
Happy should could have dealt with. Or Bashful. Or even Dopey. But not Grumpy. He was a sour little man, gruff and often rude. He rarely spoke to Snow White, but she had many times caught him glaring silently at her. As he stepped across the threshold, closing the door behind him, lightning electrified the room, as if the dwarf's foul temperament had materialized in the weather.
"Hello Grumpy," Snow White said, forcing a smile. "What can I do for you?"
"Doc sent me to tell you it's almost time," Grumpy said in his rough, whiskey-edged voice.
"Oh, I'm so happy." She checked her reflection once more, turning this way and that. The mice did extraordinary work. They simply had to be gay.
"You look quite lovely today, Miss White," Grumpy said, suddenly sounded as hesitant as his brother Bashful.
Snow White looked at him sharply, expecting he was setting her up for a joke, but her expression softened when she saw the sincerity in his eyes.
"You look nice as well, Grumpy," she said, even though it wasn't exactly the truth. In fact, he looked rather comical in his little tux. All the dwarves did, but they were so excited about their part in the wedding. They were giving her away, all seven of them, walking her down the aisle as a group.
Grumpy bowed his head, his usual terse manner subdued today for some reason. "Thank you, Miss White."
"You know, you won't be calling me Miss White for very much longer. In little more than an hour's time, I'll be Mrs. Charming."
Grumpy snorted and mumbled something under his breath as he turned to leave the room.
"What was that, Grumpy?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, I think it was something," Snow White said, planting her hands on her slender hips. "What did you say?"
Grumpy stopped and face her again. He fidgeted with his long white beard for a moment then blurted, "I said, Mrs. Charmless is more like it."
"What? You don't like the Prince?"
"What's not to like? He's a boring, pompous moron. Quite a catch."
"How can you say such a thing? The Prince is everything I've ever dreamed of."
"On the surface maybe," Grumpy said, taking a step toward Snow White. "But beneath that, he's hollow. He's got nothing to offer but a pretty face."
"Are you forgetting that Prince Charming broke my step-mother's evil spell and brought me back from the brink of death?"
"Great, the guy dry humps an unconscious chick and he's branded a hero. Anyone else would be called a pervert."
Snow White felt more tears threaten, but these were definitely not tears of joy. "Oh, you nasty little man! You've always been ill-tempered, but this is the first time I've known you to be outright vicious."
"I'm sorry," Grumpy said, and he seemed near tears himself. "I just don't think the Prince is good enough for you. You shouldn't be marrying someone like him."
"And who should I be marrying? Someone like you?"
Grumpy got very quiet and very still. Then he said in a soft voice quite unlike his own, "Yes. Exactly."
Now it was Snow White's turn to get quiet and still. Then she collapsed in a fit of laughter. "Oh Grumpy, you can't be serious."
"I am serious," he said, his words coming out in angry bursts. "I love you, Snow White, more than that spoiled rich boy ever could."
"But you are just a tiny, tiny man."
"Again, that's just the surface. You have to look deeper than that."
Snow White tried to control her laughter, but it kept sputtering out between her lips. "I don't mean to be hurtful, Grumpy, but let's be realistic. What do you have to offer that the Prince doesn't?"
"You want to know what I have to offer? I'll show you."
And before Snow White had time to react, Grumpy had bolted across the room and scuttled up under the skirt of her dress. She could feel him between her legs, and she gasped when his grubby little hands started tearing at her under garments. She opened her mouth to scream, but when she felt the dwarf's hot tongue slide into her most secret of places, the scream turned into a sighing moan.
* * *
There was a collective intake of breath as Snow White and her procession of dwarves started down the aisle. If Snow White moved a bit stiffly, the guests attributed it to her not wanting to step on any of her diminutive friends. The bride was simply glowing, and many commented on how she seemed to tremble with happiness.
When the group reached the head of the aisle, the six dwarves stepped back and took their seats on the first pew. Prince Charming glanced at them with a frown then leaned to the side, whispering to Snow White out of the corner of his mouth. "Where's that grouchy little troll?"
Snow White said nothing as her skirt rustled and a euphoric smile spread across her face.