Mary-Sue Stories: What Really Happened
By: DDR Freak
[Author's Note-I do not own Lord of the Rings. It belongs to Tolkien and New Line Cinema. No disrespect is intended, only some humor. All the horrendous grammar mistakes are intentional. It's only for your entertainment. And now, the story.]
Alexandria Silversong was your average incredibly-beautiful- absolutely-perfect-in-every-way-disgustingly-optimistic teenage girl. Her hair was like gold-colored.um.gold, her eyes were of the most brilliant violet, her skin was slightly tanned, and she was surrounded by cheesy synonyms. She was obsessed about Lord of the Rings (surprise, surprise!). Her best friend was Phoenix Darksky, who was also gorgeous and perfect, but she was dark and pessimistic, as well. Her hair was dark as night, her eyes were of a deep green, her skin was unnaturally pale, and she was surrounded by not just any cheese, but dark and depressing cheese. The two went to see Lord of the Rings for the twelfth time. They laughed at the jokes, drooled over Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo, and completely blew off Gandalf's death. They also made Tolkien scream in his grave, but all the hormones blocked it out. Right in the middle of the movie (but during one of the slower parts), something strange, but oh-so-predictable happened. Everyone in the theater stopped moving. They were completely still, and didn't even breathe. The theater screen became larger and larger, and everything else became darker and darker, until all that could be seen was the screen.
"Pleez b somthing good happenin to me!" Alex thought, if such mindless babble could be referred to as thinking. "Pleez don't b th3 sign of a massive brain tumor or LSD contaminated needle 0n mi theater seate!!!!11!!!"
"Such 1z the stuffi3 az dreamz rr builded up0n, or somthing! " Thought Phoenix, even less intelligible than her friend. "I wanna se Legsie, cuz, OMG, he'z sooo HOTT!!11111111!!!!!"
It was at this point, when it seemed certain that Middle-earth would have to endure yet another pair of egregious and horrendous Mary-sues, Tolkien stepped in.
The author could not just stand by and let all the Sues utterly destroy his works. Dickens was already being snotty enough already, with his bloody books being left alone, and still being respected as classic literature.
Anyway.
Tolkien, along with the help of two unnamed assistants, went into the almost invisible plot. They took care not to fall into any of the holes.
With the help of Plot-Changer Devices, some creative thinking, and the immense power of irony the plot was changed from cheese to something rather humorous.
And now, back to the regularly scheduled, slightly mutilated Sue story.
Then, the two girls passed out on the spot.
The guy behind them noticed as they slumped forward and bashed their heads off the sticky, candy-coated floor.
"Somebody call 911!" he cried. A few moments later, the two would-be Sues were being loaded into the ambulance.
They awoke two hours later, and they were told that they had massive brain tumors. Three days later, they died.
This has been your slightly mutilated Sue story. Thank you, and good night.
The End.or Is It? Actually, it is.
By: DDR Freak
[Author's Note-I do not own Lord of the Rings. It belongs to Tolkien and New Line Cinema. No disrespect is intended, only some humor. All the horrendous grammar mistakes are intentional. It's only for your entertainment. And now, the story.]
Alexandria Silversong was your average incredibly-beautiful- absolutely-perfect-in-every-way-disgustingly-optimistic teenage girl. Her hair was like gold-colored.um.gold, her eyes were of the most brilliant violet, her skin was slightly tanned, and she was surrounded by cheesy synonyms. She was obsessed about Lord of the Rings (surprise, surprise!). Her best friend was Phoenix Darksky, who was also gorgeous and perfect, but she was dark and pessimistic, as well. Her hair was dark as night, her eyes were of a deep green, her skin was unnaturally pale, and she was surrounded by not just any cheese, but dark and depressing cheese. The two went to see Lord of the Rings for the twelfth time. They laughed at the jokes, drooled over Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo, and completely blew off Gandalf's death. They also made Tolkien scream in his grave, but all the hormones blocked it out. Right in the middle of the movie (but during one of the slower parts), something strange, but oh-so-predictable happened. Everyone in the theater stopped moving. They were completely still, and didn't even breathe. The theater screen became larger and larger, and everything else became darker and darker, until all that could be seen was the screen.
"Pleez b somthing good happenin to me!" Alex thought, if such mindless babble could be referred to as thinking. "Pleez don't b th3 sign of a massive brain tumor or LSD contaminated needle 0n mi theater seate!!!!11!!!"
"Such 1z the stuffi3 az dreamz rr builded up0n, or somthing! " Thought Phoenix, even less intelligible than her friend. "I wanna se Legsie, cuz, OMG, he'z sooo HOTT!!11111111!!!!!"
It was at this point, when it seemed certain that Middle-earth would have to endure yet another pair of egregious and horrendous Mary-sues, Tolkien stepped in.
The author could not just stand by and let all the Sues utterly destroy his works. Dickens was already being snotty enough already, with his bloody books being left alone, and still being respected as classic literature.
Anyway.
Tolkien, along with the help of two unnamed assistants, went into the almost invisible plot. They took care not to fall into any of the holes.
With the help of Plot-Changer Devices, some creative thinking, and the immense power of irony the plot was changed from cheese to something rather humorous.
And now, back to the regularly scheduled, slightly mutilated Sue story.
Then, the two girls passed out on the spot.
The guy behind them noticed as they slumped forward and bashed their heads off the sticky, candy-coated floor.
"Somebody call 911!" he cried. A few moments later, the two would-be Sues were being loaded into the ambulance.
They awoke two hours later, and they were told that they had massive brain tumors. Three days later, they died.
This has been your slightly mutilated Sue story. Thank you, and good night.
The End.or Is It? Actually, it is.