"Must Love Dogs" was conjured up after I was watching The Rock with the 'rents, and they were channel surfing and that movie popped up. I've never seen the movie, so if you're looking for a Naruto version, tough luck. If you're looking for something that will have sort of the same elements, good luck finding them. Because I don't know if they're in here or not. I do know it will include some office romance. Shino's going to be in his late twenties in this. I know, I'm gross.
Another inspiration for this fanfic is American Psycho. Don't go watch it. It will eff you up, for serious. Too much sex and blood. But it's great, because Christian Bale has a run-in with a gay character in the men's room at an upscale restaurant. The entire movie is sort of a statement on materialism and the competition in the executive food chain. Oh goodness, I really want to read the book it was based off of. All I can say is the movie is set up in a witty way–for instance, he calls up this woman and is telling her that her fiancée is a dirty pig, while in the background he's watching a hard-core almost-S&M lesbian porno. Genius.
The parties involved in this fic might be out of character, but that's mainly because…they have to be. Because I don't think there are actually any canonly gay characters in the show. Except for maybe Sai.
And this fic will have the gay. If you don't like the gay, stay away. If you welcome it with eager arms, then be my guest!
In terms of who I like writing about the most, those characters would have to be Chouji, Shikamaru, Hinata, TenTen and Shino. Hopefully I will be adding onto that list. Heehee. I also want to try my hand at writing Karin in this fic. Because she's too much of a psycho bitch to not write about. If you haven't read ahead in either the manga or seen the new Shippuden anime series, you won't understand who Karin or Suigetsu are. And that's fine for you. This story holds no spoilers.
Oh, and this fic won't take place in the Naruto universe, though it won't exactly take place in ours either. It's like…somewhere in the middle…if that makes sense.
Must Love Dogs
Scene 1
Shino Aburame looked out his apartment window, sighing. There was a beep from his message machine, and he looked over just in time to hear the screeching from his ex fill the room.
"Suigetsu, get the hell out of here! Can't you see I'm on the phone!? Whaaaat!? Don't tell me you got fired! You still have to pay rent, you butthole! Don't think I'm helping you out! Go and beg for your job back, you stupid fu–"
The message machine cut off, and Shino sighed. That was the fourth call in the past week. It wasn't like he'd broken up with her or anything! She had broken up with him for some idiot named Sasuke that worked in the office. Yeah, her interest in him only lasted one week until she flitted off to another… Figured…
Like her place wasn't infested with roaches, either… He couldn't help it if they seemed to love him! He even sprayed, but they wouldn't stay away!
His message machine beeped once more, and he sighed again.
"Shino, dear, I was just wondering when you'd get out of the house and find a new girl… After all, I know I'm gorgeous, but you have to get over me eventually… It's sad to think you've been living all this time…lonely…in that roach-infested apartment…dreaming about me night and day… Well, I'm off to go see Sasuke! Tata–aaaa!! Suigetsu! You get the hell out of this apartment and beg for that goddamn job, you–"
When the message cut off again, he put his face in his hands and started to laugh. All this time? Like what–two days? What the hell was she doing living with Suigetsu anyway? Everyone knew at the office that they hated each other with a passion. The only reason he could come up with was the fact that Suigetsu had been the only intern–when both of them first started–that said they'd be able to pay rent with help. Why they were still living together, he had a only slight clue.
It probably had something to do with the fact that Karin couldn't hold onto money to save her life. If there was a materialistic psycho bitch contest, she'd surely win. He couldn't even remember why he'd asked her out now…
It was like that with all the girls he dated. They usually lasted a good week and a half–two, if lucky–before either they broke up with him or he got tired of something they did and broke up with them.
He wound up dating that skank Ino, the secretary, for a good four weeks–a world record for him–before she also broke up with him for Sasuke. What was so great about Sasuke, anyway? That asshole was too obsessed with work and image to care about women.
And that's why he picked up the newspaper and started looking through the classifieds. Every once in a while there was an ad for a single woman who was looking, and today was one of those moments.
He took a closer look at it, flipping out his trusty red pen and going over it line by line. He was just a little bit of a perfectionist that way.
"Man wanted." It read. "Spunky brunette looking for someone to mellow out with." It went on to show a short description of the lady, what she looked for in a date, places they frequented–this woman was a little careless, wasn't she?–and finally, in bold font at the bottom, right above the woman's phone number, was a single phrase–
"Must love dogs."
He looked up for a moment and, spying a roach scurry across the table underneath the rest of the newspaper, circled the number. He stood, grabbing for his phone. Well, he wasn't getting anywhere just sitting around waiting for a woman to show up, and he'd practically dated all the women in the office–all the ones that would have him, that is. That left this desperate move. If she had a thing for miniature Chihuahuas or poodles, he'd break it off in a hurry. There was nothing more annoying than those ankle-biters.
He dialed the number, and the phone rang twice before picking up. "Hello? This is Hana Inuzuka speaking…"
Her voice was gruff, but very feminine. He smiled a little, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, I saw your ad in the newspaper… I was interested in a date sometime."
"Wait, ad? Let's see… Ad… Ad… Oh!" She laughed. "That ad! Yes, that's wonderful! So, when would be best time for you??"
He tinged pink, rubbing the back of his head. "Well…I'm kind of free right now…if it's not too much trouble…"
"Oh, it isn't any trouble at all! See, you can find 'em over at the park on 53rd street. You know where that is, right? Look for a dog named Akamaru. That's how you'll know you've found the right person."
The line disconnected in a hurry and Shino blinked, drawing the phone away from his ear and staring at it. This girl was no nonsense, apparently… He sighed, looking around the room. He figured he could shower real quick and change into something more casual–he was still wearing his clothes from work the other day.
–––––––––––––––––––
Twenty minutes later, he had freshened up and was making his way to 53rd Street. The park there was very nice, minus the fact that it was the only park in the city until you reached the suburbs. He entered the gate, looking around. There were many dogs there–many women with dogs, too.
Quite a few were brunette, but none of them matched up with the voice on the phone. They were all too thin, too timid-looking, too…pretty. He was expecting someone a bit more average looking…
As he rounded the corner of a tree, a dog the size of a small taxi bounded over to him, barking wildly. He wailed as the dog jumped right on him. He toppled over, hitting his head hard on the ground below.
"No, Akamaru! Down! Bad dog!"
His eyes widened, and his vision was a blur of colours and bright lights dancing across his line of sight. The dog leaped off of him, and he sat up, dazed. "What…"
"Akamaru, what did I tell you about jumping on strangers? We'll never make friends if you keep being so jumpy!"
Shino turned, gulping. His vision was starting to settle out, and there was a little ray of hope. This was the girl in the ad–he'd found her! His vision finally righted itself, and she bent over.
"Oh, are you alright? Akamaru didn't hurt you, did he?" She chuckled. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Kiba…Kiba Inuzuka."
His eyes turned to the mystery girl and she was…………A MAN!?