Resolve
Author's Note: For some time, I've considered explaining just what exactly happened in Shinsengumi Freeloader's version of the Mitsuba arc. I'm writing this as separate from the main fic, because it fits more as a oneshot, and it's a bit long to be a flashback for the main fic.
Anyway, hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Hideaki Sorachi.
Sougo Okita knew that this day would come eventually. It was inevitable - even though she was strong-willed, even though she was brave and optimistic about her illness, even though she had survived through many trials, his sister was fated to die long before he did.
He blamed Hijikata for this. That damned mayo-smoking bastard was responsible for everything that went wrong in Sougo's life... stealing attention from him, causing him the worst misery of his life just by being around, and denying his sister's happiness - and after the accursed Mayora showed up again in Mitsuba's life and sent her to the hospital, he didn't even visit when she was on her deathbed.
Why was Hijikata so hell-bent on destroying every positive thing in Sougo's life?!
The Shinsengumi first division captain could do nothing but listen to the people tending to his sister; from the sounds of it, she was in critical condition, and the odds of her surviving were next to none. It made sense... even with Sougo supporting her, Mitsuba just couldn't afford top-of-the-line treatment, and her illness was probably already far past the point where conventional cures would work.
However, in his listening in, Sougo noted something - a mention of something new and groundbreaking, some miracle cure first developed on a faraway planet.
"...it's straight from Planet Hypo, you know. It's said that the medical technology there is so advanced that they can cure diseases from all around the galaxy."
"There's no guarantee that it'll work. This medicine hasn't been clinically tested here on Earth, and I don't see why you would trust-"
"She's going to die anyway if we don't do something. It's either we do this and give her a small chance of survival, or we do nothing and just let her die."
"Even if she does live, her lungs are too badly damaged to recover on their own. She would need to stay in the hospital for at least a month, and even then..."
"So what? She can still recover - as long as there's a chance, we can't give up hope."
"Have you asked permission from her family? Would they be willing to part with that much money just to pay for the possible treatment of a woman on her deathbed?"
It was too much. Sougo knew that it was against hospital policy to interrupt during such a delicate moment, but he couldn't just stand back and watch as the two doctors squabbled; they were supposed to be doctors, and if there was any chance of saving his sister's life, he would not tolerate tardiness on their part.
So, he knocked on the door to Mitsuba's hospital room and announced, in his most commanding tone possible, "You will treat her. I'll pay for everything, no matter what the cost, unless the treatment is unsuccessful."
Sougo trailed off there, leaving a silent threat hanging in the air; if those incompetent 'professionals' screwed up, he'd arrest and personally execute both of them. And then, before either of the two doctors could object, he continued, "This is the decision of her last living family... her younger brother, Sougo Okita, first division captain of the Shinsengumi."
That was enough to shut them up. Hearing no response, Sougo returned to pacing back and forth in the hallway just outside the hospital room; by the next morning, he expected to hear his sister's prognosis, but he would not sleep until then.
There were more important things to worry about, like finding out where Hijikata ran off to while Mitsuba was in such a wretched state.
Mitsuba woke up.
When she'd had her last coughing fit, the last thing on her mind before she fell unconscious was that she was finally going to die; all those years of enduring that horrible disease, trying to avert the inevitable conclusion for as long as she could - she expected it to end there, and she expected to pass on to the next world with the visage of her brother still burned into her eyes.
Such was not the case. She stared up at the white ceiling of the hospital room, unblinking and unmoving; she was still hooked up to an IV and breathing tubes, and the sound of a heart rate monitor was the only thing that broke the deafening silence. She looked around the room, only to find out that she was alone - she was alive, but she was alone, and she could do nothing but stare at the walls and the ceiling of her recovery chamber.
Where were the doctors? Where was her brother? Where was Hijikata?
...No, she told herself, she shouldn't think of Hijikata now. She was engaged to someone else now, and she couldn't allow her mind to turn to her past love; besides, he turned her down then, and even if she had a vague idea in the back of her mind why he had made that decision, she knew that she could never look back at him after she made her own decision.
As confused and terrified and lonely as she was, Mitsuba could do nothing. She would have to wait until a doctor came by to check up on her... and who knew how long that would take.
"Sis."
The voice startled Mitsuba, and she looked up at the doorway; Sougo stood in front of a closed door, looking as if he had seen better days. Dark circles framed the undersides of his eyes, and a few bandages indicated that he'd been roughed up at some point or other - but although he still seemed to have some fresh wounds, there were also scars on his skin, scars that she didn't remember him having before she was hospitalized.
"Sou..." Mitsuba lifted an arm and gave her brother a weak wave; even though she was alive, she didn't have much strength left. "Are you okay...? You look tired..."
Sougo stepped up to the side of Mitsuba's bed and clasped her hand in both of his. "...I'm sorry, Sis. I'm sorry about everything... it's because of me that you..."
"...What are you talking about?" Mitsuba asked, bewildered. "You haven't done anything wrong... you did your best to help me, and... it's not your fault that it wasn't enough..."
"No, that's not what I'm apologizing for." Sougo's expression became strained, as if he was trying to hold something back. "I saved your life. I don't have any regrets about that. But... your fiance is dead. Hijikata and I... killed him."
"...What?" As she tried to process her brother's words, Mitsuba's throat began to feel tight - why would they kill her fiance? Had the two people that mattered most in her life betrayed her? Before she could choke out any more words, Sougo's gaze lowered and he breathed a sigh; he knew that she would demand an explanation.
"Your fiance was dealing in supplies and weapons for the Joui. He wanted to marry someone close to the Shinsengumi so that he could earn their approval... he didn't love you. He used you... and even tried to take you hostage when we still weren't sure if you were gonna make it or not."
Mitsuba's heart skipped a beat; she felt the familiar choking sensation of her illness coming on, and she covered her mouth and turned on her side as she lost control of her breathing and slipped into a bout of coughing. Sougo supported her with one hand, watching her apprehensively; perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to reveal this fact to her when she was still recovering.
To the younger Okita's relief, though, Mitsuba soon regained her breath and laid back again. She lifted up her hand to see if there was any blood; to her surprise, there wasn't, and all at once, her previous panic and surprise was replaced by relieved joy.
"...I should apologize to you, Sou," Mitsuba said with a weak smile. "Because of me, you ended up getting into that kind of a situation..."
Sougo narrowed his eyes as his hands returned to Mitsuba's. "Don't blame yourself, Sis. The guy was pretty secretive, and we were lucky we found him out anyway... ah, you should probably extend your thanks to Hijikata, too. He was the one who sniffed your fiance out."
"Toushi...rou...?" Mitsuba raised an eyebrow, then gave a small nod. "...Can I speak with him, Sou...? Please?" She paused, uncertain. "Is he even... here?"
"...I'll get him," Sougo replied in a curt tone; it was obvious that, despite everything that had happened, he still resented Hijikata. Mitsuba watched as her brother left the room, her thoughts still somewhat jumbled... even after all this time, Hijikata was going out of his way to help her?
Mitsuba only had to wait a few minutes - in short order, the black-haired Shinsengumi vice-commander stood in the doorway, his physical condition perhaps a bit worse than Sougo's. Still, he walked over to the hospital bed and knelt beside it - and when Mitsuba met Hijikata's gaze, she thought for a moment that he had tears in his eyes.
"...Mitsuba," Hijikata addressed her, his voice quiet. "I..."
"What is it, Toushirou...?" Mitsuba reached her hand over, and was surprised when Hijikata grabbed it and held it to his face; this time, he did not even try to hide his tears, and in a matter of seconds, her hand and the bedsheets were both damp.
"...Mitsuba... I'm... sorry for... everything... I was... just a damned... coward... in the end... why did I... think that... I'd save you... by staying... away from you...?"
Hijikata's speech was broken and slow; he spoke in between sobs, his emotions on full display for the first time since Mitsuba met him. She could do nothing but watch as the Demonic Vice-Commander, known far and around for instilling fear in his subordinates and always holding his duty in the highest regard, broke down in front of her, because of her and because of his own stupid decision that she was amazed he even remembered.
"I know you... can't forgive me... so don't even... say it's okay... I just... wanted to say... I'm sorry... for everything... for... screwing your life up... for destroying... your chance for... happiness... I..."
"...That's not true, Toushirou." Mitsuba rubbed her thumb across Hijikata's cheek in as reassuring a gesture as she could manage; she offered him a small smile, and her eyes sparkled with the joy of living that she had discovered anew. "I know that... you wanted me to be happy. And... everyone makes mistakes... okay? Just... learn from this. Learn that... in the end... you're the only one that can make me happy..."
Hijikata fell silent and clutched Mitsuba's hand tighter; he hadn't expected forgiveness, but as it turned out, he should have - he knew Mitsuba better than that. She, unlike her brother, wasn't the sort to hold grudges... and, if her actions here were any indicator, that fact held true even after the hell that Hijikata had put her through.
"By the way..." Mitsuba looked over at the table beside her bed, then gave Hijikata another warm smile. "...Thank you for the snacks. I don't know when I'll be able to eat them, but... that was a really nice gesture..."
"...Didn't put them there," Hijikata murmured with a groan. "...That was the Yorozuya bastard's doing..."
"Oh, well then..." Mitsuba cleared her throat, then let out a soft giggle. "...Thank him for me the next time you see him... okay?"
Hijikata said nothing in response; even though his emotions were still in turmoil, Mitsuba being herself helped to ease the tension. After a somewhat long and awkward silence, he coughed once and then met Mitsuba's gaze; he dropped one hand to the side of the bed as he leaned over her, still clutching her hand in his other.
"...Mitsuba. I love you. I'm not leaving you behind this time... got it?"
Mitsuba nodded twice, then closed her eyes. "...Thank you, Toushirou. But... I already knew that you loved me..."
For the first time in what seemed like forever, the Shinsengumi vice-commander blushed; the woman he loved hadn't changed at all, and this time, with her fresh new start in life, he would give her the chance she always deserved.
Author's Notes: Since I feel that this is as good a time as any to say this, I haven't given up on Shinsengumi Freeloader proper - I'm just taking a bit of a break from it and seeing if I can come up with any new ideas for it.
I know it's probably bad conduct to explain things about the fic in the author's notes, but for those of you who are curious, Hijikata's and Sougo's wounds are not fresh from the fight with Mitsuba's fiance - in the fic timeline, that actually took place around three weeks to a month before, and Mitsuba was pretty much comatose during the time in between her treatment and the latter half of the fic. I intended to explain that in the fic itself, but I ended up not being able to find a place to put it. It's also probably horribly unrealistic, but well, this is Gintama, right? ;)
Anyway, thanks for reading. My muse may be on strike, but I'll keep scribbling on as long as I can! If you don't mind, could you please drop a review? After all, publicity feeds the soul... wait, that's totally wrong...