Columbus brings the girl to meet the parents for the first time, unfortunately Columbus is a homosexual…so yeah, the following is loosely based on a scene from Transformers.

(A couple is sitting at a table in a diner. Their son, Columbus, has been in the bathroom for about 15 minutes)

MOM: My god, you're so uptight. Were you (whispers) masturbating?

COLUMBUS: Was I- Mom! No!

DAD: Judy, that is a father-son thing. LOOK, now you've made him uncomfortable

MOM: Well, we don't have to call it that. We could call it Columbus's happy place…

COLUMBUS: Mom! No-no-no!

MOM :( swishes around her drink)…or Columbus's special alone time…

DAD: Father-son! Father-son!

COLUMBUS: Oh. My. God. You are so embarrassing! Please, for the love of God, please act normal when she comes here, please.

MOM: Well, alright. You don't have to get you're panties in a twist…

COLUMBUS: (shouts) I don't own panties!

(other people in the diner turn to look at him)

DAD: Oh… Judy, Judy. (facepalm and shakes his head)

MOM: What? So I had a little to drink.

COLUMBUS: Kill me now, please.

MOM: So who is this girl, anyway? (sips drink)

COLUMBUS: She's just my friend, mom. Friend.

MOM: mmmph.

COLUMBUS: What? (looks at dad then back at mom) What's that supposed to mean?

DAD: That means that you've said that about the last girl. What was her name? (ponders)

MOM: (sounds out syllables) Mic-Cail-la

COLUMBUS: (turns red) Michaela and I were just friends.

MOM: I just bet you were.

COLUMBUS: (grits teeth) Mom, Dad, Wichita and I are JUST friends, okay?!

MOM: mmmph.

(a girl approaches the table)

WICHITA: Columbus?

COLUMBUS: (stands up and walks a little ways to her) (whispers to Wichita) Hey Witch, thanks for doing this.

WICHITA: (whispers back) No prob.

COLUMBUS: Mom, Dad, this is Wichita.

MOM & DAD: She's gorgeous!

MOM: SHE's with YOU? Why?

COLUMBUS: Oh, and these are my parents from hell.

WICHITA: (uncertainly) uhhhh…Nice… to meet you?

DAD: (cheerfully) Hi! Want a cigarette?

WICHITA: (smiles) We good.

Yea, Columbus knows how to push the buttons on his parents. So review, please!