The Night Before Christmas ~ TRIGUN Style
By: Rachia
Disclaimer: Don't own Trigun, don't own TNBC, don't even own my soul (damn you, Miroku-chan! Sellin' my soul on Ebay...)
Summary: The cast of Trigun performs The Night Before Christmas... or at least, they try to.
A/N: Expect OOC-ness and not a lot of Gung-Ho Gun lines.
WARNING! Contains swearing, mild violence, smoking, Vash being a pervert, Wolfwood Abuse, random Japanese, and more general insanity than you can shake a stick at!
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*A girl with violently red hair and turquoise eyes sits in a directors chair in the middle of a stage in an otherwise empty white room*
Girl: Hmm... I'm bored. *snaps fingers and Wolfwood, Knives, Legato, Meryl, Milly, and Vash fall from the sky in a heap*
Vash: Where are we?
Girl: My room of eternal torture -- I mean my little niche of hell -- I mean the set for my fanfic.
Wolfwood: O.O_? FANFIC?! SHIT! *tries to run away, but not only is he at the bottom of the pile of people who fell from the sky, but there are also no doors*
Girl: *cackles evilly*
Meryl: Who ARE you?
Wolfwood: She's probably the authoress.
Girl: That's right Wolfie! I'm Rachia!
Wolfwood: *blinks* Wolfie?
Rachia: You guys are gonna perform "The Night Before Christmas"!
All: *unpile, then give Rachia a blank stare*
Rachia: Err... *snaps her fingers and a stack of scripts falls from the sky and lands on Wolfwood's head*
Wolfwood: @_@_? Itai.
Rachia: *grabs a script from the stack* Now to assign parts... Lessee... Vash will play the narrator...
Vash: *grins*
Rachia: Milly and Legato, you will play children.
Milly: *looks happy*
Legato: *shrugs*
Rachia: Wolfie, you'll play Santa...
Wolfwood: O.o_? Santa? Me? Why?
Rachia: Ya know... "Saint Nick" ... you have the same name...
Vash: *snort* Our terrorist priest isn't even CLOSE to being a saint!
Wolfwood: *glare* Can it, Tongari.
Rachia: ANYWAY! Meryl will play the narrator's wife...
Meryl: Wait... isn't VASH the narrator?
Vash: ^_^. *sparkles* Hai!
Meryl: -_-;
Rachia: Hmm... We're sort a few actors...
Knives: You missed ME, spider.
Rachia: Hold on plant-boy, I'm gettin' there! *snaps fingers and 7 Gung-Ho Guns (Dominique the Cyclops, Monev the Gale, Zazie the Beast, Midvalley the Hornfreak, Rai-dei the Blade, E.G. Mine, and Caine the Longshot) fall from the sky* Now! Knives, you and the Gung-Ho Guns will play Santa's Reindeer!
Knives: YOU CAST ME AS A REINDEER!?
Rachia: Hai.
Knives: I AM A SUPERIOR BEING, DAMNIT!
Rachia: And now, you're a reindeer. *Snaps fingers and Knives has antlers* You're playing Dasher. Hornyfreak is Dancer.
Midvalley: That's HORNfreak.
Rachia: Sorry, right... WHOREfreak is Dancer
Midvalley: -_-
Rachia: Monev is Prancer, Domi-chan is Vixen.
Vash: That makes perfect sense! *grins perversely at Dominique* ^_^.
Dominique & Meryl: *Smack Vash* Hentai!
Rachia: ANYWAY! Caine is Comet, Zazie is Cupid, E.G. is Donder, and Rai-Dei is Blitzen.
Gung-Ho Guns: *shrug, not entirely sure why they're there anyway*
Vash: What about Rudolph?
Rachia: He's not in this.
Vash: Aww...
Rachia: ANYWAY! You'll find your costumes in the dressing rooms. *points to two doors that weren't there a moment ago*
Dominique, Meryl & Milly: *head for one room*
Knives, Legato, Midvalley, Wolfwood, Caine, Monev, E.G., Zazie, and Rai- dei: *head for the other room*
Vash: *glances between the two rooms, then heads for the one the girls went into*
*Loud yelling and slapping noises*
Vash: *walks back out with slap marks across his face, grins sheepishly, then goes into the other room*
Rachia: *shakes head* I must be out of my mind trying to pull this off... this is going to be a LONG day...
~Later~
*Legato and Milly are dressed in children's pajamas with pudding cups and Kuronekos on Milly's, and hot dogs and skulls on Legato's. Meryl is in a VERY skimpy nightgown. Vash is in bright red pajamas, and still has a slap mark across his face. Knives and the Gung-Ho Guns are dressed in reindeer costumes and antlers. Wolfwood is still in the dressing room*
Rachia: *taking a head count* 10, 11, 12... We're missing someone... Where's Wolfie?
Knives: Chapel refuses to come out of the dressing room.
Rachia: Grr... *stomps up to the door and bangs on it* NICHOLAS DOKONOKUMINOMONJAWARESUMAKINISHITESHIZUMETAROKAKORA [1] WOLFWOOD! GET YER ASS OUT HERE!
Wolfwood: *from inside* NOT A DAMN CHANCE, YOU PSYCHO BITCH!
Rachia: Complementing me won't do you any good, Wolfie!
Wolfwood: ... ... I'm not comin' out!
Rachia: Grr... Oi! Legato! C'mere!
Legato: Yes?
Rachia: If you use your powers to get Wolfwood out here, I'll take you to an all-you-can-eat buffet when we're done.
Legato: O_// ... ^_// YES MA'AM!
Wolfwood: *walks out the door, fighting against moving. He's dressed in a bright red version of his usual suit, complete with a Santa hat and a beard. He looks seriously pissed* Damn blue-haired, insanely thin, gluttonous, psychic, psycho musical notation! This costume looks ridiculous!
Rachia: Arigato, Legato. ... *blinks* ... that rhymes ... *blinks again* ... Anyway...
Wolfwood: *turns to run back into the room & hits the wall. The door disappeared again* @_@_? Itai.
Rachia: Now that that's settled... *yells* PLACES, MINNA!
Everyone: *goes to the various places on and off stage as the stage changes from plain white to a set of a house decorated for Christmas*
Rachia: *walks off stage with her director's chair and watches*
Vash: *stands in the middle of the stage with a script* *clears his throat* Twas the Night before Christmas...
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End Chapter 1
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[1] Apparently, this is what the "D" in "Nicholas D. Wolfwood" means. It's Japanese for "Daily Cigarette Consumption" or something very similar.
A/N: There is an actual chapter two to this, but I'm too tired to type it right now, so it'll be up tomorrow. In the mean time, review please?
^_^v Love 'N' Peace 'N' Donuts 'N' Candy Canes!
~RaChIa ThE sTaMpEdE~ $$64 Billion Woman Humanoid Tornado
Disclaimer: Don't own Trigun, don't own TNBC, don't even own my soul (damn you, Miroku-chan! Sellin' my soul on Ebay...)
Summary: The cast of Trigun performs The Night Before Christmas... or at least, they try to.
A/N: Expect OOC-ness and not a lot of Gung-Ho Gun lines.
WARNING! Contains swearing, mild violence, smoking, Vash being a pervert, Wolfwood Abuse, random Japanese, and more general insanity than you can shake a stick at!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*A girl with violently red hair and turquoise eyes sits in a directors chair in the middle of a stage in an otherwise empty white room*
Girl: Hmm... I'm bored. *snaps fingers and Wolfwood, Knives, Legato, Meryl, Milly, and Vash fall from the sky in a heap*
Vash: Where are we?
Girl: My room of eternal torture -- I mean my little niche of hell -- I mean the set for my fanfic.
Wolfwood: O.O_? FANFIC?! SHIT! *tries to run away, but not only is he at the bottom of the pile of people who fell from the sky, but there are also no doors*
Girl: *cackles evilly*
Meryl: Who ARE you?
Wolfwood: She's probably the authoress.
Girl: That's right Wolfie! I'm Rachia!
Wolfwood: *blinks* Wolfie?
Rachia: You guys are gonna perform "The Night Before Christmas"!
All: *unpile, then give Rachia a blank stare*
Rachia: Err... *snaps her fingers and a stack of scripts falls from the sky and lands on Wolfwood's head*
Wolfwood: @_@_? Itai.
Rachia: *grabs a script from the stack* Now to assign parts... Lessee... Vash will play the narrator...
Vash: *grins*
Rachia: Milly and Legato, you will play children.
Milly: *looks happy*
Legato: *shrugs*
Rachia: Wolfie, you'll play Santa...
Wolfwood: O.o_? Santa? Me? Why?
Rachia: Ya know... "Saint Nick" ... you have the same name...
Vash: *snort* Our terrorist priest isn't even CLOSE to being a saint!
Wolfwood: *glare* Can it, Tongari.
Rachia: ANYWAY! Meryl will play the narrator's wife...
Meryl: Wait... isn't VASH the narrator?
Vash: ^_^. *sparkles* Hai!
Meryl: -_-;
Rachia: Hmm... We're sort a few actors...
Knives: You missed ME, spider.
Rachia: Hold on plant-boy, I'm gettin' there! *snaps fingers and 7 Gung-Ho Guns (Dominique the Cyclops, Monev the Gale, Zazie the Beast, Midvalley the Hornfreak, Rai-dei the Blade, E.G. Mine, and Caine the Longshot) fall from the sky* Now! Knives, you and the Gung-Ho Guns will play Santa's Reindeer!
Knives: YOU CAST ME AS A REINDEER!?
Rachia: Hai.
Knives: I AM A SUPERIOR BEING, DAMNIT!
Rachia: And now, you're a reindeer. *Snaps fingers and Knives has antlers* You're playing Dasher. Hornyfreak is Dancer.
Midvalley: That's HORNfreak.
Rachia: Sorry, right... WHOREfreak is Dancer
Midvalley: -_-
Rachia: Monev is Prancer, Domi-chan is Vixen.
Vash: That makes perfect sense! *grins perversely at Dominique* ^_^.
Dominique & Meryl: *Smack Vash* Hentai!
Rachia: ANYWAY! Caine is Comet, Zazie is Cupid, E.G. is Donder, and Rai-Dei is Blitzen.
Gung-Ho Guns: *shrug, not entirely sure why they're there anyway*
Vash: What about Rudolph?
Rachia: He's not in this.
Vash: Aww...
Rachia: ANYWAY! You'll find your costumes in the dressing rooms. *points to two doors that weren't there a moment ago*
Dominique, Meryl & Milly: *head for one room*
Knives, Legato, Midvalley, Wolfwood, Caine, Monev, E.G., Zazie, and Rai- dei: *head for the other room*
Vash: *glances between the two rooms, then heads for the one the girls went into*
*Loud yelling and slapping noises*
Vash: *walks back out with slap marks across his face, grins sheepishly, then goes into the other room*
Rachia: *shakes head* I must be out of my mind trying to pull this off... this is going to be a LONG day...
~Later~
*Legato and Milly are dressed in children's pajamas with pudding cups and Kuronekos on Milly's, and hot dogs and skulls on Legato's. Meryl is in a VERY skimpy nightgown. Vash is in bright red pajamas, and still has a slap mark across his face. Knives and the Gung-Ho Guns are dressed in reindeer costumes and antlers. Wolfwood is still in the dressing room*
Rachia: *taking a head count* 10, 11, 12... We're missing someone... Where's Wolfie?
Knives: Chapel refuses to come out of the dressing room.
Rachia: Grr... *stomps up to the door and bangs on it* NICHOLAS DOKONOKUMINOMONJAWARESUMAKINISHITESHIZUMETAROKAKORA [1] WOLFWOOD! GET YER ASS OUT HERE!
Wolfwood: *from inside* NOT A DAMN CHANCE, YOU PSYCHO BITCH!
Rachia: Complementing me won't do you any good, Wolfie!
Wolfwood: ... ... I'm not comin' out!
Rachia: Grr... Oi! Legato! C'mere!
Legato: Yes?
Rachia: If you use your powers to get Wolfwood out here, I'll take you to an all-you-can-eat buffet when we're done.
Legato: O_// ... ^_// YES MA'AM!
Wolfwood: *walks out the door, fighting against moving. He's dressed in a bright red version of his usual suit, complete with a Santa hat and a beard. He looks seriously pissed* Damn blue-haired, insanely thin, gluttonous, psychic, psycho musical notation! This costume looks ridiculous!
Rachia: Arigato, Legato. ... *blinks* ... that rhymes ... *blinks again* ... Anyway...
Wolfwood: *turns to run back into the room & hits the wall. The door disappeared again* @_@_? Itai.
Rachia: Now that that's settled... *yells* PLACES, MINNA!
Everyone: *goes to the various places on and off stage as the stage changes from plain white to a set of a house decorated for Christmas*
Rachia: *walks off stage with her director's chair and watches*
Vash: *stands in the middle of the stage with a script* *clears his throat* Twas the Night before Christmas...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
End Chapter 1
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[1] Apparently, this is what the "D" in "Nicholas D. Wolfwood" means. It's Japanese for "Daily Cigarette Consumption" or something very similar.
A/N: There is an actual chapter two to this, but I'm too tired to type it right now, so it'll be up tomorrow. In the mean time, review please?
^_^v Love 'N' Peace 'N' Donuts 'N' Candy Canes!
~RaChIa ThE sTaMpEdE~ $$64 Billion Woman Humanoid Tornado