Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise and stuffs.
WARNING - Suicide/Depression
Ginny's POV.
Word Count - 849
Written for the Off The Block Competition Butterfly - Hard
Written for the Book Thief Challenge - Quote 5 - Even death has a heart.
Written for the Star Light, Star Bright Challenge - White Dwarf
Written for the Disney Character Competition - Hercules
Beyond Repair
How many times can he go through hell and come out of the other side, relatively unscathed? How many times must I watch him lose yet another person he loves, and watch while Dumbledore takes him headlong into another situation that can only end one way? How many times must I see those vibrant emerald eyes dull another shade? How long will it take until all the life in them is gone completely? How long until he breaks, breaks beyond reach, breaks beyond repair?
He tries to stay strong, he tries not to show fear, he tries to be the hero everyone else needs him to be. He shouldn't feel it necessary to always be the strong one, but he does and he is. Others have and would break under even half the stress he's been put under by those old enough to know better, and yet he stands, with the world on his shoulders, he stands strong. Any other man would snap, snap cleanly in half, snap beyond repair.
He lost his parents. He doesn't remember them, or, he remembers an echo of them, but he will never remember the feeling of a mothers hug, or share a joke with his father. He lost a friend. The first death he feels is on his hands. Cedric died because he told him to take the cup. That's how he see's it, no matter that we tell him it wasn't his fault. He feels like it is. Blood on his hands, and no matter how hard he scrubs it can never come off. That's what he tells me. He lost his Godfather. The one man, the one person, who cared about him more than anyone else. The one person who's main concern was him. He blames himself for that too. If he hadn't gone to the Ministry, Sirius wouldn't have gone to the Ministry, therefore, it's his fault. Dumbledore died and he did nothing to save him. Thats what he tells me. Dumbledore wouldn't have died if Harry hadn't fed him the potion in the cave, screw the fact that Dumbledore practically forced him too, Harry still thinks its his fault. Everything is his fault. That's what he thinks.
The final battle weighs strongly on his mind as we lay in bed at night. He tosses, turns, screams, shouts and cries for the lost, but it never makes him feel any better. I don't know how to help him any more. I thought I could deal with it, I thought it would get better once he gave himself time to grieve. I even tried getting mad at him, reminded him that he wasn't the only one who had lost people. That didn't work either. It just gave him more ammunition for feeling guilty.
If I could turn the clocks back, I would. If I could go back and change things, I would. If only to give him some piece of mind. I could tell him where he went wrong. I could tell him to take the cup himself, or not take it at all. I could tell him to not go to the Ministry, I could tell him everything. Would it change things? Yes. Would it change things for the better? I'll never know.
I pack a bag for myself, and I leave the house. I'm going back home, back to mum and dad. I'm sure they'll all blame me for leaving him, when they warned me he wasn't well. I didn't listen. More fool me. I want to help him but I don't know how. I don't think anyone does. I don't think anyone can help him, when he doesn't want to help himself.
I was with Ron and Hermione when I heard. Neville was the one who... Neville found him. With a note that held the word 'Sorry', over and over and over again. Would it have made a difference if I had stayed with him? I don't think so. I might have been the one to find him, but that would be the only difference. Harry broke. Irreparably. We knew it would happen eventually. Neville said he looked more at piece than he had ever seen him look while he was alive. What was it Hermione said, oh, 'Even death has a heart.' Does it? And what about those of us that are left behind?
I can't remember much from the funeral. People, politicians and Ministry officials that didn't know him stand and say words with no meaning. Words like Brave, Couragous, Loyal, and True Gryffindor are bandied about. They know what he wanted them to know. They see what he wanted them to see. Harry was brave, and he was loyal and he was a true Gryffindor. He was also caring, and kind and he had a hero complex. He was insecure. Harry was human.
The Boy Who Lived Is Dead. Harry Potter died years ago.