Title: She Only Pretends
Disclaimer: Not mine! Characters belong to Joss and the song, She Pretends, belongs to Dabella.
Distribution: Just tell meh where!
Summary: Takes place in Season 6 when Buffy is on her mental breakdown thing and screwing Spike.. gross, right? I know. Don't worry it's BS, BA (mentioned alot)
She Only Pretends
Buffy let his hands roam her body and she just couldn't stop. Just for tonight... and tonight only... she was going to pretend that he was Angel. Her Angel.
He wasn't. His hands weren't as soft or tender and his kiss was not full of gentleness that Angel's had had.
His body wasn't the same. It seemed colder in several ways and was always there when she needed it. Angel wasn't.
She pretends it's you
When she's giving him her mouth,
Her words, her tenderness
His breath always smelled of smoke and alcohol but Angel's never did. His breath was always sweet.
When she would roll over and look into this demon's eyes she wouldn't see the chocolate pools that made her quiver, but blue orbs that just stared openly at her naked body.
She pretends it's you
Who's holding her and showing her compassion
When he wants her nakedness
It would've made her blush had it been Angel. He always had the inquisitive eyes. Then again, Angel would have never openly devoured her body.
He just wasn't like that.
Spike was.
She Pretends...
You're sharing secrets with her
Never holding back the truth
Everything was twisted and everything was broken. Buffy was broken. She just needed t-to feel. To feel something. Anything.
And if she couldn't have it from the one man that could give it to her, she would just take what she could get.
Which was Spike.
She Pretends...
You're stealing moments together
Arm in arm with you when she's with him
Each night they made love she would close her eyes and force herself not to look at him. She would close her eyes and behind the lids she would picture that dark, masculine body atop her moving inside of her.
She would pretend for just that short while that Angel was there with her, making love to her and not fucking her for a good lay.
She pretends you're laughing and crying together
Swimming in waves of endless pleasure
She pretends you're touching her face with yours
When he's turning in his sleep
Spike knows. She can see it in his eyes whenever she looks at him. He knows that she's pretending that it's Angel and not him, but he doesn't care. As long as he can have her that's good enough for him.
He knows her heart will always belong to Angel and there is nothing he can do about that, but it doesn't mean he's gonna give it all up.
She just lays there and lets him do the work, picturing her perfect Angel kissing her, nibbling and sucking.
She makes-believe she can hear your voice
Telling her you understand everything that she's feeling
When he doesn't say a word
She believes you understand her more than he ever will
Even though you're barely friends
She knows it's not fair to Spike and she knows it isn't right. What would her friends say? What would they do? Would they hate her?
She could tell them that it was their fault. If they hadn't of brought her back she wouldn't be screwed up like this. She wouldn't need to fuck Spike to feel better.
If they hadn't of brought her back she could be in heaven with her Angel.
No, she just can't get it right
No matter how hard she try
No matter what she do
She still pretends it's you
She didn't tell anybody that but he was there. With her. He was human and they got married. They had two children and lived in a small white house just outside of Sunnydale.
They even had a dog! A picture perfect family and it was amazing.
But no. Even the best things in life get broken right? Like a picture frame, the picture perfect family was broken and Buffy was sent back here to Hell.
She was one of your disciples long before you drew her in
Worshipped the safety of your embrace
There are pagan gods and demagogues and ordinary men
You sing to her, and Romance is your name, your name
Why should she be punished for what her friends did! It just wasn't fucking fair!
She wanted to go back to Heaven and see her children and her husband... her husband. Angel.
No. Now she's back in Hell. Anywhere but here!
Never worries about, never harbours a doubt
You're the fabric that she clings to
Wrap her up in binding gravity
Like an alienated lover who's been robbing herself blind
Pretending she's a thief
But the only thing she steals is time
She's gonna take it in her hands
She's gonna spend it all on you
Until she's broke without a moment left to spare
She's building up immunities
Building up immunities
And that's all she's ever done, ever done
And she know's that it's wrong... to use Spike for sex... to feel better. But it's the only thing she can do besides killing herself.
Why doesn't she? What's left for her in this world? Dawn doesn't need her and her friends sure as hell don't need her.
No, she just can't get it right
No matter how hard she try
No matter what she do
She still pretends it's you
No matter how hard she try
No matter what she do
No, she just can't get it right
'Cause she still pretends it's you
"I do. I need you Buffy." Said that voice she had longed to hear for all eternity.
She heard him but she did not see him. "Angel?" She whispered softly.
He wasn't there. Of course he wasn't.
"I need you Buffy. I need you here. Just give it some time."
And then it was gone just as soon as it had come. That was the final straw. Tomorrow, Buffy was going to tell Spike that she was using him and that this escapade could go on no longer.
Then she would wait. She would wait forever until her Angel returned. And if he didn't... well she wasn't going to think about it. He would return.
She Pretends... and
Romance is your name
She Pretends... and
Romance is your name