Another 3am one-shot ;-) I think I like stories that begin with Cloud telling people 'No'…Mostly just mushy nonsense, but hey ^.^ Hope you like it.
This Ain't Nibelheim
I was out of my mind. That was the only logical explanation. No one, under any circumstances, would ever turn down this opportunity. Me?
"No," I said, my heart sinking at the sight of four beautiful sets of eyes staring at me…each mixed with shock, disappointment, and…hurt? No. I wasn't sure about much, but I knew with certainty there was no way they were hurt. These were four of the most powerful men on the planet- there was nothing I could do to hurt them. I looked from one man to the next, shaking my head helplessly as I took in the awkward mood I had created in the room. "I should…go."
No one stopped me, or even spoke. I didn't even see anyone move, but I didn't exactly look back to check. I was out the door in a hurry, ready to forget it ever happened- there was still a 98% chance the whole thing was a dream anyway. Statistics weren't my strong suit, but it seemed like a reasonable percentage. It was just too absurd, even for me.
"Cloud, wait!"
I didn't. In fact, I sped up the pace, determined to get away and clear my head…Or wake up, preferably. It probably wasn't the best idea to try to outrun a SOLDIER, but I obviously wasn't full of great ideas- I just went with it, figuring if it were a dream, there might be a 50% chance I'd get away still.
Had I really just turned down an apparent offer to join a relationship with four men who would have each, individually, made the perfect boyfriend?
That would make more sense if they were in a four way relationship, which, really, was more evidence that this wasn't real. There had been so many rumors about the nature of their relationships, but I had known them all for over a year and hadn't seen a hint of it being true. I thought it was just wishful thinking and fan club hype…the idea of it was hot…but the fan girls were wrong. I knew them all. I had spent time with each of them, and the truth was…Angeal was with Zack, and Sephiroth was with Genesis.
So what had they meant by 'be with us'? The way they had gestured to one another…the quick explanation. It had made sense, but been so confusing at the same time.
A hand on my shoulder forced me to stop in my tracks, and if it hadn't gripped so firmly I probably would have stumbled to the ground. I knew that hand- it matched the voice that had called after me, and had guided me through too many training lessons to count. That hand was steady and unwavering…and very real. What were the odds? Apparently things in the 2% did happen…
Luckily he seemed content to let me stand there, facing away as he hovered behind me. I was grateful for that, already feeling the heat in my cheeks as I tried to process how awkward this was. I wasn't sure how I could face any of them yet, especially not Angeal.
"Cloud," he whispered, taking a step closer. "I won't ask you to reconsider, but please don't run. This doesn't have to be-"
He was always too understanding, and it only seemed to push me further into disbelief. I spun around, his hand finally falling from my shoulder as I met his eyes. "Doesn't have to be different?" I guessed, forcing an awkward smile at the notion. He nodded his head, looking so sincere that I almost believed him. "It's already different!"
"No…" A smile formed on his face as well, and before I knew it he had an arm around me and was leading me the direction I had already been running in. "Do you still think you could enjoy spending time with me?"
Anyone who said they couldn't enjoy time with Angeal was a liar. "Well, yeah, but-"
"Nothing has to change. Let's spend the afternoon together, doing things we normally do."
It sounded too simple. "But-"
"Cloud…do you really believe I'd give up on our friendship so easily?"
"No," I admitted, unable to fight back a real smile this time. It would probably never make sense to me…but I knew he legitimately cared. They all did, and they had all patiently reminded me of that fact for at least 6 months before it began to sink in. Did I understand their relationship with one another? Apparently not. Did I know what they wanted from me? Definitely not…but before I knew about any of that, I had been happy for the first time in my life. I had friends- people who liked spending time with me…people who I liked spending time with. It wasn't something I'd willingly let go of either. "I just…"
I wanted to tell him I needed time to process what I'd just been asked…to process the answer I'd given. Something about him was just so soothing though, that I knew I didn't need time. Yet, at least. If Angeal were telling me that nothing had to change, then I believed him. Later I could think away all my questions, but for now…I didn't want to focus on anything other than the warm arm around me and the semblance of normality it provided.
"We don't need to talk about that now. We'll just do whatever you want."
I nodded my head, not even sure what that might be. We kept walking anyway, aimlessly and wordlessly as I thought about it. Normally we'd just do whatever felt natural- sometimes we'd eat, sometimes we'd train, sometimes we'd do nothing at all…It wasn't a huge surprise when we ended up in the SOLDIERs' garden. Technically Shinra paid to have it maintained, but everyone knew when Angeal was in town, it was his.
I absolutely hated gardening.
But I loved gardening with Angeal. There was a distinct difference between the two, and one I had purposefully never mentioned. Voluntarily getting dirty…dealing with bugs and having to remember the different ways to tend all the different types of plants…definitely not the ideal way to spend my time off. If he knew that though, he'd never 'force' me to accompany him again.
Watching Angeal garden was a different story…the man was a SOLDIER- he'd gone to war and made his mark on the world. Who wouldn't enjoy watching that same man looking so serene as he handled these plants like they were the most delicate treasures on the planet? Something about his passion made me feel passionate about it, and I'd always jump to his side and do exactly as he told me. I'd make sure he never had to tell me twice, and usually that gave us time to discuss other things.
This was no exception. Before I even realized that things really did feel normal between us, he had me hanging on his every word …Everything he said was always so captivating, and the smile on his face as he spoke made it impossible to look away. Like all his good stories though, there was an ending, and eventually he seemed content with all the plants he had tended.
"Do you have class soon?" he asked, breaking the short silence that had begun to linger between us.
"Yeah," I said, realizing more time had elapsed than I thought. "I should swing back to my dorm. I need to get my things."
He nodded his head, staring at me with question filled eyes. Angeal wasn't a man to hold back, and for some reason the fact that he was now made me nervous…maybe in the back of my mind I knew why he looked so hesitant, but in that moment all I could seem to remember was me and him…When he stepped in close, that focus sharpened, and I became acutely aware that this was not normal. We had been in close contact a lot, but never like this- with him staring down at me so intently. Usually it was just in training, where I was disgusting, sweaty, and getting my ass kicked. My eyes went wide as his right hand brushed my left cheek.
"Some dirt," he muttered, taking a step back as he brushed the dirt from his hand off on his pants. I nodded dumbly, not knowing what else to say- his proximity had been new, but it wasn't the first time he'd wiped dirt off me after gardening. I was ready to turn and retreat, but something held me there, and it wasn't his hand this time. I waited, knowing there was still more- some reason he wanted me to stay. It seemed like several minutes had passed before his mouth actually opened, and another moment after that before he finally spoke. "If it had just been me…would you have said yes?"
"Yes."
The word had left my mouth before I even realized what my answer would be, and the smile he gave me in response freed me from my daze. I turned on my heel, moving away as quickly as I could. Not because the way my heart was racing or the anxious feeling I had…those things were there, but Angeal always set me at ease. It was just the simple fact I'd be late to class if I didn't hurry.
How exactly did a relationship work with four people?
It had almost been a week, and I still hadn't figured it out. My initial thought had been simple: Angeal was with Zack and Sephiroth was with Genesis…maybe they just shared sometimes. Swapped, even.
Why would they ask me to be a part of that though?
My inexperience wasn't exactly a secret, and it was something Zack teased me about almost every day. Four men like them…they just had no need for someone like me. Not for something like that. And I had to think of myself, too. If they just swapped around and then went back to their own relationships, where would that leave me? I definitely wasn't into the idea of being tossed between them all and then left alone as the odd one out…no matter how much I cared about them, that just wasn't the kind of relationship I could be in.
That was when I realized it though…They'd never ask me into a situation like that. I knew them all well enough to know they just wouldn't. And the way Angeal had asked me if it'd just been him…it had definitely felt like he was asking something deeper. I could never get beyond that thought, instead cycling back to my original question. It was a pointless circle of thoughts anyway- I'd already told them no, and even if I figured it out, my answer wouldn't change.
"Spiiiiiky! I know you're in there!" The yelling was paired with knocking, and I opened my door in a panic. He was going to wake up the entire dormitory if he didn't calm down. Before I could scold him, I was tackled to the ground, completely dumbfounded as Zack smiled down at me. He was such a dork sometimes…I think he was trying to scowl, but it wasn't working. "Stop ignoring me!"
"I haven't been ignoring you!" I exclaimed, pushing him off me in a hurry.
"Apparently you've been working out though…since when can you toss me off?"
For some reason this question made me uncomfortable in a way it wouldn't have the last time we spoke, and I tried not to think about why. Instead I hopped to my feet, closing the door before turning to face him. He had settled on the carpet, sitting cross legged as he looked up at me patiently.
"I've been able to do that for months now," I responded, letting out a short sigh. "Seph taught me some-"
"It was a joke, Spike," he said, sulking a bit as he gestured for me to sit near him. How could I argue with him? He looked so hopeful. I sat down in front of him instead, cross legged as well. "So…I knocked like seven times before shouting. You sure you aren't avoiding me?"
"I didn't hear you," I insisted truthfully. I hadn't realized I'd been that lost in thought. "I was just zoning out I guess."
"I guess I do that sometimes," he muttered, shrugging as he narrowed his eyes. "I've decided I don't like this."
"Like what?"
"This!" He gestured between himself and me, and I arched an eyebrow. "Don't act like you don't know, Spiky! Look, I thought about it, and just because you don't wanna be my boyfriend doesn't mean we can't be buds like before!"
I blinked a few times, not even sure where to begin. The way he had said it was unsettling…it wasn't a matter of if I wanted to be his boyfriend…I had never even considered it. Zack had been my friend for so long- he took me under his wing the day we met, and I'd never regretted a moment with him since. Even the times when he was embarrassing me or teasing me were fond memories now. One by one he had introduced me to the others as time went by, starting with Angeal. They had always been together though…or at least, the way I imagined it- Sephiroth with Genesis, Zack with Angeal.
There may have been one or two stray thoughts. Maybe even three or four. I wasn't in complete denial- everyone had a crush on Zack Fair. On all of them. It was never anything I took seriously, and eventually I just…cared about them too much to waste time wanting more. I saw how happy they were together, and it had made me happy to see. Life made so much more sense when it was pointless to fantasize about anything more.
Now though…if I hadn't been trying to wrap my head around it all…I had no idea what I'd be thinking of them. Angeal definitely hadn't left my mind since he'd approached me…It was almost dangerous to consider the others as well. My idea of a relationship wasn't the same as theirs, no matter how they made it work. I wanted one person who loved me completely, who I could love the same way in return. That was how it was supposed to be.
I didn't want to lose their friendships though. Despite my thoughts about Angeal, we had gotten back into a routine with ease- I had seen him almost every day since they'd asked me to join their relationship. The others…it wasn't that I didn't want to see them, but I hadn't worked up the nerve. There was a lot I still needed to figure out, but I knew things could get back to normal eventually.
Zack was already staring at me though, and so 'eventually' seemed more immediate in his case.
"I want everything to be like it was, too."
"Then we're on the same page! Wanna go to the VR with me? They set up a new-"
"I can't," I cut him off with a frown. "I was supposed to be studying when you got here. Big test tomorrow." I could feel my heart sinking as his excitement faded, but I couldn't afford not to do well on the test. I'd blown off studying the last three times to hang out with him…this was just bad timing. "Wanna stay?" I offered, not sure how else to get that sad look off his face. I definitely didn't like it there.
He brightened almost immediately, but looked a bit skeptical. "And watch you study?"
"Uh…yeah," I said, realizing how lame it probably sounded. "You don't have to."
"Nah, it's good, I'll quiz you! What type of materia-"
Materia…?
"You have no idea what class I'm studying for, do you?" I asked, laughing as he shrugged indifferently. "I'm just gonna read from the book then, if you don't mind."
I got to my feet again, walking by him and settling at my desk. It only took him a few minutes before he got restless, jumping up as well. I tried my best to focus on the text, but it was so dull…and it was kinda weird with Zack pacing and doing squats behind me. Eventually he plopped down on my bed, tapping his feet as he watched me. I tried not to look up at him, but…I could only take so much studying, especially while being stared at.
"Maybe we should just go to the VR," I suggested, turning to him with a smile.
"You're studying though!"
"Um…not really," I admitted, closing the book.
He wagged a finger in my face almost immediately. "No, I'm not here to distract you! I don't even wanna hear the lecture I'll get if you don't pass because of me. Angeal's cute, but he's kinda deadly!"
"Zack, how does-" it work being in a relationship with more than one person?
"No questions!" he insisted, silencing me as he lied down on my bed. I stared at him for a moment, watching as he grabbed my stuffed chocobo and began tossing it up into the air. He had been the one who bought it for me, and after about a day I'd figured out why. To my dismay he had almost immediately begun telling people it was my cuddle buddy, and apparently it was named Hubert. I'd almost tossed the thing out on principle, but…it was kinda soft to cuddle with. "Stop staring or I'll think you really do want me to be your boyfriend."
I was sure my face was red as I immediately turned and reopened my textbook to where I had left off.
So…boring…I couldn't even look at the clock because it felt like time wasn't passing. Every sentence I read was like a weight on my eyelids, dragging them down- determined that sleep would be more productive than a decade old book on war strategies that weren't even used anymore. I only stole a few more glances at Zack, surprised to see he eventually stopped tossing my chocobo into the air. His arms were folded behind his head and it seemed he had discovered something interesting about my ceiling. The more I looked over at him, the more focused he seemed to be on his thoughts until eventually I just stopped.
The weights were winning the fight on my eyes, slowly but surely. It wasn't even that late, but I couldn't help crossing my arms over the book and resting my forehead down for just a minute. There wasn't that much information in the chapter, and I'd gone over it at least five times. That would probably be enough to get a sufficient grade.
By the time my eyes fluttered open, the darkness from my window was replaced by the morning light. My alarm hadn't gone off, so I knew it was early, but panic had gripped me before I could fall back asleep.
I was in my bed, and the surface under my head was definitely not my pillow.
And my arms were wrapped around Hubert.
"I knew you liked him better than me," Zack whispered, chuckling softly as his hand worked its way through my hair.
I blinked at least a dozen times as I tried to take in my full surroundings. I was on my side cuddled up against Zack, both of us fully clothed…with my head on his chest and a chocobo in my arms…and he was playing with my hair.
I shot up instantly, eyes wide as I looked down at him. "How did I get in bed?" I didn't even notice myself clinging to Hubert until he started laughing, and his laughter only increased as I tossed it at him.
"Oh, c'mon! You hafta admit, it's kinda cute seeing you with a stuffed animal!"
"You bought him!"
"And you kept him," he countered, propping himself up with his elbows. He had a point…I quickly snagged Hubert back into my arms, glaring at him as he laughed more. "I'm glad you did! It always bothered me that you lived alone. Most cadets get a roommate."
"I'm glad I got a single room," I responded immediately. "I don't really get along with them. Or anyone except-" I stopped myself, my heart sinking a bit. I hadn't spoken with the only people I got along with in over a week…well, aside from Angeal and the one in front of me. In my bed. My focus snapped to him again, and I couldn't help the rising panic. "Zack, I shouldn't be-"
"What happened to keeping things the same?" he pressed, arching an eyebrow. "If I'd have thought you'd get weird, I woulda put you in bed and left."
"I'm not being weird, but we don't usually-"
"Uh, yes we do. How many times have you come over and we fall asleep on the couch watching movies?" he asked, his smile growing as it occurred to me…he was right. "That's like twice a week, and usually we're in pajamas. And considering I haven't seen you because you've been ignoring me, I didn't wanna go last night. I meant what I said. I want things to be good between us."
"They are good," I promised, smiling reluctantly as he reached out and pulled me back toward him. When I didn't resist he laid back down, taking me with him. For a moment I just laid there, my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. This wasn't normal. Maybe it was normal for us, but it didn't seem normal in general. Something about it didn't feel wrong though. "Zack…I know I don't really have any friends other than you and…well, you know. But do friends-"
"Spiky…at the risk of contradicting myself and making things really weird…I'm just gonna say it." His voice was so soft, and I could feel his heart rate increasing as he took a deep breath. "Do you really think we were ever just friends?"
I wondered if he could feel my heart racing too. "Zack…" I did always think we were just friends. It would have been silly to think anything else.
"I get it," he muttered, letting out a short sigh. "I'm sorry I even mentioned it. Angeal already made us all promise not to bug you about it, and I know he's right, it's just…You and me, I always thought it was obvious."
"It is," I admitted, realizing it as I spoke.
How did I never notice?
The arm he had around he gripped me tighter, and I moved closer on impulse, tossing Hubert away as I wrapped around him instead. He didn't seem to mind, and as much as I wanted to feel awkward, I just liked how it felt too much to care in that moment.
"You woulda said yes, right? If it'd just been me asking?"
"Yeah."
He let out another short sigh, though it sounded much more content than the first. "You should go back to bed. You have that test in a couple hours."
I'd already closed my eyes, opting to listen to him. There was so much more I wanted to talk to him about…questions that I couldn't figure out on my own. It all felt like it could wait though, as long as I just laid there with him and didn't move.
I could feel all my classmates' eyes on me, but tried not to appear as embarrassed as I felt as I rose to my feet.
There had been one deal when I started hanging out with Zack. When he'd introduced me to his friends and I'd become a part of their lives, I'd made that same deal with all of them. They were under no circumstances allowed to offer me any special treatment. I had insisted on it, mostly because Zack had a tendency to just show up on a whim and pull me from class to go get lunch. Apparently our mutual love for pizza counted as an emergency...After a few 'emergencies' I'd made my opinion on the matter very clear. Somehow that rule got violated from time to time still, but usually only on birthdays or special occasions- and usually I had some kind of warning.
Today had caught me off guard.
Electric blue eyes were on me, amused at my attempt to hide my scowl. "You'll thank me soon," he whispered, winking as I scoffed. By the time we exited the classroom, an arm was around me, pulling me close as we walked. From experience, I knew it was better to just go with it when it came to Genesis. I didn't bother asking where he was leading me, instead waiting for him to break the short silence. "You know, I don't think it's fair that you've been spending all this time with Angeal and Zack! I'm offended!"
"I was actually coming up with a list of excuses to come see you," I admitted, hanging my head as he stared at me in surprise.
I wanted to be stubborn- to be annoyed at him for showing up to pull me from class. How could I though? All of my excuses had been lame, and him showing up saved me the need to come up with more. It had only been three days since I'd started hanging out with Zack again, and the more normal things felt with Zack and Angeal, the more uncomfortable it made me that I hadn't seen Genesis or Sephiroth yet. It was the longest I'd gone without seeing them since we'd met, and I didn't like how that felt. Maybe this could count as a special occasion.
"You don't need an excuse to come see me," he said smoothly, smirking as he looked down at me. "Don't you want to know where I'm taking you?"
"I trust you," I responded, almost immediately regretting it as I saw the twinkle in his eyes.
"What if I were taking you…to a bookstore?"
I arched an eyebrow. That wouldn't be too shocking, but not worth missing class. "Are you?"
"No. But I may have been! Hmm…what if I were bringing you to the theatre?"
"In the middle of the day?" I knew his theatre routine too well, and it was always a full evening event- starting with dinner before whatever play he'd decided on. "I know for a fact that you don't even like the show they're playing now."
"I have an appreciation for all-"
"You called it asinine!" I reminded him, laughing as he frowned.
"LOVELESS will be showing in two weeks," he informed me, looking a bit more hopeful.
I liked LOVELESS about as much as I liked gardening…but much like gardening was better with Angeal, LOVELESS with Genesis was a whole different experience. "Seph won't go?"
"He will. He wouldn't be thrilled, but he'd do it anyway," he explained, looking at me with a small smile. "I'd rather go with you. You don't whine as much during intermission."
"I'll go," I agreed, not having to think twice about it. We always had fun together, LOVELESS or not- and intermission was the best. Watching Genesis bicker with other LOVELESS addicts about who understood its true meaning best was hilarious, and usually left more than a few people cowering in a corner. "Just don't pull me out of class! We'll go into the city after."
"Your classes always run late on Tuesdays-"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I mean it! I'm barely scraping by in that class, and-"
"Only if you don't argue about today!"
Before I could agree to his terms, I realized we were outside the Shinra building that housed his office. It was the same building Angeal and Sephiroth were based out of, and one that Genesis spent virtually no time in. If he were having an office day, that could only mean one thing…
"How'd you run off your new secretary already?" I asked, baffled by his talent for scaring people. He did used to intimidate me the more than the others- even more than Sephiroth…something in his eyes was piercing, and it could easily overwhelm anyone. Sephiroth could do the same thing, but he always reserved that look unless it was necessary…Genesis argued that he did as well, but apparently they had very different ideas about when it was necessary. "Did he mess with your book shelf?"
"I don't want my books in alphabetical order!" he snapped, calming down a moment when he remembered he was talking to me. "A filing cabinet and my personal bookshelf are two very different things, Cloud. You understand that, and that's why you get to be my helper today!"
"Lucky me," I forced a smile, one that he knew was fake, but didn't seem to mind. "For the whole day?"
"You're just so good at it! Plus, you know I like you on your knees." I stopped in my tracks, biting my lip awkwardly at his words. He took a few steps ahead, turning back curiously as I remained in place. "In front of my filing cabinet! I didn't believe them, but you really are taking things differently now! It was a joke."
"I know that!" I insisted, catching up to him in a hurry. In my mind, I did know that. Those were the kind of jokes Genesis made every other sentence usually. They just seemed out of place now, and I didn't like that. I'd spent a long time getting comfortable in his presence…I didn't want that to go away just because I was choosing to take things in a different way. "I'm sorry."
He dismissed my apology with a wave of his hand, which I knew probably meant 'we'll talk later' rather than 'it's fine'. It was a relief either way, because so far things hadn't been strange with him and I preferred to keep it that way.
He opened the door to his office, letting me step inside first. I tried not to groan as I saw the stack of paperwork on his desk, but…it was massive. Clearly he'd run off his secretary days ago, and Lazard still hadn't been able to requisition him a new one.
"You said you wouldn't argue about this!" he reminded me, patting me on the back as he moved
"Fine," I sighed, moving toward the desk.
I actually didn't mind this tedious work- it always gave me plenty of time to clear my head and think, and he'd almost always orchestrate these occurrences for when I needed that most. Today was no exception it seemed. Filing wasn't my idea of fun, and definitely not something I wanted to miss class for, but…today was different. I just wanted to enjoy his company.
It wasn't at all surprising when he was standing in front of his bookshelf, snatching something from it before settling on the office floor. His back was to the wall and legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at his ankles. Typical Genesis…I don't know what his problem was with the cushy chair behind his desk, and I didn't care- he looked much more in his element exactly how he was.
I stared at him for a moment, knowing he would already be too into whatever he had selected to notice. It was hard to imagine this was the same SOLDIER who could clear hallways and run off secretaries. When he didn't budge at all, I opted to get to work, ready to tackle the massive stack of nonsense on his desk. Usually he'd only help out if it were too much for me, or if there were something important that actually required his attention- it seemed this stack was mostly standard. Shinra had a form for everything, so really, if I wanted to be annoyed at anyone, it'd be whoever decided to make all these forms and whoever decided they had to be kept on file for five years.
It actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. Mostly it was a lot of running between his desk and the filing cabinets in his outer office where the secretary would have been working…By the time I was on the last few forms I could feel his eyes on me, but I tried to focus first before letting myself look at him again. Finally I stood in front of him, holding up my index finger as he eyed me.
"I might need a Cure," I joked, keeping my face straight as he arched an eyebrow. "Papercut."
"I can see I definitely overworked you today," he said, feigning apology as he tapped the spot on the ground by his side. "Come here."
I didn't think twice before I was sitting by his side, leaning closer as he pointed to a page in his text. "Since when do you like-"
"I don't enjoy it, but I wouldn't know that if I didn't read it," he explained, shrugging as I shook my head. "Cloud…it's like everything else in life. If you don't give it a chance, how do you know you don't like it? By the time I get to the end, this book could surprise me. It could end up being my favorite."
"Or you could have wasted hours of your life on something that you should have known you didn't like after the first fifteen pages," I countered, ready to engage in the same debate we'd had on more than one occasion. He didn't bite the bait though. He just stared at me, and it took me a moment to realize what he was actually trying to tell me. "Oh."
"Angeal told us not to bring it up, but you know I can't help myself," he muttered, not sounding hesitant at all. "Let's be honest. You would have said yes if it'd just been me."
I nodded my head instantly. It just didn't require any thought- he was right. "Yeah."
"Are you making any connections in that cute head of yours?" He tapped my forehead playfully, smiling at my frown. "I'm not the only one you've said that to."
That was when I started to connect the dots…he was right. "Gen, I…" have no idea what I'm supposed to say.
"I'm not asking you to reconsider; I'm just saying…maybe we caught you off guard. We were so sure you'd say yes that we-"
"You were?" I cut him off, stunned to hear this.
"We'd been wanting to ask you for months-"
"Why didn't anyone tell me you were all together?" I pressed, glad to finally have the question out in the open. It had been bugging me since the night they had asked, but things felt so weird…and even with Zack and Angeal, I didn't want to disturb the norm we'd recreated. "I thought you were two separate couples."
He arched an eyebrow. "Really?"
I nodded my head, realizing in a hurry that at some point during this conversation I had gone from sitting by his side to sitting in the nook of his arm while he wrapped it around me. Was this normal, too? We always did this after I helped him- he'd usually read some passages to me or we'd just talk about things that only seemed to come up when we were together. It'd seemed so…innocent at the time. Now it felt almost as alarming as it'd been waking up with Zack in my bed- but it was so familiar and obvious.
"I thought you were with Seph and Angeal was with Zack. That's what everyone thinks!" I explained, baffled that he thought I'd known otherwise.
"That is what we allow the public to see, but surely you noticed more," he insisted, setting the book down in his lap. "You never saw the way I'd take Angeal by the hand and we'd wander off sometimes? Or the way Zack and I would sit together on that silly chair in Seph's apartment? We never tried to hide it from you- we assumed you knew. I mean, maybe we toned down the affection to an extent, but it never felt like a secret around you. At least not after we got to know you better."
A flood of memories played through my mind, and suddenly I was feeling incredibly oblivious. Genesis was telling the truth. Maybe it hadn't been a secret. There were tons of moments between all of them- there was no kissing or anything that obvious, but it was distinctly couple type behavior. Recognizable behavior.
"I thought it was like this," I realized, my heart racing anxiously as I processed it all. "I saw it, but it was like now, with you and me."
"It is."
"But…I thought-"
"This is all making a lot more sense to me now," he said softly, laughing under his breath as he rubbed my arm. "You do like us. All of us."
"Well, yeah," I admitted.
There was no point in hesitating now- it was so…blatant. Things I hadn't thought twice about were now getting thought about several times over- how could I not have seen it? The way they were with me wasn't exactly the same as the way they were with each other…but it'd been beyond friendship for months. The touches…glances…smiles…And I'd absentmindedly returned every single one. No wonder they'd been 'so sure' I'd say yes. I wanted to smack myself in the head, but I'd at least wait until I was alone to do that.
"You should go see Seph. I bet he's still in the office and I know he's been wanting to see you, too," Genesis whispered, laying a kiss on my forehead before gently moving me so that he could rise to his feet. I stared up at him curiously, sensing his new enthusiasm. "Don't leave the office. I'll meet you up there soon."
Even if I wanted to argue, it was too late- he was gone from the office before I'd even gotten to my feet. I thought about what to do, but it was really a no brainer. I'd been wanting to see Sephiroth anyway, and it was about the time of day where he'd probably be finished most of his work already. Before I could feel my nerves, I was on the elevator- it all seemed so simple. I usually went to his office a few times a week during lunch, and we'd just eat and discuss whatever happened to be on our minds. That had seemed so harmless too…even the way he'd let me sit on his desk. We'd even eat from the same plate sometimes, depending on what we were having.
It was starting to feel like my definition of normal wasn't correct, and maybe that was the real problem. Or maybe it wasn't a matter of what was normal. Maybe it was just natural…It was just the way I interacted with Sephiroth, just like I had different ways of interacting with the others. None of them were better or worse than the ways I acted with the rest…it just…was.
How exactly did a relationship work with four people?
Suddenly that made a lot more sense.
How did it work with five?
I was still working on that part, but it didn't seem as daunting a thought.
"Cloud." Green eyes were filled with surprise as I stepped off the elevator, and suddenly the nerves I'd been feeling were back. This was the first time I'd approached one of them- the other three had all shown up to talk to me first. Sephiroth looked as composed as ever, despite the surprise that had already left his eyes as I stood there. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you," I admitted, holding my hands behind my back and trying not to look like a complete idiot. "Gen said to stay and that he'd swing by in a bit."
"You already saw him?"
"Yes."
"So I am the last one," he concluded, making more of an observation than complaint.
"You're the only one I came to see," I corrected, smiling a bit. He didn't look like he minded, but I felt compelled to explain further anyway- I didn't want him thinking I'd deliberately chosen to see him last. "Zack and Gen have no patience, and Angeal's just…he just wanted to make sure I was okay."
"We all did. He was just the one who ran after you first, and we thought it would be better to let him," Sephiroth explained, gesturing me to follow him. It looked like I had caught him on his way out; he unlocked the door to his office and lead me inside, taking his usual seat in his chair. I gravitated toward his desk, perching on it before I could second guess this habit. When I saw him relax a bit, I knew it'd been the right decision, even though my awareness of it made me wonder. "Angeal is better at defusing emotional situations than the rest of us."
"I needed to be defused?"
"Yes," he said pointedly. I only pouted a moment before accepting the fact that he was right- I may have overreacted. "Just because you did not want to be with us did not mean you had to run off."
"It was just…a lot to take in. I didn't even realize everything that happened between you all, and in Nibelheim, you just don't do things like that. You're with one person, and that's it."
"If you were doing things the way they do in Nibelheim, wouldn't you already be married to a woman and having your first child by now?" Sephiroth countered, watching me with interest as I nodded- he definitely had a point. "It's a good thing we aren't in Nibelheim then. Do you feel a connection with me?"
"Yes," I responded- it was too...there to bother denying.
My eyes went wide as he pulled me from the desk into his lap, but I didn't fight it- it was a new sensation, and I liked it.
"Do you feel a similar connection with Zack?" I nodded my head again. "And Angeal?" Again. "Genesis?" Again. "And if I told you I feel the same way for you, and for each of them, would you understand why I felt that way?"
"It'd be impossible not to."
He smiled. "Exactly. We all feel just as strongly for one another as we do for you."
"No one gets…jealous or-"
"No. The fact that Zack can enjoy Genesis' or Angeal's company just as much as they could each enjoy mine…it makes me happy. I also know that should I choose, I can simply go spend time with any of them as well. When I am busy here, or on a mission, I like knowing they have each other still. Does that make sense?"
"If you'd have asked me a week ago, I woulda told you that you were crazy," I answered, rubbing the back of my neck.
"That is almost exactly what happened-"
"Shhh!" I insisted, glaring at him as he smirked. He's lucky he was...well, Sephiroth. Who could be annoyed with him for more than 3 seconds? Not me. "I was gonna say…I'd tell you that you were crazy, but that I get it now."
"So you still care just as much for Zack now even knowing he spent last night with Genesis?" I nodded my head. Aside from the mindboggling thought of the two together, it didn't bother me at all. "Good."
"Does that mean you spent last night with Angeal?" I asked, unable to hold back my curiosity.
The images in my head were getting too fun to ignore- I'd been too overwhelmed to think about all the possibilities, too 'respectful' to indulge in the notion. Now that it seemed I may not need to…who wouldn't?
He chuckled softly, pulling me closer until I was leaning against his chest. "No. Sometimes we do, but just because two of us are out for an evening doesn't automatically mean the other two do as well. If that were how it worked, how would you fit in?"
"That's what I haven't been able to figure out," I told him, relieved to see understanding on his face.
"You fit in the way you always have. With a few differences, of course. For instance…I would never have pulled you into my lap, but…I'm glad I can now."
I held his gaze, really taking a moment to understand what he was saying. This really wasn't some strange relationship. It was genuine, all of them, and they were all insane because they wanted me to be a part of it. What had I been thinking when I'd said no? Nibelheim was so backwater…I didn't need to try to stick to their idea of how to live my life. Love one person only? The way I felt for each of them- the way they felt for me and each other...it transcended that ideology.
His fingertips grazed my cheek, trailing down to my jaw before his thumb moved up to my lower lip. He didn't have to say anything for me to understand what he was thinking, and it was terrifying in the best possible way. The way his eyes flickered to my mouth was almost a warning, and I nodded readily in approval. "I'm going to kiss you," he whispered, as if our unspoken agreement hadn't been enough- as if he were giving me one last chance to object.
I didn't.
It was a short kiss, but the tenderness Sephiroth showed me was so sweet that it literally left me stunned. I couldn't even open my eyes after he pulled back, just letting myself thrive on that moment- on the fact that had actually happened, and that I not only liked it, but wanted another. A longer kiss this time, so I could show him just how much I liked it. The moment hadn't ended for me yet though, so all my plans would just have to wait a damn minute.
I hadn't heard the door open. Or the footsteps of the three people who entered. My eyes were closed still- it wasn't until a loud 'awww' that sounded remarkably like it came from Zack that I snapped out of the it and saw them all. Luckily Sephiroth's arms were around me because I was sure I would have fallen out of his lap and onto the floor- the sight of Angeal, Genesis, and Zack standing in the office watching me with Sephiroth was…
Well, I wasn't sure. It felt like the moment of truth.
My heart was racing, but beyond that, I had no idea what I was feeling. It seemed like I should be nervous. Maybe even worried…I definitely found myself eyeing Genesis and wondering how he felt about it. I knew I had been wrong, but it still felt like he was Sephiroth's boyfriend, the way I had known them to be for so long…He was just smiling though, offering me a wink as I met his eyes. There really was no jealousy or concern- just an obvious sense of relief that rubbed off on me immediately.
"Spiky, I'm a bit offended," Zack said, breaking the silence as he stepped forward with crossed arms. He was hopeless- he just couldn't pull off a fake serious expression to save his life. I tried my best not to laugh, wanting to hear where this was going. "I thought you said you'da picked me."
"I said I'd say yes if it'd just been you," I corrected, sinking back in my position and smiling at the feel of warm breath caressing my hair.
"I seem to remember a similar conversation," Angeal added, crossing his arms as well.
He was much better at making a stern expression, but I could still see the slight smile he was fighting.
"I just had the same one less than thirty minutes ago," Genesis told them, staring at me expectantly.
"Well, now I feel a bit left out," Sephiroth muttered, reaching around until his hand fell to my chin. I stared up at him automatically, barely having time to blink as he kissed me again. "Luckily I think I figured it out without you telling me. You definitely would have said yes if it'd just been me."
"Duh."
I'd thought it was just in my head, but when everyone started laughing, I realized I'd muttered the word aloud. Whatever I had been feeling, I had definitely transitioned into embarrassment now. I tried to leap from his lap, wishing more than anything I could either run away or get them all to change the subject to something less about…me. Sephiroth had a fairly good grip though, which shouldn't have been so surprising.
"Relax," he whispered in my ear, his laughter ceasing before the others. I did as he requested, taking a deep breath as everything came back into focus. All eyes were on me again, but it was just easier to be calm about it now. "They're just teasing you. You don't have to choose anyone, remember?"
I nodded my head, now more aware than ever what that actually meant. Of course, I knew they had been teasing anyway, but it still felt nice having Sephiroth whispering it into my ear. When everyone else stopped laughing I looked to them all, making eye contact one by one.
"I can have…all of you?" I asked, despite knowing the answer.
It just felt like it needed to be verbalized at that point, after the way our last group conversation had gone. I had spoken with each one of them, realized what they all meant to me...they had made their feelings clear as well. Now it was just the details.
Four heads were nodding, clearly amused by my sudden acceptance of what had been so obvious to them.
"Do you…" I hesitated a moment, feeling the heat in my cheeks as I realized what I was about to ask. I'd already started it though, and there was no turning back from this one. "All at once?"
For a moment no one spoke. I could see three sets of eyes on me, and feel the fourth behind me, all at a loss for how to respond. It was a bit more embarrassing than I'd anticipated, and suddenly all I could think was...
Desk.
I was going to hide under the desk.
I squirmed out of Sephiroth's now loose grip, not even caring how childish this reaction probably seemed. The way they were looking at me was just too much to handle, and by the time they pried me out, maybe they'd be too busy laughing at me to remember this moment.
To my dismay, I was being scooped off the ground into broad arms before I made it. I stared up at Angeal somewhat apologetically, soothed by his presence as always.
"That's not the focus of our relationship, but…sometimes," he told me, meeting my eyes without further hesitation. "Usually not though. We have different schedules and don't often get to spend time like this as a group. More often than not, it happens separately."
I wanted to just soak in that information and let it go until later when I could really think about it, but the safety of his arms emboldened me. I continued to look into his eyes, determined to have all my questions answered before we left this room. "And you all want that…with me, too?"
I was beginning to wonder again what these four could possibly want with someone like me…But it wasn't as scary of a thought this time. Now that I understood what it meant to be with all of them…now that I knew it was more than that...It seemed like a legitimate question.
He nearly dropped me as I asked though- I could feel myself slipping in his arms and see his expression grow uncharacteristically stunned once more. Maybe it didn't seem as legitimate a question to him- I still wanted to know either way, and there was no way I could get to the desk from here. I had to embrace the stunned looks this time, inwardly amused by them all.
"Are you going to run away if we say yes?" Genesis asked finally, arching an eyebrow as he stepped closer. Angeal had set me back on my feet, and I was staring up at Genesis now with wide eyes. I shook my head wordlessly, pleased to see the slight smile on his face. "Then, yes. I think I can speak for everyone when I say-"
"Maybe you should keep that thought to yourself," Zack suggested quickly.
"Or at least not make it sound like it's from all of us," Sephiroth added, shaking his head slowly.
I could almost feel Angeal's warning glare from behind me as well, and was soon amused by the way Genesis waved it off.
"It wasn't vulgar!" he insisted, letting out an exasperated sigh. His eyes settled on mine once more, and the indignant look faded from his face. "Let me try something a bit more eloquent then…We all care about you, very much, Cloud. We don't often let anyone into our circle, and we never invite anyone to be a part of our relationship. You are…special. To all of us. And if-"
"I think the eloquent part of your statement is done," Angeal cut in, his comforting hand on my shoulder. "Any other questions?"
I had at least a dozen other questions. In fact, I was ready to make up more on the spot because it was too fun to watch them all chiming in. I decided to start with the more important ones though, unsure of how long they'd humor me as a group.
"Um...well, if you're publicly in two separate relationships, am I publicly single?" I asked, pointing to myself awkwardly as I looked around.
"No!"
I jumped, startled to hear all four of them speaking at once. "But-"
"I'd rather give the fan clubs what they want than let anyone think you're single for another day!" Genesis exclaimed, shaking his head. "Too many eyes are on you- no one would look if you belonged to us. Well, they wouldn't look the wrong way at least."
"Uh, I don't think I want everyone know I'm with all of you-"
"This ain't Nibelheim, Spiky," Zack declared, pulling me into the tightest hug of my life. How much of my conversation with Sephiroth had they heard? It didn't matter anyway...it was probably for the best if they all understood more about my minor overreaction. It seemed like Genesis had already explained the other part of my freak out, at least to Zack and Angeal- Sephiroth just looked like he knew everything anyway. There was no need to stress about it anymore. I wanted to just hug him back and forget it all, but my arms were pinned too firmly to my side to even try. "Look, if you want, I can be your public boyfriend."
"And I can be the one who broke you and Angeal up?" I asked, shaking my head as best I could. They were the most popular couple in Shinra aside from...well, Sephiroth and Genesis. "No way! I don't-"
"Too bad, home wrecker!" he responded, pulling back just enough so he could look down at me. I couldn't even pretend to be offended when he looked at me like that. "Angeal doesn't mind."
"Maybe you can show me how to pout, Pup."
"I'll show you more than that," Zack said, smiling coyly at the larger man behind me.
"Why don't I get a home wrecker?" Genesis interjected, raising a hand to his chin.
"Um, because no one in their right mind would believe I could come between you and Sephiroth," I told him, which was the blatant truth.
"I think you'd be surprised what people would believe," Sephiroth said, shaking his head as he rounded his desk to join us all. "If you want to mix things up, perhaps I can be the odd one out for now. Angeal can be our home wrecker."
"I can work with that," Genesis agreed, ignoring the protest that I was sure Angeal had been about to offer. "But maybe-"
Maybe it was a strange relationship after all.
But it was mine now.
EL FIN.
I know, so cheesy/dramatic/nonsensical, but hey…I'm giddy and smiling, it's well past 3am now, and whatevah. I feel like there may have been some inconsistencies, but...I'm going to bed!
Let me know what y'all think! ^.^
