He's everything I want, everything I think I want, I trust him with everything, everything except this. I know he won't treat me any differently, maybe it will even make him understand my social awkwardness, but then again maybe he will think I was some other fuck up and want nothing more to do with me. All I want is someone to hold me and protect me no matter how much I protest, no matter how I try to deny his kindness with some rant about alpha male tendencies, and that's what he has done, disguising it as some 'guy hug' something partners do for each other, but every time he touches me my heart sores. He's broken down every one of the walls I built so highly around myself for most of my life. This was the last obstacle, the one thing I never talked about with anyone. The one thing I have wanted for so long yet have never been able to have. The one thing that left me behind all those years ago. A family.
I knew he would come that night, bringing food and his smile. He could tell the latest case had affected me more than I would like to admit, and I knew he would come and sit with me in the darkness of my apartment, holding me and telling me it would be okay. There was three soft knocks on the door, I knew it was him. Even though he had a key he never used it, he always waited for me to be ready, and he always wanted me to let him in.
I looked through the peep hole seeing him shuffling his feet, I opened the door stepping back to let him in and forcing a smile which didn't quite reach my eyes. He noticed and from that moment on there was no going back.
"What's wrong Katie?" he whispered in my ear as he entered my apartment and made his way to my kitchen to collect plates and drinks. He usually used my full name when important things were happening, but it's the times when he used my nickname that made me realise we were lovers. He could infuriate me more than anyone I know but at the same time he could make me feel safe.
"Gibbs, leave the food for a bit. I really have something I need to tell you. I'm scared if I wait until later I won't be brave enough to let you in because I'm scared how you will react towards me" she said looking out her full length window, which overlooked the city. The lights from the casino's below highlighted her face making her look somewhat angelic standing there. He turned her around to face him and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
"Nothing you can say will make me think any less of you Kate; we're colleagues. Well we're a lot more than colleagues; I don't break my own rules for just any special agent. I'm not going to hurt you, come on Katie let me in" he said softly never breaking eye contact.
"Well let's sit down first" she said sitting on her sofa, he followed and she felt the seat dip as his weight was place next to hers.
"I never talk about my family; I'm assuming you've noticed. That's because mine left when I was 7. I guess I should start from the beginning. My father was a police detective; after I was born he decided to give up working nights so he could look after me. He was amazing the kind of guy would check under the bed for monsters at night and make up silly fairy stories about princesses in castles, he was the dad who would push you so high on the swings you thought you would go over the top bar. One day he decided it was time to start night shifts again so he could be with me in the day. He tucked me in and kissed my head, he said daddy had to go to work and catch some bad guys to make the world safer for his little girl, foolishly I believed him when he said he would be back in the morning." She paused slightly trying to gauge his reaction, she allowed a stray tear to run down her cheek before it could fall of her face Gibbs had caught it and wiped it away, she allowed herself to carry on.
"Well that night they were trying to bring down a drug ring in the city, what they didn't know was their mole was corrupt and my dad was killed in the crossfire. It hit us hard, me and my mum. She started staying out late and drinking her life away, I had to get myself up for school, convince myself the monsters weren't really there. It started out as being an odd night a week she would bring strange men into the house who would sneak out before she awoke in the morning and leave 20 dollar bills on the table, it started to become more frequent until eventually it was every night. I used to think it was the normal your mom sleeping around, I figured out it wasn't. Then she got a new boyfriend Mark, he didn't leave in the morning he seemed like a great guy, turns out he wasn't so fond of kids. My mum blamed me for everything that went wrong, used to knock me about a bit. Mark was worse he used to do things that weren't normal for a little girl, then he convinced my mum her life would be better off without me. They moved to Spain placed me in the foster system and never looked back." The memories all flooded back in a rush, she was now crying freely her shoulders shaking. Gibbs wrapped his arms around her and gently rocked her backwards and forwards stroking her back and trying to get her to stop crying.
"It's okay Katie I've got you, no one is ever going to hurt you again I promise" he whispered in her ear moving her hair out of her face.
"I tried to get him to stop I swear I did, I would scream at him but he would just laugh in my face, but I did try" she babbled not quite able to make eye contact.
"I know you did, I know" he said, his rage was building he couldn't believe how someone could hurt her, his Kate. From that moment on he made a promise to himself that she would never be hurt again. His tough, strong willed Special Agent Caitlin Todd would always have him by her side, because after all she was everything to him.