'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
This is a little one-shot that I decided to release. It may be a little AU, but perhaps not. I picture the characters ten years older than what they are canonically. It's dedicated to the wonderful readers of the story I'm currently working on, Advents in Serendipity. I may (MAY) continue this once I've finished everything else I'm writing, until then, it's perfectly fine as a stand-alone, noir-parody, cliche-ridden something. I hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day.
Also, special thanks to author anastasia 1234, who's brilliant series Battle of Wits I was reading when the idea for this came to mind.
"I'd planned to take the day off and spend time with a couple of buddies. My buddies travel light and they're fun to have around. One travels in a holster, and the other in a hip flask."
-Tracer Bullet, Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
A lamentable remix of a techno song in the style of muzak surrounded the wood nightstand like a gloomy shawl. The lampshade was splattered with the finest spray of blood and tilted improperly. One mug of lukewarm tea—a pale berry-tinted lip print adorning the rim—nestled precariously on the corner. It served only as a painful reminder to Shadow the Hedgehog's embarrassing failure to destroy the rogue agent who had the nerve to break into his apartment at dinner time. He glared at the ceiling, wrapped in an impenetrable prison of his favorite bedding and wondered for the umpteenth time since he had woken up that morning how he could have screwed up so thoroughly. His feet had gone numb and the knots across his chest were so tight that his only hope for oxygen was an embarrassing wheeze every few moments.
Then, there was the smell of her that permeated the air. A smoky fragrance, a hint of floral, and sweat from exertion. Shadow choked on the scent, but could not escape. He turned toward the nightstand to assess the time. Three hours had passed and he still had made no progress on freeing himself. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the pillow, a woeful grunt echoing into the sparse room.
When Shadow began to wonder if he might finally die in this unfortunate situation, the sliding lock on the front door of the apartment rattled and the familiar sound of stomping high-heels reverberated into his entry.
"Shadow the Hedgehog, if you are going to take the day off, you could at least call—whoa, what happened here?" The sultry white bat stopped in the door of his bedroom, pausing to raise a sculpted brow. She surveyed the room before her gaze landed on the hedgehog in question, a teasing smirk playing on her pink-glossed lips. "Went home with the wrong girl, Shaddy-boy?"
The black hedgehog grimaced uncomfortably, "I don't hang out in the same places you do. Now get me out of this."
"Temper, temper," Rouge continued smirking, sauntering over and digging her fingers into the woven bed-sheet. She sat on the edge of the bed and continued her interrogation in a more motherly tone. "So what did happen?"
"Mm."
"Don't give me that. Answer, or you can stay here while I call some of the girls over and we can all discuss our love lives."
"Someone was here when I got home. I don't know for how long, or what they wanted, but we fought and she managed to knock me out." Shadow closed his eyes and turned to face the wall instead of his patronizing work partner. Rouge continued loosening the knots. She smiled knowingly.
"I told you not to lead fan-girls on too much. They always snap in the end."
"I haven't had one since that one mission. This wasn't just a girl. She was somebody with experience." Rouge popped through the first layer of blankets. Shadow felt blood flow in his legs. "She was someone on a mission."
Rouge held back folds of sheets with her teeth, "Did she say anything to you?"
Shadow opened his eyes, inhaling the final breath of the mystery woman's perfume.
"Well..."
"Commander, please"—
"Nonsense, Shadow! You've worked extra missions all week, you can certainly handle a little overtime on a Friday! Now hop to it!"
"Sir," the second-shortest member of the defense organization GUN backed into his meager apartment, arms full of groceries and blue-tooth seconds from falling out of his ear. He kicked the door shut and set the groceries on his kitchen table, "Sir I must respectfully decline. I'm too tired and I won't do it." A bag fell over, sending apples across the linoleum floor. Shadow took a deep breath to still his nerves. Heavy breathing crackled in the blue-tooth and Shadow finally readjusted it so it wasn't so loose. The Commander caved.
"Fine. You know we can't do without you in top shape, so get some rest and be back early tomorrow morning."
"Will do, Sir." Shadow pulled the device from his ear and set it down. Running dual missions each night was enough to kill lesser beings. Luckily, Shadow was no such being and settled for a night off to eat a home-cooked meal and rest a while. Maybe read a good book or have a glass of wine. Sadly, that night would be far from restful and he would find himself wishing he had taken that extra mission.
"Mmm," a smoky, feminine voice suddenly whispered in his ear and Shadow was painfully aware of a thin blade pressed against his throat. "What's for dinner?" Shadow's eyes flicked around the room and noticed that one of the fallen apples had disappeared. A sickening crunch sounded, too close to the side of his face. The sweet fruit dripped on his shoulder. His back twitched reflexively and the knife pressed closer against his neck. A black-gloved fist encasing the apple slid across his vision, raised its index finger and waggled it back and forth.
"Ah-ah-ah... No fast moves. Dinner will have to be to-go, unfortunately." The hand released the apple, which fell to the table with a small thump. Juice-moistened lips pressed into his ear, "Too bad. I wanted to spend more time together before I made my escape for the evening. Now listen carefully—you're going to move to your bedroom window slowly and without making a sound. If I sense you plotting something, you can say goodbye to the world you hold dear, Shadow the Hedgehog." Fine, the GUN agent thought in response, I'll play along.
"Please, don't hurt me. I'll do what you ask." He wished he had taken the acting courses at the training facilities. He had skipped since Rouge usually played the decoy on their missions. However, his slightly-quavering voice seemed enough to appease his attacker. She purred gently.
"Good boy. Come on now, let's go." The hand that had been holding the apple snaked around his waist, locking itself just under the left side of his ribs. Judging by the angle of the pull, the attacker was shorter than Shadow, but not by much. He followed without a sound. As they left the kitchen, Shadow caught a reflection in the back of his saucepan, hanging on the wall organizer. The woman was very sleek, with no immediate giveaways like quills or feathers. The only thing he could make out in the midst of her black mask and jumpsuit was her lips, berry-glossed against a pale white muzzle.
She gave him another tug and a plan began to form in his mind.
As they crept down the hall and entered his bedroom, Shadow felt the need to suppress the desire to slaughter the intruder. His normally pristine room was a shambles, clothes strewn across the floor, CD cases rifled through and his closet door open. His bedding was oddly messy as well. The knife angled against his jaw.
"Sorry about the mess," the voice purred in his ear, "I just had to know more about you."
"You'll pay for this," Shadow hissed through clenched teeth. The slim body behind him stiffened. It resumed its steady guidance. A cold breeze from the open window brushed over the pair. Shadow's fur stood on end. His desk ruffled with loose papers.
"Play nice, now. I didn't do anything bad." The body of his attacker pressed against him. He could almost hear her smirk.
"You coming here is enough. Who do you work for?" They had arrived at the narrow space between the bed and the window closest to the nightstand. The knife seemed to slacken ever-so-slightly. Shadow waited, fuming.
"Sorry," the lips were at his ear again, "secrets, secrets." The lips fell away and Shadow went stalk-still as a nose trailed along his neck. "Pity," the woman said, "I'd like to tell you everything." Shadow seized his opportunity.
With lightning-fast reflexes, he yanked the hand holding the knife away from his neck, spinning under with a graceful kick. The woman hissed and Shadow felt the knife graze something. His attacker was just as fast as he was, however—almost as if she had expected him to escape. She jumped over his leg and used his weight to support her feet along the wall. She shoved him towards the bed and Shadow tripped over one of the loose blankets. As he fell, he lost sight of the enemy in the dark room. A blinding light flashed and a loud bang echoed from near his desk. Suddenly, a knee was in his stomach, another across one of his arms, a hand pinning his other arm, and fingers wrapped around his throat. Then, he saw her.
Her gold eyes gleamed in the murky light as she placed her face millimeters in front of his own. A black ski mask did little to hide her pointed ears, but nearly overwhelmed what Shadow assumed was a delicate nose. The woman licked her lips, revealing white fangs. She breathed softly.
"People underestimate the flammability of perfumes." Almost as soon as she said it, Shadow inhaled a heady scent of charcoal and flowers. He coughed harshly. The woman grinned, "They also underestimate the power of incapacitation it has—when mixed with the right ingredients. Don't struggle." Shadow began to loose consciousness as the smell and the pressure on his esophagus overwhelmed him. She leaned close to his ear a final time, "It'll all be over soon." When his strength left him, she pulled away, and all he could remember was the mischief in her eye and the way her berry lips curved upwards in a wicked grin.
"When I came to, my alarm clock was going off and I was tied in the sheets." Shadow was finally freed from his bonds, sitting up against his headboard and stretching. Rouge pursed her lips.
"Doesn't your alarm clock go off at six? Have you really been stuck for three hours?"
"That's beside the point!" The black hedgehog snapped, "We need to find out who she was and who she was working for... and what she wanted." He rubbed his arms and legs, sparking warmth and blood flow into his extremities. Rouge stood.
"That's fine, but I think you should report to the Boss first. He's been worried sick."
Shadow growled irritable and Rouge just chuckled.
"Blaze! You made it!" Sonic grinned widely as the door swung open, revealing the lavender feline. She smiled shyly, dark circles evident under her eyes. Sonic's expression drooped, "You look exhausted..."
"Yes, well," Blaze pulled her suitcase into the entryway, "the new protocol on your city's Inter-dimensional Port Center is far more thorough than last time I stopped by. Ahh...!" She winced and the suitcase clattered onto the hardwood floor. Sonic rushed to pick it up. Blaze whimpered, "So sorry."
Sonic shook his head, "No problem. Come on, I'll show you to your room." He smiled and turned towards the narrow stairs which were lined with shallow, dark green carpet. Blaze gingerly followed, trying not to wobble on her high heels. She looked around at the large rec room which led to a kitchen on the far side. What she assumed was the bathroom was set under the stairs. She gripped the railing tight as she ascended.
It was a small house, very cabin-like in it's layout and decorating. Somehow, the builders managed to cram three bedrooms into the small upstairs without any of them being stifling. Sonic dragged the white suitcase through the dark, bead-board paneled hallway. The first room they passed was nearly bare except for a large, messy, blue bed and countless cans of energy drinks on the floor. The second on the left-hand side was the master bedroom, done up in mostly green accents. It had a mobile hanging from the ceiling made of different types of airplanes, The bed was less messy, with ivory sheets and a patchwork quilt in varying shades of green. Mechanical components lay haphazardly around an oak desk, which was full of blueprints for various inventions. It smelled of motor oil.
"Here we are!" Sonic said in a sing-song voice. He kicked open the door and led Blaze into a small, neat room. It smelled stale, but the pale-blue bed was made and there was a nightstand and matching chest of drawers. Other than the storage boxes crowding the floor of the closet, it was perfect. The purple cat smiled as wide as was proper. She turned to Sonic, grateful.
"Thank you again for letting me stay here! The room is lovely."
The blue hedgehog shrugged, "No biggie—we don't really use this room and it's always fun to have company. Well, unless you're Tails. If he's in his room, chances are he's obsessing over his latest invention. Try not to bug him then."
"Sounds an awful lot like Marine," Blaze chuckled. Sonic joined her laugh and gestured down the hall.
"Hey, I'm sure everyone will be excited you're here. Want to pop into Station Square and have dinner with everyone?"
"I'd love to."
"Here's your order, hun." Shadow sat up straighter and rubbed his eyes, nodding deftly at the fox waitress as she set down a plate of eggs, bacon and toast. He picked up a fork and prodded the eggs halfheartedly. Rouge pushed her mug around, staring at her partner. She finally pursed her lips and hit the mug against the table. The silverware rattled and an old raccoon couple in the corner of the diner glared in her direction.
"Shadow, it's not a bad thing that you got a week suspension. You're still getting paid, you can come right back to work after, and you still have a job. Stop beating yourself up; you're depressing me." She pulled the mug against her lips. She grimaced as she put it down, reaching for the sugar. Shadow speared a piece of egg and placed it in his mouth. He chewed silently, never looking up from his plate. The white bat sighed, "Maybe you can use your time profitably instead of moping at the diner every day. Try coming to my place—find a girlfriend. Take up a new hobby..." she paused, scowling at the black hedgehog, "you're not getting any younger."
"I'm not getting older, either." Shadow smirked, knowing it would tick his partner off. She pulled her glossy lips into a sneer and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. Shadow smiled into his mug of coffee, feeling a bit better.
The door at the front of the restaurant rattled—the little gold bell on its handle rang jovially. Sonic walked in, flanked by Tails and Amy, with a purple someone following behind. Sonic scanned the booths before noticing Shadow and Rouge. He waved a gloved hand in greeting.
"Yo, Shads! How you been?" He walked up, friends in tow. Shadow glared up at the Blue Blur from under heavy brows. Rouge smiled amicably.
"We haven't been too bad, Mr. Hero," she supplied, "Shadow has a week of vacation time. I'm trying to make him spend it... properly." She glared at Shadow meaningfully. He leaned back in the booth, mouth full. He glared at the group, each in turn. There was someone new with them. Shadow's gaze lingered on the purple cat.
Gold eyes...
She shifted uncomfortably and her eyes darted around.
Sonic noticed Shadow's line of sight and grinned, waggling his brows, "I see you noticed my shy friend Blaze over here. She's visiting for a while. She's a princess." Sonic winked dramatically, leaning down to Shadow's eye level. Shadow ignored him, simply pressing a hand over the hero's face and pushing him away.
"How long has she been here?"
"Why? Interested?"
"Don't misunderstand," Shadow groaned, "Business question." Sonic scratched his head. Rouge leaned back on the booth, turning to rest on her arm.
"Shadow's place got broken into last night. The culprit has gold eyes, apparently." She appraised Blaze, who rubbed her arm awkwardly. The bat reached and patted the princess' hand warmly, "Don't worry, I doubt it's you. Shadow doesn't bite," she glanced back, "normally."
Blaze bowed, "Pleased to meet you both. I only just arrived this morning," she turned to Shadow nervously, "Good luck in finding whoever broke into your apartment."
Shadow stood fluidly and looked Blaze in the eye, "Who said I lived in an apartment?"
The feline bit her lip.
"Okay, okay, you guys... stop with the interrogation." Amy stomped into the middle of the group, spreading her arms in front of each side, "We came here to have a welcome lunch and that's what we're going to do! Follow me!" She snatched up Sonic's hand and marched away, dragging the hedgehog behind her. Tails looked around awkwardly.
"Have a good day, you guys. Come on, Blaze." The kitsune offered Blaze his arm, which she took. Shadow glared her down as she passed. She cowered behind the fox and looked away. The black hedgehog collapsed into the booth, grabbing his mug and downing the last of his coffee. Rouge shook her head.
"Never mind: if I let you come to Club Rouge you'll scare away all the girls."
Shadow pouted, "That... girl... seemed too suspicious. How did she know I lived in an apartment? She had gold eyes, Rouge." He bit into a piece of toast fiercely. Rouge raised her hands.
"Don't look at me to side with you; she seemed perfectly terrified if anything," the white bat stood and straightened her gloves. "Well, I'm off to open up shop for the night. Gotta renew the casino permits and all that. See you later, Shadow." With a sultry lilt and a sarcastic salute, she was gone. Shadow pushed his plate away and crossed his arms, agitated.
Gold eyes... apartment... gold eyes... apartment.
He looked back at the group of four, who had sat down at one of the larger booths and were laughing raucously at one of the blue idiot's stories. The purple cat was smiling shyly, her hands tucked down either side of her. Could she really be the intruder? With a mouth like Rouge and skills rivaling his own?
Shadow shook his head, Guess not. He dropped some bills on the table and stalked out of the establishment, not giving his dilemma a second thought.