"You let her die!"
"NO!"
"Dear child, you let everyone around you die. Your parent, Terra...Why, your friends are killing themselves slowly each day with guilt. They all blame themselves for the girls death as well. But it's not their fault. It's your's."
"SHUT UP!"
"And would any of this had happened if you weren't born, let yourself die with that disease, or maybe even just wore a little bug spray."
"I...STOP!"
"Perhaps Robin would not have been infected with that virus and threatened you all, hurt Starfire. Raven's heart would not be broken because she wouldn't have felt so alone and found comfort in a dragon For you would not have called her creepy. They'd be much better off with you gone."
"But..."
"Cause and Effect, child. Threefold Law. Law of Return. Karma. Call it what you will, it all leads back to you."
"Ahh!" My head shoots up. Slade's right. Well, in my dream. He can certanly make a good argument. If he wasn't evil, he would do well in a Presidential debate...Or maybe he doesn't have to be a good guy to do that. Evil dudes have gotten votes in the past.
I get up off my bed. This time I ues the ladder, which is a first for me. I normally just leap down. I'm not in the mood for jumping right now. I walk out of my room and into the main room. Robin and Cyborg are playing video games, Raven's reading one of her musty, old books, and Starfire is watching the video game. They look up when I come in.
Starfire walks over to me. "You have finally awaken!" She anounces smiling.
"It's 6:38pm," Robin pauses their game and joins Starfire, his mask in worried position. "Is something wrong?"
"Nah, just up late I guess!" Fake smile. "Hey! I'll cook dinner! Veggies all around! No tofu!" I go to the fridge and grab some full-sized carrots. Then I grab a sharp knife. I gaze at the blade for what seems like hours until I notice Raven looking at me from the tabel. I flash a nervous smile and begin chopping up the carrot. This is my chance.
"Oh!" I pretend to remember something. "I forgot to wash my hands!"
"BB? You're wearing gloves," Cyborg points out.
Crap. "Well, my gloves are filthy! I shouldn't be wearing them while cooking!" I back up. "There's probably animal poop on them!" They look grossed out. I toss the carrot pieces in the sink and hide the knife. Then I run off. But in the distance I hear Raven saying something about the knife. Did she see me take it? Does she know what I'm about to do? I hear gasps.
I stick the handle in my mouth and morph into a cheetah to run faster until I reach the roof. It's raining, so it will be easier for them to clean up my mess. I morph back.
I take off my gloves and roll up my sleeves. "Well, here it is," I say. "The beginning of the Titan's better years." I take the knife and push it against my left wrist. I close my eyes as I make a deep cut through the artery. It doesn't hurt. I open them. Red and green. That reminds me. I'll miss our first Christmas as a full team. Oh well. I get a little woozie, but I cut deeper into my right wrist. It feels like I'm releasing everything. I fall on my back, but I'm still breathing.
This might take awhile.
/I tried to kill the painBut only brought more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret
And betrayal/
I watch my blood flow away from me. The bloody knife is still in my green hand. They probably won't use it again. Speaking of which, I wonder if they're looking for me. I wonder if they did notice the missing knife. Did Raven say anything?
/I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingAm I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?/
As the blood covers my body, I begin to ask questions. Is there an afterlife? Or do we return to this crappy world in another life? Is there a heaven? A hell? Or is it just black? Black for all eternity? Or do we wonder the earth as a ghost? Pure bliss? Pure torture? Nothing? Will I see Mom? Dad? Terra?
/My God, my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation/
I guess I'll find out soon enough. As long as I'm free. As long my friend don't get hurt anymore. As long as I'm out of their way.
/Do you remember meLost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me/
"Beast Boy!" Starfire shrieks. She flies over the red puddle and sits down. Then she grabs my head and lay it on her lap. She begins stroking my blood-stained hair.
"Hold on Beast Boy!" Robin looks at my two cuts. "It's too much. Cyborg! Call an ambulance!"
"I'm on it!" Cyborg grabs my hand before leaving, "Hang in there. Don't die on us," He says in caring voice. He runs off at full speed.
They all sound so far away.
/I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingAm I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?/
Raven's eyes are wide. Black stuff is coming out of her forehead like electricity. "You idiot!" She yells at me, "Don't do this to us! Not now." I can't tell if she's crying. She kneels down next to me as her hands begin to glow a light shade blue. She puts her hand to my right wrist, which is closest to her.
I feel Starfire's tears falling on my face. I can tell because the tears land softer than the rain. She keeps muttering something in Tamaranian. All I can make out is X'Hal. Her boots, Raven's knees, and Robin's shoes are all covered in my blood.
I look back at Raven. Her hand is blinking blue rather than glowing. I think she's having trouble focusing.
Robin now sits at my left, squeezing my hand. Now that I think about it, we were never very close. We annoy each other more than anyone else ever could. He's not exactly Mr. Sunshine around me. I think he could have been a little nicer. He glares at me too much. But that's just who Robin is, I guess. Always Mr. Grumpy Tight's, rarely Mr. Sunshine. Part of me blamed him for Terra's betrayal. I know I shouldn't. He didn't know it was a secret.
/My God, my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation/
Cyborg comes back outside and says a helicopter is coming. He's also been crying. We are best friends, after all. He steps into Lake Blood and kneels down next to Raven, covering himself in red. "Fight, Beast Boy, fight," He whispers, squeezing my right arm to act as a tourniquet. That's what it's called, right? Yeah, I think so.
I can see Robin's eyes now due to the rain and tears. I think they're brown. With his free hand, he grabs one of Star's hands. That's something else I'll regret not seeing. How they turn out. If all the Titans have a doomed love life or not. But, maybe this will bring those two together sooner.
"I love you guys," I tell all of them in a soft voice.
"Don't say that," says Cyborg. "Everything's gonna be fine. You're not goin' anywhere."
I slowly shake my head.
Raven's hands stop blinking and glowing. "Beast Boy, I can't heal you unless you cooperate. You have to let me heal you!"
"I want to die..."
/I want to die!!!/
The minute I choke this out, everyone looks at me in disbelief. They probably thought I just made a stupid choice and changed my mind. They didn't think I would go through with it. I hear Starfire gasp.
"You don't mean that..." Cyborg assumes.
"Idiot..." Raven mutters, trying to stay in control.
"Too bad. You're staying," says Robin, moving his hand above my wrist with a firm grip. "Starfire, I need you tear two pieces of cloth off my cape." She knows where this is going. She rips his cape twice and tightly ties one around each arm.
My blood flow slows down, and, finally, so does my pulse. Am I dead yet? This is taking too long.
Raven speaks up and asks "Why are you doing this?" She sounds even farther away than before.
My voice is smaller, too, when I answer. "You all know I'm draging you guys down. I'm useless." I swallow hard.
"That is not true!" Starfire cries.
"Yeah? In what alternate universe?" I try to joke, I even smile a little. But as usual, I fail. The smile fades quickly.
/My God, my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation/
"You guys will thank me later."
The helicopter finally arrives. It's too late. I can hardly see. But I do see docters come out with a stretcher.
/My wounds cry for the graveMy soul cries for deliveranceWill I be denied
Christ
Tourniquet/
What's this? No light. My life doesn't even flash before my eyes. I'm grateful for that. It's just black. I hear sceams, explosions.
Then...Black...
/My suicide/
Okay..This didn't turn out exactly how I wanted. The explosions were from Raven's powers, just incase you didn't figure it out. I actually that this up when I first read about Terra. Please R&R! Flames are accepted.