FEVER DREAMS
(Han)
We've just arrived at the rendezvous point to join the fleet. Luke won't be there to meet us; something about finishing his Jedi training. I confess that when we met up with him again and I'd been told by Leia and Chewie that Luke was now a Jedi knight, I was like, what the fuck happened there?
I'd been encased in carbonite for six months as the late and unlamented Jabba the Hutt's favorite decoration. That should tell you something right there. I'm so proud of Leia; she killed the slimy bastard. And the bounty hunters that were on Jabba's ship are being slowly devoured by the Sarlaac. I don't think they figured they'd end up in the Pit of Carkoon being painfully digested, but hey, no one's gonna miss them.
I have to thank Luke, but most of all, I have to thank the incredible woman I've taken to be my lover. Leia is brave and determined and tough as they come, which are to me some of the many things that make her so incredibly sexy.
Leia, Chewie, 3PO and I are in the process of closing down the ship. We'll have to re-provision and refuel her before we head out again, but right now, it feels good to be on solid ground with friendly faces.
"I think that's it," I tell Leia.
"Now, off to medical," she says to me.
"I'm fine, sweetheart. I don't have any residual anything from the carbonite."
"We'll see about that. Let's go." She has the look and the voice that say, you're not getting out of this. It's a waste of time, I argue with her. She's unmoved. In defeat, I follow her to the medical bay.
"What brings you here?" the medical droid asks me.
"Her," I say, indicating Leia.
"He's been in carbonite freeze for six months," she tells the droid. "I'd like to make sure he doesn't have any surprises waiting from it."
"Of course."
Leia kisses me. "I need to talk to Admiral Ackbar and Mon Mothma. Meet me in the mess hall."
I'm sulking like a recalcitrant child, and Leia would argue that sometimes I am. "I just want to make sure you're all right," she tells me, kissing me, and then whispers, "I'll make it up to you."
"How?" I demand.
"Let's just say it involves removing your clothes."
Okay, she has me.
A human medic comes along and joins the droid.
"How long were you encased in carbonite?"
"Six months."
"And when were you freed?"
"Five days ago."
"Are you experiencing any muscle weakness, involuntary movements such as trembling or twitching?"
"No." C'mon, this is ridiculous.
"What were your symptoms when you were freed?"
"I was shaking and I couldn't see."
"And is your eyesight normal again?"
"Yes."
"Have you had any chills or hot flashes?"
"Mostly, I slept for the first three days."
"How is the exhaustion now?"
"Well, I piloted my own ship here."
"I'm afraid that that wasn't the question," the droid says.
"I'm okay. I slept ten hours before we got here. I'm fine."
"You're able to eat and drink normally now?"
"Yeah." I had the last Alderaanian ale on the ship last night.
"Any nightmares, hallucinations, intrusive thoughts?"
"I slept the sleep of the dead. I was tired. I'm not now." Okay, that's almost true. A couple more days and I'll be back.
"Your vital signs are all good," the human medic pronounces.
"Glad to hear it." Can I just get out of here now?
"Are you feeling claustrophobic?"
"No."
"You sound as if you survived the process well. I would warn you, however, that sometimes things such as nightmares or claustrophobia can occur. That you've been so tired that you've slept well isn't surprising. But sometimes, once your sleep patterns are normalized, these things can intrude."
"So what can you do about it?"
"We have medications that would help you."
"Forget it. I'll be fine."
"Very well, then," the human medic says. "I'm going to put you down for return to active duty."
I could've told them that.
"Hey Solo!" It's Wedge Antilles. "Long time no see!"
"Well, you get encased in carbonite, things like that happen."
"Glad you're up and about."
"Thanks. I'm supposed to meet Leia at the mess hall. Has the cuisine improved yet?"
Wedge throws back his head and laughs. "Worst it's ever been."
"Thanks for the warning. Good seeing you."
"You, too."
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I find Leia talking with Riekkan in the mess hall. She must've finished her business with Ackbar and Mon Monster. Sorry, that woman irritates the fuck outta me.
"Solo, good to see you," Riekkan says and extends his hand. I shake it.
"Thank you, General."
"I see you survived the exam," Leia says acerbically. "You didn't kill anyone there, did you?"
"Nah. Now the droids that did the physical I had when I entered the Imperial Academy, those I had justification to melt down." Riekkan gives the ghost of a smile. We both went through the Academy. He's not a joker and I suspect I irritate him, but he's always been gracious to me. He seems to view me as a wayward son that he loves anyway. I've got nothing but respect for him. And he's a fellow Alderaanian, and I appreciate the way he's looked out for Leia. He was the one that gave her permission to find me. I owe him a big one.
"Solo, I need to talk with you. Come see me in my office in five minutes."
I look at Leia and she looks at me. "He's probably going to toss me out on my ass."
"No, he isn't! Look at me! Have I tossed you out on your ass? Even when you deserved it?" She's got mischief in those chocolate brown eyes. "He thinks you have great potential, and yes, he has said that to me."
"I have potential, all right." At screwing things up.
But I'm also lucky. I've got this beautiful woman I call my partner. It doesn't get better than this.
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I sit down across from Riekkan, and he says they're waiting on information from Botha that might show a design flaw in the new and improved, if unfinished, Death Star.
"This wouldn't happen to be a thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide?" I forget, Riekkan doesn't like this sort of kidding, but he answers me.
"I'm guessing that they probably compensated for that, but we'll have to wait on the Bothans." I suddenly realize how much older he looks than when I met him. He might be a bit short in the humor department, but Riekkan is someone who takes losses seriously and personally. There's been a lot of blood spilled in this war. We'll probably lose more before it's over, and over is the only way anyone wants this war. Everyone's battle fatigued. It's been four years. The people I met have all aged, some of them frighteningly so. Riekkan's eyes are always puffy, as if he never sleeps. I can believe he doesn't.
"How this goes down depends upon the intelligence we receive. We don't have a battle plan; we're hoping to within the next 24 to 48 hours. I'd like to know if you're with us in that regard."
I could duck out, or say this isn't my war, but my thinking's changed on that. I've got people I care about, I've got concerns beyond getting paid.
"I'm with you, sir."
"Thank you. Solo, you're a good fighter and a natural leader, and sometimes, you make me laugh."
"Thank you, sir."
I wonder if making Riekkan laugh is a good thing or a bad thing.
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After the briefing, which lasts about an hour, I'm deadass tired. Chewie heads back to the Falcon; the cots here on the base don't hold a Wookiee. Hell, they barely hold me. I'm tall but I'm not the tallest one around here.
Leia loops her arm through mine. "Ready for some shuteye, Flyboy?"
"Yeah, actually."
"How about you move your cot to my quarters?"
"You're not worried about what people are going to say?"
She laughs, that magnificent beautiful laugh of hers. "I think that ship sailed a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago."
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The cots aren't comfortable, but we dragged our blankets off the Falcon, and when we've pushed both cots together, it's a lot more comfortable, at least in terms of perception. Chances are my back is going to scream at me in the morning, but I don't care. I'm here with the woman I love. We get into our sleeping clothes - soft sleep pants for me, one of my big old T shirts for Leia. We sleep naked on the Falcon every so often, but when you can be chased by an Imperial ship and have to jump out of bed in a hurry, it pays not to be completely without attire.
We're both exhausted, and I don't think there's gonna be much in the way of lovemaking tonight. There'll be plenty to do tomorrow and I hope by the end of the day what we're doing next is clear.
"You must be tired if you're willing to skip the beer bash in the mess hall," Leia says softly to me.
"There'll be beer bashes for as long as this damn war keeps going on." It feels as if it's never going to end.
"We've had a lot of success in terms of worlds aligning with us. Now our focus is to finish off the last military power, and that's the Emperor and his shrinking gang of toadies."
"Yeah. Riekkan wanted to know if I was on board."
"I figured that's what he wanted to talk to you about. Honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to."
"I'm in," I tell her. "Honey, I'm so tired."
"I know."
We wrap our arms around each other and kiss a few times, and once again, I'm asleep.
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I can't breathe. I can't move. Where am I? Someone help me!
"Han!" I hear my name, but it's so far away. As if in the distance, like an echo. Who is taking care of the princess? I told Chewie to take care of the princess.
I try to answer. I can't speak. I try to ask where she is but no sound comes from me! Leia, where are you? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to leave you like that!
"Han, Han!"
Who is taking care of the princess? I can't leave her like this!
I feel a shaking sensation. I'm so cold!
"Han, wake up!"
I can't see! I need to find out if she's all right!
"Han, it's me! It's Leia!"
I suddenly sit bolt upright. It takes me a moment to realize I'm freezing cold and sweating at the same time.
"Leia." I can barely get the word out.
I feel a light touch on my face. "Leia." I say it again.
"Open your eyes," she orders me.
I'm breathing hard; I can't catch my breath.
"I'm sorry I didn't take care of you!"
Then I feel hear put an arm around my shoulder. Leia turns on the dim light that all personal quarters get.
"You're all right," she tells me. "You had a nightmare. It's not surprising."
My heart's beating so fast that I worry it won't slow down.
Leia gets up, grabs me a container of water, and then wets a flannel and starts with my face and moves down to my chest. She kneads my shoulders.
"Did I make any sense?"
"What you said over and over was 'take care of the princess.'"
"I was worried about you. When I was on the platform...and then they turned on the jets...all I could think of was, Chewie, you better fucking take care of her. All I could think was that I'd let you down."
"You did not let me down." Her tone is firm. "Why would you think that?"
"Well, I was the one who said we should go to Bespin."
"And I agreed to it." She massages my back muscles, which are now all tense but are soothed by her touch. I find myself relaxing a bit.
"I should never have taken us there." I've got so many regrets about that decision.
"Oh, stop it already! Like you really chose to be frozen in carbonite? You're notable for your unconventional behavior at times, but that's way beyond your specs!"
She's sitting behind me and I lean into her. My gods, I dreamed of her so much when I was in carbonite. It's supposed to put you in some sort of coma, but Leia was in my thoughts all the time. I was frightened that she'd give up on me. But instead, she came and rescued me. And she'd killed Jabba.
"They told me the nightmares might come. I figured I was off the hook, but apparently not." I'm weary now, but worried about going back to sleep.
"Doesn't mean you'll have one again." Leia always tries to be rational.
"I hope not." I'm feeling better now.
"Is there anything I can do?" She asks me.
"I know something that would help."
She smiles at me and removes my sleep pants. I relieve her of her T shirt. She cradles my arm against her breasts, soothing me.
Screw medication. The love of Leia Organa is the best cure for nightmares and insomnia. I intend to partake of it every day of my life, if only she'll have me.
And I plan to ask her soon.