The scuffling outside would have woken him up if it weren't for a phone book being chucked at his head.
"OI! YA BET'ER WAKE YER ARSE UP B'FORE TH' LADY ON TH' PHONE DECIDES TO CHANGE HER MIND, BOYO!" The Demoman shouted point-blank into Scout's room.
"Nng, what the hell!?" Tired and still in his boxers and undershirt, Scout lept from his bed to simultaneously yell at and follow Demo back to the communications office where their only phone was held. Once there, he picked it up from the receiver, as it was on hold. "Yea? Who is it?"
"THERE YOU ARE YA SON OF A BITCH!" Answered a very angry, familiar-sounding lady on the other end. Her accent was just as thick as his, if not thicker.
"GEEZE! Why is everyone yellin' at me today!?" He removed the phone from his ear when she first yelled, but put it right back, "What do ya want?!"
"I want ya t' take care'a dis damn child!"
"What child? Lady, you sure you got the right numba?"
"Judas Mc-Whats-His-Face - Whateva, I know ya smug voice anywhere! Look, ya bastard, ya got me fuckin' pregnant so don't gimmie your bullshit about-"
He dropped the phone, wide-eyed, and struggled to pick it up before it hit the ground. He put it back to his ear, interrupting the woman, "Hold up, hold up, hold up...WHAT!?"
"You heard me, asshole! I had to go through pregnancy with YOUR baby alone, by myself, an' I've had just about enough'a it!"
He had nothing to say this time.
"I know where you are, so I'm droppin' th'kid off by tomorrow. Meet me at the corner store on Preston, 8 am SHARP. It's gonna be your problem now!"
"W-Wait! Wait, what are ya sayin'?"
"I'm sayin', I ain't dealin' with this baby! It's YOURS!"
More stunned silence.
"I'll be seein' ya, smart ass. You betta have a damn good lawyer!"
Click.
And the line went dead.
It took a few moments for Scout to hang the phone up back onto the receiver. He ran both hands through his hair and stepped away, his gaze shooting to the entrance where nearly everyone had been standing. It was almost a custom to listen in on conversations when the person wouldn't immediately kill you, like Spy or maybe Medic. Especially when the sound of trouble was afoot. The Soldier was the first to speak up.
"What's got your granny-panties in a bunch?! I better not see tears!"
"Y-You shut up, Soldier! I don't wanna talk about it!"
"Oh come now, lad." Demoman stood from where he was lounging in front of the doorway, "We've probably faced much worse. You c'n tell us."
Pyro mumbled in agreement, enthusiastically, just as Heavy arrived on scene.
"What happened now?" He inquired.
"Allow me." Spy materialized near the door, hesitating as Scout tried to interrupt him before he could explain further, but proved unsuccessful, "Scout is a father."
There were a few minutes of quiet contemplation. Scout? As a parent? It didn't take long for everyone to lose it in laughter. Turning red with embarrassment and rage, he marched over to the doorway, shoving the others out of his path. The only ones not there mocking the young man were Medic, Sniper, and Engineer. They were never ones to get into drama, and only really laughed at who they killed. Either way, Scout didn't want to talk to anyone at this moment. For once in his life, he felt like he really needed a strong drink.
A kid.
Who'da thought?