Chapter One
"All we have to do is sneak inside, murder Jack, and all your problems will be solved, Will." Hannibal said, convincingly, while staring at Will. Will however, was unimpressed, and wanted ice cream for breakfast, not Jack.
"I don't know, it just seems kind of predictable, plus what kind of sauce are you going to use, and—Wait, are those french fries?"
"Yes, once again, your powers of deduction never cease to amaze me." Hannibal replied dryly, while munching on a french fry, which was really quite rude of him. It also made Will want to rip his tongue out.
"Don't be such a male reproductive organ," Will retorted, "if you're going to be impolite, you might as well offer me a fry too." Will waited for Hannibal to offer him a fry with his hands outstretched, and yet, Hannibal looked at him, smug and confident in his ability to keep Will well away from his precious fries.
After ten minutes of this treatment, and not getting any less hungry, Will finally cracked, "Okay, you know what, fine! I'm done with you! Let's just get into Jack's house and murder him!" Will exclaimed, while throwing his hands up in the air, like he really didn't care. But he did. Don't let him fool you.
"That's the spirit!" Hannibal rejoiced cheerfully, while putting on his Murder Hat, Murder Shirt, Murder Tie, Murder Pants, and finally, his Murder Shoes, patent pending.
"Do you really need all of that in order to kill Jack?" Will looked at Hannibal's gear, doubting the effectiveness of his attire.
"Not to kill Jack, William, but to watch you kill Jack."
"Holy sexual intercourse. And don't call me William."
"Indeed," Hannibal agreed, ignoring Will's request completely. "But kindly refrain from such graphic language; there could be some young children skulking around." Hannibal admonished, slapping Will's wrist lightly.
"Why would they hang out directly in front of Jack's house? It's 2 a.m., and it seems kind of pointless, unless they want to kill Jack too." Will rationalized. However, at that exact moment, a nearby trash can fell over with a loud crash. As the can fell, the two children that used to be hiding behind it were revealed. They tried to hide once more, but due to the trash can recession there were no more trash cans in the city of Baltimore anymore; therefore their plan was foiled. They stood like would-be murderers, caught in the act. "F, for lack of finesse, effort, and success!" Hannibal screamed at the formerly trashy duo as the two children ran away in fright, leaving their murder weapons behind. "Run cowards, you'll never be real murderers like us!" Hannibal continued, brandishing the fake killers' knives, guns, harpoons, poisons, grenade launchers, sniper rifles, bears, and trees at their retreating backs.
"Did you really need to do that? I mean, they would've gotten rid of Jack for us, and then we could've killed them and had both Jack and the kids for dinner. A buy-one-get-two-free kind of deal." Will said, emotionlessly, while he finished painting his toenails a pale yellow, like lemonade on a sunny day, or like a sunflower with slightly muted colors. His fingernails were done in a soothing blood red, to help him get in his Murder MoodTM, and his toes were done in the color of a dead canary, in order to annoy Hannibal.
Hannibal looked at Will's hands approvingly, but then glanced down and glared at Will's feet distastefully. But that didn't matter at the moment, he tried to convince himself, as his eyes kept getting drawn to Will's tackily colored toes. This was thankfully stopped by a "My eyes are up here," from Will, and then the partners-in-crime-but-also-so-much-more were finally able to approach the house, sneaking in like real serial killers, which one of them was.
"I can't see," Will whispered, like an animal whisperer, "is there a light switch somewhere?"
"I have no idea what the fuck you just said," Hannibal replied coldly, like the fridge he kept his victims' organs and body parts in, "You're going to have to speak English, French, Lithuanian, Japanese, or one of the many other languages I know." Will attempted to demonstrate his frustration with Hannibal by showing the other man his middle finger, but he forgot that the lights were still off, so this technique was ineffective.
"Hanni-bear, could you please turn the lights on?" Will quietly asked, mockingly, with a sweet voice. Hannibal swirled around, eyes locked onto where he thought Will was. Hannibal turned the lights on, and it turned out that he was staring at a wall. He sighed quietly. Will sniggered in the background.
"Shut up."
Will continued to snigger. Hannibal grabbed his face and stuffed a dirty sock into Will's mouth. "Don't do that type of fecal matter to me," Will stated, after he managed to get the piece of dirty laundry out of his mouth on the seventh try, "It's disgusting and weird."
Hannibal sniggered.
"It also makes me want to murder you."
Hannibal stopped sniggering and started laughing.