Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Dick Wolf (who I was going to boycott for cancelling the mothership but that lasted all of six seconds – maybe less).

This oneshot takes place after Loss, when Alex is in Wisconsin. She's thinking about Olivia. A/O, of course. What else?

As a child, I always hated space science. We had to take it in grade six and grade nine and it turned me off from all sciences for the rest of my life. I always appreciated the vast mystery of the universe, and learning about it reduced its beauty. The stars were always the most striking for me because they were the most enigmatic, because they were so abundant but still relatively unknown. No one could say for sure how many there were, or how far away each one was, or even where they all came from and how they formed.

I used to jog in the middle of the night. I knew in the back of my mind how dangerous it was, being a young woman running alone in New York City, but I was fearless. Stupid, but fearless. I never needed an iPod; I would just stare up at the stars as I ran and marvel at their beauty.

There were the same stars in New York as there were in Wisconsin. That was what I thought about when I was feeling down – I would look up at the stars and console myself with the notion that Olivia was seeing the same stars, even though she was just as far away as they were.

Olivia Benson. She herself resembled those stars. Enigmatic, but that only made her more beautiful. You could never quite get close enough to touch her, much as you tried – literally and metaphorically. But there she was, the rock that I held on to, because I knew she would never go away. She was predictable through her inscrutability, because I could always count on her to be strong, to be there. My warrior.

Until the day I left. It scared me half to death, because the last time I saw her, she was unraveling at the seams. There were tears streaming down her cheeks like large, wet pearls, and she didn't even bother trying to brush them away or pretend they weren't there. Olivia, who had always been so determined not to show her vulnerability; more than that, Olivia, who had always been so determined not to be vulnerable. She was crying for me. And then, I allowed myself to entertain the notion that she might have felt the same way about me as I felt about her.

"Your funeral's tomorrow," she whispered through her tears, her voice cracking.

All I wanted to do was run to her and beg her to come with me, or throw my arms around her, declaring my undying love. But I knew I could do neither of those things, and so I forced myself to stay rooted to the spot. And as I was shepherded back into the police car, I stared out the window, into the dark night. I looked up at the stars which had brought me so much comfort in the past and which would hopefully continue to do so in the future – I knew I would need it. Brushing away a few of my own tears, I whispered, "I love you, Olivia Benson," even though I knew she couldn't hear me.

But maybe she could. Maybe she felt the words anyway. Because like a star, she was something ethereal. Something paranormal, something supernatural. She was special. So maybe even though I couldn't say the words to her face, she knew it anyway.

Or at least, that was what I told myself. That was how I comforted myself when the stars failed to comfort me. Because I loved Olivia more than anything, and I wished with all my heart that I'd told her so.

Maybe, someday, I'd have the chance. And then I knew, without a doubt, that I would take it.

I hope you liked this oneshot. Please review if you did!