Chapter 1: It's time

DISCLAIMER: I don't own JAG or its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

"Honey, you've got to see that", the grey haired woman yelled to her daughter.

The younger woman came into the living room and sat down on the couch next to her mother. She had been visiting her family's home for a few days before she would start a new job the following week.

"We're reporting to you from aboard the USS Seahawk in the Gulf of Sidra. This was the scene 20 minutes ago, when Harmon Rabb Jr. and an unidentified co-pilot along with the crew with the Seahawk completed an incredible feet, safely landing a huge C-130 transport aboard this aircraft carrier. We don't have any details yet on what Mr. Rabb, formerly with the US Navy was doing or what prompted this landing. But as soon as we have those details, we'll pass them on to you"

"Oh, Harm. What have you done now?" The younger woman said.

"You're going to talk to him?" Her mother asked.

The younger ones "I don't know" was emphasized with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You can't avoid him forever. You start your new job on Monday." The mother pointed out to her daughter.

"Mom, didn't you hear what the commentator said? He said that Harm wasn't in the Navy anymore. So, he won't be at JAG."

"Still, you have to talk to him. If not for him, than for yourself. You can't keep it all bottled up on the inside. Besides what will happen if he comes to see his old friends at JAG? Really, honey, I don't think that you can hide from him forever."

The daughter sighed. She knew in her heart that her mother was right. They had talked about it a lot in the past years. It was time that she had that particular talk with Harm. Her mother had seen the moment, her daughter had made the decision and decided to push a bot more.

"So, go tomorrow and talk to him. When you start your on Monday you will be too busy. If you talk to him before Monday, it will be over and you can concentrate solely on your job."

The younger woman didn't really need to think about for long. The NAVY woman sighed deeply. "Oh, mom. He'll hate me. We haven't spoken in years. Then, when we do, I'll break his heart." She began to sob. Her mother took her daughter in her arms and tried to sooth her.

"Oh, no, darling. Just tell him the truth. Just tell him the truth and he'll understand", she said out loud while silently praying that Harm really would understand.

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Washington, DC

Harmon Rabb jr. was feeling sorry for himself AND that didn't happen very often. True, the last year had been difficult for him.

He was charged (again) for a murder that he had not committed; he had felt forced to resign from the NAVY to go on a rescue mission of a friend who then crushed his heart. After that he had started a new dangerous job which he lost again just a few days ago. Yeah, I had better times, Harm thought, but also worse. In fact he had lived a tough life until now.

Firstly, there was the loss of his father. The events of that fateful Christmas Eve had haunted him all his life until he had found out the truth a couple of years ago. Of course, he still grieved his father's death. Nonetheless he had finally settled the demons of not knowing what actually had happened to him. Though, he still had nightmares from his trip to Vietnam…

Secondly, there was his ramp strike, the following investigation and the rehabilitation. It had been a dark time. Harm had survived just barely and had been injured severely. He remembered the day the doctors had told him that there was only a slim chance that he would walk ever again. However, Harm was a fighter - so he fought. Neither his doctors nor his family had actually encouraged him. In fact they tried to gently force him to accept his injuries. That had impelled him only to work harder at his rehabilitation. Then, after a few months he had proven them all wrong – he had walked out the rehabilitation center on his own foot.

After he had his physical problems more or less solved – he still carried the scars on his back – he had to battle his psychological problems - meaning his guilt. Although he was cleared of all wrong doing, he still had to live with the fact that his illness had cost his RIOs - more importantly his friend's - life. He will have to live with that knowledge until the day he dies.

In addition to those problems, he had to decide what to with his life, now that his days as a pilot were over. It was during those weeks on his grams farm that he decided to study law. Now with a new 'target' on hand, he threw himself in his studies. In the end he had remarkable success. Not only had he finished first of his class, but in only a short time did he make a name for himself as one of JAGs best lawyers.

His career was thriving and he had made a few good friends. Although they had only worked together a short time, he and Kate eventually had become 'close'. Then again his relationship – if you can call it that - was nothing compared to his friendship with Meg. They had it hit off on their first meeting. Their time together had been a rollercoaster of emotions. They had a lot of fun together doing different things from flying SARAH and going out to dance. She was a wonderful person and an even better friend who stood by him in difficult times, like when Harm had been captured and tortured in China. His deep connection to Meg was the reason why Harm had been so devastated when she had been shot. He hadn't slept much until he tracked the assassin – Hemlock - down.

Even though his search of his father was still ongoing, Harm had felt a sense of contentment at that time. Life should have gotten even better, when suddenly it was torn away from him. He was supposed to meet with his longtime friend Diane and spent her leave together. They finally wanted to talk about a possible life together. They had known that they gad feelings for each other, but regulations and deployments had kept them apart. It was one of the darkest moments of his life when NCIS Agent Turkey mentioned the name of the murder victim whose death Meg and Harm had been sent to investigate. So, instead of talking about marriage and kids, Harm had to look at Diane's bloodied body in the bag.

It got worse when the slimy NCIS Agent produced his so called evidence and arrested Harm for the murder of his friend. He would always be thankful to Meg who had managed to prove his innocence in no time. She had also been there to support him in the early days of his heartache. However, one day Meg had disappeared and he was told that he'd get a new partner.

Harm cursed the day he met Sarah MacKenzie. Although she looked like her, her personality wasn't anything like that of Diane. The following months had been difficult for him. The wounds from his loss were still fresh and the fact that his new partner looked like his dead friend didn't help him to overcome his grief. Nonetheless they managed to become friends and in time they even grew close. After a while Harm acknowledged to himself that he was attracted to the Marine, but he also knew that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. That was one reason why he suggested the baby deal. At that time he really had thought that they could make it work. He knew that they both had personal demons that they needed to lay to rest first. In his mind five years would give them the time for that and deepen their friendship.

It was with her help that Harm finally found out the truth about his father. For that he would be forever thankful to Mac. When he had the chance to fly F-14 again, he gladly took it. He needed to take that chance so that he could put to rest another of his demons. And he did just that. Harm had been at peace with himself when he made the decision to return to JAG. He had proven to him, to every pilot on board and to the higher-ups that he still could fly with the best of them. Moreover the time on board of a carrier and a lot of talks with his RIO had helped him to finally put Diane's ghost to rest.

Still, he had to pay a heavy price for all his personal (and professional) accomplishes. In his wildest dreams Harm had not thought that his friends would take his change of designator as a betrayal – but they did. So, after he'd returned to JAG his life was once again in shackles. It was during that time that Mac had propositioned him in Sydney. Although he was on his way to get his life back in order so that he and Mac would have a real chance of a future together, he knew that they both weren't there yet. However, Mac had taken his 'not yet' as a rejection. A day later she broke his heart when she had shown up at the airport with a ring on her finger and kissing Bugme in front of him.

Well, this was one part of his life which Harm wasn't really proud of. He had not always acted like a gentleman and made a lot of mistakes during Mac's and Bugme's relationship. One of them was that fateful promise that nearly killed himself and Skates. That was something he still hadn't forgiven himself for and probably never would. Harm had hoped that he and Mac could take a chance to become close after Bugme had gone back to Australia. But once again Mac had turned away from him. Literally. Then on the Guadalcanal she hadn't even waited five seconds for his answer. She ran away and hid behind her rank.

From then on he couldn't really shake the feeling of being left behind. Which only got stronger while he was sitting in his cell during Singer's murder trial. Beside his lawyer nobody had come to visit him. That had hurt him deeply. For all the faults Harm knew he had, he never left anybody behind. For him these weren't just words, he took them to heart.

That's one of the reasons he had given up nearly twenty years of service in the NAVY - and not to forget a large sum of his own money. He had risked his own life to rescue Mac and a man he who had been somewhat of a 'friend'. He had actually thought that Mac would see his actions for what they were: the answer to her question on the Guadalcanal. He had not only been willing to risk his life but had given up his entire career in the Navy - and not just flying tomcats. An act which she didn't appreciate - until this day she hadn't even thanked him. In fact Sarah MacKenzie crushed his heart once again when she had said those fateful words: "Things are never gonna work out between us." These words had hurt him even more than the words the Admiral said to him. Although those stung too, he had been prepared for the fact that the Admiral would process his resignation.

His time with the Agency had been short but very exciting. While he knew that he wasn't cut out to be a field agent, he really had enjoyed the possibility of flying different planes – especially the Aurora. Wow, what an experience that had been.

Though, all that was all history. Now he was without a job and alone - again. Harm knew that his chances to become a father and actually enjoy being a father before he was too old, were pretty slim. After Diane's death he had tried to find happiness with other women but all those relationships had failed for one reason or another. Subsequently Harm had realized that his relationship with Annie wouldn't have worked even if he hadn't taken Josh to the tiger cruise. Her hatred for the NAVY would have been too big of a problem for them down the line.

That was one fact that attracted him to Jordan – she was a sailor, too. Once in a while he had actually thought about the possibility of a family with her. That was why he was surprised and hurt when she had broken things off with him. He truly hadn't thought that she would not accept that part of him. Although she had been a psychologist and had constantly analysed him, she clearly had not understood him and his love (and need) for flying.

Then there was Renée. He truthfully had liked her but he was well aware of the fact that he would never marry her!

So, here he was single and fighting with his male pride. In his desire for a family he had made Catherine a proposition the night before which she rejected instantly. To be honest, Harm could understand the reason that she didn't want to get involve in his mess with Mac. Though, the fact that he would willingly accept a ready-made family had seemed to turned her off. Weren't women always complaining about the fact that there weren't enough men who wanted to settle down and have a family? However, Catherine Gail, a single mother to-be, had rejected him for that precise reason. That truly puzzled him…

These were the things Harmon Rabb jr. was musing over when he sat on his couch with the guitar in his hands. He reached for the bottle of beer and realized that it was as empty as the other two bottles in front of him on the couch table. Normally he limited himself to three bottles but today he didn't feel like stopping. So, Harm got up and wandered towards the fridge. He was in the middle of the room when he heard a knock on the door. Harm stopped for a moment and wandered who that might be. He didn't await anyone. He shrugged and went to answer the door. He looked through the keyhole and was shocked to see the woman on the other side of the door.

A/N: So, any ideas who the woman on the other side of the door might be? Any guesses what she 'wants' to tell Harm?

I'd really appreciate it, if you could take a moment and leave me review. But keep in mind this is my first time. So, please be gentle!