Summary: Jonas has a personal mission to fulfill. Somewhat of an episode tag for "Descent". Written for Jonas Quinn Alphabet Soup Anthology and not one of my better fics, although the end section is better than the beginning!
He was on a mission. A quest to find that fine line between trust and loyalty, and perhaps even the acceptance he craved so much. The members of SG-1 did not trust him, nor, it seemed, did anyone else on Earth. Jonas hated feeling like an outsider, but becoming one of them seemed like a distant mirage - a near impossible feat.
He knew why they were reluctant to trust him, yet it still bothered him that they wouldn't even give him a chance to prove himself. Colonel O'Neill making him stay behind instead of accompanying him and Major Carter to the mother ship only proved to Jonas that he didn't have a chance.
"There are still many battles left to be fought, Jonas Quinn." Jonas reflected on these words, knowing that Teal'c was right, yet still worrying that he may never get the opportunity to be in one of those battles. It was important to him now.
All he needed was a chance.
The tension in the room was thick, and Jonas made a huge effort to chase away the fear that was clawing at him. The members of SG-1, his team, were in danger of dying, a fact that scared him far more than anything he had ever encountered. He had come to like them, despite their reluctance to accept him as a team member, and now he was left to stand idly by, in fact ordered to leave them there - an order he had no intention of obeying. He had the knowledge and the ability to help them, and he had to at least try even if it meant he would die trying.
"Don't wait for me," he told Jacob Carter as he raced out the door. Images of the schematics of mother ship auxiliary control panels flashed through his mind as he ran down the corridor to fulfill yet another quest. He formulated plans to reroute the power as he stood at the doorway of the room that housed the control panel. He took a deep breath, pushed the button that would open the door and pushed off.
He swam toward the auxiliary control panel, adrenalin propelling him forward. He knew this system. He had studied the mechanics of Goa'uld mother ships, committing to memory every detail to prepare himself for missions he would embark on. Now he had the opportunity to prove his worth to Colonel O'Neill, and to himself. Despite the doubts that he expressed to Teal'c, Jonas knew that he could be an asset to SG-1.
He switched the crystals, stopping once to make sure he was making the correct adjustments, then pushed the buttons to finalize the procedure. It worked, he knew it did. But he was running out of air. Floating upward toward the ceiling, he was unprepared for the rings that surrounded him, yet grateful for the chance to survive.
Denying mortality never felt so good.
"So. What were you thinking back there on that mother ship?"
Jonas stared at Colonel O'Neill, wondering if the man was genuinely interested or if this was a reprimand. He couldn't be sure, but since he had finally earned his place on SG-1, he didn't want to remind the man of those doubts he used to have.
"About what?"
"I told you to leave with the submarine," O'Neill said just before taking a bite out of his sandwich. "But you didn't," he continued, his mouth full of food. "You went the other way. I'm grateful you did, mind you, just wondering what caused you to do something that could have gotten you killed."
"You weren't there to tell me not to," Jonas said. He took a bite out of his own sandwich, savoring the flavors. "This chicken really is great."
"Yeah," the Colonel said with a shrug. He looked at his own sandwich for a moment, then back at Jonas. "You almost died."
"Yes," Jonas had to admit. "But someone had to do it and I had the knowledge." He stopped, then grinned at the Colonel. "I'm really glad we all got out of there alive."
"So am I," O'Neill said with an emphatic smirk. The grin disappeared and Jonas waited with a wariness that came from experience. He had seen that look more often than he liked to remember. "You disobeyed orders, Jonas."
Jonas nodded, but refused to back down. He had done the right thing. "I did what was necessary."
O'Neill nodded at that. Apparently he agreed. Jonas took another bite out of his sandwich, savoring the taste of the tomato, another food he had learned to like. He was definitely going to try everything on the menu before the month was over.
"Would you have gone on even if I had been there to tell you not to?"
O'Neill's question startled Jonas out of his thoughts of which dessert to go back through the line for. He stared at the Colonel, wondering if the truth would get him kicked off the team. He smiled at the man, then said, "Yes. Yes, I would have done the same thing. No doubt about it."
O'Neill stared at him for a moment, his expression bland, but then graced Jonas with a huge smile. "You are too much like Daniel," he said as he picked up his cup. "It's a good thing you're on my team." He took a drink of coffee, while Jonas basked in the glory he still felt every time he was reminded of what he had earned. Acceptance. A feeling that dissipated with O'Neill's next words. "Much better than a Russian."
"A Russian?" Jonas said while O'Neill took another bite of his sandwich. "It's true then?"
"What?"
"You only let me on the team so that you wouldn't have to take on a Russian." Anger grew within Jonas as he thought about it, but then he saw the grin O'Neill was trying to hide as he dug something out of his coffee.
"Oh. I see," he said, "A joke." O'Neill lost his battle and smiled anyway, while Jonas only felt relief. Colonel O'Neill had him worried there for a minute.
"We're leaving in the morning," O'Neill said, as he finished off his sandwich. "Be ready."
"I'll be there," Jonas said, happy once again. It had taken him awhile, but he had accomplished his quest to be one of them. He had worked hard to find that acceptance, and all it took was nearly killing himself. And yes, this is one quest that had been worth it.