A SMUGGLER AND A GIRL LIKE ME
(Leia, writing into her personal journal)
Looks like we're on our way to the Bespin system. This is going to be a long, slow trip. We've got no hyperdrive and we're trying to avoid Imperial entanglements, so we're taking the most out of the way route possible. We can't go near the Core Worlds; there are Imperial garrisons everywhere. Same with the Inner Rim. So we're taking the course outside of the Outer Rim. This is truly deep space and I know it's going to take at least a couple weeks, if not longer.
I hate to confess this, knowing that we're in danger nearly all the time, but I'm actually looking forward to this trip. I was upset about not making my transport in the beginning. We're maintaining radio silence, so I can't notify Carlist or Mon Mothma or Admiral Ackbar and let them know we're alive.
But it's not so bad. It'll give me a chance to learn more about the sexy hot smuggler who kissed me the day before yesterday, and whom I willingly gave my virginity to last night. I knew he had feelings for me, and what was worse, I for him, but I refused to acknowledge them before. This is wartime; I had no time for falling in love, let alone with a smuggler. I can just see my parents now. "Hi Mom and Dad, I want you to meet my sweetheart, Captain Han Solo. He's a smuggler and a scoundrel and I love him."
Yes, that would've gone over well. Not!
For the record, I was absolutely terrified when Han took my hand and began rubbing it where I'd acquired a bruise trying to fix a broken sensor control. Despite what I told Han, I was trembling. I didn't know if it was fear or anticipation. Maybe some of each. I knew that once I'd traveled down that path, I'd never be able to go off it, but I wanted him. I've wanted him for over two years now.
In some ways, I think Han was as nervous about it as I was. Which is why we spent the last three years bickering incessantly. Neither of us was willing to leave the other alone and we contributed a great deal to the entertainment of the base. But now we're here with each other. There's no reason for us not to pretend anymore. There's only Chewie and Threepio. Chewie seems somewhat amused by the two of us, but he's never been anything but a gentleman to me. He saves his taunting for Han. I'm fine with that and I told Han so.
Han cooked dinner for us a short time ago. We have to be careful with our food supply, but Han put together a stew that was hot and tasty and better than anything I've had since the war began. We eat ration bars for two other meals, and kaf when we wake up. It's wonderful having even one delicious meal.
My aunts used to tell me that sex with a man for the first time would be painful and messy and embarrassing. I'm happy to report that they were wrong (as they were about most things. I miss them, but not their advice.) Han was so gentle with me. He has amazingly soft lips, the kind I dreamed about kissing when I was much younger. And he knows how to use them. We spent a long time exploring each other. I was a little frightened at first, not knowing what to do, but my smuggler encouraged me to explore him and get to know my own body in the process. When it came time to join together, it hurt for a fraction of a moment, and then I was filled with bliss. I learned that he has a beautiful chest. Hair, but silky and reasonably sparse, just perfect. I liked playing with it and let's just say he was appreciative. I also figured out that his nipples were just as sensitive as mine and he'd gasp as I planted a kiss on each one, several times. I loved the expression on his face as I did that. I began to kiss him down to his navel, and was a bit shy about touching his escutcheon, but he encouraged me to go wherever I wanted. I expected his hair to be coarse but it wasn't. I started massaging his penis.
For the record, he's enormous. I'm not saying I have an empirical basis for my judgment, but I have to believe that he's extremely well endowed. And he responded happily to my touch as I did his.
The most amazing part of making love to Han was just how complete it made me feel. He's a full grown man and he knows how to overpower a woman with his raw and potent sexuality but in doing so, sets me free as opposed to choking me. It was as emotional as it was physical. We laid together for a long time afterwards, not saying much. Just breathing. Just being.
He told me that he'd had girlfriends in the past, but that he'd never been in love before, which shocked me a little. I knew he had a past. I just didn't know what it had been comprised of. He said they'd mostly been enjoyable relationships and the endings were, for the most part, amicable. He said he hadn't been looking to fall in love.
But here we are. And I hope that wherever our travels take us, we'll be here.
Han's calling to me to give Chewie a break, so I'll have to stop for now.