Do What You Love
Summary: Blinded by his addiction, he cannot see that she's slowly fading away. What's more important? The love of his life who's dying, or his addiction?
Author's Note: This is a bit angst-y, but NOT emo. No emo!
"…When you go,
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way…"
-I Don't Love You, My Chemical Romance
"We need to talk." She said sadly, her eyes fixated on her feet as she walked.
He sighed in annoyance. Another lecture…
Sakura Kinomoto and Syaoran Li. Seniors in high school. Been together for a year now. Been friends since grade school.
He knew this was coming. She was finally going to do it. She was going to end it, like she threatened to do for months now.
"Alright!" Syaoran exclaimed, whirling around and stopping in front of her. "Talk to me. What is it this time?"
Her lips trembled and she looked away. She always did this.
Syaoran suffered from a mild drug addiction. A few months back, he was arrested for it. She was so upset. Ever since his arrest, it was obvious that Sakura was stressed about it. She began losing weight. He promised her that he would not do it again.
"Let's go somewhere a little more private, yeah?" She asked softly.
But he did. He did it all the time. She knew. She told him if he did, it would be the end of the relationship. Everyone gave him a hard time about it, and certainly his girlfriend should be a little more supportive.
Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Where we are is fine."
They were walking on a public sidewalk. No one was there, it was just him and her. The sky was gray and red and orange leaves littered the ground. Night was approaching.
"It's kind of important-"
"If it's that important, it doesn't matter where you tell me!" He interrupted.
She was going to do it. She was going to break up with him. She had been acting oddly for some time now, and he figured out why.
Sometimes, she wouldn't talk to Syaoran. She would just sit quietly and stare. He would try to kiss her and she would do nothing, just bury her face in his chest and embrace. Whenever he wanted to be with her, she would tell him she had to go to the doctor or some sort of bullshit. That excuse worked the first time, but not the ten or eleven times after.
"I know what your going to say." Syaoran said angrily. "So I'll just say it for you."
Sakura stared at Syaoran blankly.
"Yeah, I know I broke my promise." He started. "But you know what? I don't care. It's not bad anyway, and I don't know why you can't see that. You used to do it."
Her lips parted slightly as she listened to what he was telling her.
"What?" She whispered.
"Yeah." He struggled for words, not really knowing where he was going with his speech. "I don't know why you get so upset when I do it when you used to do it all the time."
He was exaggerating. In fact, he could not recall her ever doing it.
"Syaoran, I'm concerned about you, that's why I want you to stop. But that's not what I wanted to say-"
"Concerned? Sakura, I'm fine! I'll be fine!" He erupted. "Why do you do this to me? I know a ton of girls who would gladly accept me the way I am. Why are you trying to change me?"
Sakura's eyes widened. She looked him directly in the eyes. "What… What are you-"
"Alright Sakura." He would end it for her. "You know what? I broke my promise. I'm stupid. You could do better. You should see other guys and forget about me. You won't be so stressed and wouldn't have to go to the doctor all the time." He hissed.
"What?" Sakura repeated. Tears threatened to spill down her pale face.
"It's over, Sakura. It's for the best. And I'll find someone who won't bitch about what I do all the time and appreciate me for who I am. You don't need me and I really don't need you." He glared and turned to walk away.
"Syaoran!" She grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.
She was crying. "Is that what you want?"
He stared, emotionless. "Yeah."
"You… you don't care about…"
"No, Sakura… I don't." He interrupted.
"Syaoran," Tears were dripping off her face.
"What?" He ripped away from her gasp.
"I'm sick." She choked.
"You're always sick." He said, not wanting to stay.
"No…"
"Forget it, Sakura." He turned and started to walk away.
"Syaoran!" She called.
He whirled around, a good distance separated them. Her baggy sweater concealed most of her hands and her skirt hung awkwardly off her hips. She was pale. She was thin. She did look sick.
"What!" He exclaimed, frustrated. He needed a hit so badly.
"I went to the doctor so they could find out what was wrong with me. It took a while, but they figure it out."
She wiped her face with her sweater.
"I'm dying."
Dying?
"I'm not going to be around for too long. That's what I wanted to say. That is all I wanted to say. I'm sorry I wanted to change you, for wanting the best for you. I didn't realize that I was getting in the way of what you love."
Syaoran was frozen.
"I love you." She said. "I only want what's best for you. If you want to go out with someone who doesn't care, fine. Do what makes you happy."
She stepped away. "And you know what?"
She took another step back. Syaoran could not move.
"I'll be happy knowing that you are happy."
She waited for a response. After a moment of silence, she gave up. She let out a small sob and turned. He gazed at her as she walked away, her head down and arms folded across her chest, slowly becoming smaller and smaller with each step she took.
Before he knew it, she was gone.
He took a breath. He was shaking.
Darkness consumed the sky and a cold breeze swirled around Syaoran.
"What have I done?"
AN: Review please!