A/N: The title popped into my head and I've always wanted to explore these possibilities. But I haven't been able to. So I'll shove all my thoughts into a one-shot. The hardest part I had with writing this was choosing the point of view. Which is Rex's. It was hard to pick between third-person and first-person…

Disclaimer: No, don't own anything. Not yet, anyways. Whole thing inspired by the episode "Written in the Sand".

Faith, Trust, and Nanite Dust

"Holiday?"

She looks up at me with those eyes full of questions as I stand in the open doorway to her office. Her pen stops in the middle of a word. She doesn't get mad that I'm interrupting her work. She's patient like that. "What is it, Rex?" It's almost like she can sense that something's bothering me. She's so nice...

"Can I talk to you?" One hand holds my other arm. Because I don't want to talk, but I can't turn to anyone else. I'm scared because there are two sides to the tale, two sides of the coin. I don't know which one will fall yet. There's heads and tails. I like the thought of heads falling, being able to put my faith into what I hope is true, but if tails is my reality...

Her smile could light up an entire city. She says nothing, but I know I can come in. So I take one step inside and lean against her desk after pressing the button that'll shut the door behind me. "What's on your mind?" She knows me all too well...

"I told you what Van Kleiss said in the desert, right?" I know I've told her, but I just sort of want to start by setting the stage for this discussion. I'm scared to voice my fears because that only makes them that much more concrete, but if I keep them to myself, I'm afraid I'll start becoming paranoid about everything. I'm already watching my back wherever I go.

Holiday nods quietly and her face changes just slightly. She was gentle when I walked in, probably expecting a girl problem. Circe and Annie have been my two most recent dramas. The fact that I'm dating someone that I don't even care about and the one I do care about could be anywhere... That's another thing that bothers me a lot when I'm alone with my thoughts. But now, Holiday's face hardens just slightly, her cheeks growing a bit more pale and her stunning sea foam green eyes becoming more stony. It's really only a subtle change, but I notice. "What about it?"

"Who do you think's telling the truth?"

I'm genuinely scared right now. I could be related to the person who ruined the whole world. Cesar's my brother. I've wanted to learn about my family for years now, but there's a bump in the road. A lie and a truth. Two roads diverged not in a yellow wood, but in my life. I could be related to the one who caused the whole nanite event. And Van Kleiss would be, for once, telling the truth. I'm not sure what's scarier.

I don't know which one to trust. I'm afraid that Van Kleiss is just messing with me, but then again, ZAG-RS's memory dump... And Cesar isn't right... There's a lie somewhere in the midst of all this chaos, but finding it is going to be next to impossible. Which is why I want to ask Holiday.

Holiday knows everything. She knows how to fix my nanites. She knows how to make the hurt go away. She knows how to make everything alright. And I trust her to know what's the truth and what are lies.

Holiday seems to mull this over for a long moment. Her lips purse quietly and her gaze is distant as she focuses on the question at hand. She does that sometimes, spacing out and forgetting that there's a real world around her. I don't mind. I'd do that too if I could. Reality isn't always the best place to be.

She keeps staring until her conclusion is finally found. It only takes a few minutes and I'm silent the entire time. Holiday then looks at me almost pitifully. I can sort of read it in her eyes that she doesn't have an answer for me. There's something unreadable clouding her vision. "I don't know, Rex." She rests her chin in her palm and lets out a little sigh. "There could be any number of possibilities for this. Cesar could be telling the truth and Van Kleiss could be trying to get you to hate him to be sure you have no real reason to stay here. You'd go over to his side. Or-" Another sigh. This one was a bit more mournful, laced with sadness. "-Cesar is the real reason behind the nanite event and we're aiding and abetting the most wanted man in the world."

I feel my lips twist uncertainly and my gaze falls away from Holiday to the floor that seems to swell around me like an ocean. Everything's a little fuzzy and I can't tell what it's from, general exhaustion or tears. My eyes are burning. My brother, my only flesh and blood family, could be the most wanted man in the world. I'll just say that that doesn't help me feel much better about myself. People already want me dead and they could possibly want my brother dead if Van Kleiss is telling the truth…

Then there's the fact that this would make Van Kleiss a good guy, if even for a moment. I would have that little lingering thought that he helped me once upon a time. Then maybe I wouldn't want to hit him. Then he'd kill me. Or not. Depends on if Circe was lying to me or not. That he needs me alive.

It's all like a whirlwind. Two sides to the coin. Whichever drops will decide my destiny.

And I don't really think I can do anything about it. Watch my brother die and/or have to kill him and submit to Van Kleiss for helping me by ratting out a snitch in the midst of Providence. Or, the better alternative, Cesar is really just a weirdo and Van Kleiss was just lying to me. Which gives me the right to pound him just a bit harder.

But Cesar being a traitor in Providence…

I would want to defend him. I would want to protect him from everyone. He lied to me now, telling me that it was Van Kleiss who did the memory dump. Or at least he might've lied to me. I don't know. I wish I knew. But I don't know. I don't know anything right now.

I just wish I could remember…

With Cesar lying to me, I'd be able to hit him. I'd be able to be angry. But if he's my only family, the only one left… Then maybe there's a problem. I wouldn't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. He's my brother. My mijo, I guess. Mi hermano. I don't want to hurt him. Flesh and blood does mean a lot.

But then if Six starts to fight him because, well, he's Six and Six hates people who lie and people who spread nanites (so does White Knight, for that matter…) so it'd be an epic showdown between them. But I wouldn't want to fight Six. I wouldn't want to fight Cesar either. So I'd have to be a peacemaker even if I'm fighting everyone in Providence.

Divided loyalties.

Why can't I just remember?

"Rex?"

I look up and see Holiday's expression laced with concern, her brow knitted a bit and her hands pressed to the desk like she's about to stand up. Her eyes are flitting over my body, watching me for any signs of something weird happening. That's why she's so great. She cares more than anyone else I've ever known. Yeah, we're perfect for each other. "I'm fine." My biggest lie. "Just trying to… think." If Bobo had been in the room, he would've scoffed and made some smart remark about me not being able to think.

"I'm sorry that it has to be like this, Rex." She leans back in her chair and folds her hands together so that her fingers interlock like the pieces of a puzzle. "I know you're scared that your brother could be… dangerous." A flicker in her eyes made me aware that she knew this wasn't the right word to be using. Maybe there was a good reason for releasing nanites into the world. That's all that I have to convince myself that my brother isn't a complete moron. I love him because he's family, but I'm afraid that maybe there's something wrong with him and something wrong with my life and this entire situation.

Like, what if he's not even my brother?

That thought makes my legs shake and makes my mind whirl a little bit more. They did some genetic tests, that should be good enough… right?

Now I feel like I really don't know anything. It's terrifying. I don't want to think about this stuff. It's sickening to consider that maybe I'm just a pawn in a massive chess game. I'm a weapon in the war. It's scary. Who am I?

"Rex?"

Her voice shakes me out of this nightmare again. I feel like I'm about to fall. I don't really know who I am, who Cesar is, what Van Kleiss did before his tyranny, what's going on in this messed up world… I don't know anything anymore. It feels like it's all crumbling. "I'm alright, really." I run one hand through my hair and try to stabilize my emotions. It doesn't work. I know I'm ready to crash and burn. "I just don't want to think of Cesar being at the heart of the nanite event."

"Van Kleiss is a criminal, don't forget that. There's always the chance that he's lying to you for personal benefit."

"What benefit?" I ask, the words bursting from my mouth before I can control them. "He has no reason to make me hate Cesar! Why would he make me hate my brother? Does he hate Cesar?" My fists are balled up. "Who is Van Kleiss anyways?"

A sigh comes from Holiday. I can tell she's just as lost as I am in this web of lies. "Cesar knows."

"But will Cesar tell the truth? Will he know? Or will he give us more lies? Do we know which one to trust anymore? I hate Van Kleiss, but if he's the one being honest here-"

"Rex."

Her voice settles me down a little bit. The way she says my name is like music in my ears. I love it. Her eyes are softer than they were before, more gentle with hints of reassurance. Her face is kind again, ready to talk me down from my high on anger.

"I know." I peel off my gloves and shove them into my jacket pockets. Just doing that makes me feel a little bit better. I'm out of battle mode at least a little bit and the motion makes me think about that instead of what I'm really thinking about.

Holiday looks me over like a worried mother. And I like it. "You should go find Noah and go shoot some hoops or something. You don't need to worry about this right now, Rex. When something happens, we'll deal with it then, I promise you."

"I know." I roll my shoulders a little bit; some of the stress leaves my body. "I just wish we didn't have to deal with it at all." So I leave while pulling a phone out of my pocket, dialing up Noah as asked and calling him up. Maybe hanging out with him will make me forget. Not that I want to forget anything else… If I remembered, we wouldn't be in this boat.

A/N: May turn into a two-shot or a very short series of one-shots revolving around the same ideas that this brought up. I've already got another idea to add to this. Because Six didn't get a word in, did he? So anyways, review and hopefully I'll have the second part up soon. Thanks for reading. Adios!

~Sky