A/N : So, it's been awhile since I last wrote. Heck, it's always awhile in between fics is it not? Here's my latest one and I'm working on several others, hoping to, hopefully, finish them before term starts. Thanks, as per usual, to my beta IzzixDiyanah. This one's dedicated to the lovers who are still hanging. x Syz
"Feels like love to me…"
Her phone screamed, disturbing the almost peaceful break. Grunting, she reluctantly opened her drawer to retrieve the damned device.Not bothering tol ook at the caller ID,she answered and greeted the caller in a harsh tone.
"Hey," The voice said. "Why do you sound so hostile?" A chuckle escaped his lips. He wasn't expecting to be greeted by a lioness, but he thought nothing of it, knowing that she probably had a bad day.
She smiled, hearing the voice of one she missed dearly. Somehow, the entire burden of being an on-call doctor lifted off her shoulders. "Hey," She began, "Sorry, I wasn't looking at the caller ID. So, you're back?" Using her arm as a rest place for her chin.
"Yeah. I just got back." He paused, inhaling a deep breath, summoning courage. "Hey, I was wondering whether you would like to come over to have dinner with me?" He finished the sentence smoothly, exhaling the breath he held in, relieved that he hadn't fumbled with his words.
"Tonight?" She focused her attention on the shift-board across the hall — hers was ending in an hour, just enough time to go home and get ready. "Uh, sure. I'm free, I think." She said with a hint of laughter, excited at the idea of seeing his actual person again.
"Great!" He said, a little too enthusiastically. Clearing his throat, he continued, "I'll pick you up at your place around six?" he offered. But, knowing her, she would decline, insisting on driving herself.
"It's okay. I can drive myself. I think I know where your house is," she said, this time laughing. Everyone in Hamburg knew where the Kaulitz twins stayed — they had a handful of stalkers dedicated to figuring all that out. "Don't worry. I'll be there by seven."
With those words said, her pager beeped, notifying her that she was needed. "Hey, I gotta go," She said hastily. "I'll see you later."
He hadn't managed to respond when she shut the phone. He smiled, excited and nervous at the idea of seeing her again. "It's been too long," he said to the wallpaper picture of her.
He stared at the ceiling, wondering, thinking. "What happened?" he asked himself. Images formed in his mind – images of the way she smiled, the way her body moved when her favourite song was on, her voice singing their songs.
She looked so angelic albeit the wires snaking around her and the white head wrap she had. He could almost swear he saw her smiling as he entered the room. He moved to her side, hands wide open, ready for a warm embrace. She didn't move and he realized that his imagination overworked just a little.
He stared, long and hard. He missed that face and the way it lit up when those lips formed a smile. He missed the goose bumps he got from her touch. He missed feeling all warm inside as she buried herself against him. He missed watching those beautiful, pink lips twitch when she slept.
All those nights that sleep just refused to overcome him, a sweet voice would sing him to bed. He loved that voice and somehow, he always imagined that he would have his whole life to hear it.
She changed him. He hadn't realized when, but she did. Now, finally, he believed that she was here to stay, that she wanted nothing more than his all – not money, not sex, but him. She wanted him.
It took him five years to finally believe her and he hoped he hadn't lost his chance. He prayed that night, something he hadn't done in a long time. He prayed that she stayed, that she wouldn't go because he still needed her, because he wanted her, because he loved her.
He'd been away for whole year, yet there she'd been, still faithfully waiting, faithfully loving and caring. He knew then that this was it; nothing like this would come around again.
So many doubts, so many insecurities – he thought his walls were unbreakable, but she tore them down. Constantly pushing, constantly punching through, she tore them down and he was glad she did.
Five days passed.
Two weeks passed.
Soon, a month passed. She was still deep asleep.
He prayed again, this time harder and more sincere. He needed her, he wanted her and he knew, without her, he would go back to being empty, to being alone.
As tears of fear cascaded down his cheeks, he felt someone watching him. Looking up, he turned to look at the door. No one was looking and he felt relieved. This private moment had to remain private. He had had enough of meddlesome paparazzi and fans – constantly attacking people he loved.
Returning to his prayers, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched and once again turned to the door and again, found himself staring at nothing. Maybe he was being paranoid, he thought and turned his attention instead to the motionless body that lay on the hospital bed.
The white linen, white pillows, white dressing gown made her look even more angelic than ever before and silently, he thought, almost deathly. Afraid that his thoughts would come true, he pushed them away as quickly as it came. For now, he had no intention of thinking how life would be without her. Five years, he repeated again and again.
Reaching her face, he saw those two beautiful eyes were open and blinking, staring intently at him. I must be imagining things again, he thought and held her hand, continuing his prayers, once again trying to shake off the feeling of being watched.
Tick tock, tick tock.
He could hear the clock ticking away, each tick signifying the precious seconds lost without her by his side, each tock reminding him of the time to come. It was terrifying.
His mind raced back to the moment when the police officer explained what had happened and anger filled his person.
The classic case of drunk driving, that was the reason why she didn't make it to the dinner he'd prepared for them. That was why he couldn't see her lively as always. That was why he couldn't kiss her the way he'd planned. That bastard ruined his night, his plans and his life.
He distinctly remembers wanting to kill that bastard and still, those ideas bounced in and around his head. The simple idea of 'forgive and forget' was absurd to him. If only he knew who that person was, he would make sure life was a living hell for him.
He looked up and reached her face, stroking it gently, hoping that those strokes would wake her up.
"Wake up, love." He said weakly, his voice trembling.
Just as his tears touched her face, her eyes slowly fluttered open, making way to beautiful brown pupils.
Eyes shining, he yelled for the doctor, feeling like a child who just got a new toy. He kissed her everywhere, convinced that it would keep her awake. His eyes blurred from tears, and he smiled, as wide as he possibly could.
That sense of euphoria didn't last long. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the doctors didn't share his joy and neither did the nurses. Heart sinking, tears welling, his legs gave away beneath him.
She knew of nothing – just like a baby or she just chose not to respond. She didn't speak, she didn't cry, she didn't smile, she didn't feel. Hell, she didn't even bother to look around. All she did was stare, endlessly, towards the sky.
Apologies were murmured and options of treatment were left on the table. They knew of his distress and decided it was best to leave him.
He let himself drown in self-pity, in sadness and in pain. A month for nothing, he thought. He let himself believe in miracles, in God, for what? Nothing.That moment he let go of everything – pain, hurt, hope, happiness and sadness – until he felt nothing, until he could cry no more.
He was angry at the world. He was angry with the doctors, the nurses, the band, the driver, the car and her.Why did she give up on him? Why?That question haunted him - hovering over his head, in his eyes, on billboards. But answers never showed.
That frustration was overwhelming but it liberated him and maybe, that was exactly what he needed.
Unable to bear the sight of the woman on the bed, he exited the room, rage and disappointment steaming from his ears, made evident in every step he took.
"Iz, why?" He continued asking, again and again, before every appearance, every show, every recording process – before everything he did. He couldn't let go of that one memory and he didn't want to. Let it be a lesson for him; let the memory drive him forward; let it become something he couldn't move on from. He couldn't care any more. He was tired of it all and he had convinced himself that he would wait, no matter how long, for love to come and teach him how to fly. No longer would he let his guard down, no longer would he believe that love was as beautiful. He felt the pain and the only thing that could make it go away was the cause.
What love could do to even the strongest of men was unbelievable. He was already a broken man before he met her and he didn't believe he could be anymore broken than he already was.
She remained there, for years to come, staring at the same sky.
"I believe in love at first sight." He says, but he knew, deep inside, that love at first sight was something that was almost impossible.
-END-