Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Tite Kubo is the sole creator of such a wonderful series.

A/N: I got the random idea of this pairing after reading the latest chapter...this is a short AU, slightly OOC, very crappy oneshot.

God, I need to write something other than Bleach...really...but probably not until 'Crushing On Hime' is over...

The eyes behind Lisa Yadomaru's thick oval glasses narrowed in irritation as she flipped through the pages of yet another swimsuit magazine. She had spent three long, tiring hours searching for the perfect outfit for her much older (a 10-year age difference) girlfriend Tia Harribel, but not even the skimpiest of swimsuits seemed to do the woman's magnificent figure justice. Sighing, Lisa slammed the magazine shut, and tossed it over her shoulder onto the ever-growing pile behind her.

'God...this isn't working AT ALL...they're all terrible...' Lisa thought sullenly as she buried her face into her hands.

"Hey...what's with that glum look on your face, girl?"

Despite all of the frustration she had pent up inside, Lisa couldn't help but crack a tiny smile as her lover waltzed into the room, her gigantic breasts bouncing with every step. She wore a white turtleneck sweater with the neck itself pulled up so high that both her mouth and nose were submerged within it. Her light-green eyes sparkled brightly with an unusual amount of enthusiasm. She placed her generously-sized ass down on the couch beside Lisa, and gently nuzzled her face into the younger girl's shoulder blade. Whenever Harribel was in a good mood (which was quite a rare occasion for someone such as her), she would become very flirtatious, almost to the point of being slutty. Lisa was still too sore over the swimsuit issue to enjoy it, though.

"What're YOU so happy about?" Lisa asked with a slight tick.

Harribel chuckled under her breath, which was another rarity of hers. "Ah, I just got my paycheck today, and I was thinking maybe we could go on a little vacation together or something...just you and me; I'll make sure to tell my poker buddies Apache, Mila-Rose and Sun-Sun that they can't come...heh heh heh...that was funny, right? I mean, I've been trying to act a bit more cheery and more open about my feelings as of late, but I don't know if it's working out so well..."

"I think you're alright."

"That's good. My therapist told me that I needed to stop being so serious all the time, because it was having some adverse effects on my emotional state...he said I should let loose and have some fun once in a while. I think he might be right, too; my blood pressure isn't nearly as high as it used to be. I didn't even check my e-mail when my bitchy ex-girlfriend, Neliel, sent me a message today. I haven't felt this good in a long, long time!"

Ignoring at least half of Harribel's words, Lisa let loose a heavy sigh. Her troubles were weighing down on her psyche like a ton of bricks. She couldn't even bring herself to look the blonde straight in the eye. Harribel noticed this immediately, and scooted a little bit closer.

"Awww...what's wrong, baby?" Harribel purred, running her greedy fingers up and down along the side of Lisa's smooth, creamy-white thigh, "Did YOUR bitchy ex-girlfriend Hiyori call you up again? I told you that you should've just gotten your cellphone number changed...she won't leave you alone until she snags you back all to herself again!! ...Do you want me to go and break her nose again?"

Lisa shook her head, her face pale. "No, it's not that. Hiyori DID call me earlier today, but I shut her up real good. The reason I'm so upset, Harribel, is because...it's because I can't find a good swimsuit for you,"

"...Huh?"

"I searched thoroughly through every swimsuit magazine I've ever purchased, even the novelty ones made back in the early 1900s, and yet I couldn't find a single thing that would make you look even more spectacular than you already are! There's nothing out there that can correctly emphasize your beautiful physique!!" Lisa wailed, shoving her face into her lover's ample bosom. She always put on a pitiful facade when she wanted to stick her head into something, more specifically the space between Harribel's breasts. Smiling softly, Harribel gave Lisa a light pat on the head.

"Really, now? You were freaking out over something that could be dealt with so easily...? Oh, you're just so adorable sometimes, Lisa..."

"What?" Lisa raised her head, and gave Harribel a skeptical look, "What do you mean? What're you talking about?"

"Well...what use will swimsuits be to us, if we can just go to a NUDE beach? You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Harribel coolly inquired, her eyes alight with excitement.

Lisa was silent for a moment, and then the edges of her thin lips curled upwards. She wrapped her arms tightly around Harribel's neck, forced down her turtleneck, and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss on the mouth. As usual, the blonde carried the faint taste of seafood in her saliva. It was fortunate that Lisa happened to enjoy seafood. Their lips still connected, Harribel positioned herself directly on top of the younger woman. Lisa's small breasts were completely overwhelmed by Harribel's massive rack. They kissed and kissed until they were nearly sick of it, and then they kissed once more.

"I love it when you talk dirty like that, Harribel...it gets me so turned on, you just wouldn't believe..."

"What? Talk dirty? I was actually serious when I suggested we should just go to a nudist beach. There's one located only a few miles from here."

"Oh..."

"Either way, I'm quite content with the end result of our little talk here," Harribel sneered.

Lisa's cheeks became a bright shade of crimson. "Yeah...me too."

Meanwhile, both Hiyori and Neliel were staring in through the living room window, incredibly desperate expressions plastered on their faces...