Alex sat quietly brooding on the stool pushed against the island in Meredith's kitchen, his feet planted firmly on the bottom rungs while he nursed his second cup of coffee of the morning, his hands wrapped securely around the warmth of the mug. Despite the heat of the bitter brew that he had infused into his system, he felt anything but warm.
"Alex?" Izzie drifted into the burst of sunshine pouring through the kitchen window, her whispy blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail that hung down her back and swayed with each movement. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting you to be here," she explained as she caught the sight of something that she didn't recognize reflected in the sorrowful golden brown of his eyes before he cast them back down to the dregs remaining in his cup.
Izzie poured herself a cup of the steaming liquid that was the backbone of every surgical resident's life and placed it on the counter. Turning to her left, she pulled the bag of flour and the other necessary ingredients out of the pantry cabinet and grouped them on the marble surface, searching now for the mixing bowl and her favourite spatula. Placing the utensils beside the ingredients, she stole a quick glance at the man sitting across from her.
Slouched over the countertop, his arms bent at the elbows and his knuckles white with the strength of his grip on the turquoise coloured mug, Alex continued to stare into its seemingly bottomless depths.
Izzie had never seen him like this, so despondent , so brooding. Usually he was cocky beyond belief, a sardonic comment never too far from the surface ready to spew at a moments notice. This was not the Alex that Izzie knew. Measuring the flour needed for her cupcakes, Izzie dumped it into the mixing bowl, her hand jerked suddenly at the sound of a rattle. Raising her gaze, she found Alex attempting poorly to settle his cup on the marble of the island, the results of the shiver that had coursed through his body.
"Is something wrong Alex?" she inquired as she reached for the container of cocoa and held her hand steady as she measured out the required amount and added it to the mix.
Silence.
"I know I've been a bitch to you lately but I'm still your friend Alex. You can talk to me, you know." Izzie continued to stir the contents of the mixing bowl.
Alex shifted uncomfortably on the stool. His hands were still wrapped around the mug as if his life depended on it. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something but closed again before any words escaped.
Izzie stopped stirring and rested the spoon inside the bowl. Grabbing the coffee pot, she poured some of the boiling brew into his cup. He raised his eyebrows in question before lowering his gaze back to the mug.
"You look like…" Izzie faltered. She couldn't say "shit" like she thought because that would not make things any better. "You look like…you needed more."
"Thanks." Alex grunted.
Izzie returned the coffeepot to its place and checked her recipe. "Vanilla. I can't believe I forgot the vanilla. Can you grab it for me Alex? It's in the cupboard, right there." She stressed her request by pointing to the door in question.
Scowling and muttering under his breath, he left the safety of his stool and ambled to the cupboard. Finding the bottle of vanilla, he placed it on the counter next to Izzie and returned to brooding with his coffee once more.
"Alex. You can't just sit there all day and mope and grumble. If you want to talk, I'll listen. I'm a good listener."
Alex muttered just above a whisper. "I'm the one that sucks at it.," as he raised the mug to his lips and took a swig of the rapidly cooling liquid.
"Damn. This isn't my day. I forgot to set the preheat on the oven. Could you do that for me? Make sure it's at 350 degrees." Izzie requested as she cracked the eggs and added them along with the vegetable oil and water to the mixture.
"Do it yourself! I'm not your lapdog like O'Malley." Alex retorted as he lowered his feet to the floor and snatched his cup from the counter splashing the remnants over the cool black marble as he stood, heading for the living room.
Izzie tossed the dishcloth in his direction hitting him squarely in the back "Clean up your mess! If you weren't being so damn pissy in the first place, it never would have happened! God…Men and their stupid macho attitudes!"
He bent over and retrieved the cloth from the floor, the wet spot on the back of his grey t-shirt clinging to his skin from where it hit him. "My attitude?! You mean I didn't have a right to be pissed about you telling me how to run my life? Cuz "little-miss-know-it-all" knows exactly what I need?" Alex tossed the cloth back to the counter and turned to storm away.
"That's not what I was doing Alex. You needed to know the truth. Rebecca lied to you…and you needed to know."
"The truth? You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass." Alex retorted back at her, unleashing the venomous thought from deep inside his soul.
Izzie set the oven temperature at 350 and turned to look at him. An angry flame lit his golden brown eyes and a grimace was set firmly into his expression. "Test results don't lie Alex. Rebecca never was pregnant…at least not physically pregnant. Only in her mind." Izzie's voice was soft and gentle in her explanation. "She believed she was pregnant. In her mind, she really believed it. And her body reacted with pseudo symptoms." Her blonde ponytail swished across her back as she walked back to the counter and popped the paper liners into the muffin tin. "I know she had you convinced…that you were going to be a Dad. And in a way I was proud of you for manning up and taking responsibility. But…I couldn't let you live through a lie. I just couldn't…" Turning away from him, she raised her hand to wipe away the stray bit of moisture that was trailing down her cheek.
Silence filled the room. The touch of a strong hand on her shoulder forced her to turn into the grip. Alex lowered her hand and wiped the tears away with his own. "I'm sorry, Iz. I know you were only trying to help. I was scared. I was upset…and I took it out on you."
Alex placed a tender kiss on her forehead and pulled back from her. The amber of her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. "Yes you did" she replied softly. "You hurt me too, Alex. You said some mean and hateful things."
"I did…and I'm sorry." The tone of regret was evident in his voice. "It brought back a lot of stuff…from the past. Stuff I hadn't thought about in a long time."
Izzie rubbed her eyes and forced a smile to her lips. "We could talk about it?" She glanced at him questioningly. She began to spoon the batter into the paper cups filling them ¾ full.
"We could…but not now." Alex replied truthfully. "Someday…right now we have cupcakes to finish." Alex pulled down the oven door and place the filled muffin tin on the middle rack as Izzie set the timer.
Their hips bumped slightly in the small area in front of the oven. A shiver coursed through her body and settled deep within her depths. Glancing into Alex's eyes, she could see he was just as affected by their touch. "Alex? Are we good?" She asked the question but was almost dreading his answer.
"We're good, Iz." He smiled back at her from his seat, his mouth watering in anticipation of the best cupcakes he'd ever tasted.