"Mum..." the terrified whisper of an eleven year-old boy pierced the silence of the Lupin's small kitchen.
"Mummy, I... I don't want to go." Remus Lupin pleaded his mother pitifully, golden eyes swimming with tears. His fork clattered down onto the table, large breakfast completely untouched and growing cold. Lip quivering and body shaking, the boy stood up and ran to his mother, burying his face in the soft cotton of her muggle tee-shirt. Selena Lupin stroked her sons tawny hair and rested her chin on top of his head, the child's tiny whimpers muffled by her shoulder.
"Darling, you have to. What are you so afraid of? I'm sure it's going to be lovely!" she said soothingly, trying to comfort her only son and ease his fears. Remus pulled his face out of his mother's shirt, unusually sharp teeth gnawing on an already chapped bottom lip. Selena slipped a finger under her sons pointed little chin, gently tilting his face up so she could look him in the eyes.
"Remus, what's so bad about going to Hogwarts? I thought it was what you always wanted. And Professor Dumbledore has been ever so kind to you- you wouldn't want to disappoint him, would you?" Remus's thin shoulders jerk up and down in a shrug.
"No, but... But what happens if the other children find out... what I am? They'll kick me out and they'll hate me and I won't ever have a job, and... and... and..." Selena cuts off Remus's panicked stammering with a kiss to the boys forehead.
"Love, shh. People won't judge you just because you're a werewolf. If you find true friends, they won't care what you are- they'll care about what's in here!" With her last words, she poked Remus in the stomach, causing the boy to giggle slightly and seem more relaxed.
"Now come, your fathers waiting in the car. I'll just clean up breakfast- you go and wait with him, alright?" Remus nods, and Selena watched her sons tiny figure scamper out the door and outside into the cold, grey, September day that greeted him on his first day of school. Her heart heavy with fear and anticipation, she began to clear away their breakfast dishes, frowning at Remus's untouched food. Her son was so good, so sweet, so... innocent. She hoped that she and John were doing the right thing by sending him to Hogwarts. What if children did find out? What if her gentle child was ridiculed and cursed at and spat at? What if Remus's biggest fear came true? He'd never really been around children- he'd been bitten at the tender age of only four, and had never grown up being able to interact normally with people besides Selena, her husband, and the healers they'd see at St. Mungo's when Remus injured himself too gravely for John to heal during his monthly transformations. What if she sent him out into the world, naive like he was, and he came back completely unrecognizable and full of hatred for what he was and the restrictions placed upon his kind?
Selena shook her head to clear it. 'That would NOT happen with Remus.' she told herself. Her boy was much too sweet-natured and gentle to ever turn against himself or his family. Still... She dropped a dish into the sink and absentmindedly flicked her wand at it, letting it wash and clean itself in midair while she rummaged through drawers to find an enormous bar of chocolate that she and John had scrimped and saved for in order to give Remus a treat on his big day. A thin prickle of fear ran down her spine as she stared at the chocolate, remembering how many times she'd mixed it into warm milk or melted it into gooey squares to feed to Remus right after he'd transformed and was simply too ill or too miserable for anything else. What could she do for him when he was going to be away and transforming at Hogwarts, under someone else's care? Would they know that he liked a hot bath a couple of hours before the change? Or that he needed to have his neck and back massaged before the transformation, because they'd start to cramp up and have him be in agonizing pain? Was that what a mother was supposed to do to their child? Send them away and not even be able to comfort them when they needed them most?
"Stop that!" she told herself angrily out loud, slamming the kitchen drawer with a loud crack that echoed through the silent house. "
You're letting him get an education!" she muttered out loud, grabbing her heavy traveling cloak from the Lupin's ancient coatrack.
"If you kept him here forever, he'd never forgive you. You've seen how much he wants to be educated- how could you deny him that?" She opens the door and shuts it behind her, instantly bottling up her feelings inside of her and wiping her face to a smiling mask for her son. If he saw how anxious she was, it would send him over the edge into complete and utter panic. He was terrified enough as it was- he didn't need to see his mother warring whether to let him go or keep him home. Bur what was the better option? Let him go, but risk exposure, discovery, and the breaking of her little boy's heart, or let him stay home, but risk boredom, resentment, and him hating her for never letting him out into the world?
She'd reached the Lupin's old, clanky car by now, and she walked around the car to the passenger side and opened the door, sliding in and giving her husband a quick kiss on the cheek. John smiled reassuringly at her, silently jerking his head back to the backseat where Remus had his whole body bent over a book, wide eyes regarding the words with the rapt fascination that Remus regarded everything with. Selena's mind then completely erased every doubt she'd ever had about letting Remus go off to Hogwarts. How could she have a doubt, when that sweet little face looked up from the book and gave her a delighted smile, holding up the thick volume so she could see the title.
"Hogwarts: A History, mum! Father just gave it to me! Isn't it fascinating?" his eager eyes peered at her, wide with excitement, and he looked so different from the terrified boy of ten minutes ago. Her Remus had had to grow up so early, and she was glad that he'd now have a chance to be a child and be around children his own age. She hoped with all her heart that he'd find good friends, friends that could be trusted and counted on, no matter what. Friends that would perhaps except his... differences.
With a much lighter heart, Selena turned around as her husband put the car in drive and headed out off the small driveway in front of their house. The Lupin's stated the drive in comfortable silence, each counting up the minutes where they'd reach London and it'd be time to find Platform 9 3/4.
All Remus's confidence and good spirits in the car ride before had vanished as soon as the Lupin's entered the enormous London train station. He clung to his mothers hand, heart thudding frantically in his thin chest, eyes flicking around like an animal caught in a trap. He'd never seen so many people before, and it was overwhelming.
In one hand he clutched Hogwarts: A History, fingers clamped so tightly around the book that he felt the spine start to snap. He let go with a sharp sigh, wishing, not for the first time, that he didn't have the freakish strength that came with the werewolf curse. What kind of eleven-year old is able to pick up a fully-grown man or hold a book so tightly the binding starts to snap under pressure?
He tucked the book into the crook of his elbow, nervously flattening his hair over his ears, which were pointed at the tips like a goblins or a... He refused to even think the word. That part of him was NOT going to ruin an important event like this in his life, an event that nearly never took place, thanks to a four-year olds innocent curiosity seven years ago on the night of a full moon.
Selena noticed her sons fidgeting and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder, which caused Remus to relax his body a tiny bit. He obediently followed after his mother, keeping his head tilted downward so no one would look into his face and notice "Hey. There's something not right about that kid." He prayed no one would. That would be just his luck. To have his dreams shattered before he even got to Hogwarts. His father, who had been leading the way and pushing Remus's battered and ancient-looking school trunk, suddenly stopped short right in front of a brick wall. Remus glanced up at the wall and saw a plaque reading "Platform 9" affixed to its side.
He quizzically tilted his head, wondering what his father was going to do. They had just past Platform 10- it didn't look like there was any Platform 9 3/4. His breathing started to speed up. What were they going to have to do? What if they had to pass a test? He didn't know anything! Anxiously, he nearly ripped open Hogwarts: A History and started furiously scanning the pages for anything that might help for a test. He looked back up to find his father, but saw empty space where his father and mother used to be. They had passed the test and he hadn't! He was never going to go to Hogwarts! Eyes huge with panic, he swung around to see if they were behind him. No Selena or John. Even his trunk was gone!
When he realized he was completely, utterly alone at King's Cross, without any knowledge of the place and surrounded by Muggles, the reality started to set in. His mother and father were gone. He had no idea where he was, and no idea how to get home. With a half-sob of fear, he slid down the wall to bury his face in his knees, only to slide right through the wall! With a cursed wolf-like yelp of surprise that quickly made him cover his mouth with his hand, he sat up and looked around.
He was in a completely different train station now. A glossy scarlet train was stopped on the tracks, smoke puffing out of it's smokestack, windows shining, brass trimmings gleaming in the light of the street-lamps that hung over the station. Wizards of all shapes and sizes wearing all different colors and styles of robes were running everywhere, some with the flustered look of a harried parent, others that looked only a couple of years older than Remus himself. Remus gazed around in wonder, taking in the cages holding hooting owls and spitting cats and trunks packed to bursting with amazement, briefly forgetting his terror of moments ago. Platform 9 3/4 was everything he always imagined it to be.
A hand coming down on his shoulder caused him to jerk out of his wonder-filled trance and flip around, a low snarl ripping its way out of his chest. With a tiny squeak of mortification he found himself facing his mother, who was glancing around nervously to make sure no one had heard him. Remus's golden eyes narrowed in anger.
"You left me!" he hissed, but went up to his mother and hugged her anyway, letting out a shaky breath now knowing he hadn't been forgotten. He felt Selena laugh against him, and he pulled back to glare at her accusingly. Seeing her son's serious face, Selena stopped laughing and made a silly face at the boy.
"Love, I'm so sorry! I forgot to tell you we had to walk through the wall. Are you alright?" Remus let out an indignant huff. "Now." he said sourly, but quickly shook off his bad attitude. He was so unused to being angry or snippy at someone that it felt wrong. Selena smiled at her son and beckoned to him to follow her with one finger. Remus followed, and she nimbly led him through the throngs of wizarding families to John Lupin. Remus's trunk was nowhere in sight, and he figured that his father must have just put it on the train already. John knelt down to his son's height and placed an arm around his slender shoulders, staring into Remus's eyes. Remus felt a pang of homesickness already as he stared into his fathers tanned face, surrounded by sandy hair with deep-set blue eyes. He was going to miss his parents awfully. Should he go to Hogwarts? Was he doing the right thing? Before he could think of more anxieties, his father started to speak.
"Remus, I'm so proud of you. You're going to do fine." his mother then knelt down to, her brown eyes trained on Remus's face.
"Dearest, if you ever need us, send an owl. If you ever feel like you need to come home, Professor Dumbledore told me that you can just ask him, and he'll let you Floo. If anything happens, tell him immediately, alright?" Remus nodded, and Selena's eyes filled up with happy tears. She pulled him into a hug and kissed his hair.
"My big, brave lad..." she trailed off happily, pulling away and letting John Lupin kiss his sons forehead. Both of Remus's parents stood up, and Selena gave Remus a gentle push towards the train.
"Go on love. We'll wave goodbye." His father told him, offering him a reassuring smile. Remus uncertainly made his way over to the intimidating scarlet train and stepped up the black stairs, poking his head inside the train. It was nearly deserted- he figured most students were probably saying last minute goodbyes to their families. He took careful, measured steps down the plush-carpeted hallway, pausing when he found a deserted compartment.
He slid open the gilded gold doors and found himself in a cozy little compartment with two bench seats that faced each other on either side of the window, with a metal rack above the window. He placed his book on one of the seats next to the window, along with his paper-bag with his lunch in it and his coat, which Selena had lovingly darned multiple times in an effort to make it look new again. He slid open the wavy window with ease and poked his head out, smiling when he saw his parents a little bit down aways, waving cheerily at him. He waved back, and his mother blew a kiss to him. With a tiny smile of happiness, Remus shut the window and sat down on the plush seat, running his hand over the luxurious velvet-feeling material. It was very nice, much nicer than anything the Lupin's every owned.
When he thought of his house, Remus felt a prickle of shame and self-loathing. His parents had once been prestigious ministry workers, and they had had a decent amount of money. Then he had to go and get bitten by Fenrir Greyback, and completely ruin their lives. Every spare penny had been spent on treatments, most of which were excruciatingly painful and expensive, and all of which simply didn't work. Now they had to save all their money simply to pay bills and make do with basic necessities. Remus did feel slightly relieved, though. With him at Hogwarts, his parents no longer had to worry about bandages and medicine and sleeping draughts every month, nor the awful St. Mungo's visits that left Selena in tears and Remus with horrible feelings of guilt and hatred for himself. They would be able to save money and maybe buy things for themselves.
"That's one good thing about me going..." he said quietly, stopping his feeling of the seat cover and reaching into his pocket to pull out his wand. Ten and a half inches long, slender, made of birch wood with a unicorn tail in the core. It was light and practically weightless in Remus's hand, and he felt like a true wizard when he had one, not just like a scrawny eleven-year old werewolf pretending to be a wizard. That was the best thing about being able to go to Hogwarts. Remus was able to get a wand. A wand. Mr. Ollivander had told Remus that practically no werewolves were allowed to get wands because the ministry didn't consider them "people", and therefore it wasn't proper for them to be able to use things that normal people were able to use. But Albus Dumbledore had pulled a few strings, and here was Remus, the fifth werewolf in history to have a wand, and the first werewolf in history to be allowed to attend Hogwarts.
A deliciously warm feeling spread from his head to his toes when he thought about Hogwarts, a feeling that couldn't even be damped by his gnawing fear that someone would discover his secret or that he would have not friends. He would be able to study and go to classes, something he'd always dreamed about. He'd be able to read as many books as he'd like, and practice spells and learn about Hogwarts. He was interrupted from his little reverie by angry shouts from the corridor and thumbs that sounded like someone was kicking the doors. Cautiously, he got up and poked his head out of his compartment's doors, glancing down the hallway to see what the commotion was.
A boy about three inches taller than Remus stood with his back to Remus, hands on his hips, shoulder to shoulder with an even taller boy with unruly dark hair, both of them glaring at another boy, a pudgy blonde kid who looked to be just a little taller than Remus who was cowering against the wall. Remus huffed to himself angrily. Sodding werewolf curse caused him to be tiny and skinny for his age, and probably for his whole life. He had to be one of the smallest kids on the entire train. Anxiously, he pulled at his sleeve in an effort to ensure that all the vicious scratches that marred his body were covered in case any of the other children were to turn around and catch him off guard. He went to take a step outside the compartment to get a closer look at the other boys and maybe try to see how to make friends when the train gave a lurch, sending Remus sprawling into the hallway, where he smacked into the wall and fell over, making a face as the movement irritated week old wounds that hadn't healed completely.
The boy Remus had first seen turned around to see what the commotion was. He was dressed in a near buttoned up dress shirt that he had unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves too, neat muggle jeans, and shiny shoes. His hair, which was jet black and shiny, hanging to the nape of his neck, some pushed casually away from his face, and it curled around his ears. It was his eyes that struck Remus as unusual. They were a stormy grey color, like the sky before a thunderstorm, and they flashed and danced and sparkled in the light. His lips stretched into a broad smile, revealing even, perfectly white teeth as he stepped forward and grabbed Remus by the shoulder, pulling him to his feet and dusting off his shirt.
"There you are, mate. You okay?" the boy asked, looking concerned about Remus. Remus just nodded, wide-eyed, as the boy stuck out his hand.
"I'm Sirius.," he said cheerily, and Remus nervously stretched out his hand to place it in Sirius's who shook it eagerly.
"I'm... Remus." he said shyly, casting his gaze downward back to his feet.
'This isn't so hard!' his brain triumphantly told itself. 'Look! You're talking to another boy. You've made a friend.'