For all the power of John Smith
Disclaimer: I do not own doctor who…unfortunately :(
Summary: Everything happens to Donna… Tag for Journeys End.
Rating: T
SPOILERS:
Journeys End
Authors Notes
I was sad when Donna's mind got wiped. This is my little bit of closure.
I tried to experiment a bit more with different ideas for this fic so I hope it doesn't appear too muddled.
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Gods are beyond us, wound into legend, twisted in time, a thought captured in the threads of a dream catcher, the wind brushing the chimes to remind us that there is something beyond us, something we cant see but that somehow effects the physical world in the most beautiful and disastrous ways.
Some people believe that Gods are in war, in the acts that make the world shudder and burn. Gods are amidst the bloodshed of millions, ordering their silent angels to the ground to carry the souls of the soldiers that have passed, who cry out to the world beyond from their violent ends.
But what if Gods were in the moments? In the emergence of a smile from the little girl who has found her adventure, from the spark of electricity between fingers as they touch so quickly, then slowly, so slowly intertwine, In the second those eyes meet and tell all in a wink, or the tear that rushes down a cheek just to drop to oblivion.
Instead of a God being in the power of the most fearsome storm, perhaps he would wander through the snow, the angels caught in the beauty of the moment, a moment which holds no war.
Maybe a God is only a God because he is the balance, a perpetual element which will never have a white or a black. The being of grey.
A woman walks down a street, arms laden with bags of shopping; she has been to New Look and managed to get a brilliant deal on an outfit which she is already planning to slip into before popping down to the off-license. She has already texted Tina about her plans to grab an issue of heat and lure the new – and very yummy – employee that started only a week ago out on a date with her. 'Of course…' her fingers had furiously mashed at the keypad 'Ill make it all sound like his idea. Be using some womanly wiles! Lol!'
Her flaming red hair bounced as she did, with anticipation and excitement and the streetlamps took it in turns to illuminate her as she walked.
'Oh my dear you look lovely.' Wilf remarked as he saw his granddaughter descend the stairs with a spring in her step. She beamed at him.
'Thanks Granddad,' her eyes sparkled like a younger version of herself dressed up for prom 'I'm just popping down to the offy.'
'Im guessing that this visit isn't just for the new issue of heat." Her mother remarked, looking her up and down before disappearing into the lounge "I hope you didn't spend too much money in town today..."
Donna rolled her eyes, and she and Wilf smirked conspiratorially as they had always done in response to Sylvia wanting to mother anything that looked even slightly scruffy or sorry for itself. Tonight though, Donna was neither of those things; she was happy, she was confident and she was…
"I can't go in there!" Her phone's keypad took another beating; for the fastest temp in Chiswick 100 words a minute was not just a professional skill. As the text whizzed its way across cyberspace to find Tina, Donna peered around from her position against the side wall of the building to peek in through the window, the yummy employee was stood serving an elderly lady who was pondering over one of life's great decisions – kitkat or starbar? It seemed that this man was pondering with her, or rather talking nonsensically to himself. The lady finally made her decision and paid briskly before making a quick departure. Donna heard the end of a sentence as the door opened and in the seconds it took to shut afterwards;
"Churchill was great, tad on the grumpy side… maybe – oh, okay then, leave. You started the conversation though!"
Donna took a breath and threw any caution to the wind. Just before the door hit the frame she pushed it open once more and a little jingle welcomed her as she entered the shop.
For a moment she could have sworn the man looked at her with great familiarity, pride, and yet deep sadness laced in that glance. Less than a second later she wasn't even sure if he had looked at her that way though as deep brown eyes hid any trace of life before this very minute and a toothy smile spread across his face.
"Hello there, how can I help you?" His eyes followed her as she ambled over to the magazine rack and made a bit of a drama out of finding what she had come here for, strolling up and down, shifting all the real life mags, taking some interest in the radio times and a couple of fanzines and remarking on how excited she was that they had finally brought out a ferret special of the farmers guardian. Voice dripping with sarcasm of course.
"What's wrong with ferrets? I like ferrets… of course they become less appealing when one of Clom's great geniuses decides that supersize ferrets under mind control would be a brilliant way to take over the universe…this is Clom we're talking about though, they're only trying to take over the universe because they are fed up of no one actually wanting to invade them…"
Donna was just a little bit taken aback by the sudden outburst of gibberish and further seconds passed before the man realized that she was looking at him as though he had just jumped up on the counter and started river dancing whilst showering himself with confectionery.
"I can see why that other lady left so quick, you're bloody nuts!"
"You started it." he retorted petulantly
"Oh c'mon, how old are you? 4!?" She found herself laughing; he was actually quite funny, even if completely bonkers.
"Actually I'm-" He hesitated "Smith, John Smith. And you are?" he held out a hand
"Donna Noble. I don't like ferrets and I'm not from Clom" she jested
"Good thing too. At least I know I can shake your hand." He grasped her hand firmly but warmly. They stood there, hands locked for just a little longer than usual, Donna didn't know why but she felt great care for this Mr Smith and his shake was so friendly it didn't seem unnatural to keep it for longer than social conventions would suggest. It was him who drew away. Her cheeks reddened slightly as she realized that she had probably pulled off a perfect image of a teenager, taking every gesture shared with her crush as some great relationship turn. At least she knew that she wouldn't be going home later and kissing his picture before bed or writing in her diary about the way his hair caught the light or how he spat a little if he stressed his S's even if he thought that's what she would be doing. In fact neither of them knew how she would spend that evening.
"So Donna Noble. What do you do?" Sensing that she was feeling awkward he changed the subject.
"I – err – I tend to bounce between places really…Im a temp." She said the last sentence as if it was salt in her mouth, like the title didn't belong to her but she was burdened with it as no one would ever really want her. Once again the look on Mr Smith's face faltered, like a switch that flicked to let that awful aching sadness through. He looked away. She had seen it this time though. Clear as day she had not only seen it but felt it too. What did it mean?
"Why did you look at me like that?" Donna's curiosity burned, she needed to know.
"Like what?" The mask had returned, winning smile, smiling eyes and a boyish tone to his voice. Almost enough to make her forget the last few sentences between them, like he seemed to have forgotten. Almost.
"You looked at me - Mr. Smith - like you knew me, like I've hurt you. But I've never met you. I never did anything to you." She turned away; worrying at her lip she contemplated the magazines again. She saw the one she wanted, reached out slowly and plucked it from the shelf.
"You haven't done anything to me. I'm sorry, you just look like a friend I had."
"Id like this please." Donna gently placed the magazine and a chocolate bar she had grabbed down on the counter, she focused on the front page of heat for a while, as he pushed buttons on the till and rung up a total. Eventually she gathered the courage to look into those eyes again as she passed some money to him "I'm sorry about your friend. I really am."
Suddenly Donna's phone buzzed in her pocket, she pulled it out as Mr. Smith smiled and disappeared out the back. She had opened the text message and began reading it before he reappeared with some packets of cigarettes and started pushing them into their slots in the cabinet behind the counter.
'Don, just go 4 it!' the response from Tina read 'b the confident nd sexy u! Oh and soz 2 ask but can u grab me a mag for tmoz? I'll pay u back. Good Luck! Lv Tina xx'
After a rushed reply Donna found herself over by the magazines again searching for something Tina might read without grumbling about skinny celebs or turning every page just to comment on some fit lad who was way too young for her. Donna kept telling her that cradle robbing is even worse when you have a husband and kids but Tina was a firm believer in window shopping…
Donna didn't notice when Mr. Smith stopped stocking up cigarettes and began to stare intently out of the window, she didn't realize that the jingle signalling the entrance of another customer in fact marked the entrance of a dark and sinister figure, she didn't see the figure draw a weapon and she didn't hear Mr. Smith's strangled cry until it was way, way too late.
"Donna…"
She turned as the click of a gun being armed turned into the violent yell of a shot. A sob escaped her when the bullet drilled a burning path into her body, ripping her flesh, that tiny metal object leaving a trail of damage inside her and spatters of her own blood across the floor as evidence beyond what she could feel.
"Doctor." The figure wheezed, its voice cold and unforgiving "I hit you in your heart Doctor like I promised…like you weren't expecting." The wheezing became heavier and the thing's breathing was faster, it was laughing. "Why use Haidarian technology to foil you when this hideous little dirt planet has weapons of much more destruction?"
"I warned you. I warned you not to do this." Mr Smith pulled a long thin object from the back pocket of his jeans. Standing back he pointed it at the camera above the till. Buzzing and blue light showed that the object must be operating and after a few seconds the camera sparked and a loud pop indicated that the thing was broken. When his gaze fell back to the figure it was like a wave of intense emotion and power swept the room, every corner of the little shop was aware of John Smith's dominance. In fluid movements he scaled the counter and threw himself at the figure. As the pair fell Mr Smith plunged his arm into the thing's face. The thing countered by pushing its hand slowly into Mr Smith's chest, he cried out in pain.
It was a peculiar scene, a scene with a morbid kind of comedy to it. This dark figure and John Smith moulded together fighting but not really while the woman who was only used to the red of her hair was seeing the red of her blood…
Very little time passed before Mr Smith pulled away from the figure. He rolled over and lay exhausted. The figure lay still.
"Mr Smith." Donna whispered, scared that if she spoke any louder her chest might burst. She had fallen to the floor; blood was smeared in great finger strokes down the magazine rack, "help me."
"Donna, oh my God, Donna." He scrambled to his feet only to stumble and fall next to her. He helped her to a sitting position. "I need to get you to the TARDIS, I can't do anything for you here…"
"TARDIS…" The word rolled off of her tongue like she had tasted it before, it felt natural to her. The Doctor froze as he realised his hideous dilemma, how he was trapped between two rocks. He had pulled off his jacket by now to press it against the gushing wound. Donna was shaking, her blood caking on her hands and its warmth climbing the fabric of her new top, the one she had bought just today, the one she had bought not for this…
"Help me" she whispered again, her eyes finding his even though they tried to evade her. He sat there, more time passing, more blood seeping into his jacket, more life slipping away from his friend, more thoughts spinning in his head. If he took her to the TARDIS she could remember, she would burn up. He would have killed her. But if he sat here, not doing anything as she shook and begged for him to help her, he would be sentencing her to death.
By the time he had chosen to take her to the TARDIS and carried her outside, a starry night had become torrential rain; it beat at his head, flattening his hair and making it stick to his forehead, everything else was soon drenched too and blood and water seemed to have no divide in the darkness. He collapsed just short of the deep blue box, the exhaustion from his battle with the Haidarian having taken its toll, one of his hearts was really struggling and he wasn't used to working with one alone.
"Doctor," Donna's lips were blue now, he could see the droplets of rain slip into her mouth as she spoke "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you."
"No Donna Noble," he found that the words stuck in his throat "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"
Memories were hitting her as waves, each one hitting her harder and dragging her in so far that she could not hope to battle the current. The racnoss the tardis Pompeii adipose sonic screwdriver. Agony. Library vashda nerada jenny Agatha Christie trickster Rose Rose Tyler Bad Bad Wolf. For one glorious moment she was the most important woman in the universe…
"I saved the world." She realised
"You saved the universe Donna" The doctor told her. The TARDIS wasn't too far away now, he could drag them both, he could almost reach…he held Donna tight and even through his exhaustion pushed his feet against the wet pavement bringing them closer. Rain hid tears for so many reasons. Still he had to keep going, he couldn't loose someone else.
"Doctor, Stop." Donna demanded, grimacing in pain. He kept going, pushing his feet, pulling them, pulling, pulling… "Stop" she cried "stop and look at me!"
This time he did as he was told.
"Don't blame yourself for this…" All the memories, all the knowledge it was coming back as they both knew it had to one day. Her head was torture, and her body was numb. "Don't you dare. Or I swear to God I'm coming back to haunt you!"
"Donna…" Her name was uttered in its true meaning, as the Donna he knew. Yet it was pained as he lost her again, this time with no comfort to take in her being well in some form.
"I don't want to die." He could tell that she was crying now "But I remember why my life was great." Her hand reached up to the Doctor's cheek, as if to check that he was real, so she knew she wasn't dying alone… She gave it a smack.
"Oi!" The Doctor couldn't help but smile, ever so slightly.
"No taking the memories from me this time spaceman." She returned the smile. Her eyes were becoming cloudy but they both stayed that way, smiling like idiots. They had been to the end of the world and this would not be it again.
"What do you want me to say to your mum and granddad?" The doctor touched the subject delicately. He did not want to have to tell Wilf and Sylvia that Donna had died without a word to them.
"I love them…of course…and…and watch the stars." Her focus drifted, her voice was becoming distant. The rain kept falling and The Doctor cradled his friend, his dear close friend to him almost as he had done the day he took her memories and Wilf had found them on the doorstep. This time though it was only them, captured in memories and nostalgia, still smiling like this wasn't the end, like this moment was forever and they could sit in each others company and be perfectly content.
"Goodbye Doctor," her voice was barely audible, her candle reaching its quietest yet most glorious moment. The highest flame at the strike of midnight "I'll see you in the stars…"
Death is beyond everything. Even for a man who can travel the universe, every moment another person moves beyond his reach…
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Thanks for reading :) please review.