A/N: After finishing Order of the Phoenix, I had an idea about a little What If?' ficlet. What if Harry goes into the Room of Requirement and finds Sirius there? One shot.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling does. I humbly borrow them and return them (mostly) unscathed. Memory Charms are so useful!
SPECIAL THANKS TO: Jocelyn, Klose, and Em. Thanks for beta reading! You guys helped a lot!
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LESSON IN PAIN
By Lantarmiel
Harry put down his book on a table and leaned back in his overstuffed chair. He glanced about the empty room. It was nearly midnight, but he had been studying for his N.E.W.T.s. Everyone else, Hermione included, had retired at least an hour before. He rubbed his scar half-heartedly, more out of habit than anything else. His Occlumency skills had improved drastically ever since Dumbledore had replaced Snape as his instructor.
He glanced at the dying fire, remembering for a few moments his fifth year. Back then, he had often hoped that Sirius's head would pop through the flames and give him a few words of wisdom and encouragement.
Sirius.
Although nightmares about his late godfather were no longer plaguing him nightly, the thought was still painful to bear. He still remembered the shocked look on Sirius's face when Bellatrix's curse had finally made contact with him—the look of utter shock at how he had failed. A solitary tear slipped down Harry's nose.
Before long, he was trying desperately to muffle his sobs with the pillows on his favorite armchair.
Why? Why was I so bloody stupid to believe the dreams Voldemort was sending me? It didn't help anyone, all it did was kill Sirius! he moaned through clenched teeth. Damn it, I never asked for any of this! It didn't even have to be me! he hiccoughed. Because of some stupid henchman who can't hear properly, I'm stuck with the job if killing him!
Ah! But you DID help because of those dreams. Remember when you saved Mr. Weasley? The nasty voice in his head reminded him.
This thought, however, only caused Harry to sob harder. Why had he been able to save Mr. Weasley, but not Sirius? It wasn't fair.
Having thoroughly soaked four of the plush pillows, a still-sniffling Harry decided to go for a walk to calm his nerves. As long as he kept his invisibility cloak on, Filch wouldn't see him, and Mrs. Norris seemed to acknowledge that he'd never be caught by a human in the act of rule breaking. He collected his book and notes, and crept up to his dormitory.
He paused for a moment to observe Ron sleeping, albeit rather fitfully.
No! Hermione! Harry! Where'd you go?! he quietly moaned. Ginny! Follow me! He was obviously dreaming about the Department of Mysteries, when they had gotten separated in the prophecy room.
Harry passed by his best friend's bed, softly whispering, I'm right here, Ron. I always will be here. And we all got out fine. Except for Sirius.
He extracted the invisibility cloak from the trunk at the foot of his bed quietly, and slipped it on over his school robes. He slunk down the staircase to the common room, and then out the portrait hole.
He slowly wended his way through the twisted corridors of Hogwarts. Should he visit Hedwig in the owlery? No, she was probably still delivering his letter to Tonks, Lupin, and the rest of the Order. He finally decided to let himself wander, and see where he ended up.
After about twenty minutes ambling about, Harry found himself pacing along a blank stretch of wall. I need Sirius just to talk to him one last time he thought desperately. With a start, he realized that a door had appeared in the wall.
The Room of Requirement, he whispered incredulously. And I need to talk to Sirius! he gasped, before bursting through the door.
Inside was a room that looked remarkably like the kitchen at Number Twelve, Grimmaud Place. Sitting in one chair, looking straight at him, was Sirius Black.
Harry gasped, staring.
Yes, Harry. It's me. This room, it would appear, has the ability to bring me in front of the veil as long as you and I stay in here, he commented. Wish Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, and I had known about it. Reckon we would have had a lot of use for it.
Harry was amazed that Sirius could be so calm about this. I've missed you so much he said softly. That Death Eater just blasted you. And you were gone, he finished.
But I'm not. And I never really was. As long as you, and everyone else, honor my memory, I'll never have truly left, as much as my mum wishes that I had. Now, I will only be allowed to stay here for half an hour, and I cannot return to this room until someone else uses it. But, that's far better than such an abrupt ending as we had a year and a half ago.
Amazingly better. Wow I can't believe that it's you! It still seems surreal, somehow Harry said, sitting in a chair.
It's real, I can assure you. And I don't think that even Dumbledore knows the extent of what this room can do. Speaking of which, how is he? Sirius asked, obviously trying to create a conversation.
Everyone around here is just fine. This is probably the first Defense against the Dark arts teacher who will last more than one year since Quirrell. Professor Arden's almost as good as Lupin was. And Snape's now a little more civil to me, especially since Malfoy's not in my N.E.W.T. class. Even SNAPE couldn't make an excuse when he mixed up all the poisons and their antidotes on the exams last year, Harry replied.
That's rich I reckon that when Lucius was killed for his ineptitude, Draco just lost it, Sirius shrugged. Almost feel sorry for him. But, as long as he's still as much of a git as ever, I don't.
He's still a git, but he hasn't been messing with me as much. And he hasn't mentioned the Weasleys ever since. The family thing's still a bit of a soft spot, I suppose. Harry replied.
There was an awkward pause of about ten seconds, in which Sirius stared at Harry, and Harry stared at Sirius. It was the same Sirius as it had been, but Harry had changed. He had grown taller, and his eyes held a darker quality, as if he had seen too much for a seventeen-year-old. He wasn't yet old enough to join the Order officially, and Mrs. Weasley had to be telling the others, especially Tonks and Mad-Eye, that Harry was NOT to be used as a member who was a spy for them at Hogwarts. They did have Snape, after all. However, neither of the two really seemed to keen to put all their faith in Snape, and Harry was a member recognized by all but Mrs. Weasley.
I've been talking with your parents, Harry, Sirius said quietly. They wanted to say hello, and to tell you how brave you're being.
My parents? My mum and dad? Lily and James? You've talked to them? He asked breathlessly.
Yes. A lot, in fact. Prongs was most anxious to hear how you've been doing in Quidditch. Sirius replied, smiling slightly. He, at least, found the fact that the part of his son's life James was interested in was Quidditch.
we flattened Slytherin two days ago; 200 to nothing! We were all really on that day. And er N.E.W.Ts start the day after tomorrow, Harry listed.
N.E.W.T.s. I don't envy you that experience. What have you been doing in Defense Against the Dark Arts?
We've been revising like mad. Arden still couldn't believe it when he found that over half the class could create a corporeal patronus without instruction. I mean, he'd heard about mine—who hasn't—but Hermione's otter and Ron's dragon really knocked him for a loop, Harry grinned.
Ron's is a dragon? Sirius chuckled. I really thought it would be an acromantula. He does seem to enjoy the company of those.
Harry laughed outright, something he hadn't been doing much lately. We've all told him that. That's actually the best way to get him to try and hex you, tease him about spiders.
Harry looked up at Sirius, pain evident in his green eyes. I still can't believe that it's you. I've DREAMED about seeing you again I guess all it took was a midnight walk to find the way.
Unexpected things happen when we're sad, Harry. Ask Lupin about how he met us. The point is sadness opens doors. But oftentimes, we're too absorbed in the door closed to us to notice. I know you're more used to Dumbledore saying this sort of thing, but it's true. If I can only make you believe one thing, Harry, before I have to leave, it's that you need your pain. Pain, fear, sadness, despair these things make us who we are. The prime difference between us and other creatures is just that—we know these emotions. And yet we don't know how much we truly like them.
Sirius looked at his feet, which had begun to dissolve into a faint smoke. I have to leave, now, Harry. I'll see you again if you ever need to talk to me, he said with an encouraging smile.
Harry stood up and embraced his dissolving Godfather tightly, and ended up hugging himself. Until next time, Sirius. Until next time, he whispered.
And with that, he wrapped the invisibility cloak about himself and left the Room of Requirement to its devices. He crept through the corridors silently, thinking all the while about his lesson in pain.