"Oh, well, I feel so loose tonight I might fall to pieces
Elvis Costello, Cheap Reward
So be prepared to sweep me out the door
And I might be horizontal by the time the music ceases
So I think I'll get acquainted with the floor"
It's very interesting, the things a person might consider when they feel as if their world is going to end. I can hardly stand to shave in the morning without glancing at the razor blade, it's gleaming dangerousness imprinted in my mind. When I realize what I'm thinking, I get unbelievably nauseous.
It's happened every day for a week, now.
It's amazing, the things a girl can do to a person. Daphne makes me go from docile to hotblooded, irate to cheerful, self-assured to horribly frightened. She makes my eyes water and my heart race. She puts ideas into my head that don't make sense until she explains. And every day fsince her engagement, she's been killing me. Her smiles, greetings, and goodbyes lessening my ability to breathe. I'm suffocating.
I'm suffocating, because she's found a man to be happy with... and it isn't me.
As I'm a friend of the bride, I was consulted for the design of the invitations. They're going to be adorable: Royal blue paper, silver lettering. A picture of him holding her in his arms -- she gave me a copy, which I burned. God, I wish I could hate her. I wish there was a bit of malice in me that was especially reserved for Daphne Moon, soon to be Daphne Douglass. But there isn't. I was convinced that Maris would be the last woman to injure me, and thus she's the only one who's got a bit of me with her.
I can't hate Donny, either. I am, and always will be, eternally jealous of his courage... But he's made her happy. And I commend him for being able to do that. For seven long years I've watched Erics and Joes and Rodneys crush Daphne's heart, conniving, lying, cheating. I've been here for her as much as possible, patting her shoulder and drying her tears. Kindess hasn't done me much good, though. I'm sitting in my office, nearly suicidal, and a man nicknamed The Piranha is kissing her and smelling her hair.
I wish I could die, or at least sleep through this whole ordeal. The non-engaged Daphne in my dreams is much better than the woman I see now. The soon-to-be wife of divorce lawyer Donny Douglass.
...Daphne Douglass.
It's as I notice the letter-opener on my desk that I decide it's time for a coffee break.