Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters, nor do I have any affiliation with the judicial system. So don't get on my case if the law is messed up in this fan fiction. Keep in mind; I was really sugar high when I wrote this. And don't forget, IT'S A STINKING FAN FICTION! So don't take it so seriously.
Courtrooms and Cupcakes
Several neatly dressed individuals shifted in the courtroom. The silence was almost unbearable as the Judge made his way toward the bench. Many pairs of eyes looked about the room. A few stragglers began to sit down and the seats creaked, making their presence very well known. It seemed the case was about to begin.
On the prosecution side was a little old woman. Her wrinkly skin and gray hair gave her away. From the shape of her pale face, and the way the skin drooped, she looked to be somewhere in her mid to late 70s. She was feeble; there was no doubt about that. Though there was something about her that was just intimidating. Her eyes were cold, angry, as she glanced at the defense.
Beside her, sat a pitifully small dachshund. The dog looked even tinier with that rather large patch over its eye. In addition, it's right, front leg had a cast on it. It seemed as though the dog had been attacked by a tree branch or something odd like that.
Murmurs could be heard from behind the prosecution. There were a few "poor thing."s and "That's sad."s, but the rest was fairly inaudible. It was apparent that the entire courtroom was already feeling sympathy for the old lady and her dog.
The defendant wouldn't even have a chance. On the opposite side of the courtroom, a blonde spike stood out against the dark background. Immediately following the obscene hairdo was a face with a look of utter confusion. The blonde haired, blue-eyed man, who seemed more like a kid, sat staring at the bench. He really had nothing better to do. Every once in a while he'd drop his jaw while looking at his hands. He gave the impression that he'd been doing something illegal before he came to the courtroom, but no one was paying enough attention to him to notice.
Next to the defendant sat the hero. He had been a renowned lawyer for some time since the fall of meteor. How exactly he came back was a mystery, but no one really questioned it. He adjusted his navy blue suit and brown tie so he was a bit more comfortable before opening his briefcase. Sephiroth grumbled, waiting for the trial to start. He had to endure all of the defendant's stupidity throughout the morning and was unwilling to take it much longer. He couldn't wait for this whole thing to be over with.
"Order. Order..." The judge lightly tapped his gavel against the bench silencing anyone who was still talking. Once it was completely quiet, he began the case. "Now, Mrs. Dalton, you are charging the defendant with assaulting your dog. Can you describe the events for me? I'm still unclear as to how this actually happened."
"Well..." She began. Her voice was the stereotypical old woman's voice, only less sweet and more nasally. "I was walking my Poopsy in the park. It was a lovely day, and so I stopped to pick some flowers. When I lifted my head back up, the next thing I noticed was that man!..." She stopped her story to point toward the defendant. The whole courtroom gasped and glanced over toward the blonde one who was now picking his nose. The defendant glanced up and quickly pulled his finger from his nasal passage, smiling idiotically. Sephiroth merely grunted and shook his head.
Mrs. Dalton then continued with her story.
~*Flashback*~
Mrs. Dalton was stepping slowly through a patch of flowers, stopping only once in a while to smell the occasional daisy or dandelion. It was a few minutes afterwards that she noticed a beautiful purple flower. She decided it was a must have for her kitchen, considering the whole thing had been themed with flower wallpaper and a lot of purple. "This will go great on the dining table. Won't it Poopsy?"
The happy bark that would come next was cut short with a growl as the small dachshund noticed the blonde-haired man in the distance. He could already tell this one was going to be trouble. The blonde one seemed oblivious. His only worries were trying not to trip as he skipped through the park.
Mrs. Dalton turned her attention back to her dog just in time to catch the blonde-haired man jabbing the dog in the eye with his pointer finger. The blood curdling scream that she let loose next could've made dogs within a ten-mile radius go deaf. Poor Poopsy was so frightened; he turned around to escape the crazy man, but instead tripped over his own foot and sprained his wrist.
The blonde-haired one ran away screaming crazily.
~*End Flashback*~
A gray brow furrowed while the Judge looked at the defendant. It was hard to believe someone like this would actually go around jabbing dogs in the eye with his finger. He had to find out whether or not the woman's odd story was true. His head rested in the palm of his hand, and his left arm was supported on the podium. "Well, Cloud Strife, you've been charged with assaulting a miniature dachshund. How do you plead?"
That confused look just wouldn't leave Cloud's face as he stared at the Judge. He could see his lips moving but he couldn't hear or process what he was saying. Cloud sighed in exasperation before sticking his finger in his mouth. I really wish I had a cupcake. That would make my day. Oh! I could bake cupcakes when I get home! Yes! And Sephy will help me!
Seeing his client wasn't answering himself, Sephiroth stood, ready to address the Judge's question. He rested his palms on the desk and leaned forward a bit. That sly smirk of his went perfectly with his cool, emerald orbs. His tendrils fell neatly in front of his face, making him look all the more sexy and wily. "I'd like to plead insanity, if that's at all possible."
"Insanity?" The judge mused for a moment. He seemed to be actually considering it. After about a few seconds, he shook his head sagely. "I'm sorry, but that just doesn't seem relevant in this case. This man seems perfectly normal to me. I'd like to investigate this further. Let's take a short recess and then we'll continue with the case." The gavel hit the podium again and recess had begun.
* * *
The inside of Sephiroth's office was a cozy place. A colossal desk sat in front of a huge window. Through the glass was a perfect view of the eastern half of Upper Midgar and Kalm town. The walls of the office were lined with shelves. All of which were stacked to the ceiling with various law books, books about the planet, and any other literature you could think of. Sephiroth was an extremely well rounded individual. That's what made him a great Lawyer.
The serenity of the office was interrupted when Sephiroth's deep voice resounded through the room. "Can't you act a bit more crazy than that? You were much worse this morning. Can't you just blurt something out like you were doing earlier?"
"What're you talking about Sephy?" Cloud's huge grin was the epitome of all that was innocent and ignorant. He really had no clue what was going on, and it showed drastically. Before Sephiroth could respond or react, the blonde one was clinging to his side again. Sephiroth struggled to break free of Cloud's grasp, but the way his arms were locked around his waist; it was hard to maneuver out of it. "What the heck are you doing?! You're going to wrinkle my nice new suit!"
"Do you want to bake cupcakes with me after the trial Sephy? Huh? It'll be fun!" He released his grip on the lawyer and stepped back a bit, anticipating his answer with great excitement. Sephiroth growled, patting his now wrinkled suit. His hand then lifted to his neck so he could adjust his tie. He always hated wearing them, but he had to in order to make a living.
"See? That's what I'm talking about! Why can't you act like that in the courtroom? The judge will surely dismiss the case if you act like that." Sephiroth's arms were spread wide, further emphasizing his angst toward the mentally ill, spiky blonde. But Cloud just wasn't picking up on why he was so angry. "Oh Sephy. Why do you worry so much? We'll bake cupcakes later, and everything will be okay!"
"Urrrggghhh...." And again those silver tresses danced about his face as he shook his head. "Let's just get back to the courtroom..."
* * *
And then court was back in session. The Judge was back at the bench, waiting to hear the defendant's side of the twisted story. "Will the defendant please approach the bench?"
Suddenly, Cloud wasn't looking so well. He seemed more nervous than he had previously been. Sephiroth glared at his client, getting more irritated than before. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He whispered harshly to the blonde one. "Get up there and tell your story!" Cloud looked at the lawyer with nervous, baby blue eyes. He began to shiver a bit, then shook his head. "Ohhhh...Seppphhyyy... I think... I think I pooped my pants."
"Oh dear GOD!" Before Cloud had a chance to utter something even more stupid, Sephiroth grabbed the mental man and dragged him up to the bench. With a thump, Cloud had been practically tossed into the witness chair.
He looked around the room at all the glaring eyes. He had never told a story with so many people listening before. He could feel the anxiety reach his stomach, and now the acid was beginning to build up. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words, a large gas bubble caused him to belch. The whole courtroom let out a wretch from utter disgust.
"Order! Order in the court!" The gavel had to hit the podium several times before it was silent again. The Judge's brown eyes darted toward Cloud, almost afraid of what was to come out of his mouth next. Though he was also morbidly curious at the same time. "Continue with your story Mr. Strife."
"Oh...I think I might remember what happened that day."
~*Flashback*~
Cloud was skipping merrily through the flowers. It was such a nice day that he couldn't help but be happy, even though he had just soiled himself a few hours preceding his trip to the park. But none of that mattered. He just wanted to enjoy his time at the park.
He stopped to sniff various flowers. They all smelled great to him since he was in such a good mood. Then again, he was rarely in a bad mood since the crisis of the planet was over. After he had finished inhaling all there was to inhale from the flowers, he looked up. There was pollen on his nose, and he looked like an idiot, but he wasn't one to care about trivial things like that.
As he gazed across the park, he noticed a small dog, and felt a strong desire to walk over to it because it was so cute. He skipped to the dog's location, humming a soft tune to himself. It was truly a wonderful day, he thought to himself. He kneeled over toward the dog, which was now growling. But Cloud was too dense and ecstatic to realize the dog felt threatened.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Cloud felt compelled to poke the poor animal in the eye. After he had done that, the dog was more afraid than it had been previously. The blonde-haired man looked confused. He couldn't understand for the life of him why the dog was acting so peculiar. In it's effort to escape, it tripped over its own legs and sprained its wrist.
~*End Flashback*~
The Judge was beginning to get impatient. He strummed his fingers against the podium. "That's great, Mr. Strife, but it still doesn't explain why you poked the dog in the eye."
Cloud looked up at the Judge yet again, a look of utter stupefaction on his face. Now that he thought about it, he really couldn't remember the reason either. "Oh... I can't remember..." What was it? He had to think quickly or else the many people in the courtroom would surely become enraged and reprimand him, or worse.
Then it suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. His memory came back and he shot up out of the witness chair to address the Judge more personally. His face was inches away from the Judge's and it was apparent the authority figure was getting more and more uncomfortable. Cloud's huge, clueless grin returned to his face as he gave him his explanation. "Oh! Now I remember! ...I was playing my new game! It's called 'Poke in the Eye'! Do you wanna' plaaaayyyy?!"
"No, that's quite alri-..." But before he could even answer, Cloud's finger was in the Judge's right eye. There was a scream of terror and pain before the whole courtroom jumped up to see what had happened. After rubbing his sore eye for a while, he grumbled. "That does it! It's obvious what I need to do with this case."
Sephiroth escorted Cloud back to the defense's desk. It would only take a miracle for them to win this trial now. It was pretty much a given that the defense was going to have to pay the prosecution for the damages caused. The only thing the blonde one could do was stare at his offending finger. "What did I do Sephy?"
"You just lost Cloud." That was all he had to say. There was no need to utter anything further. Cloud's shoulders slumped and his bottom lip jutted out. "Oh..." He didn't understand what he had done wrong, all he knew was that he had fouled something up.
"Well, after some careful consideration, I've finally decided what to do about this case." The Judge's eye was swollen and red. It was like a pimple on a very pale butt cheek. He grumbled, shifted so he was facing the prosecution. "Here's my verdict..."
Now there was truly tension in the courtroom, as if there wasn't enough before. Mrs. Dalton moved uncomfortably as she stood, awaiting the court's decision. Cloud and Sephiroth were too busy sulking from their apparent loss to be stressed by the suspense. The Judge then continued. "I'm going to have to rule in favor of the defense."
"WHAT?" That was all that could be heard throughout the courtroom from both parties. "But...Why?" Sephiroth slammed his palms down on the desk again, as if he was upset that they had won the case. And he actually was a bit upset, but mostly surprised.
"Because this man is obviously mentally ill. She shouldn't have had her dog out without a leash like that. That's what happens when you take risks like that."
"I can't believe this..." Sephiroth's jaw dropped to an incredible depth. They had actually won...
* * *
The oven door opened and out popped those cupcakes Cloud so longed for. They were vanilla cupcakes, with vanilla frosting. And to top them all off, rainbow sprinkles were placed on the tops of them. "I told you you'd have fun doing this with me Sephy!!"
"Heh..." Sephiroth grabbed a cupcake and took a bite. His navy-blue suit was covered in flour and frosting, but he didn't rightly care. He was having fun, and that's all that mattered. What was wrong with that? "Yeah, you're right. And besides, your case made me one win closer to becoming partner!"
The End
Courtrooms and Cupcakes
Several neatly dressed individuals shifted in the courtroom. The silence was almost unbearable as the Judge made his way toward the bench. Many pairs of eyes looked about the room. A few stragglers began to sit down and the seats creaked, making their presence very well known. It seemed the case was about to begin.
On the prosecution side was a little old woman. Her wrinkly skin and gray hair gave her away. From the shape of her pale face, and the way the skin drooped, she looked to be somewhere in her mid to late 70s. She was feeble; there was no doubt about that. Though there was something about her that was just intimidating. Her eyes were cold, angry, as she glanced at the defense.
Beside her, sat a pitifully small dachshund. The dog looked even tinier with that rather large patch over its eye. In addition, it's right, front leg had a cast on it. It seemed as though the dog had been attacked by a tree branch or something odd like that.
Murmurs could be heard from behind the prosecution. There were a few "poor thing."s and "That's sad."s, but the rest was fairly inaudible. It was apparent that the entire courtroom was already feeling sympathy for the old lady and her dog.
The defendant wouldn't even have a chance. On the opposite side of the courtroom, a blonde spike stood out against the dark background. Immediately following the obscene hairdo was a face with a look of utter confusion. The blonde haired, blue-eyed man, who seemed more like a kid, sat staring at the bench. He really had nothing better to do. Every once in a while he'd drop his jaw while looking at his hands. He gave the impression that he'd been doing something illegal before he came to the courtroom, but no one was paying enough attention to him to notice.
Next to the defendant sat the hero. He had been a renowned lawyer for some time since the fall of meteor. How exactly he came back was a mystery, but no one really questioned it. He adjusted his navy blue suit and brown tie so he was a bit more comfortable before opening his briefcase. Sephiroth grumbled, waiting for the trial to start. He had to endure all of the defendant's stupidity throughout the morning and was unwilling to take it much longer. He couldn't wait for this whole thing to be over with.
"Order. Order..." The judge lightly tapped his gavel against the bench silencing anyone who was still talking. Once it was completely quiet, he began the case. "Now, Mrs. Dalton, you are charging the defendant with assaulting your dog. Can you describe the events for me? I'm still unclear as to how this actually happened."
"Well..." She began. Her voice was the stereotypical old woman's voice, only less sweet and more nasally. "I was walking my Poopsy in the park. It was a lovely day, and so I stopped to pick some flowers. When I lifted my head back up, the next thing I noticed was that man!..." She stopped her story to point toward the defendant. The whole courtroom gasped and glanced over toward the blonde one who was now picking his nose. The defendant glanced up and quickly pulled his finger from his nasal passage, smiling idiotically. Sephiroth merely grunted and shook his head.
Mrs. Dalton then continued with her story.
~*Flashback*~
Mrs. Dalton was stepping slowly through a patch of flowers, stopping only once in a while to smell the occasional daisy or dandelion. It was a few minutes afterwards that she noticed a beautiful purple flower. She decided it was a must have for her kitchen, considering the whole thing had been themed with flower wallpaper and a lot of purple. "This will go great on the dining table. Won't it Poopsy?"
The happy bark that would come next was cut short with a growl as the small dachshund noticed the blonde-haired man in the distance. He could already tell this one was going to be trouble. The blonde one seemed oblivious. His only worries were trying not to trip as he skipped through the park.
Mrs. Dalton turned her attention back to her dog just in time to catch the blonde-haired man jabbing the dog in the eye with his pointer finger. The blood curdling scream that she let loose next could've made dogs within a ten-mile radius go deaf. Poor Poopsy was so frightened; he turned around to escape the crazy man, but instead tripped over his own foot and sprained his wrist.
The blonde-haired one ran away screaming crazily.
~*End Flashback*~
A gray brow furrowed while the Judge looked at the defendant. It was hard to believe someone like this would actually go around jabbing dogs in the eye with his finger. He had to find out whether or not the woman's odd story was true. His head rested in the palm of his hand, and his left arm was supported on the podium. "Well, Cloud Strife, you've been charged with assaulting a miniature dachshund. How do you plead?"
That confused look just wouldn't leave Cloud's face as he stared at the Judge. He could see his lips moving but he couldn't hear or process what he was saying. Cloud sighed in exasperation before sticking his finger in his mouth. I really wish I had a cupcake. That would make my day. Oh! I could bake cupcakes when I get home! Yes! And Sephy will help me!
Seeing his client wasn't answering himself, Sephiroth stood, ready to address the Judge's question. He rested his palms on the desk and leaned forward a bit. That sly smirk of his went perfectly with his cool, emerald orbs. His tendrils fell neatly in front of his face, making him look all the more sexy and wily. "I'd like to plead insanity, if that's at all possible."
"Insanity?" The judge mused for a moment. He seemed to be actually considering it. After about a few seconds, he shook his head sagely. "I'm sorry, but that just doesn't seem relevant in this case. This man seems perfectly normal to me. I'd like to investigate this further. Let's take a short recess and then we'll continue with the case." The gavel hit the podium again and recess had begun.
* * *
The inside of Sephiroth's office was a cozy place. A colossal desk sat in front of a huge window. Through the glass was a perfect view of the eastern half of Upper Midgar and Kalm town. The walls of the office were lined with shelves. All of which were stacked to the ceiling with various law books, books about the planet, and any other literature you could think of. Sephiroth was an extremely well rounded individual. That's what made him a great Lawyer.
The serenity of the office was interrupted when Sephiroth's deep voice resounded through the room. "Can't you act a bit more crazy than that? You were much worse this morning. Can't you just blurt something out like you were doing earlier?"
"What're you talking about Sephy?" Cloud's huge grin was the epitome of all that was innocent and ignorant. He really had no clue what was going on, and it showed drastically. Before Sephiroth could respond or react, the blonde one was clinging to his side again. Sephiroth struggled to break free of Cloud's grasp, but the way his arms were locked around his waist; it was hard to maneuver out of it. "What the heck are you doing?! You're going to wrinkle my nice new suit!"
"Do you want to bake cupcakes with me after the trial Sephy? Huh? It'll be fun!" He released his grip on the lawyer and stepped back a bit, anticipating his answer with great excitement. Sephiroth growled, patting his now wrinkled suit. His hand then lifted to his neck so he could adjust his tie. He always hated wearing them, but he had to in order to make a living.
"See? That's what I'm talking about! Why can't you act like that in the courtroom? The judge will surely dismiss the case if you act like that." Sephiroth's arms were spread wide, further emphasizing his angst toward the mentally ill, spiky blonde. But Cloud just wasn't picking up on why he was so angry. "Oh Sephy. Why do you worry so much? We'll bake cupcakes later, and everything will be okay!"
"Urrrggghhh...." And again those silver tresses danced about his face as he shook his head. "Let's just get back to the courtroom..."
* * *
And then court was back in session. The Judge was back at the bench, waiting to hear the defendant's side of the twisted story. "Will the defendant please approach the bench?"
Suddenly, Cloud wasn't looking so well. He seemed more nervous than he had previously been. Sephiroth glared at his client, getting more irritated than before. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He whispered harshly to the blonde one. "Get up there and tell your story!" Cloud looked at the lawyer with nervous, baby blue eyes. He began to shiver a bit, then shook his head. "Ohhhh...Seppphhyyy... I think... I think I pooped my pants."
"Oh dear GOD!" Before Cloud had a chance to utter something even more stupid, Sephiroth grabbed the mental man and dragged him up to the bench. With a thump, Cloud had been practically tossed into the witness chair.
He looked around the room at all the glaring eyes. He had never told a story with so many people listening before. He could feel the anxiety reach his stomach, and now the acid was beginning to build up. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words, a large gas bubble caused him to belch. The whole courtroom let out a wretch from utter disgust.
"Order! Order in the court!" The gavel had to hit the podium several times before it was silent again. The Judge's brown eyes darted toward Cloud, almost afraid of what was to come out of his mouth next. Though he was also morbidly curious at the same time. "Continue with your story Mr. Strife."
"Oh...I think I might remember what happened that day."
~*Flashback*~
Cloud was skipping merrily through the flowers. It was such a nice day that he couldn't help but be happy, even though he had just soiled himself a few hours preceding his trip to the park. But none of that mattered. He just wanted to enjoy his time at the park.
He stopped to sniff various flowers. They all smelled great to him since he was in such a good mood. Then again, he was rarely in a bad mood since the crisis of the planet was over. After he had finished inhaling all there was to inhale from the flowers, he looked up. There was pollen on his nose, and he looked like an idiot, but he wasn't one to care about trivial things like that.
As he gazed across the park, he noticed a small dog, and felt a strong desire to walk over to it because it was so cute. He skipped to the dog's location, humming a soft tune to himself. It was truly a wonderful day, he thought to himself. He kneeled over toward the dog, which was now growling. But Cloud was too dense and ecstatic to realize the dog felt threatened.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Cloud felt compelled to poke the poor animal in the eye. After he had done that, the dog was more afraid than it had been previously. The blonde-haired man looked confused. He couldn't understand for the life of him why the dog was acting so peculiar. In it's effort to escape, it tripped over its own legs and sprained its wrist.
~*End Flashback*~
The Judge was beginning to get impatient. He strummed his fingers against the podium. "That's great, Mr. Strife, but it still doesn't explain why you poked the dog in the eye."
Cloud looked up at the Judge yet again, a look of utter stupefaction on his face. Now that he thought about it, he really couldn't remember the reason either. "Oh... I can't remember..." What was it? He had to think quickly or else the many people in the courtroom would surely become enraged and reprimand him, or worse.
Then it suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. His memory came back and he shot up out of the witness chair to address the Judge more personally. His face was inches away from the Judge's and it was apparent the authority figure was getting more and more uncomfortable. Cloud's huge, clueless grin returned to his face as he gave him his explanation. "Oh! Now I remember! ...I was playing my new game! It's called 'Poke in the Eye'! Do you wanna' plaaaayyyy?!"
"No, that's quite alri-..." But before he could even answer, Cloud's finger was in the Judge's right eye. There was a scream of terror and pain before the whole courtroom jumped up to see what had happened. After rubbing his sore eye for a while, he grumbled. "That does it! It's obvious what I need to do with this case."
Sephiroth escorted Cloud back to the defense's desk. It would only take a miracle for them to win this trial now. It was pretty much a given that the defense was going to have to pay the prosecution for the damages caused. The only thing the blonde one could do was stare at his offending finger. "What did I do Sephy?"
"You just lost Cloud." That was all he had to say. There was no need to utter anything further. Cloud's shoulders slumped and his bottom lip jutted out. "Oh..." He didn't understand what he had done wrong, all he knew was that he had fouled something up.
"Well, after some careful consideration, I've finally decided what to do about this case." The Judge's eye was swollen and red. It was like a pimple on a very pale butt cheek. He grumbled, shifted so he was facing the prosecution. "Here's my verdict..."
Now there was truly tension in the courtroom, as if there wasn't enough before. Mrs. Dalton moved uncomfortably as she stood, awaiting the court's decision. Cloud and Sephiroth were too busy sulking from their apparent loss to be stressed by the suspense. The Judge then continued. "I'm going to have to rule in favor of the defense."
"WHAT?" That was all that could be heard throughout the courtroom from both parties. "But...Why?" Sephiroth slammed his palms down on the desk again, as if he was upset that they had won the case. And he actually was a bit upset, but mostly surprised.
"Because this man is obviously mentally ill. She shouldn't have had her dog out without a leash like that. That's what happens when you take risks like that."
"I can't believe this..." Sephiroth's jaw dropped to an incredible depth. They had actually won...
* * *
The oven door opened and out popped those cupcakes Cloud so longed for. They were vanilla cupcakes, with vanilla frosting. And to top them all off, rainbow sprinkles were placed on the tops of them. "I told you you'd have fun doing this with me Sephy!!"
"Heh..." Sephiroth grabbed a cupcake and took a bite. His navy-blue suit was covered in flour and frosting, but he didn't rightly care. He was having fun, and that's all that mattered. What was wrong with that? "Yeah, you're right. And besides, your case made me one win closer to becoming partner!"
The End