The Last Goodbye, Part 1

A/N - This is just a 2 part (I think) piece that I felt the need to write after listening to The Antlers, Kettering. The song is about a hospice worker who falls in love with a terminally ill cancer patient, and so here is a horrible manifestation of the thoughts that followed. Sorry if this is like punching yourself in the face with the Minoan trident whilst sobbing 'you'll never lose this friend' over and over, because that's what it was like for me. WARNING – MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, PROCEED WITH CAUTION. IT'S NOT HAPPY. IT'S ANGSTY AND BADLY WRITTEN, FORGIVE ME. IT'S ALSO 1AM. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS.

[This is set post season 5, episode 1. EXCEPT Myka's cancer is not benign ahahahaha I'm so sorry, enjoy]

Helena got the phone call at 4am. She squinted in the darkness at the caller ID. Pete. Fear instantly gripped in her heart.

"What's happened?" Her voice was shrill and panicked.

"Helena," Pete sounded lost.

"What's happened? Is she alright?"

There was no reply, only the sound of Pete's uneven breathing.

"No," Helena whispered, hands shaking. Not Myka. No.

"Cancer," Pete eventually said.

Cancer? Helena's mind was reeling, tears began falling silently down her pale cheeks. She must have known. Why didn't she tell me?

Myka was gone. Gone. Helena had always braced herself for bad news, being over a century old, and working in the past as a Warehouse agent, she was no stranger to madness, other-worldliness, and danger. But cancer? What cruel twist of fate would take Myka from her with cancer?

"Were you with her when she…" Helena couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, her hand had found the hollow of her neck.

"No," Pete sounded distraught. "She was in the hospital alone. She told everyone she was going to see her parents. We believed her, why wouldn't we?" Pete was talking fast, taking heavy breaths in between each sentence. "Then… then I woke up at 2am. I had mega vibe, a real bad one, I felt in my chest, in my bones. The hospital called a few minutes later."

The silence stretched out on the phone. Helena didn't want to believe it. she wanted to go back to sleep, wake up from this horrible dream.

"Helena I am so sorry, we told her to call you but she didn't want you to worry. She didn't want anybody to worry." Pete was crying. "I told you. I told you I'd have her back, that I would always have her back, no matter what. But I didn't, I couldn't. I'm so sorry."

Helena's thoughts flashed back to the last time she had seen Pete in Wisconsin.

"Keep her safe." Helena had said, as he packed the Pachycrocuta jawbone carefully into the jeep.

"I always do. I've got her back". Pete had replied, looking at Helena, the woman he had learned to love as a friend. "Are you sure about this?" His words had a hidden meaning.

"People do not give you enough credit, Mr Lattimer." Helena had replied with a raised eyebrow, looking over at Myka who was crouched down, talking to Adelaide. "She's better off without me. I'm a mess," Helena had laughed bitterly. "She'll be happier with me out of her life."

Pete had frowned at her, his guts screaming that this was wrong. But eventually he had nodded. Helena had to figure out her own issues.

"I'll take care of her, don't worry."

Helena snapped back to the present.

"Oh, Myka," Helena breathed, squeezing her eyes shut.

Pete was silent on the other end, then. "Nobody was with her, God she must have been so afraid." He whispered.

"Peter, you know you couldn't have saved her from this. No matter how hard you tried." Helena tried to reason with him, reason with herself.

"That doesn't stop it from hurting," Pete replied. No, it didn't.

Is that H.G? She heard down the line. Claudia's usually bright, brilliant voice was hollow and pained.

"Claudia?" Helena asked. She's lost somebody else. How much suffering must we all endure?

"H.G, she's gone." Claudia sobbed. "She's gone and none of us were there. We are her family, wewere her family, and none of us were there."

"Claudia, darling," Helena wished she could pull the young girl into her arms. "I'm coming, alright? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We're going back to the B&B," came the choked reply, then, "I miss her already."

"Oh Claudia, I miss her too." Helena said, her voice shaking as she tried to stop the pain that was crushing her heart. "I'm on my way."

—

Helena drove fast, tears drying on her face as the sun rose. Why didn't she tell me?

Then, why didn't I tell her? Helena laughed sadly, shaking her head. Tell her what? That you loved her but thought you would never be good enough for her? Because you were a coward, that's why. Helena flexed her hands on the steering wheel. Alone. She had been all alone. The thought of Myka dying by herself in a cold hospital room with nobody to hold her made Helena want to rip her stomach out. You had all the time in the world to tell her you loved her, and instead you said goodbye. Over and over, you let her go, and now it's too late.Helena glanced at the time on the dashboard as fresh tears welled in her eyes, she'd be home soon.

Time. H.G's eyes went wide, an idea forming in her mind. Her time machine.

—

Helena made it to the B&B, her car barely parked before she was running towards the door. She got to Claudia first, and the girl buried her head against Helena's chest. They stayed that way for a while, Helena gently stroking the young woman's shoulders. Then, Pete, Steve, Abigail, and finally Artie. He eyed her with his usual wary stare. Helena managed to laugh.

"I've missed that look of distrust."

"We've missed you," Artie said in his usual gruff voice as Helena embraced him in a light but meaningful hug.

She pulled away, and ran a hand through her hair. It didn't have it's usual calming effect, and so she restlessly jumped in. "I need to go to the Warehouse," she blurted out.

Artie's frown returned in full force. "The Warehouse? What for?"

"My time machine," Helena said, looking down to mask her desperate expression.

"Oh Helena, you of all people know, you cannot change the past." Artie placed a hand on her shoulder. "She's gone."

Helena inhaled slowly, an image of Myka's face clouded her mind. "I know Artie, believe me, I know. I won't try to save her." She said, although it pained her to say it aloud. "Artie, she died alone. Alone. But I can change that, please? You have to let me go."

It was as if everyone in the room realised what she had meant at the same time.

"You want to go back, so she's not alone when she…" Pete trailed off.

"Yes," Helena said. "For the 22 hours and 19 minutes before her death, she will have someone there, I can make sure of that."

"But the time machine was fried to bits after Paracelsus combined it with artifacts," Steve interjected.

"Yes, I heard about this Paracelsus fellow. I can fix it." Helena said with confidence. "Whatever he did, I can fix it. For one last trip, anyway." Now Helena turned to face them all. "I know, I have no right to ask to be the one who goes but…"

"No," Pete cut her off. "It should be you."

"Pete let me…"

"No, Helena. It's okay. She'd want to see you." Pete found himself smiling, ruefully. "She'd punch me for saying it, and then she'd yell at me, and probably punch me again, but, you were herone. We could all see it. Mrs Frederic could, hell, even Artie could. But you two had to be so damn stubborn the whole time." Helena swallowed, she knew all too well that their stubbornness had been costly. "Well, we all have our time machines, right H.G? Go and make sure she knows she's not alone."

Helena looked up at Pete as he finished. "Thank you," she whispered.

Pete looked at her sadly. "Will you do something though? Will you tell her hey from me?" And then as Helena nodded, Pete turned and walked out of the room.

"I'm coming with you to the Warehouse," Artie said, although Helena hadn't doubted it.

"Me too," Claudia said.

Helena nodded, grateful for their company. She would need all their strength if she was going to say goodbye to Myka, one last time.

[part 2 will involve sick-Myka, and will deal with her death, and B&W's final conversation. Ha ha ha I may delete this shit, who knows]