Six years after the battle of Endor, Coruscant
Luke wondered why he was here.
He sat in a smokey cantina, in a booth beside his brother-in-law, an almost untouched beer on the table in front of him. People always assumed that either Luke was completely pristine and good, his morals surpassing any that the common man may have-to the point that he would never touch an alcoholic substance-or that he was just like everybody else, and would have a beer sometimes, maybe even get drunk every once in a while. But he was really somewhere in between. He did have a beer or a glass of wine sometimes, but usually only one, and sometimes he didn't even finish it. He had only been drunk twice in his life, and not since he was nineteen-and both times had been such utter disasters that he didn't see any reason to repeat it.
He just stared at the glass before him, the pale blond liquid bubbling and sitting there and nothing more. Han was on his third, and would probably have a fourth-and only be a little drunk. Luke know he could handle six before losing it, which scared him-how could Han have developed such an immunity? Luke could have two before he was drunk, and could only handle three without losing motor control so much as not to be able to stumble home. It was thanks to Leia that he had come out of the first time alive- though Han constantly told Luke that it was an exaggeration, and he would have been fine. "I was with you, kid," Han always told him, "And you had three beers and a glass of whisky. You weren't even close to gettin' alcohol poisoning."
"I was eighteen, Han," Luke had reminded him. "I weighed one-hundred and twenty-five pounds."
"Still...there's no way," was Han's only contradiction.
As Luke stared at his one-quarter-gone beer, thinking, Han jabbed him in the ribs. "Ow. What was that for?" Luke asked, coming out of his head and back in to the bar where he...belonged?
"You're so damn quiet. What's the matter? You're not gonna pull that Jedi Master shit tonight, are you? I thought you were happier lately-that's what you said."
Luke smiled, thinking of Han and Leia's new twins, so small and perfect...somehow, they made him feel happier than he ever had, and they weren't even his. Their big brown eyes, just like their mother's, and how tiny they were-after all, there were two of them, and Leia wasn't very big, so they'd stayed very small until they were born. Luke still had trouble believing that they were here, that somehow Han and Leia had reconciled...most of their differences...at least enough to get married and have two little...and the fact that his two best friends were even capable of creating something so beautiful...it was all just so mind-boggling. He wondered, if he ever had children, what that would feel like-it must be like this ten-fold.
"I am happier lately. I'm just...kinda tired, I guess." He stretched as Han glanced at the crono behind the bar.
" 'Sonly midnight. Don't tell me you're gettin' to old to stay out 'till midnight."
At twenty-seven? Hardly. "No...I just don't really fit in here..." He looked quickly around, making sure he didn't look too long at any one being. "This is more of your thing."
"I didn't wanna go by myself. Besides, you were the one complainin' about how you and me never see each other any more."
"I know..." He took a sip of the beer-it was weak and bitter, and he didn't like it much. "I don't think I've been to a bar with you since...in at least a couple of years. Not since before you and Leia got married." He smiled as a thought occurred to him. "How does she feel about you going out drinking, with a wife and two kids at home?"
"Damn...I have a wife and two kids....Next thing ya know, I'll have little house on a quiet planet, with a white picket fence and...I dunno-an Ewok puppy or something." Han muttered, then quickly downed the rest of his beer.
Luke laughed. He was about to say that he didn't think Ewok babies were called puppies, but instead he asked, "Do you like it?" He scooted closer. "I mean, you never seemed like you wanted a family. I think that's part of why I was so surprised when Leia told me she was pregnant."
Han frowned at him. "Luke, I am perfectly capable of keeping my little men under control."
Luke raised an eyebrow, shocked and yet not-it was Han, after all-to hear him put it that way. "You mean...?"
Han laughed. "Luke, if I wasn't the kind of guy who didn't mind being on birth control, d'you know how many kids I'd have by now? Jacen and Jaina were no accident."
Luke crossed his arms, glad at the revelation, but not amused. "I don't think you should go around bragging about how many women you've had. Especially to the very protective brother of your wife, who, I should remind you, just had twins. Therefore, I'm apt to be even more protective-- "
"Kid, It was a joke. You don't need to get all huffy."
"I'm not being huffy. And it wasn't a joke-I know for a fact that you've had so many that you've lost count."
Han rolled his eyes. "What do you know about my sex life?"
"More than I'd like. I know you and Leia have sex pretty often and not always in your bed or even in your bedroom."
He looked surprised. "How?"
"I can feel where you are, and Leia and I are getting more and more connected, so I can feel what's going on."
Han frowned and shifted uncomfortably. "How well?"
Luke sighed. He'd tormented Han enough, and it was getting to the point where it was more like an argument than simple fun. "Not well at all. Don't worry."
The subject was dropped, and Han yelled to the bar tender for another beer, which was delivered by a waitress in a very short skirt. Luke noticed that Han wasn't looking at her legs-that was a good sign, something that he wouldn't have expected even six months ago. It was the twins that were doing it to him, making him more responsible in general and more in love with Leia than ever. "I'm sorry, Han," Luke murmured. "I didn't mean to start anything."
"Me neither." Han winked at him, and Luke smiled broadly and shook his head. It was fun again all of a sudden, and Luke actually ended up finishing one beer and ordering another.
"But if I get drunk, Han," Luke warned, feeling tipsy already, "It's your fault."
"Yeah, but you don't have a wife to explain it to. I don't think Leia'll believe me if I get drunk an' blame it on you."
Luke felt listless again suddenly, and his tongue loosened by the beer-he didn't think he'd be saying this otherwise, even to Han-he said, "I wish I did."
Han shook his head. "Why? You're not even comin' up on thirty yet, kid. Have some fun first."
"I'm not like that, Han."
"I don't mean I want ya to sleep around. I mean, right now you can go where ever you want, do whatever you want. When you commit, you lose that."
"But isn't it worth it? Being in love, having someone to share everything with...having kids?"
"This is about the kids, isn't it? Not about the wife, but the kids."
Luke shrugged. "I don't know. It could be about anything." He sipped his beer, the second now half gone, actually wanting to feel the effects this time. Maybe a change would be fun.
After a long pause, Han said, "Course it's worth it. You know how I feel about her."
"I know."
"And the sex alone is...sorry, we stopped talking about that, didn't we?"
Luke shrugged. He didn't care. He already knew.
Han obviously thought it would be fun to rile Luke, because a ridiculous grin spread on his face. "How drunk are you, kid?"
"Not that drunk."
"Keep drinking."
"Why?" Luke asked suspiciously.
"You need to loosen up."
"Why?" he repeated.
" 'Cause maybe you could pick up a girl."
Luke laughed ironically.
Han insisted. "No. I'm serious. Ya know, sometimes if Leia's had a few glasses of wine, she gets real sexy and has all of this magnetism..." he really looked evil now, and he definitely thought that he was going to provoke Luke with tales of his and Leia's sexual endeavors. "Your sister likes it when I-"
Luke smiled. He got to have his fun back now. "Yeah. I know what she likes."
"Huh?" Han furrowed his brow. "Whadaya mean, 'I know?'"
He shrugged nonchalantly. Luke knew how to rile him right back. But he wasn't sure if he was doing it because he wanted to see Han squirm or he really thought Han ought to know. "I mean, I know. I know exactly how 'my sister' likes it."
Han looked shocked, maybe a little angry-maybe even sick. "You're not talking about feeling what she feels anymore, are you?"
Luke shook his head, not meeting Han's eyes.
"I don't know if I should believe you or not." Luke shrugged again, casually, though he was trembling inwardly because he wished he hadn't said it. "Believe whatever you want."
Han frowned. "Is that all you're gonna say?!"
Luke finished his beer hurriedly, not answering.
"Kid?!"
Luke took a deep breath.
"Luke...damnit, Luke! Say something!"
"What do you want me to say? Didn't you and Leia ever tell each other about your pasts before you got married?"
"Yeah, sure...she said the only one besides me was some pilot in the beginning of the revolution..."
Luke nodded, eyes wide. "Yeah. You never thought about who it was?"
Han leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. "You're messin' with me."
"At first. Not anymore."
Han stared him down for a minute or two, Luke only glancing at him occasionally. "You're drunk," Han concluded. "You're drunk and you're makin' stuff up."
Luke shook his head slowly. "No...I'm not. I wouldn't lie to you, Han." He laughed ironically and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly. "I'm breaking a promise to Leia by telling you, though. She's going to be so mad at-"
"You're serious?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah," he said weakly.
"An'...you and Leia promised each other that you wouldn't tell me?!" Han shouted.
Luke shook his head. Han could be really intimidating when he was angry-it scared him sometimes. "No, Han. We promised we wouldn't tell anyone, back before there even was a you and Leia. Before we even knew the real reason we shouldn't be telling anyone. She wanted it to be a secret, so...it was."
"No one knew?" "No one. Well, Wedge...but he found out on his own, and promised not to tell."
Han sighed. "I just can't believe you guys didn't trust me enough to tell me. Even now."
"I wanted to tell you. Leia was afraid of how it would reflect on her character as a princess to have that kind of a relationship out of wedlock, though, so...."
"That wasn't the reason for not telling me!"
"We didn't tell anybody!"
"So she doesn't trust me enough to tell me-"
"She probably hasn't told you yet because she's afraid you'd react like this. Calm down, Han."
"Calm down? I just found out my wife had an affair with her brother. What did you expect?"
"Han..."
"Don't even-"
"We didn't know yet!"
"That don't make it any better."
"Well, why do you think we still hadn't told you?!" Luke shouted.
Han shrank back, unused to Luke raising his voice. He took a minute to think, than said, more calmly, "Okay...so you didn't know she was your sister. But what about me? I mean, you musta known that I...that I loved Leia..."
"I didn't know you loved her. Not for a long time. I was...I was happy that I thought I'd won her over...I thought she wasn't interested in you. And at first, she wasn't."
"How long did this go on?"
"Um...well, about...a year and a half...almost two...it started about a year after Yavin, and it started ending when I saw the way Leia looked at you...which was right before we went to Hoth. It wasn't continuous, or anything...I mean, she wasn't my girlfriend. We were mostly just friends."
"Don't it bother you that you and Leia-"
"No." "What?"
"Well...I've had some time to get used to the idea. And we wouldn't be together anymore regardless, so I don't see why it really matters."
"It matters because I'm married to her!" Han growled.
Luke flinched. "This isn't about you, Han."
"Oh, it isn't, is it, Luke? Fuck...don't you get it? My wife and my supposed little brother lied to me-"
"We didn't lie-you never asked!"
"That's because I didn't want to think about it. You have any idea how...screwed up your whole fuckin' family is?"
Luke clenched his teeth. "Do I have to remind you that your son and daughter are part of that 'screwed up' family?"
Han sighed in defeat and sat back. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Luke shook his head. "I didn't know what you'd say. And...it hurts, still. And also, I kinda thought it was Leia's job to tell you, not mine."
"Don't blame it on her!"
"Don't blame it on me!"
Han rose angrily, throwing enough credits onto the table to cover their bill. "I can't believe you." He headed for the door, winter coat in hand. Luke had just enough time to grab his own coat and run out the door after him, feeling a little dizzy from the two beers.
"Han!" Luke called into the snowy Coruscant night. He saw a shadow through the blizzard, illuminated by city lights, stop walking and stand with his back to him. He sensed Han's hurt and confusion. Luke was so sorry...."Han-don't do this!"
He pulled on his coat, thinking briefly how much he hated this weather, the cold and the snow that turned to mush under your boots, and jogged to catch up. "I'm sorry, Han," he said, coming up behind him. "Now you know. What else can I say?"
"Did you love her, Luke?" Han murmured, looking down at his wedding ring.
Luke sighed. "Han, I don't want to hurt you any more." "Did you?" he insisted impatiently.
Luke pursed his lips. "You know I did. You knew then, too."
"What about Leia? Did she love you?"
Luke stuffed his hands into his pockets in a vain effort to keep them warm- at least the left one. The right one-the bionic one-didn't have enough feeling to get too cold. "I was never sure. You'll have to ask her."
Han nodded. He raised his head, and Luke was glad to see that he was no longer angry at him. "If you loved her, kid, and if you weren't hurting anybody at the time, then...I ain't sure what I have room to say about it..."
"Han...I didn't say it didn't concern you. She's your wife. The mother of your children. And...you know that it wasn't easy for me, seeing her fall in love with you, while I was still trying to hold on to the last lingering threads of our relationship, her's and mine. There was a time when you hurt me too-a lot." He smiled sadly. "I...I was all of twenty years old, and it was my first broken heart. But I let it happen because I knew you and Leia would have something special someday. And I was right."
Han smiled reluctantly.
"I also didn't want to lose your friendship..."
"Neither did I. Kid, if I'd known that she was your girl, I wouldn't a taken her away from you..."
"Thank the Force you did. Otherwise, where would the three of us be now?"
Han shook his head. "Dunno." He smiled lopsidedly and put an arm around Luke's shoulders. "Don't worry about it."
"You sure?"
He nodded deliberately. "You didn't know she was your...your sister. And you didn't know that she was gonna fall for me. I can't blame you. She's an amazing woman."
"She is. You're very lucky, Han."
"Yeah. I know." He looked up at Luke, but it was almost as if he couldn't see him. "I'm gonna go on home..."
"Well-"
"No, lemme walk by myself. I need to think. Okay?"
Luke nodded reluctantly. "Okay. You're not mad?"
He shook his head. "I told you. I don't blame you."
"That doesn't mean you're not mad."
"Luke, you're the Jedi. Am I mad?"
Luke didn't need to even reach out for Han. He could always feel him. "No."
"Don't worry about it, okay?"
He nodded reluctantly. "Are you going to tell Leia?"
"Yeah. I gotta."
"Yeah...I know." Luke drew a slow breath. "Don't upset her. Please."
"That's the last thing I wanna do."
Luke smiled at him. "I knew you'd take good care of her."
Han smiled in return and gave Luke a quick hug. "Go get some sleep, kid. You okay gettin' home by yourself?"
Luke laughed. "For the last time-I'm not drunk."
"Okay, well..." He ruffled Luke's hair. "See ya tomorrow."
"Yeah..."
Han disappeared into the snow. Luke felt sad, lonely, and...happy. All at once. Han...what a confusing guy. What a great guy. Everything was going to be okay-he knew it. Provided Leia was understanding.
****
The apartment was pitch-black when Han got home. He took off his wet coat and boots and left them by the door, wiped the water off his hair. Leia and the kids must already be asleep. Well, he wasn't going wake her up. Gods knew that Leia got too little sleep as it was, what with the New Republic in shambles and the twins....
Han felt his way into their bedroom, undressed, and snuggled up next to Leia, so small and soft and warm. Leia started when she felt his cold hands on her bare skin. She flinched and sat up. "Han?" she whispered in the dark.
He smiled. He loved her so much...."Yeah. Scare ya?"
Han heard the smile in her voice. "Yes. It's about time you got home." She bent down and kissed him hungrily. "Have fun with Luke?"
Han stopped her from climbing up on top of him, though he thought he must be crazy. "Yeah. Hey-sweetheart, can I talk to you?"
Leia lay next to him instead. "What's wrong, baby?"
Han didn't know how to tell her. "Leia..."
"Yes?"
But, all things considered, it wasn't that important, anyway. He always knew there'd been one man besides him, and in actuality he had always wondered, if only in his subconscious, if that one man had been Luke. And now that he knew it was, he was glad that he knew that the "one man" had at least treated Leia well. He must have-Luke was something else with his chivalry nonsense. Han had always worried-because of Leia's reluctance to talk about it-that the "one other" had been one of the brash, chauvinistic pilots tha found their way into any military, and worse yet that it had been a one or two time thing, perhaps not entirely consensual on Leia's part. But with Luke...that was better in more ways than it was worse.
"Were you ever in love with Luke?" he asked.
Leia started at the question. "What?"
"A long time ago. Before you loved me. Did you love Luke?"
It took a long time for Leia to answer, and it didn't take a Jedi to feel her apprehension. "Why are you asking me that?"
"He loved you."
"He...he said that? Tonight?"
"Yeah. But he says he didn't know if you loved him back. Did you?"
"I did. A long time ago. And it wasn't real love, it was childish puppy- love."
"Don't just say that because you're talking to me."
"I'm not. It's the truth. What brought this up?"
Han opened his mouth to tell her, but stopped. Luke didn't deserve to get chewed out by Leia for telling. Han was glad that she'd been happy and taken care of by Luke in the past, just as Luke was glad that she was happy and taken care of by Han now. If Luke didn't hold a grudge against him, he sure as hell wasn't going to hold one against Luke. Han kissed Leia softly. "Nothin', baby," he whispered. "Go back to sleep."
Luke wondered why he was here.
He sat in a smokey cantina, in a booth beside his brother-in-law, an almost untouched beer on the table in front of him. People always assumed that either Luke was completely pristine and good, his morals surpassing any that the common man may have-to the point that he would never touch an alcoholic substance-or that he was just like everybody else, and would have a beer sometimes, maybe even get drunk every once in a while. But he was really somewhere in between. He did have a beer or a glass of wine sometimes, but usually only one, and sometimes he didn't even finish it. He had only been drunk twice in his life, and not since he was nineteen-and both times had been such utter disasters that he didn't see any reason to repeat it.
He just stared at the glass before him, the pale blond liquid bubbling and sitting there and nothing more. Han was on his third, and would probably have a fourth-and only be a little drunk. Luke know he could handle six before losing it, which scared him-how could Han have developed such an immunity? Luke could have two before he was drunk, and could only handle three without losing motor control so much as not to be able to stumble home. It was thanks to Leia that he had come out of the first time alive- though Han constantly told Luke that it was an exaggeration, and he would have been fine. "I was with you, kid," Han always told him, "And you had three beers and a glass of whisky. You weren't even close to gettin' alcohol poisoning."
"I was eighteen, Han," Luke had reminded him. "I weighed one-hundred and twenty-five pounds."
"Still...there's no way," was Han's only contradiction.
As Luke stared at his one-quarter-gone beer, thinking, Han jabbed him in the ribs. "Ow. What was that for?" Luke asked, coming out of his head and back in to the bar where he...belonged?
"You're so damn quiet. What's the matter? You're not gonna pull that Jedi Master shit tonight, are you? I thought you were happier lately-that's what you said."
Luke smiled, thinking of Han and Leia's new twins, so small and perfect...somehow, they made him feel happier than he ever had, and they weren't even his. Their big brown eyes, just like their mother's, and how tiny they were-after all, there were two of them, and Leia wasn't very big, so they'd stayed very small until they were born. Luke still had trouble believing that they were here, that somehow Han and Leia had reconciled...most of their differences...at least enough to get married and have two little...and the fact that his two best friends were even capable of creating something so beautiful...it was all just so mind-boggling. He wondered, if he ever had children, what that would feel like-it must be like this ten-fold.
"I am happier lately. I'm just...kinda tired, I guess." He stretched as Han glanced at the crono behind the bar.
" 'Sonly midnight. Don't tell me you're gettin' to old to stay out 'till midnight."
At twenty-seven? Hardly. "No...I just don't really fit in here..." He looked quickly around, making sure he didn't look too long at any one being. "This is more of your thing."
"I didn't wanna go by myself. Besides, you were the one complainin' about how you and me never see each other any more."
"I know..." He took a sip of the beer-it was weak and bitter, and he didn't like it much. "I don't think I've been to a bar with you since...in at least a couple of years. Not since before you and Leia got married." He smiled as a thought occurred to him. "How does she feel about you going out drinking, with a wife and two kids at home?"
"Damn...I have a wife and two kids....Next thing ya know, I'll have little house on a quiet planet, with a white picket fence and...I dunno-an Ewok puppy or something." Han muttered, then quickly downed the rest of his beer.
Luke laughed. He was about to say that he didn't think Ewok babies were called puppies, but instead he asked, "Do you like it?" He scooted closer. "I mean, you never seemed like you wanted a family. I think that's part of why I was so surprised when Leia told me she was pregnant."
Han frowned at him. "Luke, I am perfectly capable of keeping my little men under control."
Luke raised an eyebrow, shocked and yet not-it was Han, after all-to hear him put it that way. "You mean...?"
Han laughed. "Luke, if I wasn't the kind of guy who didn't mind being on birth control, d'you know how many kids I'd have by now? Jacen and Jaina were no accident."
Luke crossed his arms, glad at the revelation, but not amused. "I don't think you should go around bragging about how many women you've had. Especially to the very protective brother of your wife, who, I should remind you, just had twins. Therefore, I'm apt to be even more protective-- "
"Kid, It was a joke. You don't need to get all huffy."
"I'm not being huffy. And it wasn't a joke-I know for a fact that you've had so many that you've lost count."
Han rolled his eyes. "What do you know about my sex life?"
"More than I'd like. I know you and Leia have sex pretty often and not always in your bed or even in your bedroom."
He looked surprised. "How?"
"I can feel where you are, and Leia and I are getting more and more connected, so I can feel what's going on."
Han frowned and shifted uncomfortably. "How well?"
Luke sighed. He'd tormented Han enough, and it was getting to the point where it was more like an argument than simple fun. "Not well at all. Don't worry."
The subject was dropped, and Han yelled to the bar tender for another beer, which was delivered by a waitress in a very short skirt. Luke noticed that Han wasn't looking at her legs-that was a good sign, something that he wouldn't have expected even six months ago. It was the twins that were doing it to him, making him more responsible in general and more in love with Leia than ever. "I'm sorry, Han," Luke murmured. "I didn't mean to start anything."
"Me neither." Han winked at him, and Luke smiled broadly and shook his head. It was fun again all of a sudden, and Luke actually ended up finishing one beer and ordering another.
"But if I get drunk, Han," Luke warned, feeling tipsy already, "It's your fault."
"Yeah, but you don't have a wife to explain it to. I don't think Leia'll believe me if I get drunk an' blame it on you."
Luke felt listless again suddenly, and his tongue loosened by the beer-he didn't think he'd be saying this otherwise, even to Han-he said, "I wish I did."
Han shook his head. "Why? You're not even comin' up on thirty yet, kid. Have some fun first."
"I'm not like that, Han."
"I don't mean I want ya to sleep around. I mean, right now you can go where ever you want, do whatever you want. When you commit, you lose that."
"But isn't it worth it? Being in love, having someone to share everything with...having kids?"
"This is about the kids, isn't it? Not about the wife, but the kids."
Luke shrugged. "I don't know. It could be about anything." He sipped his beer, the second now half gone, actually wanting to feel the effects this time. Maybe a change would be fun.
After a long pause, Han said, "Course it's worth it. You know how I feel about her."
"I know."
"And the sex alone is...sorry, we stopped talking about that, didn't we?"
Luke shrugged. He didn't care. He already knew.
Han obviously thought it would be fun to rile Luke, because a ridiculous grin spread on his face. "How drunk are you, kid?"
"Not that drunk."
"Keep drinking."
"Why?" Luke asked suspiciously.
"You need to loosen up."
"Why?" he repeated.
" 'Cause maybe you could pick up a girl."
Luke laughed ironically.
Han insisted. "No. I'm serious. Ya know, sometimes if Leia's had a few glasses of wine, she gets real sexy and has all of this magnetism..." he really looked evil now, and he definitely thought that he was going to provoke Luke with tales of his and Leia's sexual endeavors. "Your sister likes it when I-"
Luke smiled. He got to have his fun back now. "Yeah. I know what she likes."
"Huh?" Han furrowed his brow. "Whadaya mean, 'I know?'"
He shrugged nonchalantly. Luke knew how to rile him right back. But he wasn't sure if he was doing it because he wanted to see Han squirm or he really thought Han ought to know. "I mean, I know. I know exactly how 'my sister' likes it."
Han looked shocked, maybe a little angry-maybe even sick. "You're not talking about feeling what she feels anymore, are you?"
Luke shook his head, not meeting Han's eyes.
"I don't know if I should believe you or not." Luke shrugged again, casually, though he was trembling inwardly because he wished he hadn't said it. "Believe whatever you want."
Han frowned. "Is that all you're gonna say?!"
Luke finished his beer hurriedly, not answering.
"Kid?!"
Luke took a deep breath.
"Luke...damnit, Luke! Say something!"
"What do you want me to say? Didn't you and Leia ever tell each other about your pasts before you got married?"
"Yeah, sure...she said the only one besides me was some pilot in the beginning of the revolution..."
Luke nodded, eyes wide. "Yeah. You never thought about who it was?"
Han leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. "You're messin' with me."
"At first. Not anymore."
Han stared him down for a minute or two, Luke only glancing at him occasionally. "You're drunk," Han concluded. "You're drunk and you're makin' stuff up."
Luke shook his head slowly. "No...I'm not. I wouldn't lie to you, Han." He laughed ironically and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly. "I'm breaking a promise to Leia by telling you, though. She's going to be so mad at-"
"You're serious?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah," he said weakly.
"An'...you and Leia promised each other that you wouldn't tell me?!" Han shouted.
Luke shook his head. Han could be really intimidating when he was angry-it scared him sometimes. "No, Han. We promised we wouldn't tell anyone, back before there even was a you and Leia. Before we even knew the real reason we shouldn't be telling anyone. She wanted it to be a secret, so...it was."
"No one knew?" "No one. Well, Wedge...but he found out on his own, and promised not to tell."
Han sighed. "I just can't believe you guys didn't trust me enough to tell me. Even now."
"I wanted to tell you. Leia was afraid of how it would reflect on her character as a princess to have that kind of a relationship out of wedlock, though, so...."
"That wasn't the reason for not telling me!"
"We didn't tell anybody!"
"So she doesn't trust me enough to tell me-"
"She probably hasn't told you yet because she's afraid you'd react like this. Calm down, Han."
"Calm down? I just found out my wife had an affair with her brother. What did you expect?"
"Han..."
"Don't even-"
"We didn't know yet!"
"That don't make it any better."
"Well, why do you think we still hadn't told you?!" Luke shouted.
Han shrank back, unused to Luke raising his voice. He took a minute to think, than said, more calmly, "Okay...so you didn't know she was your sister. But what about me? I mean, you musta known that I...that I loved Leia..."
"I didn't know you loved her. Not for a long time. I was...I was happy that I thought I'd won her over...I thought she wasn't interested in you. And at first, she wasn't."
"How long did this go on?"
"Um...well, about...a year and a half...almost two...it started about a year after Yavin, and it started ending when I saw the way Leia looked at you...which was right before we went to Hoth. It wasn't continuous, or anything...I mean, she wasn't my girlfriend. We were mostly just friends."
"Don't it bother you that you and Leia-"
"No." "What?"
"Well...I've had some time to get used to the idea. And we wouldn't be together anymore regardless, so I don't see why it really matters."
"It matters because I'm married to her!" Han growled.
Luke flinched. "This isn't about you, Han."
"Oh, it isn't, is it, Luke? Fuck...don't you get it? My wife and my supposed little brother lied to me-"
"We didn't lie-you never asked!"
"That's because I didn't want to think about it. You have any idea how...screwed up your whole fuckin' family is?"
Luke clenched his teeth. "Do I have to remind you that your son and daughter are part of that 'screwed up' family?"
Han sighed in defeat and sat back. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Luke shook his head. "I didn't know what you'd say. And...it hurts, still. And also, I kinda thought it was Leia's job to tell you, not mine."
"Don't blame it on her!"
"Don't blame it on me!"
Han rose angrily, throwing enough credits onto the table to cover their bill. "I can't believe you." He headed for the door, winter coat in hand. Luke had just enough time to grab his own coat and run out the door after him, feeling a little dizzy from the two beers.
"Han!" Luke called into the snowy Coruscant night. He saw a shadow through the blizzard, illuminated by city lights, stop walking and stand with his back to him. He sensed Han's hurt and confusion. Luke was so sorry...."Han-don't do this!"
He pulled on his coat, thinking briefly how much he hated this weather, the cold and the snow that turned to mush under your boots, and jogged to catch up. "I'm sorry, Han," he said, coming up behind him. "Now you know. What else can I say?"
"Did you love her, Luke?" Han murmured, looking down at his wedding ring.
Luke sighed. "Han, I don't want to hurt you any more." "Did you?" he insisted impatiently.
Luke pursed his lips. "You know I did. You knew then, too."
"What about Leia? Did she love you?"
Luke stuffed his hands into his pockets in a vain effort to keep them warm- at least the left one. The right one-the bionic one-didn't have enough feeling to get too cold. "I was never sure. You'll have to ask her."
Han nodded. He raised his head, and Luke was glad to see that he was no longer angry at him. "If you loved her, kid, and if you weren't hurting anybody at the time, then...I ain't sure what I have room to say about it..."
"Han...I didn't say it didn't concern you. She's your wife. The mother of your children. And...you know that it wasn't easy for me, seeing her fall in love with you, while I was still trying to hold on to the last lingering threads of our relationship, her's and mine. There was a time when you hurt me too-a lot." He smiled sadly. "I...I was all of twenty years old, and it was my first broken heart. But I let it happen because I knew you and Leia would have something special someday. And I was right."
Han smiled reluctantly.
"I also didn't want to lose your friendship..."
"Neither did I. Kid, if I'd known that she was your girl, I wouldn't a taken her away from you..."
"Thank the Force you did. Otherwise, where would the three of us be now?"
Han shook his head. "Dunno." He smiled lopsidedly and put an arm around Luke's shoulders. "Don't worry about it."
"You sure?"
He nodded deliberately. "You didn't know she was your...your sister. And you didn't know that she was gonna fall for me. I can't blame you. She's an amazing woman."
"She is. You're very lucky, Han."
"Yeah. I know." He looked up at Luke, but it was almost as if he couldn't see him. "I'm gonna go on home..."
"Well-"
"No, lemme walk by myself. I need to think. Okay?"
Luke nodded reluctantly. "Okay. You're not mad?"
He shook his head. "I told you. I don't blame you."
"That doesn't mean you're not mad."
"Luke, you're the Jedi. Am I mad?"
Luke didn't need to even reach out for Han. He could always feel him. "No."
"Don't worry about it, okay?"
He nodded reluctantly. "Are you going to tell Leia?"
"Yeah. I gotta."
"Yeah...I know." Luke drew a slow breath. "Don't upset her. Please."
"That's the last thing I wanna do."
Luke smiled at him. "I knew you'd take good care of her."
Han smiled in return and gave Luke a quick hug. "Go get some sleep, kid. You okay gettin' home by yourself?"
Luke laughed. "For the last time-I'm not drunk."
"Okay, well..." He ruffled Luke's hair. "See ya tomorrow."
"Yeah..."
Han disappeared into the snow. Luke felt sad, lonely, and...happy. All at once. Han...what a confusing guy. What a great guy. Everything was going to be okay-he knew it. Provided Leia was understanding.
****
The apartment was pitch-black when Han got home. He took off his wet coat and boots and left them by the door, wiped the water off his hair. Leia and the kids must already be asleep. Well, he wasn't going wake her up. Gods knew that Leia got too little sleep as it was, what with the New Republic in shambles and the twins....
Han felt his way into their bedroom, undressed, and snuggled up next to Leia, so small and soft and warm. Leia started when she felt his cold hands on her bare skin. She flinched and sat up. "Han?" she whispered in the dark.
He smiled. He loved her so much...."Yeah. Scare ya?"
Han heard the smile in her voice. "Yes. It's about time you got home." She bent down and kissed him hungrily. "Have fun with Luke?"
Han stopped her from climbing up on top of him, though he thought he must be crazy. "Yeah. Hey-sweetheart, can I talk to you?"
Leia lay next to him instead. "What's wrong, baby?"
Han didn't know how to tell her. "Leia..."
"Yes?"
But, all things considered, it wasn't that important, anyway. He always knew there'd been one man besides him, and in actuality he had always wondered, if only in his subconscious, if that one man had been Luke. And now that he knew it was, he was glad that he knew that the "one man" had at least treated Leia well. He must have-Luke was something else with his chivalry nonsense. Han had always worried-because of Leia's reluctance to talk about it-that the "one other" had been one of the brash, chauvinistic pilots tha found their way into any military, and worse yet that it had been a one or two time thing, perhaps not entirely consensual on Leia's part. But with Luke...that was better in more ways than it was worse.
"Were you ever in love with Luke?" he asked.
Leia started at the question. "What?"
"A long time ago. Before you loved me. Did you love Luke?"
It took a long time for Leia to answer, and it didn't take a Jedi to feel her apprehension. "Why are you asking me that?"
"He loved you."
"He...he said that? Tonight?"
"Yeah. But he says he didn't know if you loved him back. Did you?"
"I did. A long time ago. And it wasn't real love, it was childish puppy- love."
"Don't just say that because you're talking to me."
"I'm not. It's the truth. What brought this up?"
Han opened his mouth to tell her, but stopped. Luke didn't deserve to get chewed out by Leia for telling. Han was glad that she'd been happy and taken care of by Luke in the past, just as Luke was glad that she was happy and taken care of by Han now. If Luke didn't hold a grudge against him, he sure as hell wasn't going to hold one against Luke. Han kissed Leia softly. "Nothin', baby," he whispered. "Go back to sleep."