Must There Be A Stupendous Man?
I don't own Calvin and Hobbes
Based on Elliot S! Maggin's "Must There Be A Superman?"
Stupendous Man was doing his usual recon missions over his hometown when he suddenly discovered a disturbance. An incredibly large disturbance.
To be exact, this disturbance wasn't in the area he protected. It wasn't in his country. It wasn't on his planet. Heck, it wasn't even in his solar system. Yet his telescopic vision allowed him to see it. And that was enough for the Crimson Crusader, the Red Renegade, the Maroon Marauder. Most importantly, it was enough for Stupendous Man.
It wasn't, to be exact, a gigantic asteroid. A gigantic yellow asteroid, to be exact. Stupendous Man began counting down the light-years until he could reach the asteroid. He could feel space and time seemingly rotting away, standing still all around him.
Stupendous Man knew how quickly he was going. If any alien life existed out here, it would probably never hear anything again after the sonic boom on his trail. Yet he had a planet to protect. Nearly seven billion lives.
Stupendous Man finally reached the asteroid, only to bounce harmlessly off. Fortunately, his fall was broken by another, smaller asteroid. Stupendous Man kicked off of it, and, with much help from his heat vision, destroyed the asteroid, only to be hit with feedback. He was knocked unconscious, eventually resting on the rings of a planet that had seen the intrepid Spaceman Spiff a few years ago. However, all that was important to Stupendous man was that the planet was there. He wasn't conscious to appreciate such, but he still managed to owe the planet a debt.
Meanwhile, a body of ruling immortals who considered themselves above all, the Immortal Dictating Intergalactic Order of Tigers, who refused to be known by the acronym of I.D.I.O.T., rather as the Immortal Tigers, saw this event. They had been watching Stupendous Man for quite some time, and sent out one of their servants after him.
You see, the Immortal Tigers were the masters of an elite order of superheroes, the Red Lights. They sent out one of the Red Lights at hand to retrieve Stupendous Man. Their servant obeyed their orders to the letter.
The tigers stuck Stupendous Man in a great, red battery, from which all Red Lights derived their powers. The light had a great healing power, which was used. The extent of the injuries to Stupendous Man took three days total to heal. Finally, Stupendous Man was ready.
The Immortal Tigers took Stupendous Man out of the battery, and helped him find out where he was.
Meanwhile, two of the Immortal Tigers were talking.
"Does he know where he is?"
"Doubtfully. He has never come this deep into space."
"You are correct. Hopefully, he cannot hear us."
"Hopefully. He must not know why he is here."
"But what if he heard us?"
"We will have to find out."
The two Immortal Tigers turned towards Stupendous Man. "Why am I here?" Stupendous Man demanded. "Why did you imprison me in that gigantic red battery?"
"All answers in their own time." One Immortal Tiger assured Stupendous Man. "You see, we wish for you to see something."
"Then allow me to see it." Stupendous Man demanded, slowly getting more and more irritated with the Tigers.
"Very well." Stated the Immortal Tiger, moving his hands as if he were treading water once. A great wall hundreds of times the height of Stupendous Man or the Tigers split in two, as a sliding door would, and the two proceeded ahead.
"You see, Calvin, or, as you prefer to be called in that red robe and hood, Stupendous Man, we have been watching you for quite some time now. That," the Immortal Tiger said, stopping Stupendous Man from asking a question before he even began, "is how we know of your civilian identity."
"Yes, but why am I here?" The hero demanded.
"Because we wish for you to see……… this!" The Immortal Tiger nobly stated, opening a gigantic book. Stupendous Man looked on as some of his greatest triumphs were portrayed.
Eventually, after nearly an hour of film, the movie stopped. Stupendous Man was awe-struck.
"You see, Stupendous Man, we're concerned that you're doing too much for humanity. You're there to catch them when they fall, not to keep them from falling. You shouldn't help the baby bird out of the nest, because then, when you're gone, it won't know how to fly. Do you understand what we're saying?"
Stupendous Man answered without using words, instead bursting through the ceiling. The massive roof took a great blow as Stupendous Man sped home.
As he flew at hyper-luminary speeds, the thoughts began to get into his brain. How had the Earth fared during his days of absence? Would there still be an Earth there when he got back?
Stupendous Man touched down on Pluto, carving through the planet's crust. Eventually, he managed to get to Earth, flying slower. Stupendous Man skid to a stop, where students and their teacher were arguing.
"It's too much homework!"
"No, it's not!" The teacher screamed in reply, slapping a child.
Stupendous Man came out o the woods. "What's the problem here?" He demanded.
"She's giving us too much homework, and she hit the kid!"
"Punish her, Stupendous Man!"
"Listen to me!" Stupendous Man replied. "I will do……… nothing! I cannot solve all of your problems for you, and I will not, anyway. You should solve your own problems!"
Suddenly, a massive earthquake began. Stupendous Man desperately drilled into the earthquake, blunting it. Unfortunately, the school was ruined. Stupendous Man returned to the surface, and rebuilt the school. He'd caught them when they fell. Stupendous then took off into the sky.
Meanwhile, back on their home planet, the Immortal Tigers watched all of this on a monitor. Finally, one of them addressed the others.
"Brothers, our goal has been completed. Stupendous Man now understands what is needed for a hero to do. Perhaps he will make an excellent Red Lantern someday."
"It is agreed." Another Immortal Tiger stated. "Let us dwell on this no more, but instead dwell upon other matters."
That night, Stupendous Man returned to his home, took off his cape and cowl, neatly folded them, hid them in his dresser, and then went to sleep, a different, more burdened hero.