*Title: Deficient
*Disclaimer: they're not mine, none of them are. Which sucks.
*Author's Notes: Grissom reflects on things that happened between him, Catherine and Eddie in the episodes ' Pledging Mr Johnson" and " Too Tough to Die". So yeah, it's a Grissom POV . Also, I'm sick: got a bad case of the flu * sniffle * so this fic is a little darker than my usual ones.
*Thank you: Graveyard shift Groupies. I write because of you and...well..WE RULE!
I've always thought of him as an enemy. A constant threat. From the day we were introduced to each other, I didn't like him. I know I'm not a ' people- person' as Catherine puts it and, as I've admitted before, I'm deficient in a lot of ways, including my (non-existent) social skills.
But, that guy is just everything I resent in other men. He doesn't seem to care about others, walks all over people, not caring about the consequences, never once stopping to think before he acts. His irresponsible behaviour is childish to say the least.
With all of that, I could deal though. I never pretended to like him, but I never spoke badly of him. Never. I felt the urge to, yes. I've had to restrain myself from speaking up numerous times.
Why? Because I cared and still care for her. If someone's really in love with a person you can't stand or see right through, do you tell him or her? I suppose I didn't have the guts. From the day she and I met, he had been in her life. And he would be in her life, because they had a daughter together.
I knew their relationship wasn't a healthy one. One can't miss overhearing phone calls where she'd yell in the phone after he'd made one of his stupid mistakes. Again. Then again, one couldn't miss the look in her eyes when he'd pick her up after work, which at itself was a rare thing. She'd positively glow when he gave her some attention. Much needed attention.
I'd usually retreat to my office, wanting nothing to do with him. Him and I, we could see right through each other. I knew what sort of a man he really was and he knew how I felt about her. Don't ask me why he was 'on to me ' though, he'd be the last person I'd open up to. Nevertheless, he knew.
I don't doubt the fact that he told her about this. And I'm sure she just waved if off, amused and maybe even a little flattered by his jealously. He was right. He detected my jealously when they walked away hand in hand, when he hugged or kissed her. He seized every opportunity to rub my face in it. And all the while, she just thought he was being sweet to her.
I clearly remember one of the worst days of my life. The first time she came in to work bruised. She was late for work and when she did arrive, slipped into her office quietly, something I found very disturbing. Usually she'd greet the rest of the team, talk a little, laugh a little, make a comment about the assignment I'd just handed her and go to work with a lot of noise.
Of course, I followed her into her office, just as quietly as she had just entered it. When I confronted her about her strange behaviour plus the fact that she was late, she didn't respond to my questions. It scared me and made me uneasy and unsure of myself. Finally her vague answers drove me to desperation and I grabbed her by the wrist. She winced in pain.
She didn't have to explain. I understood. I was outraged but, in front of her, I kept my cool. That whole day long, I was behaving like my 'normal' self. I didn't snap at anyone, wasn't overly concerned for her. Just my usual self, busy with solving cases, analysing evidence, questioning witnesses. When I got home, the anger that had been building up inside of me could no longer be controlled. Out of mere frustration I pulled one of the heaviest books I own out of the bookcase and threw it across the room. Studying my insects, watching Discovery Channel or reading Shakespeare couldn't help me this time. I couldn't save her.
Being the passive man that I am, I let it rest for a while. I believe the abuse went on and on a few occasions I asked her about it, but she continued to keep me in the dark about it. I wanted to help, I wanted to stop her hurt...I wanted nothing more than to be her hero, her saviour. But I wasn't and will never be.
Fortunately, she grew stronger. Being a CSI really helped. She regained her self-confidence and became a proud, independent woman, something that probably outraged her husband, who had always seen her as someone less than him. I think he felt threatened by her successes and indecency and so, the abuse worsened. Until the day that she found him in their home, between the sheets with another woman. Something inside of her snapped. She saw him for what he really was and threw him out. I've never been more proud of her.
He'd still be around though. Unfortunately, there was no way she could get him out of her life.
The day he and I both lost control in public, was a grave one. Early that day, Catherine's Bank had called me about her employment record and told me about the second mortgage Eddie took out on the house. When I told her about it, she looked so surprised and..defeated. I could only answer her angry 'why?!' with a simple 'It's Eddie' and a weak shrug.
At the end of the day, my team was drained. Emotionally and psychically. I had been looking out for Sara all day long, hadn't seen Catherine, until I happened to overhear an argument between her and Eddie in the one of halls. I stopped and listened.
"It was a job, Ed. And it supported you. Just like with every job I've had, including this one"
"Yeah? And who paid to close up your nose?"
"you're such a..."
That's when it happened. She leaned into to slap him, he grabbed her by the wrists and pushed her against one of the glass windows of an office.
"Let go of me"
" I'll let go of you when I'm damned good ready.."
He lost control. He had never hurt her before in public. Seeing this, the very proof that he still dared to put his hands on her; something inside me snapped. I broke it off, yelling " Let Go of her, Ed", pushing him away from her.
"Catherine?" I basically asked her what to do with him. I had never been so angry in my life before. It was not like me to resort to violence, but at that time, when that bastard was looking me straight into the eyes, I was ready to beat the crap out of him. He had hurt her and I could no longer ignore it.
"Just get him outta here"
She left.
It was just the two of us now.
"I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand that?!"
"I always knew you two had a thing"
"Go home, Eddie" I answered, disgusted by him, but at the same time, his 'accusation' got to me. He knew. He had always known.
"Sure"
I'm deficient. I didn't go after Catherine after Eddie left, just gazed at my right. I never mentioned it to her again. When Eddie was abusing her, I never did a thing to help her. I'm deficient in a lot of ways.
But, Catherine was wrong about one thing though. I do have personal stuff. I have feelings.
For her.
*Disclaimer: they're not mine, none of them are. Which sucks.
*Author's Notes: Grissom reflects on things that happened between him, Catherine and Eddie in the episodes ' Pledging Mr Johnson" and " Too Tough to Die". So yeah, it's a Grissom POV . Also, I'm sick: got a bad case of the flu * sniffle * so this fic is a little darker than my usual ones.
*Thank you: Graveyard shift Groupies. I write because of you and...well..WE RULE!
I've always thought of him as an enemy. A constant threat. From the day we were introduced to each other, I didn't like him. I know I'm not a ' people- person' as Catherine puts it and, as I've admitted before, I'm deficient in a lot of ways, including my (non-existent) social skills.
But, that guy is just everything I resent in other men. He doesn't seem to care about others, walks all over people, not caring about the consequences, never once stopping to think before he acts. His irresponsible behaviour is childish to say the least.
With all of that, I could deal though. I never pretended to like him, but I never spoke badly of him. Never. I felt the urge to, yes. I've had to restrain myself from speaking up numerous times.
Why? Because I cared and still care for her. If someone's really in love with a person you can't stand or see right through, do you tell him or her? I suppose I didn't have the guts. From the day she and I met, he had been in her life. And he would be in her life, because they had a daughter together.
I knew their relationship wasn't a healthy one. One can't miss overhearing phone calls where she'd yell in the phone after he'd made one of his stupid mistakes. Again. Then again, one couldn't miss the look in her eyes when he'd pick her up after work, which at itself was a rare thing. She'd positively glow when he gave her some attention. Much needed attention.
I'd usually retreat to my office, wanting nothing to do with him. Him and I, we could see right through each other. I knew what sort of a man he really was and he knew how I felt about her. Don't ask me why he was 'on to me ' though, he'd be the last person I'd open up to. Nevertheless, he knew.
I don't doubt the fact that he told her about this. And I'm sure she just waved if off, amused and maybe even a little flattered by his jealously. He was right. He detected my jealously when they walked away hand in hand, when he hugged or kissed her. He seized every opportunity to rub my face in it. And all the while, she just thought he was being sweet to her.
I clearly remember one of the worst days of my life. The first time she came in to work bruised. She was late for work and when she did arrive, slipped into her office quietly, something I found very disturbing. Usually she'd greet the rest of the team, talk a little, laugh a little, make a comment about the assignment I'd just handed her and go to work with a lot of noise.
Of course, I followed her into her office, just as quietly as she had just entered it. When I confronted her about her strange behaviour plus the fact that she was late, she didn't respond to my questions. It scared me and made me uneasy and unsure of myself. Finally her vague answers drove me to desperation and I grabbed her by the wrist. She winced in pain.
She didn't have to explain. I understood. I was outraged but, in front of her, I kept my cool. That whole day long, I was behaving like my 'normal' self. I didn't snap at anyone, wasn't overly concerned for her. Just my usual self, busy with solving cases, analysing evidence, questioning witnesses. When I got home, the anger that had been building up inside of me could no longer be controlled. Out of mere frustration I pulled one of the heaviest books I own out of the bookcase and threw it across the room. Studying my insects, watching Discovery Channel or reading Shakespeare couldn't help me this time. I couldn't save her.
Being the passive man that I am, I let it rest for a while. I believe the abuse went on and on a few occasions I asked her about it, but she continued to keep me in the dark about it. I wanted to help, I wanted to stop her hurt...I wanted nothing more than to be her hero, her saviour. But I wasn't and will never be.
Fortunately, she grew stronger. Being a CSI really helped. She regained her self-confidence and became a proud, independent woman, something that probably outraged her husband, who had always seen her as someone less than him. I think he felt threatened by her successes and indecency and so, the abuse worsened. Until the day that she found him in their home, between the sheets with another woman. Something inside of her snapped. She saw him for what he really was and threw him out. I've never been more proud of her.
He'd still be around though. Unfortunately, there was no way she could get him out of her life.
The day he and I both lost control in public, was a grave one. Early that day, Catherine's Bank had called me about her employment record and told me about the second mortgage Eddie took out on the house. When I told her about it, she looked so surprised and..defeated. I could only answer her angry 'why?!' with a simple 'It's Eddie' and a weak shrug.
At the end of the day, my team was drained. Emotionally and psychically. I had been looking out for Sara all day long, hadn't seen Catherine, until I happened to overhear an argument between her and Eddie in the one of halls. I stopped and listened.
"It was a job, Ed. And it supported you. Just like with every job I've had, including this one"
"Yeah? And who paid to close up your nose?"
"you're such a..."
That's when it happened. She leaned into to slap him, he grabbed her by the wrists and pushed her against one of the glass windows of an office.
"Let go of me"
" I'll let go of you when I'm damned good ready.."
He lost control. He had never hurt her before in public. Seeing this, the very proof that he still dared to put his hands on her; something inside me snapped. I broke it off, yelling " Let Go of her, Ed", pushing him away from her.
"Catherine?" I basically asked her what to do with him. I had never been so angry in my life before. It was not like me to resort to violence, but at that time, when that bastard was looking me straight into the eyes, I was ready to beat the crap out of him. He had hurt her and I could no longer ignore it.
"Just get him outta here"
She left.
It was just the two of us now.
"I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand that?!"
"I always knew you two had a thing"
"Go home, Eddie" I answered, disgusted by him, but at the same time, his 'accusation' got to me. He knew. He had always known.
"Sure"
I'm deficient. I didn't go after Catherine after Eddie left, just gazed at my right. I never mentioned it to her again. When Eddie was abusing her, I never did a thing to help her. I'm deficient in a lot of ways.
But, Catherine was wrong about one thing though. I do have personal stuff. I have feelings.
For her.