Disclaimer: I do not own any of Final Fantasy VIII nor the poem 'He wishes for the clothes of Heaven.'

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

William Butler Yeats

Chapter one - Hell Hath no Fury like a Witches Scorn

For Hyne knows how many years, I trusted nothing. Nothing was certain so what was the point of trust? I locked myself away in a shell, albeit a weak one, but for a while nobody broke in. People tried to but failed, Quistis did. She was prepared to give herself to me, to be there for me, for her to be my rock so to speak, she put her heart on the line. I spurned her, only to protect myself, and her. She may have thought of me as a bastard for it, but I wasn't the one who gambled my emotions, I learned long ago that you never win so don't put yourself out there and you won't get hurt. She put her emotions on the line, and she got hurt. I felt sorry for her, that was my weakness, I still felt for people and I hated myself for it. Why should we feel for each other? I guess that's why being a SeeD suited me, from a young age we had the humanity drilled out of us so we could kill efficiently.

It's sick.

Humans are the only species who kill for means other than survival. Some do it for emotional reasons, hurt, anger, jealousy, whatever.

SeeD's do it for money, I do it for money. What a bastard I am, I don't care. I really don't care anymore. What's the point in living? Then again what's the point in taking our own lives, I just do what I'm good at and I am damn good at it.

We think as humans that we're above everything else with our morals. The truth is we're scum. We disregard our morals and then have the nerve and arrogance to claim we are moral and ethical.

Animals kill for survival. We kill for far less. We hurt each other intentionally, physical pain can go away but emotional pain doesn't. Even when you're trying to block it out, it's there lingering on your shoulder, taunting you malevolently.

My shell eventually did crack. It was cracked by a beautiful, spiteful creature. I fell for her innocent smile, her flawless ivory skin, her tempestuous eyes, everything, and I fell hard. I gave in and gave her my heart, much like Quistis had done. For a brief time I was happy, I was foolish enough to think that there was something more to life than just living through it for no apparent reason. She took me to a place I had never been before, an illusion of bliss and happiness, she brought me further and further down into a pit of alluring roses, roses with sharp, painful thorns. Then she left me there, the illusion faded and I was left with what it really was.

Nothing.

She grew bored of me, and discarded me like our relationship was nothing. I opened up to her, revealed my darkest secrets, my hidden desires, my dreams. I do not have the cloths of heaven, if I did I would've spread them beneath her feet, but I didn't. All I had were my dreams, and like a fool I spread them beneath her feet for her to tread softly on. She spat on them, she trampled on them, and she destroyed them along with me. All I had were my dreams and her, she left and stole my dreams and left me with nothing. My so called friends took her side, claiming I drove her away and suffocated her. They had not seen her, the real her. They had only seen the delusion I had initially seen. I loved her, I still do. Pathetic isn't it? She melted my heart and then cruelly tore it to pieces, yet I still love her. She cast a spell on me, a curse. I can never love again, because I love her.

I hate myself for my weakness.

The only one who didn't turn on me was Quistis, she offered me a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to trust her, but I couldn't. That bitch made sure of it when she left me. Again I hurt Quistis, I rejected her support. I can't decipher between fantasy and reality any more. All I saw when Quistis tried to offer me support, was that witch forcing me to open up, to surrender the only defences I had, I did so willingly because I trusted her and she knew it. How could I trust Quistis, no matter how genuine she seemed, the witch seemed genuine as well, how did I know Quistis wasn't just like her?

I am nothing, I never realised that until she left me. I will never let that happen to me again, ever. Even if it means I will remain miserable until the day I die, I won't let myself be subjected to the worst pain of all.

A broken heart.

I was unhappy before I met her, but she gave me so much happiness and I paid the ultimate price for it. If that's the price of happiness then I won't pay it again.

I will survive, I will come out. I won't be intact, but god damn it I will move on whether I like it or not. What other option is there?

Cid Kramer, headmaster of Balmb Garden came out of his meeting feeling deeply disturbed. He had sold the services of Garden for similar missions, but this particular case was a different case altogether. This was a deeply personal matter for him. He liked Rinoa, but he had seen how Squall was after she left. Many accused Squall of destroying the relationship and trapping Rinoa, but none of them had ever loved a sorceress. Edea was no longer a sorceress, but when she was she gave the illusion of being a kind mother-like figure, and her children trusted her, but what they didn't see was what she was like when they were all asleep.

Cid often felt helpless and afraid around her, when he first met her it wasn't so bad. She had been a sorceress since she was five, and the sorceress who she had received her powers from had been a genuinely nice person, she had her moments but it was nothing serious. It was when Edea received her powers from the future sorceress that things started to change.

She became malicious and spiteful towards Cid. She used and abused him with her snide comments and her humiliating control of him. Eventually Cid couldn't take it anymore, he confronted her about it, she lashed out at him with both her powerful magic and her powerful emotional torment. She left Cid a broken man, and for years he tried to pick up the pieces. He aged badly after that, and for seven years he never saw her. Then out of nowhere, she emerged like a serpent who wanted blood, but this time was different. She had now dragged Seifer into her pit of hatred and torment, and there he was, a helpless child trying to do what his mother pleased. She exploited him, and left him broken, much like she had done to Cid.

Cid never thought she was capable of that type of cruelty, he thought she would never hurt her children. It was partially Ultimecia's doing, but Edea had willingly let herself be subjected to that. Her powers corrupted her, almost beyond redemption. Seifer never fully forgave Edea for what she did to him, neither did Cid, everybody else did, because they hadn't experienced the full extent of her spite. They thought it was Ultimecia's doing, not for one second did they suspect that their kind mother was capable of that on her own. She was.

That was the reason Seifer never came back to Garden, he couldn't forgive Edea and the others didn't understand it, so he left, to try and find his own redemption. He accepted that he had let himself succumb to what he became, that was something Edea never did. Seifer admitted his mistakes, even tried to apologize to them, and because of that nobody wanted to forgive him, but they forgave Edea. Cid still had the letter Seifer had sent shortly after the whole affair, Seifer opened up a part of him that he had kept locked for years, he knew what he had done and all he wanted was to be able to try and redeem himself. The others disregarded the letter without a second thought, except for one, but even she took a long time to come around.

Edea had expressed her worry about Rinoa, she knew what those powers could do to a person, and she saw it happening to Rinoa when nobody else did. She tried to talk to the young sorceress, but with no success. Long before Rinoa left, Edea left Cid, and took her own life. She never could come to terms with what she had done, Cid didn't tell the others it was suicide. She had taken poison, so Cid told them it was natural causes. As much as he resented her for what she had done, he didn't want the others to resent her, he wanted to protect them.

Cid was fully prepared to go through with the assassination of his wife seven years ago on the parade float, but when the mission failed he couldn't handle all his emotions toward his wife, he both loved her more than anybody else and hated her more than he thought he could hate anybody. He ran away, scared to face his emotions head on, and in the end Edea paid the price.

Now he was faced with a similar prospect, this time he wasn't going to run away, he was going to be a decisive leader like he was when he founded Garden, not a frail, frightened man like he had been reduced to by Edea. It wasn't himself that he was worried about, it was Squall. He knew what this decision would do to him, and that wasn't the worst part.

Squall had been specifically requested.