DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN XCOM: ENEMY UNKNOWN OR SAINTS ROW 2.
THIS ADVERTS IS IN NO WAY AUTHENTIC. IT IS JUST A BIT OF FUN.
Author's note: The first DLC for Xcom EU was called Slingshot which featured a triad gangster character called Zhang. Some fans thought it was inappropriate to have a gangster character in an secret international paramilitary organisation like Xcom. So I thought it would be fun to write a parody advert for a fictitious sequel dlc based on Saints Row 2. For the record, I am a fan of both Saints Row 2 and Xcom EU and have had much fun with both.
GET THE NEW XCOM: EU SAINTS ROW 2 DLC
NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR STORES NOW. AND NEVER WILL BE.
Keeping with the same gangsta' theme as the slingshot DLC, the publisher of Xcom: Enemy Unknown is proud to announce the Saints Row 2 theme pack. The dlc will include lots of amusing diversions, as well as a wide range of haircuts, bling, silly costumes and erotic underwear. Also included are some nice vehicle accessories with which you can pimp your SHIVs, skyranger, interceptors and firestorms.
Customise your crib (i.e Base) and make Xcom the biggest bad ass criminal organisations in the galaxy. If the aliens want a turf war, we'll give them a war, gangsta' syle.
Play the crowd controls diverson. Try to kill as many civilians as you can before the aliens get to them. Remember the more old people, policemen and pregnant women you kill, the better.
Play the hitman diversion. It's time to take advantage of the chaos to carry out some timely assasinations for criminal gangs and earn some card cash for Xcom. Don't worry, the victims are probably all alien collaborators anyway. And even if they're not. Well who cares. It's fun.
Play insurance fraud. Take your soldiers to a busy intersection and try to get them knocked over by trafic in hilariously outrageous accidents, thus fraudulently earning insurance money for the Xcom project.
Play mayhem and try to destroy as much property, both human and alien, as you can with your new advanced weaponry, thus getting a pay-off from criminal gangs.
Play drug traficking as your soldiers ruin lives even more effectively than the aliens ever could by delivering drugs to vulnerable people in the face of resistant from the police, rival gangs, and perhaps even the odd alien.
Finally, play sceptic avenger as you drive a sewage truck around a flying saucer and spray human waste all over it. Yes, it's a lot harder to concentrate on mind control, when your mouth is full of shit.
We all know that being a ruthless hearltess criminal is cool. So get the Saints Row 2 pack now.
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