A/N: This is my Castleland secret santa gift for theonlyspl on livejournal
I would like to thank my wonderful beta for helping me through writing this...it would not be anywhere near as good as it is without her. I would also like to thank jenjac for talking with me about ways to improve this story (hopefully these updates are satisfying to the issues she brought up and helped me see)
*updated 12/26/11 (and unbeta'd so any new mistakes are most definitely all mine)*
Snick...kerthump. Snick...kerthump.
With each opening and closing of the little white box in his hand, Castle's mind played out one more scenario about how Beckett would react to the present he had gotten for her. Snick. She would probably love, or at least pretend to love, the part of the present that was wrapped and currently wedged under his arm...kerthump...but the other part—the little white box? Why had he thought that what he had gotten Beckett would be at all appropriate?
Snick. Looking down at his hands, Castle stared at the thin metal band nestled within the confines of the box. This was such a stupid idea. No way Beckett is going to appreciate it. I cannot give this to her...or can I? Maybe she will get it. Maybe she will understand.
Yeah right. No way she will understand. With one final kerthump, Castle closed the box and stuck it in his pocket as the elevator dinged to announce its arrival.
Standing there in the elevator watching the numbers light up as the elevator slowly rose past each floor, inching it was towards the fourth floor and the fate that awaited him; Castle's nerved started to get the best of him. Fiddling nervously with the edge of the wrapping paper free of tape, he started wishing on anything that he could think of that by some miracle the elevator would somehow come to a stop…just for a bit. Just long enough to gather himself…or maybe talk himself out of giving the gift—either of them. As the elevator passed the second floor, fantasies about how he could get out of his 'predicament' began to fill his head. It isn't too late. I could always say I forgot it...or I could just hit that 3 and get off a floor early and run for it. No one would be any the wiser.
Before he knew it, the elevator was rising past the third floor. With each passing second it became more and more obvious that not deity or lucky star or magical sock was going to help him out. He was going to have to get off on the fourth floor and face Kate. Ooh! Maybe I can hide to the side….or get off fast and make a run for the stairs. They might see me, but by time they can react I will be long gone. Oh, who am I kidding?
Castle was shocked back to reality by a surprisingly loud ding as the elevator announced its arrival and came to a stop. On a normal day, one would probably find Castle hitting the 'open door' button trying to convince the doors to open faster: however, on this day, Castle couldn't be more thankful for the slow crawl with which the doors opened. Every second that passed allowed him to form and put on one of his carefully crafted personas that he had developed over his years attending a variety of events that he would rather have skipped. With a deep breath, the persona firmly settled in place, and he was ready for anybody he might meet once he stepped off the elevator.
Even not knowing what to expect, Castle was gob smacked by the sheer amount of festive decorations that festooned the homicide division. When he had disappeared a week earlier to do 'real work' as Paula liked to call it, the room had been its normal drab self. There had maybe been a card sitting on one or two of the desks, and one person may have decked out their desk, but overall it was pretty normal. Now, he could hardly believe that he was standing in the same room. Hanging off the edges of every desk and along every juncture of wall and ceiling were green garlands dotted with bright red berries. Along with the garlands, large evergreen wreaths had been hung from several of the walls, each with a large red ribbon adorning it. While all those decorations were breathtaking, nothing could compare to the Christmas tree that sat in the corner on the desk that had been sitting vacant for several months. Surrounded by a pile of presents that sat on a red velvet sheet, the tree practically glowed from the light reflecting off the mirrored glass balls and the tinsel that hung from the branches.
Attracted to the shiny tree like a moth to flame, Castle wended his way through the crowd of officers and detectives; intent on seeing the sight up close.
Reaching the tree, Castle set the gift he had been carrying on the table before letting his eyes wander back up to the tree towering above him. With a quick little shake of his head, Castle cleared the shiny vision from his eyes. Looking down, intent of looking for Beckett, Castle's eyes were drawn towards the presents sitting in front of him. Giving no thought to the fact that the presents were not for him, he started picking up the presents, one at a time, and shaking them before placing them back under the tree. As he shook the fourth present, a small noise that he didn't recognize froze him in place. As he unfroze, he started looking around for the noises source.
As his eyes skirted over the crowd of people, his eyes settled on the light glowing from the windows of the conference room and the vision sitting within. Grabbing the present he had brought from the desk, Castle made his way unseeingly through the crowd angling for the conference room and the detective who sat within apparently deep in thought.
When he drew close enough, he finally saw that Beckett was sitting in the room alone, filling out paperwork. While he wanted to do nothing more than enter the room and offer her his company, he was stopped in his tracks by the beauty of Kate as she lifted her hand and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear absentmindedly.
"It's still creepy, Castle." Beckett said without looking up from the paper she was filling out.
Knowing better than to try and rebut the statement, Castle entered the room in his usual flamboyant manner and sat down on the chair across the table from her. Leaning back in his chair, Castle was content to just watch as Beckett continued to fill out paperwork.
With a grand gesture by her standards, Beckett signed the last page of the form in front of her and closed the case file with a sense of finality. Leaning back, matching Castle's position, Beckett closed her eyes and let out a contented sigh as her back popped in relief.
"So, Castle. What are you doing here? You said that you weren't going to make it tonight."
"Plans changed." Castle succinctly replied. "The better question, I think, Detective, is why are you in here doing paperwork instead of out there partying with everyone else?"
"Maybe I was waiting, hoping, that you would show up. Maybe I didn't think it would be as fun without you." Beckett coyly replied without missing a beat with her eyes still closed.
"Really?"
"No. Not really." As the smile melted off Castle's face, a small smile started to form on hers. "Well, maybe a little" as the blissful smile overtook Castle's face, an evil grin sprouted on hers. "but mostly I just wanted to finish this report before going home for the weekend."
"So, how did you guys manage to get Gates to approve this party anyways?" Castle asked when he couldn't come up with a reply. "It doesn't really seem like something she would allow in her station."
"She didn't really have a choice in the matter. The order for it came from above her: something about rewarding us for our hard work, even after encountering such trying time and losses or some such nonsense." Opening her eyes, Beckett started to stand up, reaching for the file as she did. Only, instead of her fingers closing around the stiff cardstock of the file folder, her fingers wrapped around the present that Castle had placed there instead. Raising an eyebrow in question, Beckett sat back down and drew the present closer to examine it.
"What? You said that partners would be exchanging gifts today. I am your partner. This is my gift to you." Castle shrugged his shoulders in an offhand manner as if to say 'you should know better.' Regarding the small smile that showed up on her face, he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "You weren't asking very loudly, Beckett."
She grinned at that before playing with the wrapper in her hands. She was not surprised to see the expectant look in his eyes. "But I don't have your gift."
He raised his hand to make a 'so so' motion and leaned forward with a huge grin. "That's okay. Just open it anyways. You can always give me my gift later."
With a frown on her face, Beckett looked up from the package. "You know, Castle; I am a grown woman and perfectly capable of unwrapping a present by myself. You didn't need to start the job for me. I think I probably could have figured it out."
At the confused and slightly frightened look on Castle's face, Beckett winked at him with a suggestive smile on her lips before she stuck the tip of her finger under the edge of the paper—torn and bedraggled from Castle's worrying—and wiggled it. Eyes sparkling with amusement, Beckett looked back to the present and started to unwrap it.
Tearing the paper off and removing the lid and tissue paper from the box within, Beckett found herself holding a beautiful, clearly custom made, oxidized silver wrought iron frame. It was as if several strands of iron had been twisted together to form an intricate, yet at the same time simple and elegant, pattern that surrounded the picture—a picture of the two of them that must have been taken during the first real snow storm that season. In the picture, she stood there wearing her bright red pea coat, black gloves sticking out of the pocket, with both hand raised, palms up, as if to try and catch snowflakes as they fell. While her head was tipped back, letting snowflakes land on her face, Castle stood a little ways away staring at her with a look of wonder and something else as she let some of her defenses down for that moment.
"The look on your face that day—while you are always beautiful, gorgeous really, that look on your face that night elevated you to a whole other level. You were radiation joy and happiness that night and I almost couldn't believe it was you. The joy that something as simple as snow gave you was a sight to behold. Even the most miserable person would have smiled right along with you that night."
As Castle told his story, Kate let her fingers wander around the frame, tracing the lines as they wove around the picture frame. Reaching the bottom left hand corner with her fingers, a sense of confusion momentarily took over Kate as her fingers danced over a circular void in the pattern. While there were other voids in the design, this one felt purposeful, like it was waiting for something to fill it. Not seeing anything to fill the void, Kate tore her eyes from the frame and looked up at Castle with a questioning expression.
Before Castle could even attempt to answer her question, a knock sounded on the conference room door and one of the rookie officers walked in. "Detective Beckett?" as soon as Beckett acknowledged the officer, he continued, "Someone is on the phone and insisting that they talk to you. I tried to tell them you were busy, but they insisted. It has been redirected to the phone on your desk. And, if you are done with that file, I can take it and file it for you."
Grabbing the file from the table, Beckett handed it to the officer as she walked out the door and over to her desk.
As Castle watched her pick up the phone, he couldn't help but stare as she bent over and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. Without even thinking about it, Castle pulled the box out of his pocket once again and started playing with it. Snick…kerthump. Snick….kerthump. With the sound of the opening and closing box creating a backdrop of noise, Castle found himself losing focus as he watched Beckett take the phone call.
"Before you ask, that was my dad calling. No, nothing is wrong, he just couldn't get an answer on my cell…" Kate was saying as she entered the room before Castle had even realized that she was no longer out at her desk on the phone.
Passing Castle as she walked through the door, Beckett froze in her tracks when a small movement caught her attention. Turning slightly, Kate saw that Castle was opening and closing a little white box—a box she was sure he had not been holding when he entered the room—as he watched with his eyebrows wrinkled in consternation.
As if suddenly realizing that she was standing next to him, Castle's hands stilled as he looked up at her. Taking in her wide-eyed expression, he attempted to shove the box back into his jacket pocket and away from Beckett's prying eyes.
"Castle? What was that?"
"Nothing." In response to the narrowing of Kate's eyes as she didn't believe him, he felt forced to add "It is nothing."
Castle felt some of the tension release its hold on him as Kate's eyes gradually opened like she was slowly believing his story.
Without any warning, Beckett suddenly turned on Castle, jumping forwards and grabbing the box from his pocket before jumping back to her original position with box in hand.
"So, Castle. This is nothing you say? Why don't we just see what this 'nothing' is?"
Moving with a speed neither of them knew possible, Castle jumped from the chair and attempted to grab the box from Kate's hands. Even with the burst of speed, however, he was unable to reach Beckett before she opened the box. Returning to his chair in dejection, Castle covered his face with his hands and prepared himself for the expected onslaught of punches—verbal and physical.
Standing there holding the box, Kate wasn't prepared for what she found inside—a beautiful yet simple ring made of a thin silver band topped with a single dark green emerald, flanked on either side by a small diamond.
When nothing happened, Castle slowly dropped his hands from his face and looked over at Kate. Seeing her frozen, staring at the ring with something like awe and terror written all over her face, Castle figured that then would be as good a time as any to explain.
"Kate." Castle gently said, hoping to break the tension that had taken a hold of her. "It isn't what you think." When Kate still didn't react, Castle took a deep breath, all the while never taking his eyes off the tense woman standing before him, before continuing with a slightly stronger voice. "The ring is a promise—a promise that, one day, I will have the life that I want with the woman that I love. You know that I would never propose like this, even if it wasn't too soon and you were ready for that kind of commitment. I would never try to rush you like that. I just thought you should know where I stand."
As Kate stood there staring at the ring, she heard Castle trying to explain the ring to her, she thought, but through her panic attack hazed hearing, all she heard was "Kate…I love you."
Why can't I breathe? Why does the room feel so warm all the sudden? I can't stay her. I need to get out. I need to get out…NOW!
As the box dropped, seemingly in slow motion, from her hands and bounced on the floor, Kate beat a hasty retreat out the conference room door and towards the elevator. Sidestepping the elevator for the door to the stairwell that lead to the roof, Kate disappeared from sight as Castle came to stand in the conference room doorway.
After a minute had passed, Castle turned back around and snatched the box up off the ground and gently fingered the stones on top of the ring. "That went well, I think," Castle muttered under his breath as he gently pulled the ring from the box. Castle grasped the settings and pulled the ring from its box. Placing the ring in the circular void in the frame that Kate had noted earlier, he flipped a small piece of metal over it to hold it in place before holding it slightly away from himself. With every slight movement that Castle made with his hands, a burst of light, silver or green, reflected off the frame, mesmerizing him. After watching the lights for a couple seconds, Castle tore his gaze from the frame and cleaned up the mess of wrappings that littered the table. As soon as everything was cleaned up, he gathered up the frame and ring box before heading for the door.
Turning to check that he had gathered everything he needed, Castle turned off the lights in the room and walked over towards Kate's desk. Noting the presence of her coat on the back of her chair, Castle placed the frame on her desk before waving goodbye to the boys and leaving.