Watching Spencer's painfully thin body – one that had always been thin, faintly muscled – waste away even more pushed Aaron into action. He had left his lover of nearly a year to suffer alone, a decision he now firmly regretted, but it was what Spencer had asked for. The younger mans bones were shown horrifically through his skin when naked, and could even be seen through his clothes which now hung off him. For the last few weeks – it almost seemed unreal how quickly things had made a turn for the worse – Spencer had not allowed Aaron to see him unclothed, and of course Aaron didn't push, never wanting to ever harm or force the man he loved. But now, even the act of writing his daily letters to his mother appeared to be an effort for Spencer. When on cases, Hotch always kept Spencer in the local police department office, something that Spencer and the team had obviously noticed, but nobody challenged. Anything else could have strained the young man too much.
Aaron looked out of his office and into the bull-pen, where he watched Spencer shakily lifting yet another cup of coffee to his lips. Not wanting to blur the line between personal life and work, Aaron decided that he would talk to Spencer tonight when they got home.
Spencer barely ate any of the dinner they cooked, and apologised to Aaron for it. The physical wounds of the Hankel incident had healed, but Aaron knew that he hadn't done anywhere near enough to help his lover with the psychological and emotional ones. He knew that Spencer had felt terrible for killing his captor, and the older man thought that Tobias being the last personality to manifest itself had complicated matters – Spencer felt like he had shot an innocent man.
He observed Spencer silently for a moment, the other man still looking at him, probably expecting an answer to his apology.
"Aaron? I'm sor-"
"Spencer, come and talk to me in the living room." Spencer looked worried and Aaron realised how dire that sounded, so went over to Spencer and, stroking a stray lock of hair off the younger man's face, cupped his cheek with one hand. He kissed his forehead. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. Come on." He held one of Spencer's cold hands in his own and gently led him towards the couch, where he sat down and guided Spencer down next to him.
The younger man leant against Aaron's side and huddled his knees up to his chest. Aaron was still holding his hand, and he stroked it calmingly. The younger of the two seemed to be panicking slightly. Aaron took a moment to gather his thoughts, and then spoke.
"Spence, I'm sorry. I haven't done enough for you; I know you asked to fight this alone but I should have helped you. Please accept my help now. I know what's been happening. I know you can get through this, you just need a bit of help."
The slight shaking of fragile shoulders told him that the younger man was crying, even though Spencer's face was buried in Aaron's shoulder. He let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around Spencer, who moved into him more.
Through the sniffles and catching of breath, he replied "I'm sorry, so sorry. I've failed everyone so much, I've failed you, I don't deserve you." He was clearly distraught.
Aaron lifted the tear-stained face to look at his, and pressed a lovingly chaste kiss to the quivering lips.
"I'm not going to break up with you. I haven't said it, but I love you. I'm not going to let Hankel beat you. I won't let dilaudid beat you. You're wasting away, Spencer, and I can't watch it anymore and not help you. You need to let me help you."
Spencer sobbed and looked away from him. He struggled to speak.
"Aaron... I love you too, but it's so hard. I want help. I'm so tired," he closed his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears, "I tried, I tried my best but I still failed." He covered his face with his hands and wept quietly into them. Aaron felt terrible that he hadn't helped Spencer sooner – even though the other man had asked to be left alone, he should have known just how hard Spencer was trying, should have seen the cries for help. He rubbed his back and held him until he had calmed down slightly.
"I know you tried, love, and you didn't fail. Nobody could just recover from everything you went through. What matters is that you tried, and it hasn't beaten you – but we need to start fighting back, ok?"
Spencer sniffled. "Ok. Thank you. This means...this means so much to me."
Aaron stood up and helped Spencer to stand. He led them both to the bedroom, and, while removing his clothes to sleep, he said, "The whole team has tomorrow off, we can sort out what we're going to do about this. You need to start eating more though. It looks like you're fading away." Aaron sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers waiting for Spencer to join him.
The younger man felt embarrassed under the gaze of his lover. "I know... I'm disgusting." He wrapped his arms around his skinny body and turned slightly away from Aaron.
"No, no Spencer, love, that's not what I meant. You always have been and always will be handsome and beautiful. I just want you to be healthy." He walked over to Spencer and placed his hands at the bottom of the gray jumper he was wearing, tenderly moving the scarred arms out of the way. He looked into the brown eyes, seeing neither approval nor disapproval.
He began to slowly pull the jumper and accompanying t-shirt upwards, giving Spencer a chance to protest his actions. When he had completely removed them he dropped them in a semi-neat pile on the chair near the bed, then enveloped Spencer in his arms. They rested their heads on each others' shoulders, and Aaron kissed Spencer's long neck.
"Let's go to bed Spencer." He untied the drawstring of the trousers the brown-haired man had changed into when they had returned home, and helped Spencer to step out of them. As soon as Spencer was down to his underwear, he wrapped his arms around himself again. Aaron put his hands on his lover's tiny waist and rubbed his thumbs in soothing circles. Spencer shyly met his eyes, and seeing the look of love and accepting on the older man's face, leant in to kiss him.
Aaron accepted Spencer's kiss and moved his lips and tongue against his lover's. There had been little affection between them for a while because of Spencer's insecurity and low self-esteem, and Aaron enjoyed reassuring Spencer that he still found him attractive through their kiss.
When they separated Spencer rested against Aaron's solid chest and let himself relax. Aaron guided them until they were facing each other, lying on the bed.
"Spencer, I love you. We are going to fix this, ok?" He tenderly stroked his lover's soft hair then, when Spencer closed his eyes, placed a kiss on each of his eyelids. Spencer smiled weakly and snuggled into Aaron.
"Ok. I love you, Aaron."
They fell asleep content in the knowledge that, starting the next day, things would get better for them.
Written when I was listening to the Ed Sheeran version of Skinny Love. Feel free to point out any mistakes :)