The Worst Pick-Up Line, or Adventures in Booze Prequel– At the Bar
Matsumoto flipped her hair nonchalantly, saying, "'When's the last time you were titty-fucked?'"
Shuuhei barely managed to finish swallowing his sake before bursting into wheezy laughter. Renji was almost crying, pounding his hand on the table so hard the other patrons of the little bar were glaring at the group.
Yumichika smirked, then said, "I think I just might be able to top that." Shooting a dirty look at Ikkaku he continued, his tone haughtier than normal. "'Let's get drunk and take advantage of each other. Or, I could get drunk and you could just take advantage of me. Or, you can stay here and get drunk and I can go home and take advantage of myself. Either way, it's up to you.'"
Ikkaku gave a casual shrug, a small smile. "You say it's the worst pick-up line you've heard, but you still came back with me."
"Well, your head was so shiny and just made it so easy to follow you that late at night."
A low, but rising, grumble began to emanate from Ikkaku's vicinity, but Shuuhei put out a hand, cutting him off. "I think mine is worse. I heard a guy from the 11th trying to pick up a girl from the 4th with, 'Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?'"
A hand waving a little too enthusiastically in contempt brought the focus around to Kira, his vibrantly pink face easily drawing attention as he scoffed. "At least that's subtler than mine. I got, 'Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty?'" Shuuhei raised an eyebrow gave a small salute with his cup of sake before pouring it down his throat.
Complaints that Shuuhei's was only one he'd overheard began circulating the table, Ikkaku gesturing wildly to emphasize his point. Ichigo was swaying in his seat, quieter than normal but his eyes following each new speaker in the conversation intently. Yumichika watched his eyes track Renji as he left the table, shouting, "Next round on me!" above the noise. He leaned in close to Ichigo, his own body wobbling unsteadily as he did so. "What about you, kid? You can't hold out on us, not when we've been treating you."
Ichigo started and was silent for a moment, a growing blush visible even under his alcohol-reddened cheeks. He hesitated a moment. "'I shaved my cock for you,'" he muttered quickly.
Yumichika immediately perked up, scooting even closer to Ichigo. "What?" A wide grin was spreading across his face. "What'd you just say?"
The blush only worsened. "I said it," he said, defiance clear in his eyes. "It's not my fault if you didn't hear it."
His face firmly held the comically stoic expression of someone drunk yet unable to accept the fact, in spite of Yumichika's merciless onslaught of pointed jibes. He only relented once his attention was drawn away again, as Renji worked himself through the crowds back over to their table, fresh bottle in hand. Ichigo perked up, staring greedily at Renji as he pulled his cup of sake close in both hands.
The bench shuddered as Renji plunked himself back down beside Shuuhei, arm tossed casually around the dark-haired man's shoulder while he teased Kira and Matsumoto, oblivious to the young boy's stares. Ichigo seemed to lean forward in his seat as Renji laughed, pulling Shuuhei closer.
Yumichika's own laugh rang out clearly even in the noisy bar. He leaned over to Ikkaku, a touch wobbly himself, and whispered, "Oh, Renji's gonna have fun with this one tonight," indicating Ichigo with a nod of the head.
Raising an eyebrow, Ikkaku stopped the brimming cup just before his lips. "He wouldn't. Ichigo's just a kid. 'Sides, I don't think Renji's interested."
"Renji might not've noticed, but the kid's definitely up for something. And I don't mind helping him along. It'll make things interesting."
"You're such a bastard sometimes." Ikkaku snorted, then downed his sake.
"He'll thank me later." Yumichika's lips curled up, the pleased smile of a born-schemer at home on his beautiful face.