Lilly never expected to see him again, and wasn't exactly proud to say she hadn't missed him. She missed the pleasure he'd brought in the bedroom, missed the company keeping the haunting silence away, missed the sweet gestures and thoughtful little gifts...but not really the person responsible. Joseph was something she wasn't proud of, because of how she'd used him. She liked to think of her little sis as the manipulative one, but maybe she wasn't as different as she liked to pretend.

She hadn't meant to use Joseph. She thought what they had was real, but it would never be real with anyone but Ray. He couldn't or wouldn't give her forever, so she stole moments and tried to grab forever, but she never found someone who made it worth her while. Maybe that's why Patrick jumped into bed with Chris, other than the booze. Chris had loved Patrick unconditionally, Lilly could see that now and even though he was good enough to marry, he'd always be second best, loved, but never as much as Ray.

Oh, God, she'd wanted to love Joseph so bad. He was tailor made for her, the golden ticket to her happy ending. She'd done her best. She'd held back nothing in the bedroom, letting her inner wildcat out in a way she'd only allowed with Ray. She'd opened up, which was easy, considering how rotten his own past was. They shared battle scars, she even told him about her 49. Hell, she'd risked her friggin' career for him, just because she believed him. These were all huge things in Lilly's world, but none of them equaled love. Even though she'd said those three words, they came out hallow, and Joseph seemed to know.

Ray coming back illuminated how much she didn't love Joseph, who she really wanted to be with. Yes, she chose Joseph, but if Ray had ever said the word 'forever' her choice would have been different. She must have been transparent. "I'm not your consolation prize." She'd wanted to deny it, to declare her love, and how much she needed him...but she couldn't. She needed to fill the aching emptiness inside her, and he fit the bill. That probably wouldn't have been the winning argument.

But that was yesterday's news. She'd come out of her little love triangle without either Ray or Joseph, but she figured out that was okay. She had her work, she had her co-workers, who had long ago become her family, an odd as hell family, but who said normal would ever need apply? And maybe, just maybe, Ray would come back from California, even for a night or two. That would be enough to keep her going...maybe forever.

So, irony of irony, it was Joseph that she saw again first. She'd been sitting in a restaurant a French Bistro knock-off that she went to occasionally. She was scanning the menu; thankful they posted everything in English, to cater to the non-French clients, which made up 90 of their business. She idly looked up, and froze.

Joseph strolled in, wearing casual jeans and sweater with those white and red-checkered sneakers he wore often when they were together. He spotted her a few seconds after she spotted him. He hesitated, and she saw him shrug. He strolled over, and she figured it was probably a good idea to get this over with. The place was too small to ignore each other.

"Hi, Lil." His voice was gentle, so like Joseph.

"Hey." She tried out a smile, hoping it was friendly but not too friendly. The moment was classic awkward, at least on her end. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Not my usual hangout, but my-er-I just thought I'd give it a try." One part of her brain wondered what he'd been about to say, and the other part wondered if she should just go grab a bite somewhere else. "How you doing anyway?"

"Busy," she answered, this time with a genuine smile, meaning it.

"Just the way you like it, huh? How are the cats?"

"Lazy."

"Same here." His face searched hers, and she wondered what he saw when he looked at her. His next question threw her for a loop. "How's Ray?"

"I wouldn't know." She kept her tone even, indifferent. Surprise flickered in Joseph's expressive eyes. She remembered protesting once that Ray had never left her, and Joseph had retorted: "No, he's just never around." She felt her hackles rise up, and her voice was defensive when she spoke next. "He didn't have a reason to stay, considering I chose you."

"No, you just chose the better bet." There was no bite in the argument, just a philosophical knowing. "Why didn't you look him up?"

His seemingly sincere curiosity caught her off guard. "Because he's in California. What would be the point? What do you care, anyway?"

"Because even though we didn't work out, you're a good person, Lil. Ray's obviously in your blood, and it don't look like you're ever getting over him. Why don't you just put yourself out of your misery?"

"My relationship with Ray is none of your business," Lilly snapped. She didn't need this Yoda crap from her ex. He'd been the one to dump her, not the other way around.

Like she expected, Joseph backed off, holding up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Okay, it's your life to waste. When I said maybe you wanted to be alone, that was the pain talking, but I think I was right. I hope you don't end up regretting it."

So do I. The thought came unbidden, and almost out of her mouth, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of admitting he was right. "Thanks for the advice," she said coolly. Scotty hadn't called her the Ice Queen for nothing, because even she could admit she could hand out the ice treatment like no other.

Unfazed, Joseph stood up, shaking his head sadly, with an odd smile curving his lips. She studied his face. He wasn't good looking in the classic sense, but he was no eyesore either, and he had a hot body underneath his baggy clothes. A sudden loneliness invaded her. Dammit, why couldn't see love him? Why had Ray ruined her for all men?

"Are you meeting someone?" Joseph questioned like she'd never given him the cold shoulder.

"No. Solo. How about-"

Before the question could even form, she saw Joseph's eyes light up, and followed his gaze. The beautiful woman entering the restaurant moved with a dancer's grace, her smile all for Joseph. Lilly recognized her with faint shock: Crystal Stacy, dance teacher. She'd been Maurice Hall's girlfriend, the victim of the case the Cold Case Unit had worked a few months prior. Her and Joseph were a couple?

Maurice was my hope that someone would love me and be sweet. According to Scotty's notes, that's what Crystal had said to them during their second interview with her. Maybe she had that hope again.

"Your new girlfriend?" Lilly asked, not sure if she was sorry or not.

"It's a little early to tell, but I'm hoping. Crystal," he called, gesturing to her. Lilly noticed that she didn't even seem threatened by Lilly's presence, she just glided over, her smile never wavering.

"Hey, Joe," she greeted, her voice velvet. She nodded politely at Lilly. "Hi."

"This is detective Rush, Homicide. She works the cold jobs." There was some pride in Joseph's voice, a quality that puzzled his current ex.

Recognition lit Crystal's eyes. "Right. I think I've seen you from a distance. You helped solve Maurice's murder. Thank you." Then her expression hardened. "The whole time it was that no-good brother of his, letting his father and everybody think he just ran off. Coward. Did you hear he got sentenced for life?"

"Yes." Lilly always attended the trials. Sometimes they got off, sometimes they got what they deserved. Justice was a gamble, but at least Lilly always knew she'd done her best. Her cell phone rang, and she grabbed it gratefully. "Excuse me. Enjoy your dinner." She walked off, leaving the restaurant. She didn't recognize the number, but basic curiosity had her pressing 'Talk.' "Rush."

"Lil?" The tentative voice on the other end was a more effective of a shock than running into Joseph.

"Chris?" she managed, her head spinning. She never thought her fugitive sister would have the guts to call. Did this mean she was going to turn herself in? "Where are you?"

"I can't tell you that, you'd have to turn me in. I just wanted-I know this is stupid, but I miss you. I just wanted to hear your voice, even if it's just to hear you bitch me out."

"Chris, listen to me," Lilly said firmly. "There's no point in running. I promise I'll get you a good lawyer. You won't do hard time, not if you cooperate-"

"Lilly, stop being a cop for five minutes." She couldn't help but notice how tired Chris sounded. "I'm not going to jail. They ain't catching me, and I didn't come this far to do a 180. I ruin everything I touch, remember?"

"Well, this is a great way to turn over a new leaf," Lilly snapped. No matter how many times she told herself Chris was a lost cause, she couldn't help but be worried. "Look, I can trace this call and-"

"I'm in at a pay phone miles away from where I'm staying. Don't you think I don't know how the game is played? So, did mom ever getting married to that one guy?"

"Was there ever any doubt?" They both shared a laugh, and it felt good. Lilly knew she couldn't find Chris, so she could stop being a cop for five minutes without violating the oath she'd taken to uphold the law. "You getting by okay?"

"Yeah, just another day in paradise. I didn't do it, Lil. Credit card fraud, you know?"

"Then why did you run?"

"'Cause Greg-" Chris broke off, then sighed. "He's smart, you know? He probably could make it look like I did, and they have my voice on tape calling in the numbers. I can't go to jail, I just can't. You know I'm claustrophobic."

"I know." Lilly sighed. Maybe her sister was lying, but she couldn't see how it would get her anywhere at this point. "But if you'd cooperated-"

"Because you were bending over backwards to help me," Chris accused.

"Scotty was," Lilly countered sharply, both pissed off and guilty. "You left him looking like a first-class idiot, and hurting on top of it."

"I'm sure he's over it." Sadness stained Chris' words. "How is he?"

"He's doing good," Lilly said gently. "Chris?"

"Yeah?"

There were a lot of things she could have said, wanted to say, but it was too late for any of it to really matter. "Watch your back, okay? You're a walking target. Pretty, alone, and in trouble, you know?"

"Thanks, but I'm good at taking care of myself. That's what I do best." Chris let out a hallow little laugh. "I gotta go."

"Chris, don-" There was a dull click and Lilly sagged against the wall, looking up at the stars. She wasn't so hungry anymore. She spent half the night wondering if she tell Scotty Chris had called or not, and the other half wondering if she could avoid another run-in with Joseph.