A/N This is my first fanfic story, so please review. Reviews make my heart smile. Oh and before I forget, I only own Rent and the characters in my dreams. Not out here *tear* RIP Jonathan Larson.

Being Alive

A lonely Mark sat in his room staring blankly out into space. Roger was out, no one knows where, doing whatever. Probably won't be back for several days Mark thought. Roger was in withdrawal after a relapse due to Mimi's death, but lately he was getting weaker. Everyday Mark found himself becoming more protective of Roger, most likely because Maureen was out of town visiting her family. They had gotten back together since Maureen's final fight with Joanne. Joanne had stormed into the loft and slapped Maureen because she had a one night stand with a guy she met at the Cat Scratch club.

Mark decided to escape his boredom; he could go outside and try to film something. "Beats sitting here alone," he mumbled to himself. So he grabbed his camera and left the cold loft. Once outside he found Maureen who was just coming to see him from returning home.

"Marky!" she screamed, "I missed you so much!" She proceeded to hug him until he had to physically push her away.

"Maureen, you're not supposed to be back for another two days. Did something happen?"

"Yes actually, but it's a long story and you're getting footage-" she sounded somewhat melancholy and depressed before Mark cut her off.

"That can wait. Come on up, I'll make you some hot coco and you can explain it.

"Since when do you guys have luxuries like hot coco?" she questioned infusing it with humor.

"Uhm, never. But I can go buy some." Mark offered sweetly.

Maureen retorted, "That's okay, I'll survive. Come on." She said while pulling his arm and dragging Mark up the stairs, Mark always 3 steps behind.

"So what's the problem Maur Maur?" Mark asked while nonchalantly putting his arm around her.

"Okay, so you know how my brother is bi?" Mark nodded yes "Well while I was home, he decided to come out to my parents since I was there for backup and all. When he told them, they kicked him out of the house! He's living with our cousins now, they're in Queens, but I'm terrified!" Maureen confessed while crying into Mark's shoulder.

"You never told them about Joanne?"

"No, just in case it was a phase and wasn't real you know?" Maureen asked turning to Mark for support.

"I g-got it," Mark said with the stutter he only got when he was nervous.

"What up with the stutter?" Maureen asked incredulously.

"Nothing's up. I just feel bad for your brother," Mark lied.

"Whatever you say Marky, whatever you say." Maureen said as she walked away and into her room.

"Take it! Take it!" screamed the anonymous voice. "Come on help me out buddy!"

This flashback made Mark tremble. He had gotten drunk to avoid feeling alone a few days before Maureen came back, and he remembered this before he passed out. That wasn't what made Mark tremble though, he may have liked it. What if he was bi, or even flat out gay…no he couldn't be. He still loved Maureen, but it felt so natural to him. Maybe if he just found out who the guy was, he could sort this out….

"Mark, hey buddy, you alive?" Roger said while shaking Mark out of his trance.

"Yeah sorry Rog, just thinking."

"What about this time," Roger said trying to be the psychologist in the situation.

"Nothing important. Just...well…uh..."

"SPIT IT OUT!" Roger yelled jokingly

"Have you ever done it with...ya know…a guy?" Mark asked sheepishly.

"Once or twice, why do you ask," Roger interrogated.

"I just had this weird dream the other night while you were out. I was drunk and some guy was doing me. It was just really weird," Mark shrugged it off.

Roger froze. He knew he had come home high on smack the other night, but he had no recollection of what he did. But it all came flooding back to him. He saw Mark downing some Stolli before he went into his room, and thought it would be a good prank for when he woke up to have Roger on him. He remembered he had to snap out of it. He did the only thing he could think of, he kissed Mark softly on his lips.

"What the-" Mark asked.

"Just go with it," Roger said seductively.

With that he drew Mark in to another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate, expecting Mark to pull away. To his surprise, Mark didn't. He kissed Roger back, at first timidly like he was unsure. Mark could feel Roger's breath on his neck when Roger grabbed Mark's shoulders for fear of him escaping. The kiss soon became intense and seductive. Rogers tongue entered Mark's mouth, stroking the roof and battling with his tongue as they kissed when he realized Mark was taking off his shirt. Following Mark's lead, he shed his own t shirt and they resumed their kissing. They proceeded to the tattered couch and Roger, on top of Mark, pulled out a condom. They spent the rest of the night together before finally falling asleep at 4 am.

"That was pretty hot yesterday," Roger teased Mark as he was waking up and coming out for coffee.

"Roger this isn't funny! What if Maureen found out, what if I'm HIV+ now, goddamit what if I'm bisexual!" Mark screamed before falling into Roger's arms weeping.

"And what if you were just having fun hmm? Maureen would understand THAT wouldn't she?" Roger was always good at persuading Mark. "Besides, I used a condom,"

"I just can't take the pressure!" Mark cringed at the thought of being bi after what happened to Maureen's brother.

"You have to admit it was pretty hot," teased Roger, "Besides, it can be our little secret."

"Our secret?" Mark asked just to be sure.

"Promise," Roger said before Mark pulled him in for a deep kiss. Mark was so drawn to Roger he didn't notice Roger's red eyes.