AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello there, ladies and gentleman. This is a little story I came up with in my philosophy class. I've been reading a lot lately, and it's been inspiring me to write a story myself and to improve my writing skills. (I've always been more into drawing than writing.) So, let's see where this goes!
They say emotions play a big part on memories. That the stronger the emotion, the clearer the memory is. A little blonde boy can vouch that, he remembers all of fourth grade. For him, that grade was an emotional roller coaster ride. He would do his best to stay optimistic, but couldn't always keep it up by the consent drop of any happiness. He was constantly picked on by his peers, dealt with his psychotic parents that believed grounding the boy would solve anything, not having true friends and of course, Eric Cartman.
Eric Cartman was a very important part of Butters' childhood. He would belittle the boy, use him for his own gain, cause physical and emotional scarring and always end up getting him grounded. Cartman was known as a fat, foul-mouth, angry, racist, sadistic, self-centered, ignorance, manipulative sociopath. Yet, Butters adored him.
Eric Cartman is a very confident, charismatic, motivated boy who had big dreams. He would find ways to prove he was right in any argument, even if he knew he was wrong. Butters always focused on Cartman's positive traits, loved how funny he was, and enjoyed that he would invite him to hangout with his friends or alone. Butters was able to see his sensitive side once they had hit middle school. At one of Cartman's sleepovers, the brunette broke down in tears in front of Butters. He buried his face in the blonde's shoulder and wept as he mumbled his problems about being a misunderstood fat kid that had a whore of a mother. All the blonde did was hold him and hear him vent. That moment of Cartman's vulnerable made Butters realize how human the troubled boy was. That moment, Butters knew he was in love with him.
Since that day, Butters became a leech on Eric's side. An assistant to the chaos Eric released into the world. Their adventures became more dangerous, times where both didn't know if they would come home alive. Butters was getting grounded all the time, called stupid, physically and mentally get damaged, but he continued to do it because he shared it with Eric. The lovestruck boy became the pillow Eric would fall on, wanting to be that one person Eric could relay one. For Eric to love him.
Late spring on a Wednesday, second to last day for the 8th grades in South Park before their summer vacation. It was late in the afternoon, Eric requested that him and Butters go to Stark's Pond to see if the sea monsters he emailed two weeks ago had finally arrived to start an arm… Butters didn't really pay attention to the brown-haired boy's plan. He just wanted to be around Eric.
The two boys sat on the bench facing the lake. Eric focusing on the water to see if anything moved, but disappointed when the most that happened was a breeze picking up a wave. Butters was briskly smashing his knuckles together. He finally wanted to do it, to tell his admirer he loved him. He bit down on his lip, feeling his heartbeat going faster and faster as a lump was growing in his throat.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The blonde jumped to the loud sound of Cartman's question. He turned to face the aggravated young boy. Chills ran down his spine when the shy boys eyes met with amber eyes.
"Seriously, you're pissing me off, talk! You've been more quiet than usual, and stop with your knuckles!" Butters quickly put his arms to his sides, he knew Eric hated that habit of his.
"I ummmm…." Butters wanted to just get up and run. Run as fast and far away from the annoyed brunette. But, he was tired of constantly running away and he prolonged this moment far to much. Without thinking twice he grabbed onto both sides of Cartman's face and pulled him into a kiss. He pressed himself hard on the boy, taking all of this moment in and enjoying the taste of mint flavored chapstick.
The blond pulled away from the kiss. "Eric Cartman, I am in l-love with you with! I've loved you for so long a-and I needed to tell you." Now feeling exhausted, Butters lowered his head, but kept his gaze on the burnette's face. It was a cocktail of emotions, being shocked, angry, confused, and for some reason, sad. He was silent, they both were, waiting for Eric to reply to Butter's outburst.
"Butters…." He said calmly as he placed both his hands on the boy's shoulders. Butters cheeks were burning from blushing and his body shook. It all had to do with the boys keeping eye contact that made Butters want to melt. He was scared he was going to pass out, waiting too long for the other boy to finally answer.
"I am not a fag." Cold, those words blew like an upcoming blizzard on Butters' face. He watched as Eric's face no longer showed the emotions he expressed before. No, it was now a stern face that Butters knew he wasn't joking. With one last glance, Cartman rose from the bench, stretched his arms and walked away from the scene. All Butters could do is watch the boy leave, watch the boy he was in love with walk away from him. When he saw that the boy was out of his sight, he cupped his hands close to his face, and cried.
The next day will forever haunting Butters. It was the last day of middle school. He didn't remember when or how he came home the night before, but knew he spent that night crying. This morning, Butters somehow managed to get himself out of his room to school. He knew he looked horrible, because he felt horrible. His eyes felt swollen from all his crying, his hair was untamed, his shoulders slumped over and his feet dragged. People did come up to the boy to ask if he was okay. He lied and said he just was just getting sick.
The whole school day he kept an eye out for a certain brunette. He hadn't seen him the whole day, and figured he was absent, or avoiding the blonde. The school day seemed to have gone by quick, as Butters was exiting his last class he froze when he saw a pair of amber eyes stare him down from down the hall. The halls were clear of all the other students, so it was just those boys left. Butters just stood there, not even able to bring his knuckles together that he did anytime he was nervous.
"W-Will he come talk to me. Is he going to pretend nothing happened?" Butters thought as he finally was able to move his legs.
"I am tired of this. I really want to know if you care." He bite his lip.
"Please, show me that you care." He slowly turned himself around.
"Come to me, chase after me." His back was to him as he slowly walked through the hallway opposite of Cartman.
"Please, tell me you still want me around. Please, please be there." Butters was now at the existing down, hand on the handle. He took a deep breath, hoping that the chubby boy ran down the hallway and was in back of him. He didn't care if he would receive a hug, or a beaten. He just wanted Eric there.
Butters turned around, and was met with what felt like death. Eric Cartman was no longer there. The hall was clear of anyone, papers gathered on the sides, locker doors hanging open, and now Butters' broken soul stood.
"You never really cared."